Gymnast: *double double on floor*
FIG: H
Gymnast: *double double off the beam*
FIG: H
Everyone: Why?
FIG: Dunno.
Gymnast: *wobbles on beam and apparently is off the beam but somehow one molecule of her body is still on the apparatus and saves it*
Judge: “Yuck, -0,5 balance check plus -0,3 for the form plus -0,3 artistry for lack of flow, being disconnected and being a gymnast on beam during the 2017 quad.”
Gymnast: *2 and 3/4 twist into ankle destruction into front tuck but stil facing the wrong way*
Judge: “Totally rotated, indeed”.
Gymnast: *is chinese*
Judge: “Mandatory -0,3 for the nationality”.
Gymnast: *Does front attitude turn*
Rhytmic gymnasts watching: *Have mass seazures*
No one:
Literally no one:
FIG: “Let’s limit the number of teams at Worlds and kill the smaller federations!”
Russian gymnastics fan: “I’m so excited for Worlds!”
Someone: “It’s a pre-olympic year”.
*PTSD enters the chat*
Gymnast: *is a prodigy at age 11*
Gymnast: *is overworked from age 13*
Gymnast: *is worn out at age 15*
Gymnast: *retires at age 17*
Everyone: How?! O:
No one:
Literally no one:
FIG: “Let’s limit the number of gymnasts each federation can bring at post-olympic Worlds to three!”
Simone: *does Amanar*
Tim: “Ooooh man, I bet she could do a quintulle twisting yurchenko right now if she wanted!”
Simone: *does triple double*
Tim: “Ooooh man, she is so powerful she could do the octuple twisting quadruple back!”
Japanese gymnast: “I’m one of the favourites to medal at worlds!”
Japanese federation: “You can’t go. You weren’t ready 10 months ago. You are literally the worst.”
No one:
Literally no one:
FIG: “Let’s do 4 people teams for Olympics! That’s a great idea.”
FIG: "So, this is how the olympic qualification process works: first you have... then you have... but don’t forget about... and there is this exception... and also in case of tie-break... and not less important is... and in the end you have... Questions?“
Normal person: “Sorry, could you repeat in English, please?”
Gymnast: “Coach, how can I increase my D-Score on floor without beeing one of the top5 floor worker in the world?”
Coach: “You don’t.”
Gymnast: “But... there must be something I can do!”
Coach: “What about you throw three or four D leaps that you won’t ever rotate in your lifetime?”
Gymnast: “...not a good idea!”
Coach: “Then do a couple H skills which could probably kill you.”
Gymnast: “...maybe not.”
Coach: “So what about doing crazy connections that could send you to Mars if you mistime your jumps for 0,1 CV?”
Gymnast: “...not today, not tomorrow.”
Coach: “See? Not possible. Now go back to beam and do your ring jumps which would up your D score from 5 to 6,5 even though you have a 0,01% chance to get full credit.”
FIG: *Brings open-ended code of points in 2006 but can’t balance the scores between the four events*
*13 years later*
FIG: *Changed the code 4 times but still can’t balance the scores between the four events”
Judge on vault: “What a beautiful vault. I will give you 9,3 E score for a total of 15,100!”
Judge on bars: “A marvelous exercise with beatiful connections and precise pirouettes. 8,5 E score for a total of 14,700.″
Judges on floor and beam: “13,700.”
Someone: “Did she fall?”
Judge: “No. Actually her routines were some of the best I’ve seen all day!”
Someone: “But... the scores...”
Judge: “What. She got 7,999999 E score on both floor and beam!”
Someone: “Is it so hard to give 8,0+ E scores on beam and floor?”
Judge: “Are you kidding me? SHE PAUSED ON BEAM TO BREATHE SEVERAL TIMES, AND SHE DARED TO ADJUST HERSELF INTO THE CORNER ON FLOOR, MANDATORY DEDUCTIONS YOU KNOW?”
Gymnast in 2017: “I’m ready for worlds!”
Montrehell: “I’m gonna end these gymnasts whole carreers.”
Oleg Vernaiev: “I only have two healthy pieces of body left... help.”
Federation: “We ain’t give you no money”
Oleg: “I’M READY FOR ALL THE COMPETITIONS AND WORLD CUPS, YES I AM. Just wait ‘till I’m all taped up”
Aliya Mustafina: “I only have two healthy pieces of body left... help.”
Valentina Rodionenko: “Come one, take Oleg as an example and come to worlds.”
Aliya: “No.”
Valentina: “Retired.”
Romania as a whole: “I only have two healthy pieces of body left... help.”
Federation: *calls Ponor* “Let’s negotiate.”
Svetlana Khorkina: “Oh. My. Gosh. She is soooo beutiful like, she is the best person that ever existed in this mediocre world. Like guuurl, look at those perfect legs and those damn elegant arms. Dayum is she fine. No one will be so perfect evah, not even Simone Biles, ya know, that loser poser. Nu-uhh, the real deal even has a big ass statue.”
Person: “Who are you talking about?”
Svetlana: “Oh, you silly. Ya should know better, I’m talking about her majesty Svetlana Khorkina, who else?”
Person: “I prefer Aliy...”
Svetlana: “NU-UUUUUUUH, EXCUUUUSE ME, DON’T YA DARE, NOT IN MY HOUSE.”
Person: “...we are outside!”
Svetlana: “THE WHOLE RUSSIA IS MY HOUSE, MY REIGN, YOU PEASANT!”