Nothing To See Here 👀

just my (mostly SPN related) fangirl account, bye. [ 28, she/her ]

[lula2481]

my head 24/7…

[mrmnn]

”On-screen chemistry”

[readerdotcom]

https://x.com/i/status/2085739183134433535

"Connor and I" 🚬

married couples onlyyy

[vesnuszki]

an assortment of Ilya's sex faces

[furiousgoldfish]

If you had normal parents, you feeling scared, panicked, upset, grief-stricken, distraught, depressed or suicidal, this would have been a thing of immediate emergence to your parents. They would not want their child to feel that way for longer than seconds, they'd want to address it, check on you, talk with you, see what's causing it, if it can be removed, if they can help, if anything can be done. Your deep distress would have been a priority above everything else and treated with emergence.

And that how you'd know for sure, based on your lived experience, that you feeling extremely bad is something to be addressed immediately and with care. That you're not supposed to be feeling like that, and it's important something be done, and your loved ones will want to help, you can ask, you can urge.

With abusive parents, you feeling panicked, distraught, grief-stricken or suicidal is not even an afterthought. It's thrown back at you as a joke to humiliate you, or a threat to control you. It's not only not given urgency or priority, it's treated as annoying, stupid, and completely your fault. Whatever is causing your distress is only increased to punish you. People presenting themselves as your loved ones don't care or think it matters at all. You'll get yelled at if you bring it up.

So you stay in this state for days, weeks, years. Thinking it's normal, that you caused it yourself, that it couldn't possibly matter because it never did. You make it worse because that's whats done, it's what feels right. You were left to rot in the worst feelings a human can experience and you learned to live that as your normal. Asking for help feels embarassing and annoying because it's been treated as such.

You don't see it as abuse. It's not a hit, a broken limb or an obvious violation of your body. But you've been broken by it. Neglect of your humanity, your well being to the point where it didn't matter if you sat in your room day after day wishing you were dead, that counts. That is extreme.

It didn't only hurt you in the moment, it left you in permanent state of distress with all exits blocked. You can't ask for help, you don't even know you're not supposed to feel like this, that it should feel better, that sometimes things can get fixed. You can't even explain how you feel without the fear of punishment or humiliation. You don't even know it's not your fault you feel this. You are only taught it can get worse. All you can do is endure.

That is worse than violence. You didn't deserve even seconds of this, and they gave you a lifetime. You should have been helped the second it started to feel like this. Not whatever was done to you instead.

[pilotofstarshipfables]

So much of this applies to romantic relationships or even friendships as well. If someone is totally fine seeing you in immense distress they are not a safe person

[kosmogrl]

the thing is, it’s never too late for anyone to start over except me. I’m doomed and it’s over for me

[gaygoatshane]

[destielrunningintothesunset]

Posting this here because barely anyone follows me and/or knows who I am on this account and I just need to talk. I feel like I have no one to talk to.

TW FOR R*PE

I was r*ped at 18. Then again at 20. More than once.

After every time, I was victim blamed. Told to get over it. That it wasn't a big deal. That he may not have understood I didn't want it. One girl even said, "can I have him next if you don't want him?" Many even accused me of lying.

There's a trailer for a show that just came out and the whole premise of the show is feminism and feminine rage against r*pists. Meanwhile all I'm seeing all over social media and the news is people swooning over how hot the actor who plays the r*pist is. They're even saying things like "he did nothing wrong" and insinuating that they will masturb*te to the r*pe scene. I am a huge fan of the actor, and I really enjoyed reading the book the show is based on, so I want to be able to enjoy the show (even though I will need to skip that scene). I want to enjoy the conversation and the fandom. But any time I've expressed any discomfort, I've been attacked by random people on the internet and told to stop "policing people's morals" and being "performative with activism."

I'm not trying to be an activist at all..I just don't think it's okay to romanticize assault. I just feel so alone. This show that was supposed to be empowering for women and survivors has become nothing but a hellscape for me, and it hasn't even released yet.

I've been told to leave the fandom if I don't like how people are treating the topic, and I honestly think that's messed up because it feels like people are telling me I don't belong here because of what I went through. The entire point of the show is that it's supposed to be FOR survivors.

