Professional Functional Adult Impersonator

why must I choose between my responsibilities and video games

[fairycosmos]

fucked that you can’t fix other people especially when you really care about them. Oh so im just supposed to be there for you while you suffer. like a useless cunt gargoyle

[asthedeathoflight]

My favorite quirk of American English is that since we're constantly exaggerating, sometimes it's more intense to say something slightly less intense. Because like, it means you actually thought about it.

"you look great!" - normal. Anyone could say this. Could be true or could just be lying to be nice. Very normal expected thing to say to someone

"you look good." - gay as hell thing to say to someone.

[fagcrisis]

i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic

[maryoliveoil]

rolling up to Wendy's to get an erotic chicken sandwich

[vadergf]

I feel like someone is standing next to me talking about how I'm dead

[rudolphsboyfriend]

The chemical they put on ants and all the other ants think they're dead that's what happened to tumblr except the chemical is unmarketability

[bisexualalexmercer]

tumblr may have censored porn but check this out

i hope Elon musk KILLS himself and DIES a thousand DEATHS. and i hope every other billionaire a very merry DIE DIE DEATH KILL MURDER DEATH KILL

[the-trash-eating-llama]

[evilsanlang]

it's okay if you as a lesbian want to fuck the straight blonde popstar but you can't be pretending she's a lesbian too girl at least make it a lesbian corruption kink or some shit

[evilsanlang]

"taylor swift is a lesbian" check your house for mold

"I can fuck the heterosexuality out of sabrina carpenter" questionable taste, but much more respectable

[twentybrokenipodclassics]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

knowing that the past tense of "hang" is "hanged" when it's a method of execution can be very entertaining because you'll be watching a horror movie and someone goes "local legend says a woman was hung in these woods" and you're like "👀 good for her I guess"

[clonehub]

me giving yousa the absolute best ass i can

[once-a-lurker]

i keep forgetting that your oc is yousa and definitely read this as jar jar trying his best to fuck

[clonehub]

[junglejim4322]

Why did 4 months of this year go by in like a week

[unpeeled-human]

[unpeeled-human]

[nocturnal-necromancer]

Hello?? Can anyone hear me???

[pageofmirth]

gonna start saying Bagayaya before bed

[pageofmirth]

[2colde]

they call me the endurer the way i endure and endure and endure and endure and well u get it

[tekunoraizu]

FUCKKKKKKK what if something bad happened and I forgot to worry about it

[kingcriccket]

you CANNOT read too much old timey fiction because I was playing Raft with the lads this morning and without a THOUGHT said we could sail over to another island "if the wind would consent to blow" & let me tell you. This did not pass by unremarked.

[rainyydoves]

[pathetic-gamer]

sent this post to my spouse

[loveridden1999]

[demonius-darkblade]

hate how they forced bugs bunny into anti-weed propaganda in the 90s, as if bugs bunny wouldn’t love smoking weed 

[clayboy2000-deactivated20210427]

To be perfectly fair, bugs bunny would also love taking money for starring in anti-weed propaganda and then using said money to buy weed

[violencevoyager-deactivated2022]

bugs bunny is not real 

[zvaigzdelasas]

[xylophonicsynapse]

[dykeselfcest]

life is so hard when you love being competent and knowledgeable and helpful but you also love slacking off

[apocryphics]

oh ok

[gorps]

[trinidemgyal-deactivated2026051]