the archives

[detectivesuggestion]

@unaccompaniedescapist  that chart thing I started 2 years ago

as said before,  I’ve pasted some pics from throughout that time to fill some of the spaces (bc I can, & I will, take the laziest approach to everything)

these are my favorites out of the new ones:

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[gonna try doing one of those expressions chart things for the detective  :0

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I made this post 2 years ago and I Still have not finished that chart

I started it soon after making the post & I’ve had the wip of it on my laptop this entire time it’s still there sitting on my desktop

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@unaccompaniedescapist how dare you give encouragement and show interest in my content. I had an entire night of moping around and wallowing in my depression planned, and now I have no choice but to change my schedule to firstly get up and get something to eat (take care of myself & prepare), and then continue working on this art (an activity that I generally find both entertaining and therapeutic) to finish this that I will now have to show you when I’m done since you’ve shown interest and that you might enjoy >:0

& I’m (probably) not redrawing the ones that are already done, so be prepared for inconsistencies & whatnot

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@unaccompaniedescapist  the wip  (I’m stopping for tonight)

blacked out squares I put images I’ve already drawn of him there (bc I’m a cheater);  they were all previously either empty or had some of the oldest, worst, drawings

& that line in the middle of the image is a mistake.  my laptop does that sometimes when i’m taking screenshots & I’m not sure why

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remember to breathe

it’s okay to take a break. make sure to take care of yourself first

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hhhhhhhhhh caffeine

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recently I’ve learned that ‘accepting or feeling that you must do something’ isn’t the same as 'being okay with it’

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your whole life leads up to everything. where are you now?

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remember all that you’re hoping for, all that you’re working for

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I think, no matter how I decide to go about this, whatever I choose will be the stupid choice because ‘constantly makes stupid, and the worst possible, decisions’ is one of my defining character traits at this point

so I don’t have to worry about if it’s a bad decision or if things will go wrong (because it’s bound to be, and they will)

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okay, correction: the majority of my decisions are bound to be bad ones, many times for reasons and events I have no way of predicting

but I have made some good decisions. for example, a moment ago I remembered your smile, and every time I’ve made you laugh or grin was clearly the right decision, no matter how foolish I might have felt then

knowing you’re okay and happy makes it better, and I suppose I’ll be okay and better too in the end

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I think, no matter how I decide to go about this, whatever I choose will be the stupid choice because ‘constantly makes stupid, and the worst possible, decisions’ is one of my defining character traits at this point

so I don’t have to worry about if it’s a bad decision or if things will go wrong (because it’s bound to be, and they will)

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(bonus sketch from tonight,  bc I’ve been laughing at this.  he is so done)

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(continuing from last night) ever have those vivid dreams that you know was a dream,  but at the same time it was Super Vivid

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some drawings of  pretending I know what a light source is  of the detective,  inspired by some of @notmusa‘s tweets  (bc he would totally say/do these things)

(second tweet is actually a caption they have for a drawing that’s both there and on their blog if you wanna check that out.  head’s up for adult content (such as smoking, alcohol, etc) as they are an adult)

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it’s a mood (& an animation test)

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I had a dream recently.  Much of it’s escaped me by now, but I remember that I ran into someone I didn’t think I’d ever see again.  Someone I knew years ago who ended up being an entirely different person than they let on to the outside world.  Someone who I’d left when I found what they were hiding.  Someone harmful.  Someone bad.

And it came by surprise.  I walked into a room and suddenly he was there.  He noticed me, said hi, and suddenly I was trapped by means of social convention.

He asked me why I’d left: his voice calm for those that had come with him, his eyes locked on me as though he were making a threat.

And I answered him.

I’d known him years ago, I’d known him for years, and I knew he’d heard it before a thousand times by a thousand different people.  I’d met them.  Now I was one of them.  Another person he’d hurt, another person telling him how and why, another person to be ignored as if it were he who had cast me aside.

And he snickered and sneered as if I’d said a joke.  Correction: I was the joke. 

He looked at me with the amusement and contempt of a rage that was only kept back because there were other people in the room, and said I shouldn’t try to pretend like I’m better than them.  We’re all human, we all have our flaws, none of us can be ‘perfect’.  He said I needed to come off my high horse.

And, in that moment, I came to peace that this was who he was- who he’d always been.  That it wasn’t my fault I hadn’t noticed when I’d first met him.  That he’d always try to hide this because he knew he was in the wrong. So I corrected him.

I said no.  I am nobody.  I am no one but those I surround myself with, and nothing but what I do.  When I see the truth I act on it because others deserve what’s true.  So see, I would never want- I could never stand- to be you.

And once again I left, but this time it felt final.

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The amount of coffee my body demands per day is inherently a flaw

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They replaced my desk with a new one.  The coffee rings are gone.

This is truly a new chapter in my life.

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I am an artist,  my medium: coffee rings.

Like those of a tree, they told a history.  They tell of the days and months, the bad weeks and good, when others have visited,  they gave a story.  Those were their…  these-  these are their stories