unfortunately I am the film bro from hell because I do think that if you didn’t like dead poets society because you thought it was “boring” and Neil was being dramatic. YOU HAVE POOR MEDIA LITERACY. It makes me so mad actually i work myself up about it so bad when I have to argue for it. Neil’s death made perfect sense and was a completely reasonable reaction. You can say “but he could’ve stuck it out the years it takes in military school?.” But then what he isn’t a free man even then, he would survive it to waste his life on a career he didn’t have any passion for and separated from the people he cared most about. I do not understand the view point of survival for survivals sake. What are you living for? Neil lost his life that night whether he died or not. And if you cannot understand his thought process because you have never been put in a position where death is the only way forward, you are very lucky, but you also lack the empathy that it takes to understand other people’s human experience. Okay rant over 😋😋
i realised i was too deep into the fandom when i heard a 5 year old say "I'm allergic to the easter bunny" and my first thought was that's what todd's parents would tell him to get out of giving him chocolate at easter. I'm gonna cry
i realised i was too deep into the fandom when i heard a 5 year old say "I'm allergic to the easter bunny" and my first thought was that's what todd's parents would tell him to get out of giving him chocolate at easter. I'm gonna cry
SUMMARY: After disappearing for five days because she believes she’s impossible to love, YN is finally found by Amanda—giving Nico the chance to reassure her that she never had to earn his love.
WC: 5.2k
WARNINGS: Emotional and verbal parental abuse, toxic family relationships, low self-worth, fear of abandonment, self-isolation, disappearance/missing person situation, mentions of police involvement, anxiety, crying, emotional distress, and hurt/comfort.
Requested: Nico Hischier + You finally admit the reason you’ve been pushing everyone away.
Nico noticed something was wrong long before you disappeared.
At first, it was in the little things.
You stopped staying in the kitchen while he made breakfast, choosing instead to take your coffee into the living room and sit alone. You began declining invitations to dinners with the team, claiming you were tired even when you had barely left the apartment all day.
When Nicole or Amanda texted the group chat, you would read their messages without responding. When Jack sent you a ridiculous video or Luke asked whether you wanted to come over, you left them unanswered too.
Even Arseny’s frequent, slightly confusing messages had gone unopened.
Usually, you always answered him.
Sometimes it took a few minutes to understand what he was trying to say through his broken English and thick Russian accent—even over text—but you never made him feel embarrassed about it.
Now, nothing.
Nico tried not to push at first.
He knew you had difficult days. He knew there were parts of your childhood you didn’t like talking about and memories you kept hidden behind carefully constructed smiles. You had told him enough for him to understand that your relationship with your parents was complicated.
Complicated had been the word you used.
It was easier than saying cruel. Easier than saying they had spent years convincing you that you were difficult to love.
That you were too emotional, too needy, too sensitive. That every mistake you made was evidence that something was fundamentally wrong with you. They never needed to hit you to make you afraid of them. Their words had done enough damage.
Still, Nico had never seen you retreat this far into yourself.
He found you sitting on the edge of the bed one night, staring down at your phone as it vibrated in your hand. The name on the screen made his chest tighten.
Mom.
You declined the call. A second later, it rang again, you turned the phone face down. Nico stood in the doorway, watching the way your shoulders had gone rigid “Are you okay?”
You flinched as though you hadn’t realized he was there “Fine.” It came too quickly. Nico stepped into the room. “You don’t look fine.”
“I’m just tired.”
“You’ve been tired for two weeks.”
Your expression changed immediately, the walls went up “I said I’m fine, Nico.”
He stopped a few feet away from you.
There had been a time when you would have reached for him. When you would have tucked yourself beneath his arm and let him hold you until the tension left your body.
Now, you shifted farther away, it hurt more than Nico wanted to admit “Did something happen?” he asked carefully.
“No.”
“Did your parents call before today?”
Your jaw tightened “Nico.”
“I’m not trying to upset you.”
“Then stop asking.” The words came out sharper than you intended. Nico went quiet, guilt flickered through you, but you buried it beneath the panic crawling up your throat.
