šš”š "š²šš¬" š©šØš„š¢šš².
singledad!mechanic!eddie x fem!reader
ā¶When Eddie gets a call at work telling him Adrie is sick, he rushes to pick her up from school, accidentally leaving his black notebook behind. Being you, you find the means to return it to him. But while at his trailer, you ask him the question he's been avoiding for months.
"Let's get down to those rumors, hm?"ā¶
NSFW ā strong tw for a dark conversation surrounding eddie's past (accusations of murder, rape), heavy angst, comfort, drug/alcohol mention/use, slow burn, fluff, flirting, 18+ overall for eventual smut
chapter: 8/? [wc: 14.1k]
ā³ part 01 / 02 / 03 / 04 / 05 / 06 / 07 / 08
AO3
Chapter 8: The Munson Name
Leave it to Eddie to make your day special not two minutes into work.
Upon entering the garage, the back door was ajar as usual, but instead of phantom wisps of smoke swimming in the sunshaft, a shadow moved, and Eddieās arm curled around to knock on the aluminum siding for your attention. His chain bracelet clinked from the motion, and his rings caught the light as he gestured for you to come over.
You peeked through the opening and saw him standing against the wall, but his morning smile wasnāt aimed at you, it was elsewhere, off to the side. You wrapped your fingers around the doorknob, and followed where he was looking.
A bright red cardinal sat perched on the round side mirror of Eddieās car, chirping and hopping while fluttering its wings, spinning around in search of something, and after several twittering singsongs, it flew away.
āThat was precious,ā you whispered, breath fogging in awe.
āIām glad you got to see him before he took off.ā Eddie grabbed the door from you and pushed you both inside, shaking his arms in an intense shiver, and shrugging his jacket up around his neck while he hugged his hands around himself in his pockets. āUhm..ā
The goofy smile he wore was mutual, as was the dear silence. The energy between you had changed; it was charged with a new development in your relationship. One that did not need to be articulated in words. It was there, in his well-rested eyes owning a playful gleam when you looked at him, and his need to rock from foot to foot in a measured sway, like a subconscious impulse to recreate that beautiful night.
Then, he cleared his throat. You averted your gaze to the floor.
āYou, uh, you said it was one gift,ā he recalled with an audible wince squeezing the oxygen from his sentence.
Unsure on how best to approach you buying his daughter a generous amount of presents, and hearing the impassive edge to his voice, you shut one eye and opted for a joke, āIt was one gift.. bag.ā
āIt was too much.ā
Your demeanor sagged. āOh.ā
āNo, no! Not in the bad wayāNo.ā
You perked up. āOh?ā
A soft laugh poured from the snuggly place he had his chin tucked behind the tan canvas. He dropped his shoulders, and drove his weight forward into jaunty little steps towards you, closing the gap between your bodies. There were affectionate nuances to his fond expression when he corrected himself, āSorry, I didnāt mean for it to sound that way. The gifts were great. Like, real home runs. Uhm, she loved them, and they were really thoughtful. Just.. really sweet of you.ā Immersing himself in the steady eye contact you were both proud to uphold, he licked his lips, and raised his eyebrows. āYouāre so sweet, in fact, itās piling onto that thank you I owe you at a ridiculous rate.ā
āYou donāt owe me anything. I just like doing things for you and Adrie. Besides, I live rent free in a tiny town with an abysmal lack of nighttime entertainment for me to waste my money on, so I figured why not spoil my favorite four-year-old.ā
āYeah, yeah, I know I donāt owe you, butā āhe moved his hand around in his pocketā āIām gonna figure out a way to repay you. Do something nice for you. Something big. Until then, your favorite almost-five-year-old made you this.ā
He presented his palm to you. Cradled in it was a bracelet made of plastic beads in an assortment of colors, some shaped as stars, some with glitter, and at the middle was a name arranged in white blocks with black lettering. M-O-U-S-E.
āI had to help her spell it,ā he said, tugging up his sleeve, ābut it matches mine.ā D-A-D-D-Y.
There was no masking the effect the bracelet had on you; breath hitched on a raw noise, chest falling on the exhale, muscles tensed on the cusp of a bigger reactionābut you tamped down the wealth of feeling wanted, and spoke beyond the heaviness in your heart, through the strain in your throat, and behind the blurriness of tears, āA true Adrie Original. I love it, tell her thank you for me.ā
You slid the elastic band over your trembling left hand. He wore his on his right.
Eddie leaned in to get a better look at you, and the amusement in his face was replaced by genuine surprise. āAre you crying?ā
You crossed your arms over your chest and gripped your shoulders, laughing, smiling through the embarrassment of being caught. āMaybe! ItāsāItās really sweet.ā
āIām gonna tell her you cried!ā
āDonāt!ā you yelped, running away from his evil fingers advancing towards your ribs.
āBut itās cute!ā
āStop chasing me!ā
Luckily for you, refuge was on the other side of the glass door you managed to lock before he could grab the handle. You guarded your safe space with a glare. He pouted, and said something. You cupped your ear. He grew more passionate, flapping his lips at a rapid rate and putting his hands up in a prayer, but you couldnāt hear what he was saying. You shouted youād only let him in if he apologized for making fun of you. āIām sorry.ā The sincerity was lost on his smirk, but you gave in so you could make coffee and get to work, and so he could get said coffee and take your pen cup and put it just out of reach on the ledge of your desk while on his way out to the garage.
And unluckily for you, the first thing on your to-do list after the break was checking the flashing buttons on the phone. You picked up the receiver, pressed the playback for messages, and listened with a pen hovered over your new set of index cards.
The first one began with a startled, āU-uhm, right.ā
The second one began with a confused laugh.
The third was a long pause before telling someone else in the room theyād try again later.
