Sippin On Margarita Mix At My Own Funeral

Vengeful spirit | The scientist said my blog was more interesting to study than yours :/

[aromantic-goldfishdeactivated202]

Pinned Post

Mads | adult person | Any pronouns

@shleapord on bluesky in case tumblr goes down

Tags I use: “Mads posts” for my own posts, “mads asks” for any asks I get, everything else is untagged and uncategorized. figure it out.

In mid August 2021, I changed my url and pfp to look like I’m deactivated. This was in an attempt to get people to stop following me. It did not work, and now I just keep it like that for the bit and also for branding.

Backup blog in case of emergency: @aromantic-goldfish-revived (because my blog keeps getting marked explicit and I'm preparing in case I get nuked entirely)

I was the the official Megamind hate blog because of The Megamind Post. Here’s The Megamind Post for those who are confused. I call it the megamind post because of how many people comment "megamind" on it, not because it’s about megamind. Nowadays I don’t really care about it but this is important blog lore so I gotta keep the disclaimer up.

[the-future-is-chrome]

repeat after me. humans are not inherently evil humans are not like a virus on this earth humans do not “deserve” to go extinct or anything like that. we are living breathing animals that deserve space just like every other creature on this planet. there’s just a tiny amount of us that have a fuck ton of money and power and they really suck

[faggotette]

ecofascist rhetoric getting popular again and i don’t like it one bit

[insomniac-arrest]

I think we should figure out what age we’re living in now so we can say how it’s collapsing to each other

[insomniac-arrest]

Our age of plastics is collapsing

[insomniac-arrest]

Our age of information is collapsing! *remembers generative AI, nods to self* our age of information is collapsing.

[egberts]

it's so easy to do things! it's so easy to get up and do things and get things done! i am capable and motivated and executive dysfunction can't touch me. *starting to cry a little because my affirmations aren't working* it's so easy to do things, come on get up, it's easy, let's do things *mental image of a cartoon trying to move a heavy lazy animal* come onnnnn

[egberts]

IT'S SO EASY TO DO THINGS! IT'S SO EASY TO GET THINGS DONE!!!!

[neiljostenpussyindulgence]

I love gay people theres a guy in my neighborhood who named his one singular dog “simon and garfunkel”

[spiralfucker]

They found the last golden ticket . So that’s just it then . Fuck my stupid horrible pathetic life. Cabbage soup for dinner again , my stupid mothtsr. Grandpa Joe said he’s sorry but I know he doesn’t really give a fuck . And who gives a fuck about the other three old people in my house . Whatever their names is. Fuck fuck fuck it’s all worthless . They even made fun of me at school for only buying like 3 wonka bars. Nepo pricks . Fuck my stupid life it’s all fucked it’s all fucked . And my last name is bucket

[machine-unlearning]

god I'm such a slut for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce *decides it’s inaccurate to refer to myself as a slut in light of my minimal sexual activity* if The Enemy discovered my ardor for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce, they would gain a significant strategic advantage

[chloematis]

“That’s true! I did! I crinkled this!“ A painting of my favorite post from @straycatj I hope my rendition of this dastardly crime did it justice

[straycatj]

Why do you reveal my naughty past… although it’s a good art…but…but…but…

[theweirdwideweb]

[astronicht]

Unless you were a tech at NASA back in the day, when one time some hydrogen a) escaped in a particular building, and b) caught on fire. This was extremely difficult because hydrogen does NOT burn on the visible spectrum humans evolved to see (and flee). Rather, it technically does, but it’s so pale that in practice, no one could see it. Additionally, pure hydrogen burns without smoke and with so little ambient heat that you can’t really sense it till you walk into it. So, per the lore, for a few days all the techs in that building just walked around brandishing brooms in front of them like lances. If your broom lit on fire, congrats! You have located more burning hydrogen! Do not proceed!

[mias-back-from-the-dead]

oh my god it’s real and it was LITERALLY called “the broom method” holy shit

[ozempicofficial]

[fireworkss-exe]

throwing lit matches at preschoolers is punk

[sistertaxon]

I know this is a joke, and this is tumblr, but do not do this. Preschoolers frequently leak highly flammable fluids. I get that this is the kids-hating website, but throwing lit matches at preschoolers doesn't just hurt them, it hurts all of the surrounding buildings in your community, not to mention yourself and any nearby trees. It's not "punk" to destroy other people's personal or private property, it's just rude.

[whimsical-catacombs]

literally every problem i've had in my adult life has been solved by open and honest communication. which is fucking stupid, first of all

[whimsical-catacombs]

like i can't even just a little bit solve my problems with wanton violence? for real??

[whimsical-catacombs]

i'm like a caricature in a children's show. "and then Whimsy took a deep breath, made a few polite phonecalls, and everything resolved itself 🥰" fucking hell man when do i get to punch someone hard as fuck in the jaw

[darkcomedies]

evoking bertholt brecht’s “the way people cast a play!” quote as a spell against prescriptive, stereotypical, fatalistic typecasting

[darkcomedies]

idk what to tell you except go look at the fishwives

[malibuklaus]

[yorgen-sh]

The Chinese shoe manufacturer decided to demonstrate the indestructibility of their shoes

[scarlettohairdye]

And also the indestructibility of that woman's ankles

[pangur-and-grim]

things I’ve noticed in the UK:

- when you’re jay walking, cars will actively accelerate bc the drivers want to kill you for breaking the rules

- servers in restaurants act very scared and apologetic, so maybe people aren’t nice to them here??? or I could be terrifying

- it’s really cute when little kids have British accents, but I’m unmoved by adults with accents

- extremely good gluten free options. this country is like 20 years ahead of Canada in that regard

- people will give random insignificant buildings names with little plaques. and then that’s the name that shows up on the map. like even a smaller than average family home, you can name it like it’s a dog

- lots of brick and stone buildings. looks cute and charming until you enter one and there’s no air conditioning

- people are still wearing jaguar print. I like this. don’t let it die

[pangur-and-grim]

ohhh okay! amendment: cars will actively try to kill you for being small and made of flesh, instead of cool and metal like them

[o-kurwa]

[reginaldqueribundus]

oh my god and it's a Canada Goose so this is the equivalent of befriending a small demon

[lttrsfrmlnrrgby]

OP you're wrong. Duck, duck is the most perfect name for a goose, ever.

[enbycrip]

This makes me so happy every time I read it. Especially the bit where Guy makes DuckDuck smoothies of all the good stuff he’s meant to eat.

This is the best buddy comedy-drama ever.

[official-ornithology-posts]

Official ornithology post