Because your mother had called. Your father had called.
They had returned to New Jersey after months away, and somehow, just knowing they were close again had made you feel seventeen years old. Small, powerless, unlovable.
Your mother’s first message had been almost pleasant.
We’re back. Your father would like to see you.
The second had been colder.
Ignoring us is childish.
The third had sounded exactly like every conversation from your childhood.
You always do this. You hurt people, then pretend you’re the victim.
You had stared at that sentence until the letters blurred, because some part of you believed her, some part of you always would. That was the worst thing about it.
They didn’t even have to be in the room to control you anymore.
You did it for them, you repeated their words inside your own head, you pulled away before people could reject you. You ruined good things before they had the chance to prove they were temporary.
Nico sat beside you, leaving space between your bodies “I’m here,” he said quietly. You hated how gentle he sounded, it made something ache inside you “You shouldn’t be.”
His eyebrows pulled together. “What?”
You stood abruptly “I need some air.”
“It’s almost midnight.”
“I know.”
“Then I’ll come with you.”
“No.”
Nico stood too. “YN—”
“I said no.” Your voice cracked, for one second, you saw the hurt on his face. Then fear overtook everything else. You grabbed a sweater and left before he could stop you. You returned an hour later, but whatever fragile thread had been holding you together was already breaking.
Over the next several days, you became a ghost inside the apartment.
You slept when Nico was awake and stayed awake when he was asleep. You avoided looking at him because every time you did, you saw concern in his eyes.
Concern became pity in your mind. Pity became obligation. Obligation became proof that he didn’t really love you.
He only felt responsible for you, that was what your mother would have said. He’ll get tired of you eventually. Your father had said something similar years ago after your first serious relationship ended. People always leave once they know the real you.
The words returned now with cruel precision.
Nico loved the version of you who laughed with his teammates and cooked with Nicole and teased Jesper. He loved the version who waited after games and kissed him no matter whether the team won or lost.
He didn’t know this version, the frightened one, the bitter one. The one who could barely breathe when her mother’s name appeared on a screen. He would see it eventually and then he would leave.
So you decided to leave first.
Nico came home from practice on a Tuesday afternoon to an apartment that felt wrong. Too quiet. Your shoes were missing from beside the door, the blanket you always kept on the couch was folded neatly over the armrest. Your charger was gone from the bedroom.
At first, he called your name, then he checked every room, then he called you. Your phone rang once before going directly to voicemail.
He tried again. Nothing.
On the kitchen counter, beneath the spare key, was a note, it contained only six words. I’m sorry. Please don’t look for me.
Nico stared at it until his hands began to shake so he called Jack.
Within an hour, almost everyone knew. Amanda and Jacob checked the places you usually visited together. Nicole and Jesper drove past your favorite coffee shops, restaurants and bookstores. Jack and Luke split up across the city, calling anyone who might have heard from you.
Timo checked near the arena and the park where you sometimes walked after difficult games. Jonas contacted mutual friends.
Arseny sent message after message.
Where you?
Nico very worry.
We not angry. Please answer.
You family. Come home.
Nico barely slept. He sat at the kitchen table with your note in front of him, phone clutched in his hand, waiting for any update. Every time someone called, he answered before the first ring finished. Every time, it was the same.
Nothing.
By the second day, panic had settled into his bones. By the third, the team had quietly involved security and local authorities. Nico gave them your photo with trembling hands and tried to answer questions about places you might go.
He hated that he didn’t know. He hated that you had been hurting badly enough to disappear and he hadn’t understood how close you were to breaking.
“You couldn’t have known,” Jesper told him late that night.
They were sitting in Nico’s living room. Nicole was asleep on the couch, her head resting against Amanda’s shoulder. Jack paced near the windows while Luke refreshed his phone repeatedly.
Nico rubbed both hands over his face “I knew something was wrong.”
“That’s not the same as knowing she would leave.”
“I should’ve done more.”
Jesper leaned forward. “You tried to talk to her.”
“Not enough.”
“Nico—”
“I let her walk out that night.”
