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💙💜💖 Iri- you’re going to be forcibly attacked by whatever I’m into right now 26 They/She Bi

[purple-1995]

[obiwan]

THE LAST OF US - #It’s just deer meat

[nicehatgeorgia]

The two year-old is now a solid two and a half. Just now, he was sitting on the couch playing with his pretend flip phone and he frowned and said “for gods sake. My battery is empty.”

The other day at breakfast I asked him if he was going to eat any more of his oatmeal and he said “no, I think I’m just gonna move on with my life.”

[nicehatgeorgia]

Today we were walking along and he asked me “How many Octobers is it today?” I told him it was the 21st. 

He tried a bite of his hot soup at dinner and made a face and said “Mama, my soup is a little too temperature for me.”

[nicehatgeorgia]

Upon being served 1% milk for the first time, instead of his regular 2%: “is this water?”

Me: “no, it’s milk”

Kid: “but are you sure?”

[nicehatgeorgia]

Came up to me the other day, the middle of his pants totally soaked, and said “mama, I’m having a situation called ‘I peed in my pants.’”

[nicehatgeorgia]

I don’t think I even told you guys about the six months he spent saying “fuck” instead of “truck.”

[the-emblematic]

I have to laugh at the folks in the notes claiming this is fake because “no 2-yr old is that advanced”. My guys, I work at a daycare almost exclusively with 2-3 year olds and let me tell you some of the wild shit I heard this last week alone,

“Uhhh, i ASSUME we’re going to the playground soon??” -2.5 year old girl

“[3 year old boy] pushed me because he doesn’t have a manners.” -2 yr old girl

“Did you spill your water?” “No no no no it’s not a concern” -2 yr old boy (while running away, dripping wet)

Kids are hilarious and smarter than you think

[catgirlcaliphate]

If you don’t have a lot of interactions with young children:

Kids are smarter than you think

Six months makes a really big difference when that is 1/5 of the total time you’ve been alive

[thewrittenpost]

All this, and also, they can tell you lots about their favorite things. My 2 year old nephew can tell you all about Star Wars (the 8 movies he’s seen at least) and loves going out of his way to bring up how Anakin was good and bad and good again when he died. Trust me, little kids learn and mimic and reenact all the things they get attached to. Also, he named his first fish Jengo Fett, and all following fish Boba Fett, so juries still out on how much he understands clones.

[atreefullofstars]

Kids pick up the language that’s used around and to them. Mannerisms too. They are tiny, efficient mimics and it will come out at the WEIRDEST times. Young kids will ABSOLUTELY say all the stuff listed here.

[bundibird]

My cousin was somewhere between two and three, and I’d just arrived at her house, and she’s animatedly telling me a story of some kind, and I listen as I make my way through the house, get to the couch, and kick my shoes off. She stops dead in the middle of her sentence, puts her hands on her hips, levels me with a glare the likes of which I haven’t seen since, and goes, “WHAT are they doing there? Do you think the box at the front door is for DECORATION?”

Her mum, standing in the kitchen and watching all this, was GOBSMACKED. Apparently she said that exact phrase more often than she realised, and her kid had picked it up verbatim and started using it on unsuspecting guests (me).

(I got up and put my shoes in the box at the front door immediately)

[lasrina]

My family’s lore includes the time my mother offhandedly said to Cousin’s son–who was maybe five–that Cousin’s wife certainly did have strong opinions about some minor thing, and the kid let out a sigh and said, in the driest and flattest and most world-weary tone you’ve ever heard, “Tell me about it.”

[mod2amaryllis]

once i was helping with a class of 3 year olds and during drawing time one girl asked for a lion, specifically a lioness. i drew it and she just looked in silence so thinking she wanted a more liony lion i was like “do you want me to draw a boy lion next?” and she gives me this 🤨ass affronted look and says “umm she doesn’t NEED a man.”