The worst part is, there's speculation that a certain clip from the trailer may be from the r*pe scene, and having read the book and looking at the symbolism, I completely see how it could be the case. We won't know until it comes out, but if that's the case I will honestly be disgusted that they showed that in a trailer with no trigger warning and spliced it in with sexy lighting with all the consensual sex scenes. But that's just me. People also keep posting that specific clip (likely thinking it's a consensual scene because of how it's framed) and I know I don't know for sure if it's the r*PE scene but just thinking it could be makes me so sick to see it all over my timeline. We won't know until it's out, but I just have no faith anymore. This is the second time this year a film has triggered me to the point of nonstop flashbacks for weeks.

I can't stop seeing his face. His eyes. I can't stop hearing the things he said to me. The way I tried to move away. The way I couldn't breathe. The smells. The sounds. The pain. And no one fucking cares. No one gives a fuck or shit. All they care about is how sexy their fav actor is..(he's also one of my favs btw. People keep saying I'm just a hater of his any time I express any of it.

Fuck survivors apparently. Once again I feel fucking silenced. It feels like no one cares. No one hears me. He gets to live the rest of his life without a care in the world and I get to suffer for the rest of mine, unable to even enjoy hobbies..

[argillaforma]

a scene that really gets me is in episode 6 is where they’re all sat at the table and yuna says “oh but that’s sad” when they tell her they’re gonna keep their relationship secret until they retire and shane responds “yeah we know” like that just sums up the queer experience.

a lot of the queer experience is people being like “wait it’s actually crazy you have to deal with that” and queer people just going 🤷‍♂️ because it’s always been like that. it’s sad but it’s not shocking to shane and ilya that they have to hide because there is no other option. it’s acceptance by defeat because it feels like there is no alternative

“yeah we know” because we have been living in that reality for the last almost 10 years. we know

[butimaficwriter]

before dick and kisses

after dick and kisses

from 😾 to 🙂: an ilya rozanov guide to keeping your shane happy

[kaijuerotica]

after dick no kisses

[thirstkanaphan]

[readerdotcom]

Did you see the yaga trailer? It looks amazing!! Have you ever read on how the show is gonna be received?

yes, i saw it, and it looks amazing!! i did a quick lenormand reading on how yaga may be received and it looks like a significant and emotionally intense project that will generate conversation, receive serious recognition and have a lasting positive impact on h’s career

letter - key - tower - cross - tree (beautiful)

the letter suggests that the series will generate plenty of discussion, reviews and online commentary. the key for the public’s reaction is very positive because it indicates that viewers may see the show as successful, meaningful and worth watching.

the tower suggests a serious and analytical response from critics. they may recognize the show’s ambition, quality and prestige, although some reviews could be slightly more reserved. the cross indicates that its main strength will be its emotional weight and heavier themes (what a surprise lmao). it may not be an easy or light story, but its intensity is likely to leave an impression.

finally, the tree shows steady and lasting growth for h’s career and i loved that. rather than creating only a brief moment of attention, yaga may help him establish stronger roots as an actor and open the way for long-term professional development.

[readerdotcom]

hi love, Idk if this was asked but I was wondering have you done a reading about Connor's reaction to Yoga trailer🫣🤭 Thank you so much 🥰💗

hi, love! i hadn’t, but i just did a quick reading on it for you. his reaction looks emotionally complicated: he was affected by its heaviness, worried about h and perhaps reminded of how demanding the experience was, but also deeply impressed and proud of him.

the mice suggest that his first reaction was nervousness and discomfort. the trailer may have made him worry about what h’s character will experience and how emotionally demanding the project was for h himself. with the cross, this becomes something heavier than ordinary concern. he appears to have felt the pain, sacrifice and emotional weight surrounding the story very strongly.

the mountain suggests that he became quiet or emotionally blocked while processing it. rather than reacting with immediate excitement, he may have needed time to absorb what he had watched.

the lilies soften the reading. underneath that concern, there is genuine admiration for h’s maturity, talent and the seriousness of his performance. the tower reinforces that he sees yaga as an important and prestigious project that could elevate how people perceive h as an actor.

[readerdotcom]

The YAGA trailer is everything.. What was H’s reaction to it? What was C’s?