“You didn’t let her do anything.”
Nico looked toward your empty place on the couch “She thinks she has to handle everything alone.” His voice broke slightly. “And I don’t know how to convince her she doesn’t.”
On the fourth day, Arseny showed up at the apartment.His hair was disheveled, and there were dark circles under his eyes “Any news?” he asked.
Nico shook his head.
Arseny muttered something in Russian and began pacing. He had grown close to you quickly after arriving. You never laughed when he pronounced something incorrectly. You helped him order food when he became frustrated. You sat beside him at team dinners when the conversations moved too fast and quietly explained the jokes he had missed.
Once, after he thanked you, you had smiled and said, “Nobody deserves to feel alone in a crowded room.” Arseny had remembered that. Now, you were alone somewhere and he hated it.
On the fifth morning, Amanda nearly canceled Clark’s doctor’s appointment.
She had barely slept. None of them had.
Jacob had spent most of the night driving through different neighborhoods with Timo, while Amanda sat in their living room refreshing her phone and attempting to soothe Clark whenever he woke.
But Clark had been complaining about pain in his ear since the previous afternoon, and his pediatrician had managed to fit him into an appointment that morning.
Amanda couldn’t ignore it.
She dressed him, packed a small bag of snacks and toys, and drove to the medical center with exhaustion weighing heavily behind her eyes.
Clark sat quietly against her chest as they entered the waiting area, one hand curled into the collar of her sweater. Amanda approached the reception desk and gave the woman Clark’s information.
Then she turned around.
At first, she didn’t see you.
You were sitting in the farthest corner of the waiting room, partially hidden behind a large plant. An oversized coat swallowed your body, and the hood had been pulled over your head. Your arms were folded tightly across your stomach while you stared at the tiled floor.
You looked smaller than Amanda had ever seen you. Smaller and completely alone, Amanda’s breath caught. For a moment, she was convinced exhaustion was making her imagine things.
Then you shifted slightly, she recognized the sweater beneath your coat. It was one Nico had given you after you stole it so often that he finally told you to keep it “YN?”
Your head snapped up. The moment your eyes met hers, every trace of color disappeared from your face.
Amanda’s grip around Clark tightened “Oh my God.”
You stood abruptly “Amanda—”
She crossed the waiting room before you could move “What are you doing here?” Her voice was quiet because of the other patients around them, but it trembled with five days of fear, exhaustion and anger.
You looked toward the exit “Please don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t call anyone.”
Amanda stared at you, Clark shifted in her arms, looking curiously between both of you “Everyone has been looking for you.”
“I know.”
“Nico hasn’t slept.”
Your mouth trembled “I know.”
“The police are looking for you. The team is looking for you. We’ve been driving around every day trying to find you.”
“I’m sorry.”
Amanda’s eyes filled with tears “You left us a note telling us not to look for you. What did you think we were going to do?”
“I didn’t want anyone to worry.”
“Well, we did.” The sharpness in Amanda’s voice made Clark stir, she closed her eyes briefly and took a breath, forcing herself to calm down for her son. When she opened them again, her expression had softened.
“Are you hurt?” You shook your head.
“Are you safe?”
“Yes.”
“Where have you been staying?”
“A hotel.”
“Why are you here?”
Your gaze moved toward the hallway leading deeper into the medical center “My father is in the hospital.”
Amanda’s anger faded into confusion “Your father?”
You nodded “He’s been here for three days. I’ve been coming to visit him.”
“Does your mother know where you’ve been?”
“She knows I’ve been visiting. She doesn’t know where I’m staying.”
Amanda moved closer, lowering her voice “YN, why didn’t you tell any of us?”
“Because no one would understand.”
“Try me.” You glanced at Clark, Amanda followed your gaze. He was resting against her shoulder, his eyes heavy and one hand pressed against his sore ear. She walked over to the seats beside you and sat down, adjusting Clark on her lap. You remained standing “Sit,” she said gently.
You hesitated before lowering yourself into the chair beside her, for several moments, neither of you spoke. Then Amanda looked at you “Tell me what happened.”