[aqueerkettleofish]

Kids will do three things reliably:

Repeat what they’ve heard, incorrectly and/or in the wrong context, to comic effect

Repeat what they’ve heard in exactly the correct context, which is somehow even funnier

Casually knock you on your ass with some offhand, but utterly profound, original statement

[he-said-irene]

My summer, 2021

Inspired by this tweet

[totopopopo]

As you all know. I work at an elementary school. And for Christmas, a bunch of kids got tamagotchis. Well. One girl fucking FORGOT her tamagotchi at school. And I saw it and was like oh fuck. So I took it home for the weekend and now am saddled with the responsibility of keeping it alive until Monday afternoon when I see her again.

[totopopopo]

Not this damn tamagotchi setting off an alarm at fucking 1am because it "pooped" and I need to press buttons to clean it up 😭 there's NO WAY of turning this thing off. Avielle is lucky I've committed myself to taking care of it this weekend. Next time a kid forgets their tamagotchi at school I'm letting it die idc idc

[totopopopo]

I’m locking it in the bathroom overnight idc the fact that it keeps going off for no reason is insane whoever invented these needs to go to jail

[totopopopo]

[totopopopo]

I can’t clean its poop while it’s asleep so it’s just sleeping in a pile of it’s own shit rn … why is this enjoyable??

[totopopopo]

This fucking thing is like. Nocturnal. It’s slept ALL DAY like it won’t STOP SLEEPING in a pile of shit and there’s nothing I can do to wake it up which like, that’s fine except it’s going to wake up at night and start beeping at me!!!!! How am I supposed to take care of it when it literally is only awake at night???? I have a morning shift tomorrow I can’t stay up until 3 am to feed this fucking pixel beast!!! But also I swore to myself that I wouldn’t let avielle’s beloved tamagotchi die so I guess this is just my life now

[totopopopo]

Tamagotchi UPDATE because a lot of people are saying they’re invested in how this plays out.

After, i shit you not, OVER THIRTEEN HOURS of sleep, the tamagotchi finally woke up at 9:18pm, which I was made aware of because it beeped loudly at me. For context, I am at my SECOND job (not the elementary school, the candy shop where I am currently alone working the closing shift on a Saturday night, which is already not fun.) I investigate and finally clean up the two giant shits that have been sitting on screen for the entire thirteen hour nap. However, the poops are quickly replaced by…. A ghost????

You can’t rly see but it was like. The black blob to the side. Clearly a ghost or possibly skull or black jellyfish. When I try to hit any buttons, the tamagotchi shakes its head violently at me, refusing to eat or play. I can’t get the ghost to leave. A customer walks in and I have to hastily stuff the tamagotchi into my pocket. When I take it out of my pocket, the ghost has gone. I press a bunch of buttons at random until I am able to ascertain that this little fuck is 1. STARVING 2. MISERABLE. Which is NOT MY FAULT, seeing as it was asleep for THE ENTIRE WAKING FUCKING DAY and resisted all attempts to engage with it. I press more buttons, and am able to feed it 5 hamburgers and 2 pieces of cake, which fills it up. It is still deeply unhappy. I am currently standing behind the counter of this stupid candy store on the clock jamming buttons in order to entertain this stupid pixelated asshole enough that it becomes sufficiently happy. So that it doesn’t fucking die of boredom or depression or whatever. The game we play is confusing and involves numbers and pressing buttons at random times. The tamagotchi is very explicit with its attempts to show its frustration at me, but right now it’s 9:32pm and I think it’s satisfied. I’ve been walked in on three times. It keeps beeping at me from my pocket. Long story short:

[totopopopo]

So this tamagotchi is the fucking devil.

11:30pm Saturday night. I’m finally almost done closing the candy store and ready to go home. Since waking up, the tamagotchi has been periodically beeping with an obscene sense of urgency and entitlement, but nothing out of the ordinary. I take a fun mirror selfie (for a later update) with the tamagotchi in the mirror by the front door right before I’m about to leave. I walk away from the mirror.

It fucking shatters.

God fucking help me I am about to lose my shit.

