[batsandboba]

(climbing through your bedroom window at night) oh don’t worry i’m vaccinated. why are you screaming

[medievalthymes]

i think having a little dragon i could carry around in my pockets would fix all my problems

[anxietyproblem]

[novac]

Solution to this is 2 grow up

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

ok if I make my own version for my experience?

[shesnake]

considering a life of crime so i don’t have to answer emails

[offishly]

"There's millions of Tumblr users" to you. To me There's only about 12 and we all reblog the same five posts from each other

[apple-bottom-jeansx]

I am a WHORE for “the love is requited, they’re both just idiots”

[a-krogan-skald-and-bearsark]

“They are STUPIDLY competent at EVERYTHING except each other.”

[boyfromtazmily]

[mabylc]

me: not today, satan 

satan: you’ve been canceling our plans for weeks now. if it’s something i said, please just tell me

[kristina100000]

[tototavros]

my favorite variant of “really makes you think” is “really donks your kong” and i’m not sure where i got it from but i’m a fan

[queenlohaanda]

my kids: dad what’s for supper? me: ooh hunny i am serving looks tonight kids: we haven’t eaten in 3 days

[plum-soup]

Bus drivers who see you running and open their hole are better public servants than any cop.

[one-venti-neurosis]

their what now?

[confusedbyinterface]

[redchrominance]

their ‘bussy’ you might say

[sugarcoatednightshade]

i might not.

[homietwt]

[unclefather]

[thecommonchick]

me: i've waited 50 years for this

my mom: you're 17

me: i've waited 50 years for this

[twitblr]

Move your feet please (x)

[marisatomay]

Why was Shrek’s soundtrack so incredible like who sat down and decided that a movie about an ogre would have a beautiful Rufus Wainwright ballad followed by a Smash Mouth/Eddie Murphy cover of I’m A Believer and how can I thank them