You twisted your hands together “My parents are horrible to me.” the words sounded childish once they were spoken aloud. Too simple for years of damage.
“They’ve always made me feel like everything is my fault. Like I’m selfish and dramatic and impossible to love.” Your voice shook. “Then they came back, and my father got sick, and my mother said it was cruel of me not to visit him.”
Amanda listened silently.
“I didn’t want to go,” you whispered. “But then I felt like a terrible person. And I started thinking that maybe she was right about everything.”
“She isn’t.”
“You don’t know them.”
“No, but I know you.”
You gave her a broken laugh “You don’t really.” Amanda’s eyebrows pulled together “You know the version of me that tries to make everyone happy. The person who listens and helps and smiles because she’s afraid that if she stops being useful, no one will want her around anymore.”
Amanda looked down at Clark for a moment before meeting your gaze again “Is that what you think?”
“It’s what I know.”
“No, YN. It’s what they taught you.”
The distinction made your chest ache, you wiped at your face harshly “That’s why I left. Because everyone got too close.”
Amanda stared at you in disbelief “You left because we love you?”
Hearing the word made you recoil “You don’t.”
“Yes, we do.”
“You can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because people don’t love me like that.”
Amanda’s eyes softened “You think Nico doesn’t love you?”
“He thinks he does.”
“He knows he does.”
“You don’t understand.”
“I understand that Nico has spent five days looking like someone ripped his heart out of his chest.”
Tears slipped down your cheeks “I never wanted to hurt him.”
“I know.”
“He deserves someone better.”
“No.” Amanda shifted Clark carefully before reaching for your hand. “He deserves the woman he loves. That’s you.” You shook your head “He only loves me because he doesn’t know what I’m actually like.”
“He knows you.”
“He knows the easy parts.”
Amanda’s fingers tightened around yours “You think the rest of us have only ever seen you happy? You think we haven’t seen you exhausted, irritated, overwhelmed or upset?”
“That’s different.”
“It isn’t.”
“I’m not good like you think I am.”
Amanda released a shaky breath “YN, you don’t have to be good every second for us to care about you. You don’t have to earn your place.”
You covered your mouth as a sob escaped, Amanda immediately opened her free arm. You leaned into her carefully, mindful of Clark between you, she held you against her shoulder while Clark looked up at you with sleepy confusion “Why is Auntie crying?” he murmured.
The innocent concern in his voice broke something inside you “I’m okay, sweetheart,” you whispered. Clark reached out and placed his small hand against your cheek “Don’t cry.”
You closed your eyes, Amanda kissed the side of his head before looking at you “I have to call Nico.”
Your body stiffened “Don´t.”
“He needs to know you’re okay.”
“Tell him that, then. Tell him I’m okay.”
“He needs to see you.”
“I’m not ready.”
Amanda’s expression turned firm “You don’t have to explain everything to him right now. You don’t even have to speak. But I am not letting you leave this building without someone knowing where you are.”
“I trusted you.”
“And I love you enough to risk you being angry with me.” You stared at her, she carefully reached into her bag and pulled out her phone “Please don’t run.”
“I can’t talk to him.”
“Then I’ll talk.”
Amanda called Nico, he answered before the first ring had fully finished “Amanda?”
“I found her.” Silence filled the line. Then Nico’s breath caught so sharply that Amanda pulled the phone slightly away from her ear. For a moment, he didn’t say anything.
Amanda could hear movement on the other end, something falling, followed by Jack asking Nico what had happened “Where?” Nico finally managed. His voice sounded broken.
“At the medical center. She’s safe.”
“Is she hurt?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m looking at her.”
Another unsteady breath “Put her on the phone.” Your eyes widened, Amanda looked at you “She doesn’t feel ready to talk.”
“Please.” Nico’s voice cracked over the speaker “Please, Amanda. I just need to hear her.”
Your lower lip trembled, Amanda slowly held the phone toward you. You stared at it “Nico,” she said gently, “she’s here.”
There was silence. You could hear him breathing, you reached for the phone with shaking fingers “Nico?” on the other end, a sound escaped him—half exhale, half sob “Baby.”
