Official Trash

Des | 25 | she/her | queer | I don't know what this is anymore.

[theonion]

In a move that left hundreds of longtime residents scrambling to find alternative housing, municipal construction crews reportedly demolished a local Black neighborhood Thursday, part of an ongoing city project to make room for nothing in particular. “For decades, this part of Fort Worth has languished as nothing more than a loving community for African American families and a bustling hub for Black-owned businesses,” said Mayor Mattie Parker, adding that the destruction of dozens of beloved restaurants, theaters, barbershops, and newspapers was an essential step toward creating more vacant lots that could sit empty behind fences for an indefinite length of time.

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[mousegirlheart]

mousegirl gf who had to hire a Warhammer player to do her wedding makeup because that's the only person who could paint that small

[rubensmuse]

@gravlax34 GREAT idea

[jessica-problems]

*drybrushes your mousegirl* *contrast washes your mousegirl* *applies weathering grime to your mousegirl*

[bigbigtruck]

quotes taken from the source

(the 4th one is Bumpus wanting dinner, friends can back me up on this)

[saxifraga-x-urbium]

come back to me most perfect of comics

[crabussy]

casually and with no self pity stating what you believe to be a benign humbling fact about your life only for someone to go "what? that's not true" is such an Experience. I THOUGHT I WAS BEING SELF AWARE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I JUST HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM IN THAT AREA

[crabussy]

ahh yeahh I know I tend to talk too much but I just have so much to say haha! "what? you don't talk too much! I like when you talk!" INSTANT RELIEF I DIDN'T KNOW I NEEDED. OKAY.

[crabussy]

haha I know I sound like a girl but in my heart I sound like an effeminate gay guy "what? you don't sound like a girl at all! you sound like any of the queer guys I know" OH. ONE MILLION WEIGHT OFF MY SHOULDERS. HUH????

[bramblepatch]

The thing is you can have a grassy lawn or even a golf course without it being an ecological disaster, you just have to a: be cool about having the occasional non-grass plant in the mix and b: be willing to live in a climate that supports grass without irrigation.

[bramblepatch]

Golf courses in California are an abomination which is why the sport was in fact invented in Scotland.

[abstrusetheorist]

I always thought that golf as a sport should be adapted to the local native landscape. I think this will encourage regional pride when local golfers completely trounce visitors at Swamp Golf, Desert Golf, Forest Golf, etc. Rich tourists will be pressured to travel extensively to experience all forms of golf, instead of staying in their backyard country club golf courses. Internet discourse will probably somehow get worse but I think this is a small price to pay.

[gean-grey-blog]

One time I was leaving a friend's place and an older lady with basically no English came up to me and communicated that she was very cold and needed a ride. She pointed to tell me where to go.

I got there and her daughter or granddaughter came out and was like omg her phone died we were worried

And then the older lady said something and the younger lady translated.

"She knew she could trust you because you have pink hair"

I thought it was funny at the time. But when I think back on it I think she was basically saying "you had a visible sign of not vibing with the system I was afraid of"

Be weird. Be colorful. Help random people.

[mysharona1987]

“Why not bring the family?”

But that’s like something an ICE agent would say if he wanted to arrest your entire family in one go?

[computerspace]

[teaboot]

My mom likes to tell me about how when I was a little kid riding public transport with her I'd always smile and giggle and chat with weird old ladies who smelled like cat pee and homeless folks and strangers dressed in bizarre outfits but any time a tidy and respectable businessman in a suit and tie waved at me I'd immediately clam up, and she takes a great deal of pride in my supposed inherentability to clock personalities but the truth is I do vaguely remember those bus rides, and it was never about the clothes or the hair or the smell, but more because everyone "strange" asked interesting questions and listened to what I had to say and seemed to think about what I said while the neat and tidy and rigid folks only ever acted like they were going through the motions, which was boring as hell and also pretty annoying

[teaboot]

Well-to-do finance manager with tidy shoes: "Why hello, sweetheart. Can you say 'hi'? Aren't you cute. Are you on a trip with your mom?"

4 year old me: why must we do this

Fantastic old woman in the leopard print coat: "Why yes, my tooth IS real silver! Nobody ever asks me that. Do you like cats?"

4 year old me, suddenly paying attention: Finally, A Person Of Intellect

[svdcvnt]

Everything I’ve Ever Let Go Of Has Claw Marks On It

Artist: David Altmejd

[adz]

im in the pussy like turmeric in tupperware

[adz]

nods serenely

[phaeton-flier]

Bear religion probably fucking rocks. You're a fucking bear, you're the deadliest thing on earth, once a year an endless supply of salmon just flings itself up the river to gorge on and then you nap for 3 months.

[phaeton-flier]

The most delicious food in the world is protected by tiny demons who can defend it from everyone except you. Your natural armor is thick enough that you can just eat the damn hive while they buzz around you. God's chosen animals right there

[theaudientvoid]

[centrally-unplanned]

Regular bears tell stories of angel bears sent by the Bear God, pure white and twice as strong as any normal bear could be, who rule the summit of the Earth and kill all who stand in their path.

And they are right, those bears exist and totally do that. Humans just have fake angels as a cope.

[theabigailthorn]

love the idea of bears being the chosen species actually. having a near death experience and glimpsing heaven and realising it's just full of bears, no humans at all, humans not ensouled actually, humans an accidental byproduct of God's plan for bears

[lovednknown]

[lilislegacy]

I thank Walker so much for his work

Rick Riordan: Percy is SCRAWNY. He is not impressive!

Walker [with visibly bigger arms at each appearance]: NO 🤩🤩💪🏻💪🏻

yeah ik that boy was NOT happy when the first book written since he was casted changed percy from muscular to scrawny… LMAO

[saywhat-politics]

[depsidase]

[aflo]

I'm imagining a world where RPGMaker somehow made it as the de facto codebase for software and you have to navigate your banking app by walking around in a huge room full of NPCs named "make deposit" and "make withdrawal" etc and there's loud as fuck stock music playing

[aflo]