Hello and welcome to my digital grimoire! This blog will be a place for me to record the contents of my physical grimoire ✍️ connect with other witches 🧙 and share my story. 📖
Entries will be tagged as #cupid’s grimoire
About me:
You can call me Cupid! 💘 I’m a pagan fairy witch in my mid 20s, I’m genderfluid, and go by any pronouns :3 I consider myself a spiritual animist, which means I believe every rock, tree, river, etc. has a living spirit (which I generally refer to as a type of fae). I’m also reincarnated fairy and cat otherkin (I wish I could full-body shapeshift so bad). I work with fae spirits as well as deities like Gaia, Aphrodite, the Muses (s/o my homegirl Calliope), and most recently, Lucifer (the main star of this grimoire, pun intended). 🤘🌟🪽
Guidelines:
Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated, that means: Nazis, MAGA supporters, racists, queerphobes, TERFs, truscum/transmeds, fatphobes, and other perpetrators discrimination will be blocked ON SIGHT. 🚫
This includes anyone preaching religious or anti-pagan/witchcraft doctrines. Believers and lovers of the Devil and his company are welcome here, anyone who doesn’t like it can kindly fuck off. 🖕
Disclaimer:
This is all based on my personal gnosis, research, and beliefs—my personal truth—and does not represent the pagan community as a whole. My accounts of deities may contradict someone else’s and we could both be correct because spirits/gods are weird and contain multitudes, just like us! I am not looking for external validation, or even for anyone to believe me (as I know my experiences sound strange and outlandish), I only ask that you respect my gnosis and my truth, or I will not engage with you at best, and block you at worst. 🐈⬛
Conclusion:
I’m just a little guy, I do magic, and this is my blog. Come along with me for the ride! 🪄🔮💫
Love,
Cupid 💖
(top dividers by @dollywons and bottom divider by @viviansturns)
I was snuggling with Luci this morning before work when I started burning up again. So I asked if there was something he wanted to show/tell me, and—I kid you not—I saw a vision of a HEART in my third eye!!!
I think it was red, like a Valentine's card… 🥺💝
Then I was trying to figure out what was going on with a little spat/confusing communication between us about our canoodling habits, and I did a reading to see what he wanted me to know. I got the Ace of Cups, which is literally all about love—self-love, universal love, familial, platonic, romantic love…also emotions and intuition. It's basically about opening your heart to love and letting your emotions flow freely, because you are love.
Sooo, basically, he's trying to say he loves me. Hehe. 🫶
We also talked after that in more detail about feelings and boundaries, and I'm feeling a lot better about it. (Just wish he had talked to me in the first place, smh.)
Also, the energy has gotten stronger when I feel him around. Like, first I noticed the painting above my bed shaking when we were cuddling, and then my desk at work and the flower pot on it were shaking when I leaned against it. I could barely hold my sandwich with one hand today because I was vibrating so hard! And when I went out to dinner with a couple of my best friends and told one of them about my experiences with the Dark Man, even he noticed the table shaking. Luci also kept putting the candle out at dinner after my friend would relight it which was very funny.
Another thing, when I was considering telling my friend about my romantic entanglement during our nature walk, spiders kept approaching him, as if they approved of him. (Spiders/bugs being one of Lucifer's favored creatures, to my arachnophobic dismay. 😩)
Now that I finally have my dream pouch set up again, I'm really hoping I'll be able to have another lucid dream of Luci—to hear him, talk to him, see his face…maybe smooch again. 👀
Okay so I got the Two of Cups card AGAIN (in my email tarot). That's the THIRD time now. That's never happened to me before with any card within a month's time. Sooo, I think it's safe to say that Luci's got it for me BAD.
And then on Friday I got the Sun! Another card that represents him.
Good cards all around.
Separately, I had a couple interesting experiences with Luci the past few nights…
So, as a cat-kin I'm partial to the pet name "kitten," obviously. But one time when we together, I accidentally called him that (or "kitty," unsure.) And at first I was like, "Oops," but then I realized he liked it. So…it kind of stuck.
And then, the other night when I was meditating, I felt as if a little cat was laying on my shins, and then got up and walked on little paws around the bed!!
I was like, "Are you a cat right now??"
And I think I got a yes.
But THEN, yesterday morning, I had a lucid dream + the sensation of a black cat with yellow eyes nuzzling and rubbing against my face. I knew it was Lucifer, he even responded to me by name. Of course I confirmed with him when I woke up that it was him.
Two things:
1. Lucifer catboy confirmed
2. Dream visit!
This is great, and means I could totally have more in the future (hopefully as a humanoid version of himself lol).