Your eyes closed, you hadn’t realized how badly you had needed to hear him call you that until it shattered you “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t hang up.”
“I’m not.”
“Please don’t hang up.”
“I won’t.”
He was silent again, you could hear him moving, keys jingling in his hand “Are you really okay?”
“I’m not hurt.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Your throat tightened “No.” Nico inhaled shakily “Okay.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m coming to you.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Nico—”
“I have spent five days not knowing whether you were alive.” His voice broke completely. “Please don’t tell me I don’t have to come.”
Tears began falling faster “I didn’t want you to worry.”
“I thought I lost you.”
The words left you unable to breathe “I’m sorry.”
“I’m coming.” He ended the call before his voice could break again, you lowered the phone slowly. Amanda took it from you and slipped it back into her bag “I have to go,” you whispered.
“No.”
“I can’t see him like this.”
“Like what?”
“Broken because of me.”
Amanda stared at you “You didn’t break him by needing help.”
“I disappeared.”
“Yes, and he’s hurt. But that doesn’t mean he stopped loving you.”
“I can’t watch him look at me.”
“You can.”
“No, Amanda.”
“Yes.” She reached for your hand “You’re going to stay, and when he gets here, you’re going to let him decide what he feels instead of deciding for him.”
Clark’s name was called before Nico arrived, Amanda looked between you and the nurse standing in the doorway “I can wait here,” you said quietly.
Amanda hesitated “YN—”
“I won’t leave.”
She studied your face, searching for any sign that you were lying “Promise me.”
“I promise.”
Amanda reluctantly followed the nurse with Clark, looking back over her shoulder twice before disappearing down the hallway. You sat alone in the waiting room again, every instinct told you to leave.
The exit was less than twenty feet away.
You could walk out, disappear into the parking lot and be gone before Amanda returned or Nico arrived, you even stood once. Then Nico’s voice came back to you. I thought I lost you.
You sank into the chair.
Less than ten minutes later, the waiting-room doors opened so hard that they slammed against the wall. Several people looked up, Nico stood in the entrance.
For one terrible second, he couldn’t find you. His eyes moved frantically across the room, wide and red-rimmed, his chest rising too quickly. Then his gaze landed on you, he stopped. You had imagined this moment countless times over the past five days.
You had imagined anger, disappointment, maybe even disgust. You hadn’t imagined the way his entire face crumpled with relief.
“Nico…”
His mouth opened, but nothing came out. He crossed the waiting room so quickly that he nearly stumbled over one of the chairs, you barely had time to stand before he reached you. His hands caught your face first, they were shaking.
He stared at you as if he couldn’t trust his own eyes, his thumbs moving over your cheeks, your eyebrows, your temples, checking for injuries that Amanda might have missed “You’re here.”
His voice was barely more than a breath, you nodded. Nico’s eyes filled immediately “You’re really here.”
“I’m sorry.” He pulled you against him, not carefully. Desperately. One arm locked around your waist while the other cradled the back of your head, pressing your face into his neck as though he needed to hide you there.
The force of his embrace knocked the air from your lungs, you felt his entire body trembling “Nico—”
He made a broken sound against your hair “I couldn’t find you.”
Your hands gripped the back of his jacket “I know.”
“I looked everywhere.”
“I know.”
“I called every hospital.” His voice cracked harder with every sentence “I called every person you’ve ever mentioned. I drove around all night because I thought maybe you were somewhere alone and hurt and waiting for me.”
You began sobbing “I’m sorry.”
“You left your key.” Nico’s fingers tightened against the back of your head “You left your key and that note, and I thought—” He stopped, he couldn’t say it.
You pulled back just enough to see his face, tears had slipped down his cheeks. Nico quickly looked away, ashamed of them, but you caught his jaw and turned him back toward you.
“What did you think?”
His lips trembled “I thought maybe you didn’t want to be found.”
The words hollowed you out “Nico…”
“I thought maybe I would never get to hold you again.” He pulled you back into his chest before you could answer. For several moments, neither of you spoke.