Thanks so much ❤️🥰

hiii babe!

for h, i got the clouds suggesting that his initial reaction was emotionally mixed or slightly overwhelmed, as though he needed a moment to process everything. the clover then brings a lighter and more positive feeling, showing that he was pleasantly surprised and genuinely excited by what he saw.

the dog indicates affection, loyalty and sincere support for h. however, the fox suggests that he also watched very carefully, possibly analyzing the editing, the way h was presented and what the trailer revealed. finally, the book shows curiosity about everything still being kept hidden, but it may also suggest that c knows more about the project and h’s experience behind the scenes than the public does.

he seems supportive and pleasantly impressed, but also thoughtful and attentive rather than simply reacting with uncomplicated excitement.

for c, i got the mice and cross suggesting that the trailer caused anxiety and emotional heaviness, possibly because of what h’s character experiences and how demanding the project may have been for him. the mountain shows connor becoming quiet and needing time to process it rather than reacting with simple excitement.

the lilies indicate genuine admiration for h’s maturity and performance, while the tower suggests that he sees yaga as a serious and important project for h’s career.

his reaction seems emotionally complicated: concern about what h experienced, but also deep admiration and pride.

[readerdotcom]

H kissing people in the Yaga trailer was sexy. But it looked like purely sex. No emotion. (Which I know is the point of his character). Sexy chemistry but not.....shall I say ....real chemistry 👀

exactlyyy 👀 convincing physical chemistry? absolutely. that uncontrollable emotional current that makes you feel like you’re intruding on something private? nowhere to be found 😭

[my-2nd-account]

The difference is that jealous Ilya looks homicidal while jealous Shane looks suicidal

[valeryalove2]

ENERGY HUDCON

the bottom of the decks suggests to me that a truth or a confession will bring healing, a reconciliation

But let's analyze in detail how they are acting. They will tear down the walls to face all the complications with a strong passionate energy and courage, they will put aside their pride to find that usual serenity

there is this sense of family and home between them that has been infected by fears and doubts and this situation must change in order for them to find themselves again

There is no more room to hide behind "facades and masks" of hiding things or not speaking clearly, the judgment is calling them to be honest and find their satisfaction together

Ironically, here it is, the card of change that must come. We cannot live under the illusion that things will change on their own without stepping on the accelerator! There will be discussions and clarifications needed to clear away any doubts one has about the other

and they move towards healing, there is a desire to move towards the other to abandon the things that have hurt them but they will still move cautiously each of them with a hint of immaturity for fear perhaps of a rejection with a typical capricious attitude and another with a mind too controlling towards the other typical passive-aggressive attitude

H->C

I'm getting this deep-seated jealousy again that's dominating, let's say with force. There's a total recognition of how important this connection is and the desire to make things work

He remembers their moments or there are things that surround him coincidences songs signals from the universe that remind him of this connection, here I don't know how to interpret it other than as a strong magnetic attraction constant thoughts and instinct to move towards him (i’m sorry h but🫠)

He perceives that there is currently a lack of stability in this union and feels the instinct to act to regain control of the situation to save this situation that he absolutely does not want to lose

His intuition and sixth sense scream to him that this connection has real foundations, it's not a game! It takes commitment and dedication

he recognizes in c his soulmate and the judgment (still) is telling him to wake up from the long summer sleep 🤣 he is very nostalgic for c and wants to rekindle the connection with loyalty and truth

He wants to end the manipulation games, he seeks stability in this connection and seems to have put that pain aside

C->H

he is in hermit mode he perceived some things that he didn't like and he is in "I sit and wait" mode as if he was waiting for h's first move

He feels that his happiness (I told you that 10 of cups is the card that always comes up when we are together) has been tainted by suffering regarding something public, as if that ideal had been completely shattered

he still has the desire to start over, to get back to feeling good, but he perceives this urgency to start over on h's part as if he didn't have solid foundations

The feelings are there but he feels tired, probably insecure, he wants their stability and that sense of family but he has a thousand fears and is tormented

He feels that their connection is lacking harmony at the moment and they are also physically distant (always at the moment) but he is tired of being passive and not acting and wants to get out of this stasis

He recognizes that the relationship as it was now had a basis of toxicity, there were moments of possessiveness and control that probably often made them argue and this is an aspect that must change for him to rebuild on solid foundations

✨ They tell me that h has understood his mistakes and wants to make amends, while c is still processing that bad feeling he's had lately about their connection