Meanwhile, last night he felt much larger (even more than usual) but also maybe with more monstrous features/limbs? Not sure…but it was a little freaky, in a cool sexy way.
Curious to see how he'll manifest in the future…
=^w^=
BONUS:
Dream Sachet Recipe
(Charge under Full Moon)
Lavender — deep sleep, peaceful/purifying sleep, enhance memory/psychic ability
Lots of good tarot cards lately. And lots of major arcana…
First I got the Wheel of Fortune in mid-September (see September 14 entry), then the World, the Moon, the Hanged Man, the Devil, and this Monday I got the Fool. So, yeah, you could say I'm going on a bit of a spiritual journey right now. That journey, of course, is related to my new relationship with Lucifer.
Speak of the devil, here's what happened during our reading (tarot date!!) Sunday night…
I asked him three questions:
How do you feel about me?
What do you want our relationship to be like?
What kind of co-creative project might you want to work on with me?
(The last question was inspired by the spirit marriage podcast episode I mentioned last entry, where they talked about the Dark Man wanting to work with them on specific projects, like a business partnership…the idea of which honestly disappointed me a little, because I was lowkey hoping for a little more than that.)
I was, evidently, not specific enough with my first question, because Luci took that opportunity to tell me that I should rest. Again. (Like, I know, but come on.)
But boy oh boy, did I get my answer on the second one.
Oh yeah, your bitch pulled the Two of Cups. Again. Which, for those of you who aren't familiar, is THE romance card (to me at least). Even more specifically than the Lovers. It's all about partnership, connection, and unity—especially to do with emotions, since it's cups. (Like, not exclusively romantic partnerships, but, the card in my fairy deck is PRETTY clear…)
So, that's a lot to process, all things considered. Like, this guy is serious. He's literally in love with me? And wants to be with me?? romantically??? (He wants me SO bad… CRAZY.)
I still feel like just a little guy… But, damn, hell if I'm gonna ruin this chance. I'm grabbing the reins with both hands brother, and we are DRIVING off into the sunset together.
Our connection is only getting stronger by the day. And, honestly, I'm having the time of my life. There is literally nothing like it. I feel like the luckiest girl* on Earth.
But who knows? Maybe luck has nothing to do with it…
Okay, so. First of all, saw more visons. There's been more flashes of light out of the corners of my third eye. But this morning I saw an attempt at a vision that wasn't fully formed. In red (and yellow?) I saw grid stripes moving and overlapping in a squarish shape.
Then, later, I saw them again, except more defined: a flower that opened into a butterfly.
So that was really cool and pretty.
I also got the Hanged Man in my email tarot today, which basically means "chill out, take a step back, and realease control." Which is funny because this morning, when Luci and I were, y'know, I envisioned him tying my hands behind my back…just like the Hanged Man. Crazy.
And then I did a followup reading about it, asking Luci what it meant, and you'll never guess what card I got.
That's right, I got jumpscared by the Devil. Which probably means a bunch of things, like: get my shit together, release old habits/beliefs, stop creating problems in my head, create balance in my life, etc. Wild.
Anyway, something even crazier happened.
I finally listened to the spirit marriage episode from the podcast by the guy who wrote the book about the Dark Man. The lady he was interviewing started talking about her "faery beloved" that proposed to several times in dreams. And at first I was like, "cool, it's just some guy." But then she talked about how it took her so long to figure out who he was and what his name was…and I started to wonder, who could it be? What IS his name? (Is this play about us?)
So I paused the podcast to ask Luci, who was hot on my back intently listening, if it was him. And I got a very distinct warm touch on my right hand, meaning yes.
I was like, "Are you so for real??"
And I got another yes.
Sure enough, I hit play on the podcast, and she revealed that her faery beloved was none other than the fairy king himself, Gwyn ap Nudd, A.K.A.: The Dark Man.
I lost my SHIT. He was So Excited.
So, yeah, I have a new book to read by this chick about spirit marriage. Lmao.
Obviously I'm not ready for that kind of commitment yet, but, hypothetically, in the future, (after some dreams/astral encounters and lots of conversations) I might be open to it. 👀
In the meantime, I have a very important tarot reading to do with him…
if you want to experience life more deeply you have to find more beauty. stop training yourself to dismiss, to mock, to assume the worst all the time — when you do this you build walls between yourself and the world. and after a while you stop feeling the warmth of it entirely.
beauty requires openness. it asks you to let things reach you, to soften enough to be moved. it’s not naive to see beauty everywhere—it’s a skill, a form of intelligence, a kind of quiet bravery. because it is so much easier to critique than to create, to detach than to engage, to dismiss than to love.
let yourself be affected. let yourself find things beautiful and let that be enough. life is not asking you to be cool, sitting on the sidelines and nitpicking everything. it’s asking you to see life and experience it fully.