You stood in the middle of the waiting room clinging to one another while strangers pretended not to stare. Nico buried his face against your neck and breathed you in like he needed proof that you were real.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered again.
“I’m angry with you.”
You nodded against him “You should be.”
“I’m so angry.” His voice shook “But I’m more scared.”
Your arms tightened around him “I never wanted to do that to you.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t.”
You pulled away again, tears running freely down your face “I thought you would be better without me.”
Nico stared at you.
“I thought if I left now, before you saw everything wrong with me, it would hurt less when you eventually realized you didn’t want me.”
His expression twisted with pain “Is that what you think this is?”
“I don’t know what else it could be.”
“Love.” The word came out harshly, almost angrily “This is love.”
You flinched, Nico immediately softened, he cupped your cheeks again “I love you.”
“You think you do.”
“No.”
His voice was firmer now “I know I do.”
“You don’t know me.”
“I know that you leave mugs everywhere except the kitchen. I know you can’t sleep if the closet door is open. I know you act like you hate romantic movies and then cry harder than Nicole.” A broken laugh escaped you.
Nico’s thumbs wiped beneath your eyes “I know you call Amanda when you’re overwhelmed because she never pressures you. I know you always sit beside Arseny when he looks lost. I know you cut the crusts off Clark’s sandwiches even though he never asks you to.”
Your face crumpled “And I know you go quiet when you’re hurting because someone taught you that pain makes you difficult.”
Nico rested his forehead against yours “I know you.”
“You know the good parts.”
“I know you left me.” You pulled back slightly, the pain in his eyes made you stop “I know you scared me more than anyone ever has. I know I’m hurt. I know this will take time to fix.” His voice softened “And I still love you.”
You shook your head “My parents—”
“Are wrong.”
“You don’t know what they said.”
“Then tell me.”
“They said I ruin everything.”
“You don’t.”
“They said I’m manipulative when I cry.”
“You’re not.”
“They said anyone who loves me eventually realizes it was a mistake.”
Nico went completely still, then he pressed a kiss to your forehead “They don’t get to decide what I feel.”
“You’ll get tired.”
“Then I’ll rest.” Despite everything, a sobbing laugh broke from your chest, Nico kissed your forehead again “And then I’ll keep loving you.”
“You can’t promise forever.”
“I’m not asking you to believe forever today.” His hands slid down to hold yours “I’m asking you to believe the next five minutes.” You looked at him. “Can you stay with me for five minutes?”
Your throat tightened “Yes.”
“And after that, can you stay for five more?” You nodded, Nico squeezed your hands “That’s all we have to do.”
The door to the hallway opened.
Amanda stepped out carrying Clark, who now had a sticker on his sweater and a prescription for an ear infection. She froze when she saw you and Nico standing together.
Nico’s eyes were still wet, one of his hands remained locked around yours as though he was afraid even loosening his grip might make you disappear again. Amanda’s face crumpled with relief.
Nico looked at her “Thank you.”
Amanda’s lips trembled “Don’t thank me.” She shifted Clark higher against her shoulder “Just don’t let her leave alone.”
Nico’s fingers tightened around yours “I won’t.”
The outside doors opened again.
Jack entered first, with Luke directly behind him. Jesper and Nicole followed, then Jacob, Timo, Jonas and Arseny. Jack stopped so abruptly that Luke nearly walked into his back.
Neither of them said anything at first, they just stared at you, Jack’s face had gone pale. Luke looked as though he had forgotten how to breathe. You had never seen either of them so quiet
“They came?” you whispered. Nico looked toward them “Of course they came.”
Jack reached you first.He stopped a few feet away, his hands flexing uselessly at his sides, for once, he had no joke, no sarcastic comment, nothing “You’re alive,” he said as his voice broke on the last word.
Your eyes filled again “I’m sorry.”
Jack shook his head sharply, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around you. The hug was almost as desperate as Nico’s had been. Jack buried his face against your shoulder, holding you so tightly that you felt his uneven breathing “You’re such an idiot,” he whispered.
