Another thing I feel wildly vindicated about is the undeniable evidence N was VERY down with killing and eating people and (VERY good at it might I add), I just never liked the fanon idea that he was guilt ridden and tried gentle and avoided it as much as possible and/or was a bad hunter,,, I mean it just wasn't true, prying open the doors and gleefully announcing he's about to kill everyone before doing so is not the behavior of someone who feels bad about their actions while they're doing them. N just sticks with what he knows, which is his job he wants to be good at, and his mental engagement with hunting/killing being a form of excitement and play (not at all unlike a dog)
And the other thing about him is he is kind of easily led onto a more compassionate path that speaks to who he really is as a person (which is a source of trouble for J keeping him in line) and that seems to click and he can reframe his perception of worker drones as friends (which makes sense when you consider he DOES really want friends, he likes being social, but being actually friends with workers wasn't an option prior, only his team, and in the J video, seems like killing was the strongest form of social bonding he had with them). He also connects with Uzi (who treated him better as a friend than V or J) very strongly and wants to do right by her.
Also he's actually even maybe somewhat more sadistic than I thought, like not just playing with prey oblivious about the cruelty of it (perhaps so wrapped up in his own state of mind he's just viewing the workers like.. rabbits instead of People) but he seems to be quite aware, and relishes in hurting/terrorizing them... which is Really good imo. He was through and through as much of a murder drone as V and J.
My strong opinion on this characterization wise (as it's always been) is if one does wanna explore N feeling guilty about the murder, it's way more compelling to me if he ENJOYED doing all the horrible things he did at the time than if he felt bad the whole time but also felt like he didn't have a choice. In the latter case, the guilt reconciliation, while not necessarily easy, is a somewhat simpler matter of victimhood—facing the fact that he chose to follow the path, he didn't rebel sooner, selfishness of self preservation, etc. But in the former case, the idea that at the time, he didn't feel bad about the hundreds? Thousands? Of lives he ended with a big enthusiastic grin, inflicting more suffering than necessary to support his own survival (playing with prey like toys instead of quick clean kills), eating them with no guilt, that is a HARROWING part of oneself to face and recognize the evil in, much less forgive it, especially now that they're peers ...... Is it not worse to know you killed those people's families and friends and you can't even say "I'm sorry, I hated every second of it and I hated myself every time I did it, I just didn't know what else to do" because your memory of it was having the time of your life tearing them to shreds and they were delicious, I think that's so much worse.
It also makes the question of "does he still have the instinct to kill?" question scarier because again if he always hated it, it's a matter of fighting the side of yourself you always hated and you don't have to go back to that and you won't!! Even if it hurts to resist the natural drive! But if he enjoyed it, the instinct being there means he has the potential to keep enjoying it. Like that's even scarier to himself I think, knowing that even if he has compassion for them now, if he started tearing into one it would probably feel as great as it always did
...and that makes him more of a monster doesn't it? I start to think of the music video and Cyn's part, where she essentially says he cannot escape what he actually is and someday he will succumb and kill his friends. This is MUCH more compelling to me, too, with the notion Cyn isn't preying on a part of himself he always rejected and never identified with, but a part of himself he spent the vast majority of his life (and pretty much all of his life he remembers until the last, what, year of it?!) utterly content being. Not an evil possessing him, but an evil he is. And again, it's like, what's worse? The thought of when you snap and kill your loved ones, when it happens, it'll be a moment something else takes over and you'll feel instant regret, if not sooner, if not hating everything action and just being unable to stop... or the thought of when it happens, it's a real side of you, and you'll enjoy killing them, you'll love their screams and their terror, their blood all over your hands and face and in your mouth, it'll be so satisfying it won't even hit you right away what you've done you'll be tearing at the corpses. And while you're sitting in a pool of gore you realize you fucked up and you have to live with the memory of not just the horrific deaths but your own laughs in the background
BUT on a lighter note, it makes the conscious choice of self restraint more meaningful, at least to me. For him to be undeniably aware he would take great pleasure in hurting and killing others but investing so much more into loving them and protecting them. The pleasure would be so fleeting, so non worth it compared to a lifetime of joy with people who see the best in him (which is very real! He is a compassionate, generous, love filled person! The darker side doesn't negate the lighter one). And resisting short term pleasures can be a never ending dull ache.. but choosing pain management over caving to temptation takes strength. And I love the idea of his friends (especially Uzi) being completely aware of it and trusting him because, like... They know he's a strong, resolute person. They're not going to pretend he's not really a murder drone, he doesn't really have the drive of one, it's all a fluke.. the reality is he absolutely is, and he can't choose what he is, but he can choose who he wants to be. And he's proven his choice time and time again and nobody doubts it.
no no you guys dont get it Yeva and her husband did not have the luxury of forgetting what happened like Nori or focusing on the bright side like Khan. They were trapped in the past for so long and could only find solace in each other bc they both get it. They understand what it's like. And they passed this on to their daughter. Their daughter who didn't get to be embarrassed about her dad chaperoning the prom bc her dad is sitting at an eternal dinner. She looks exactly like her mother. She knows this because she eats breakfast by Yeva's unchanging body every day. She wears her choker as a bracelet, convinced that what killed mom wouldn't get to her. She plans to live a long life unlike them, but she ends up falling into the same trap they did. She was so tangled up in the past that she ended up becoming part of it.
I'm sure that someone else has done this meme before but I Had Too.(and if you can't read my handwriting I put a transcript in the alt text, let me know if it needs to be improved ^^)
got lazy but i wanted to draw envy for once cuz i neglect them im sooo sorgy :'((((((((((((((((((( i love them dearly waaaaaaaaaah thinking about them makes me want to cry and break something
I know your focus isnt much on it these days (which is totes fine silk song is PEAK) but I only just got into murder drones and i ADORE your art and how you characterize everyone, its both hilarious and fun and wholesome (with a touch of violence its awesome) I love it! cant wait to see more of your art in general!
I was supposed to go draw some MD this week, made a new file for it and everything but Skong is so aggressively peak I ended up drawing that instead.. 😔
There's still some ~1 year old sketches I haven't posted yet, though, so I suppose here you go, just for the fuck of it (or as a welcome to MD, you choose):
gamechangershow
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
blakekathryn
vaporwave
izzy806
prguitarman
dailybridgerton