[totopopopo]

Morning update: a very kind person sent me an ask telling me how to hack a pause on this tamagotchi. They also, in a round abour way, told me how to set the time—the eight year old who owns this tamagotchi had it set to the reverse, so the beastie thought it was 9:30pm instead of am, which explains why it was ONLY AWAKE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. I fixed it for her so that it actually has a reasonable sleep schedule, woke up the tamagotchi, cleaned it’s 3 festering poops, got rid of the ghost (which someone else informed me means the tamagotchi is sick, probably from the starvation and the poops), fed it a bunch of hamburgers and cake slices, and got it back to full health and happiness. Now I’m gonna use the pause hack to pause this motherfucker. Yaaaay! Time to feed and walk my actual living dog and then go to work and clean up a shattered mirror 🧍🧍🧍

[totopopopo]

Nothing new to report, I had a long workday so I’m REALLY glad that person gave me the pause hack or it would have died of neglect. To address some of the comments in the notes, 1. yes this kid is worth it I would do it for any of them I love my children even if I fucking hate this tamagotchi 2. @ the person in my notes who said their tamagotchi stressed them so much they destroyed it with a hammer youre my favorite person and that’s hysterical I get it I really do 3. Several people are asking where they can get a tamagotchi and expressing the desire to acquire one and I have to say: if your takeaway from this post is that tamagotchis are fun toys there is something WRONG with you THEY ARE NOT FUN THE MORAL OF THIS POST IS DO NOT GET A TAMAGOTCHI THEY SUCK SO BAD 4. I give this piece of shit back to Avie early tomorrow afternoon thank fucking god I’ve never been more excited to get rid of a thing in my life. Okay that’s all for now thank you for following this journey we are nearing the end. Goodnight from me and atlas and the pixel devil

[totopopopo]

Yoooooo it evolved into a kind of blobular duck thing !!

[totopopopo]

THE TAMAGOTCHI HAS BEEN RETURNED TO ITS RIGHTFUL OWNER!!!!

It was honestly worth it, she was so so surprised and happy and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters to me. I would do anything for these kids for real. But I am also beyond thrilled that that hellspawn is out of my hands. What a harrowing year this past weekend has been. This is my final update—I know a lot of people have become invested, and to those people I say thank you for joining me on this journey. I leave you with this.

[liz-squids]

How was OP posting from 1998?

Please don't tell me that tamagotchi are back, I refuse to hear it.

[kiramartinauthor]

WHY YOU SHOULD WRITE HORRIBLY:

1. You’ll never write anything if you don’t

[gjdraws]

[diazbckley]

If you decided to latch on to Gareth for no good reason like me then you may enjoy my season four rewrite if Gareth got dragged into everything from day one! I’m 4 chapters in so far and plan to at least double that

(For my own self indulgence Eddie and Gareth are as codependent as Robin and Steve)

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[diazbckley]

Pspspspps I finally posted chapter 5!

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[virgoboy]

i just think people should want me carnally even though i never leave the house

[swordlet]

[i-was-today-years-old-when]

i learned that the Animal Planet reality series ‘River Monsters’ ended because star Jeremy Wade was able to catch essentially every exceptionally large freshwater fish species on earth, leaving no remaining content for the show (x)

[r4cs0]

If anyone deserves that “fish fear me” hat is this guy

[knitmeapony]

[poetry-protest-pornography]

A) I love this Tweeter an irrational amount

B) I mean, yes, be careful with food while camping, but who could possibly anticipate a bear having that kind of restaurant loyalty and GPS?

[angrywall]

[timeloopfemme]

having adhd is sooo fun because i get to experience malicious boredom. it's like normal boredom, but it hates u personally and wants to harm u

[theygender]

Nail polish 2 hours after you apply it to your nails intentionally: oh no, a gust of air has lightly accosted me! I have been torn asunder and stricken from my resting place, I must leave this place at once!

Nail polish the millisecond you spill it on something accidentally: the essence of my being has been permanently bonded to this substance since the day I was born—atom to atom, body and soul. you could no sooner remove me from this wooden table than you could remove the ocean from its water

[lawrussoauto-deactivated2023091]

felt the need to share; top gun twitter memes

[icemavs]

[agreatandhonorablesoldier]

incorrect quotes 1/?