“I know.”
“I hate you.”
“I know.”
“I don’t hate you.” His voice cracked.
“I know.”
Luke joined before Jack let go, wrapping both arms around the two of you, for a moment, you were trapped between them. Luke’s hand gripped the back of your coat “You could’ve called,” he murmured.
“I couldn’t.”
“You could’ve sent one word.”
“I’m sorry.”
Luke pulled back enough to look at you, his eyes were red “Next time, send a period. Send anything. Just let us know you’re there.”
Your mouth trembled “Okay.”
Nicole was crying openly by the time she reached you. Amanda carefully passed Clark to Jacob before pulling you against her chest again and kissing the side of your head. Jesper squeezed your shoulder. Timo looked at you for several seconds, then nodded as though reassuring himself you were truly there.
Jonas released a deep breath “You scared us.”
“I’m sorry.”
Arseny stood slightly apart from the group. His eyes were red, and his hands were pushed deep into the pockets of his jacket. You looked at him “I’m sorry I didn’t answer your messages.”
He frowned “You see messages?”
You nodded “All of them.”
“And no answer?”
“I didn’t know what to say.”
Arseny stepped closer “You say i'm alive.”
Your face crumpled “I’m sorry.”
He shook his head and wrapped his arms around you with such suddenness that you almost lost your balance.
“You family,” he said firmly against your hair. “Family answer.”
A wet laugh escaped you.
“I’ll answer next time.”
“No next time.” His broken English made several people laugh through their tears. You held him tighter for a moment “Okay. No next time.” When Arseny released you, Nico immediately reached for your hand again.
You glanced toward the hallway “My father is still inside.”
“Do you want to go back in?” Nico asked, you swallowed “I don’t know.”
“That’s okay.”
“My mother will be there.”
“You don’t have to see her.”
“She’ll say I’m cruel.”
Nico squeezed your hand “She can say whatever she wants. That doesn’t make it true.” Amanda stepped closer “And you’re not going in there alone.”
You looked around at everyone who had spent five days searching for you. At Nicole’s tear-streaked face. At Jack and Luke hovering close, both of them still watching you as though they were afraid to blink.
At Clark resting sleepily in Jacob’s arms. At Arseny watching you carefully from beside Timo. At Amanda, who had refused to let you run even when you begged her not to call. At Nico, whose hand had not left yours since he arrived.
For the first time, you let yourself consider that perhaps love did not have to feel like fear. Maybe love could look like people searching every street they knew. Maybe it could look like a mother balancing her sick child on her hip while refusing to let you disappear again.
Maybe it could sound like broken English saying, You family. Maybe it could look like Jack Hughes with tears in his eyes and no joke left to hide behind. Maybe it could be Nico holding your face with shaking hands because he had spent five days believing he might never touch you again.
“I want to go home,” you whispered, Nico’s shoulders dropped with relief “Okay.”
“But I need help.” The admission frightened you almost as much as returning, Nico nodded immediately “We’ll find help.”
“I don’t want to keep doing this.”
“You don’t have to do it alone.”
You looked at him carefully “Are you sure?” Nico lifted your hand and pressed his lips against your knuckles “Five minutes at a time,” he whispered.
Your eyes filled again “Five minutes at a time.”
You still didn’t know how to believe that so many people could love you, Not yet.
The voices your parents had placed inside your head were loud, deeply rooted and cruel. But as Nico led you toward the exit, surrounded by the people who had refused to stop looking for you, another voice began to emerge beneath them.
Quieter, kinder, persistent.
Maybe they loved you because you were useful. Maybe they loved you because you were always smiling. Maybe they loved you because you made their lives easier.
Can I possible get 🍦 ❛ if you called just to get off on my voice, i’m hanging up. ❜ with our favorite Swiss boy Nico👀
this turned out being way sweeter than intended and not really sexy at all😭I do apologise for that but thank you for requesting!🫶🏽
50. "if you called just to get off on my voice, i'm hanging up."
.
You were in the middle of dinner when your phone rang.