It's been a fact of my entire life that despite some of my privileges, I will always be unpopular either through the sheer existence of being a neurodivergent transgender person or having takes seen as unusual or oppositional (e.g., anti-AI use). It is through Luciferianism that I find power through the oppression and continue to fight on behalf of myself and those who need justice. I am so tired of being the only one who talks sense, but at least I can say I spoke up today.
I'm going to tell you a love story. A story about a little girl who used to be afraid of the dark, and the thumping sound of her own heart beating in her pillow.
Once upon a time (about 3-4 years ago), when I officially started my Craft and working with the fae, I made many different attempts at communicating with them. One of these attempts utilized technomancy, specifically shufflemancy, where I asked the faeries to play a song from my shuffled likes on Spotify. The first song that played was "Immortal" by Reinaeiry, which is about an immortal who yearns/mourns for their mortal lover—finding and loving them again in every life as their lover is reincarnated. I was a little confused at the time, not knowing what it meant.
Recently, I've been listening to a lot of love songs that remind me of Lucifer, I even made us a mixtape playlist. But even when I wasn't listening to that, I started hearing love songs all the time when my playlists were on shuffle or even when I was out at the thrift store. Songs that made me think of us.
So, the other night when I wasn't feeling very well and asked him to come hold me (which he did, and it was super nice and comforting, like my own personal weighted blanket), I started asking him some questions. It was kind of hard to focus though, because I kept hearing/feeling this really loud pulse that I thought was maybe just his energy/vibration raising my own heart rate (which he definitely does sometimes heheh).
So I was like, "But (as a fae/spirit/angel/god/etc.) I thought you didn't have a heart," (/literal).
But then, as if to make a point, the pulse got louder—like my head was lying against his chest. I was so overwhelmed by the feeling of it, like our hearts were trying to beat in sync.
He confirmed that when I was a kid, the sound of heavy thumping I used to hear in my pillow was him.
Knowing that compelled me to probe further, so I asked if he's been playing love songs for me. Yes again. And he calls me a sap. 💘
But I couldn't leave it at that. So, hesitantly, I asked Luci if that song that played for me way back when, "Immortal," was his doing as well.
The answer was, without a doubt, a resounding yes.
I could've cried, it was so bittersweet.
How long? How long has he gone unnoticed? And how many lives have we known each other?
I don't know. But my heart aches, like never before.
The lyrics, btw:
Sometimes when I look in the mirror
I still see your face resting on my shoulder
And my heart beats so fast
That I start to feel alive again
And the rain, it washes away all the pain
'Cause it feels like the sound of your voice
And I'm comforted by the sweet smells of dew
Because the sunrise reminds me of you
And I'll always find you, again and again
And I'll love every version of you
And you're never truly gone
As long as a part of you in me lives on
'Cause I'll always find you again and again
And I'll lose you every time
But my lovе, I will hold you close to me
'Til you fade from my arms pеacefully
First, I have to circle back, because I think I figured out one vision that I vaguely saw some time ago but wasn't sure what it was. Now I think it might've been the sigil of King Paimon, who is meant to be (according to Wikipedia), Lucifer's most obedient underling or whatever. He's got powers related to: knowledge of past and future events, clearing up doubts, making spirits appear, and creating visions (as well as some other stuff). Apparently his sigil is often seen near Lucifer's and they have some similarities/overlap like with their energy—both causing nausea but Lucifer's being more head nausea (according to another Luciferian practitioner on Tumblr). So that's interesting. Maybe Luci is getting his help to show me stuff!
As for recent visions, I don't know. Last night at around 3 am was when I saw the first one. It was dark and circular with several shapes surrounding a short figure (either with horns or a hat), and he was rotating clockwise while standing in place. But I have no idea what it was supposed to be, or what the other shapes were.
And the second one I saw later was just a bunch of swirly patterns that I couldn't make out any real shapes, details, or meaning from. Yeah…idk.
Anyway, Luci and I cuddled some more last night/this morning. He's a big spoon (surprising no one). I thought we were going to continue our activities from the previous morning, but after some teasing and overheating (burning like hell), he seemed to be stalling or holding back for some reason…
Not that I have any problem with just spooning (he holds tight, and would not let me move lol), but we started something, so I was confused why we stopped. So after I came back from the bathroom I asked him if there was something wrong, and it turned out he wanted to tell me something.