You were fully prepared to let it ring to voicemail, let it be something you dealt with after dinner with the extended family that came to visit for the week. But then your eyes caught the name on the screen, your heart skipped a beat and you were standing and waving off your family’s concern as you quickly slipped out onto the patio as you answered the call.
“Is everything okay?”
A breathy laugh echoed through your ear, one that made it a little harder to calm your pounding heart. “Always so worried about me.”
“You called me when it’s, like, three in the morning over there,” you shot back at him. “Sue me for being concerned.”
“It’s cute,” Nico assured you, a soft yawn following his words. “I like that you worry about me. I worry about you too.”
You leaned against the railing, glancing through the window at the sight of your family trying—and failing—to subtly watch you back. “So you called me in the middle of the night in Switzerland to tell me you worry about me? I’m honoured, Nico.”
“No, no. That’s not…” He trailed off, as though his actions were starting to catch up with him. “That wasn’t why. M’sorry if I worried you.”
It was funny, when you thought about it. Somewhere after a third situationship with a wannabe athlete in college, you swore you would never date one again. You would never be involved with them. Hell, you wouldn’t give them the time of day.
Then, you moved to New Jersey, bumped into a cute Swiss hockey player after a horrible shift at work and suddenly found yourself sharing his bed more often than not. Whilst the two of you continued to insist to the people around you both that you were just friends.
Just friends who tended to fuck and apparently called each other up in the middle of the night when they were thousands of miles away.
“If you called just to get off on my voice, I’m hanging up,” you teased softly, grinning to yourself when it had the desired effect of making him laugh through the phone and breaking whatever lingering tension was between you.
You could hear the smile in his voice. “Well, if you are offering…”
“Not this time, Hischier.”
“So next time instead?”
“Nico,” you said in a softer voice, turning away from the window like that would somehow give you privacy from the peering looks from your family. “Are you really okay?”
“Yeah,” he whispered, soft and sweet and a little weary. “Just…couldn’t sleep. And I really missed you, just wanted to hear your voice. We’ve only been messaging since the season ended so…”
You bit back your grin. “You missed me?”
“Yeah,” he said, sounding so sure of himself that it reminded you just why you kept yourself involved with him. Whilst your college athlete situationships would be full of uncertainty and half-assed comments, Nico always seemed to make it clear exactly what he wanted and what he was thinking. Except for the friends thing, apparently. “Might miss you more than hockey.”
“Now you’re just trying to butter me up so I’ll help you get off the next time you phone,” you mused, your face softening a little when you heard his laughs get interrupted by a loud yawn. “I miss you too.”
“Maybe—” He paused for a moment, and you could envision the little crease between his brows as he thought hard. “Maybe you could visit?”
You froze.
“Or like,” he carried on, a hint of nerves sounding in his voice. It almost knocked you on your ass just how unsure he sounded. It was a side to Nico you had never heard before, a side so different to that quiet confidence you associated with him. “I could maybe come a bit earlier? I was gonna fly over before preseason anyways but maybe—”
“I would love that,” you interrupted before he could fully start spiralling across the ocean from you. “I’ve always wanted to visit Switzerland.”
He let out a bated breath. “I’ll be the best tour guide.”
“I have high expectations,” you told him, briefly glancing back over your shoulder to see the anxious expression on your mother’s face. “Look, I have to head back to dinner now but I’ll send you my ticket details in the morning, yeah?”
“Yeah,” he murmured, sounding unbelievably soft. “Goodnight, schatz. I’ll see you soon.”
warnings: established relationship, reader is a connor bedard hater, suggestive, willmack mentions, use of y/n, fraser being the cutest little cutie patootie
note: thinking of doing toxic fwb!macklin soon thoughts and feelings on that??
head canon: Charlie Dalton and Knox Overstreet are both snapchat warriors…Charlie uses it for the filters and to send funny life updates on his private story (which despite being private has about 200 people on it), whereas Knox uses it basically like a dating app. he spends his life asking 'wyll' (which makes the other poets cringe so hard), but he stopped after he actually got catfished and was in serious danger for a moment…whoops..
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