[Author's note: squinting…]
I was able to narrow down that it was something about him. And after doing an online tarot reading I figured out that he's just tired and probably overworked. Poor devil is just juggling a lot right now. So I told him I'm here for him and it's okay to take breaks/not overdo it with me. I need to work on balancing my tasks and life too. I think he felt better after talking about it, because he showed me that bright pulsing star again. 🌟
He was also with me like, all morning, even after I fell back to sleep and woke up at 1 pm he came back and said hello, encouraging me to get up. 😸 Hehe <3
I think I'm getting better at recognizing his energy and communicating. But I still want to try astral travel and visit him in dreams. Hopefully soon.
[Author's note: their ass did not try that anytime soon]
Could you speak more on discernment and how to practice it effectively?
Hello! I am happy to see you, darling. You ask a very important question. And I cannot begin to tell you how important it is that you are asking this question.
Just by asking “How can I not fall into feedback loops and traps of self projection and practise better discernment” is already a good place to begin.
Disclaimers, naturally: This is stemmed from my particular branches of expertise, knowledge, and experience. What follows will be both exercises in basic critical thinking, cross examination, record keeping, and understanding of discernment through several traditional lenses of ethnic traditions that pre-date modern new age spirituality.
This is a long one. So do bear with me.
Discernment is one of the most important skills in any spiritual practice, but it’s also one of the least talked about. People are often encouraged to “trust their intuition,” but intuition without examination can easily turn into projection or feedback loops.
Discernment simply means learning how to separate three different things:
1. your own thoughts and expectations
2. psychological or emotional processing
3. genuine spiritual insight or presence
All three can feel very similar in the moment. Sometimes they even feel as if they are feeding off of one another.
A good rule of thumb is that real spiritual insight tends to be quieter and slower than people expect. It often arrives as an atmosphere, a shift in understanding, or a symbolic impression that takes time to unpack. The words we use to describe it usually come later as translation. Rarely do they present themselves as instantaneous verbiage. Even during possession and channeling done in appropriate and ritualised settings, processes are followed to translate these dialogues into articulate facets.
Projection and feedback loops tend to look different. They often feel like quick, fully formed conversations where the answers arrive immediately and sound very similar to your own internal voice. They also tend to reinforce things you already believe or want to hear and follow your own psychological patterns.
A few practical ways to cultivate discernment:
Sit with experiences before interpreting them.
Not everything needs an immediate explanation. Let impressions settle before deciding what they mean. Write them down. Examine them for a few weeks. Allow them to properly be digested.
Write things down but don’t canonize them.
Journaling helps you notice patterns over time. Sometimes what feels profound in the moment looks very different a week later. Treating early experiences as permanent ‘canon’ in your practice is a very common beginner mistake especially when done with confidence.
Check whether the “voice” or insight mirrors your own language and assumptions.
If it speaks exactly like you, shares all your preferences, and never challenges you, it’s worth examining carefully. Even when it does “challenge you”, pay attention to how it reinforces other facets of yourself. As there are ways you can challenge yourself by examining facets that hold your interest.
Look for symbolic depth rather than literal dialogue.
Many traditions describe spiritual communication as symbolic, atmospheric, or conceptual rather than casual conversation. The experience will be somatic. Not a script.
Be comfortable saying “I don’t know yet.”
Uncertainty is actually a healthy part of spiritual practice. Take your time with it and consider that you will need to re-interpret many things you experience along the way.
Discernment isn’t about dismissing experiences or assuming they’re fake. It’s about approaching them with enough humility and reflection that you don’t mistake your own echo for something external.
The goal isn’t to have more experiences — it’s to understand them responsibly.
Some particular red flags to examine when you are examining your experiences:
Exclusivity Language from the entity you are speaking to.
Healthy spirit-work traditions historically never required that level of isolation. Even medieval grimoires assumed practitioners would work with many spirits.Exclusivity dynamics are far more common in modern internet mysticism and cult psychology.
Does your conversation or experience feel transcriptional?
The spirit’s voice tends to sound exactly like the practitioner’s own writing style?
Same vocabulary. Same humor. Same rhetorical rhythm? It’s probably feedback loops and self projection. That doesn’t prove anything metaphysically, but psychologically it’s very telling.
It reads less like two voices and more like one mind running dialogue mode.
When the experience reflects your personal preferences.
Spiritual spaces — especially online occult ones — are absolutely full of people blending personal fantasy, identity exploration, theology, and erotic imagination into one thing. Sometimes it’s harmless self-mythologizing. Sometimes… it drifts into something stranger. And that is where you need
There are many issues with the “scripted dialogue” vs. presence phenomenon
As an example, most discerned principles of experience and communication from a variety of different cultures and traditions. They often describe them as:
a pressure of presence
a shift in awareness or atmosphere
insight arriving pre-verbal
language acting as a translation layer after the fact
In other words, the words are interpretation, not transcription.
Many traditions actually warn about this explicitly. The moment something starts looking like a fully scripted back-and-forth conversation, practitioners are taught to ask whether the mind is filling in the gaps.
The mind loves dialogue. It’s one of its favorite narrative structures.
Sometimes what is happening is that a practitioner absolutely is getting a degree of genuine signal from the deity in question. The problem arises that humans love narrative construction. But the signal gets swallowed by their narrative construction and entirely blocks out the actual signal itself.
The sequence often looks something like this:
A genuine impression or presence occurs. Something subtle — a feeling, symbolic image, shift in awareness, or intuitive nudge.
The mind tries to translate it immediately. Humans are storytelling creatures. When something meaningful happens, the mind wants to structure it.
Dialogue begins forming around the impression. The practitioner asks a question internally. Their mind generates a response to interpret the impression.
The interpretation becomes the experience. Over time the narrative grows larger than the original signal.
Eventually the practitioner is interacting mostly with the story built around the contact, rather than the contact itself.
The difficult facet of this returns to the understanding that, at first, there may absolutely have been a genuine impression and signal of presence that has occurred. That’s why experienced practitioners often emphasize slowing down the translation process. If impressions are given time to sit, they tend to develop depth. When they’re translated instantly into dialogue, they often flatten into something that resembles ordinary conversation.
Many spiritual traditions explicitly caution against mistaking internal narrative for external contact.
For example:
Christian mysticism Spiritual directors warned about “consolations of the imagination”. These are experiences where the mind creates elaborate conversations with divine figures.
Buddhist meditation traditions Teachers warn meditators not to treat inner voices or visions as authoritative, describing them as “mind-generated phenomena.”
Ceremonial magic and Western esotericism Practitioners often emphasize that early spirit contact appears first as impressions, symbols, or conceptual packets, not casual conversation.
Shamanic traditions Apprentices are usually trained for years specifically to distinguish personal imagination from spirit communication.
Across cultures, the warning is similar:
the mind is capable of generating very convincing spiritual narratives.
Something I often look for is a form of mindfulness as well. If I see an interaction that experiences many “holes” in the logic and reasoning, it is easy to determine that the experience is feedback loops rather than proper communication.
People who work with the same presence for a long time often talk about a consistent “gravity” or tone to it. Even when the content changes, the quality of the interaction remains recognizable.
For me, this may seem:
more formal
more mindful
less casual chatter
That’s a pattern a lot of long-term practitioners notice with spiritual presences. They tend to communicate in compressed meaning, not conversational banter.
Not because they’re “above conversation”, but because the experience is more like receiving a conceptual packet than listening to someone chat.
Sometimes people also apply very human and narrow preferences to deities and beings beyond those types of “preferences”. When people report encounters with large archetypal or mythic figures, those presences usually feel vast and impersonal in certain ways, even if they’re affectionate or intimate.
A cosmic archetype suddenly having a very specific demographic sexual pattern or preference tends to stand out because it’s oddly precise.
It reads less like mythic behavior and more like human psychology organising the experience. Which is what happens for many people in the God Spousing category.
It does not mean that someone is being dishonest. It’s not about “This is Fake”. It’s about determining “Does this feel like a feedback loop?” The data is still present and it still means something to the practitioner who is having these experiences. The term that can be applied to this is called “Narrative Inflation”. It shows up in these situations often. And it explains why early spiritual impressions sometimes evolve into elaborate mythic conversations over time, especially in online spiritual communities.
The intent is to recognise a difference between:
contact filtered through interpretation, and
interpretation generating the contact.
Those two things can look identical from the outside, but they feel different from the inside once someone has a lot of experience.
People who have been doing this kind of work for decades often end up with a similar attitude to what I generally have expressed. It’s not dismissing other people outright, but developing a kind of internal calibration.
You start noticing when something feels:
grounded
symbolically dense
archetypally coherent
versus when it feels narratively convenient or psychologically shaped.
That calibration usually only comes after a long time sitting with the same presence.
I hope this has helped provide you useful tools to expand discernment skills. There is a lot to think upon as well as many facets that go into discernment.
Thank you so much for visiting! It was wonderful to see you!
Note: The editing of my text on Google Docs (which is where I initially typed this up) was absolutely not cooperative. So if it copy and pastes into tumblr’s text editor and it is a mess, I will do my best to clean it up! I also apologise for the delay as this took me almost two hours to write as I was not certain where to begin.