Dread pooled in your stomach. The recording button. The fucking recording button for an outgoing message taunted you. Faded yellow, and ugly.
With a clenched jaw, you prepared your racing heart, and pressed it. And oh God. You covered your eyes, more and more mortified as it played.
āWeāre currently closed for the Holidays, and will open at 8AM, Monāā Raspberry. āYou! Why! That one was perfect. God, you are soāfreakingāannoying. I swear. Obnoxious little..ā
āāāā
Standing at a respectable distance from where Eddie sat at the breakroom table with his notebook, you held up three calendars for the new year. āIām replacing the one in the garage. Which do you want? Mythical Creatures drawn by Eric Carle, Coca Cola, or hot chicks posing on sports cars?ā
He dropped his head back, and tipped his chair to balance on its rear legs. His bangs fell, showing his wrinkled forehead as he looked at you upside down. āInteresting options,ā he commented.
āThe mall didnāt have much left.ā A lie. The calendar kiosk at the mall was stocked to the brim, you just had a hunch Eddie would go for one in particular.
āDoes the mythical creature one have a dragon for a month?ā
āYes,ā you said without checking.
āIāll take that one, then.ā
Predictable.
āCool, Iāll give Mr. Moore the hot chicks, and Iāll take the Coke for me.ā Speaking ofāthe front desk phone was ringing, and it was in your job description to answer it, you supposed.
You left him to get back to his writing, and put the receiver to your ear. The voice on the other end was politely stressed in the customer-friendly way. You left it in the cradle on hold, and called down the hallway, āHey, Eddie, itās Adrieās school calling for you. Iām sureāā Stumbling out of his way, his jacket softened the blow of his shoulder knocking into you. He reached his hand back in an apologetic gesture, but his focus manifested in the flash of panic crossing his pale face. āIām sure sheās fine,ā you finished sympathetically.
He answered the woman on the line, and you waited along the wall, eyeing the scuff marks around the floorboards you should probably buff off at some point, and after his short conversation, he hung up.
āAdrieās sick,ā he said quickly, patting down his jacket. āWayneās not answering the phone, so I gotta go pick her up, and uh, Iāā He pivoted in a circle, glancing around, fumbling for his keys in his pocket. āIāIām sorry. She needs me.ā
You drew your eyebrows in, and waved him off. āYeah, itās okay. You can leave. Iāll clock you out and let Carl know when heās back from lunch.ā
āThank you,ā he said in breathless earnest, leaving so quickly his boots left black streaks on the tile.
~~~
Lunch came and went. Carl came and went. The end of the hour posted under the CLOSED sign came and went. Eddie had yet to call the shop to update you, which was fine and dandy (aside from your anxiety over whether or not Adrie was okay), but in his rush, he left behind something important..
His black notebook with the devil-horned skull laid in the middle of the table like an ominous item from a horror movie.
And much like the horror movies, you as the final girl should leave it alone, right? Just.. walk away, and forget about it, and leave it for him to pick it up tomorrow, or whenever heās able to come back to work..
But.
You were worried about Adrie, and when you went to the garage to replace the trash can liners, you saw his rings still on the black tray near the tool cabinet. Now, itās not like he needed those either, however, what if you just.. returned them for him? And the notebook fell open while you were at it?
It was wrong. Everything about what you were doing was all so very, very wrong. Going inside Mr. Mooreās office and flipping the lightswitch, making your way to his desk in an innocent saunter, andāoops!ākneeling down to pick up a stray pen, and if the bottom drawer happened to be opened, and the plastic folder with the employeeās details from when he hired them was inside, who could blame you for taking the quickest, tiniest glance before closing it?
Yours was in there, of course, along withā
āEdward Munson,ā you snorted. āDorky name.ā Duh his full name was Edward, but it was still funny to see.
You read over the top of the file where his address and phone number were. Thankfully, from your various car rides with Robin, you recognized the street name, placing it in your memories as the rusted sign next to the Forest Hills Trailer Park entrance.
The phone number you imprinted into your brain as a recreational activity, and put the folder away.
Closing the door behind you with a hefty jingle of heavy rings in your pocket, you approached the notebook, and gave it a pitied sigh. Having committed many sins in the past minute alone, you figured why not. You didnāt even feel shame opening the stupid thing after months of being teased by it. Besides, whatās the worst he could be hiding in it? It couldnāt be that embarrassing, right?
..Right?
āOkay, can honestly say I was not expecting a big tittied bird lady.ā The drawing wasnāt overly detailed, but the artistry was above average. Small details etched the feathers covering her avian legs, and a gleam shone on her talons coming to a sharp point, posed to attack with milky white irises. Above her was Eddieās stylized font: HARPY, with abbreviations and numbers in a column. His rushed handwriting filled the rest of the page. Reading it over, it appeared you opened to the middle of a story.
Thumbing through, you encountered your first dog-eared page.
IF CHEST IS CHOSEN, GO B
IF DOOR - ROLL FROM INDEX CHART POISON
Absolutely lost, you did see a box labeled B further down with a short bullet point list of what would happen, and more options to choose from on the next dog-eared section.
Flipping deeper towards the back, it was pages and pages of his handwriting. Names of characters fighting dragons. Fantasy towns housing creatures youād never heard of. Countries with too many syllables and apostrophes. Whatever it was, you were more than happy to hop on your bike and ride it over to the trailer park, only second guessing your sense of direction three times, and releasing a grateful, āThank God,ā when you spotted it up ahead.
The place had an eeriness to it despite the slanted beams of afternoon sun gracing it in gold. Homes were tarnished with dents and algae staining the outside. Trailers slumped on their cinderblocks, buckling under the weight. RVs had permanent brush growing under their parking spots. A childās scream echoed around the tree-less lot, but you couldnāt see them through the orderless blockade of dilapidated residences and abandoned cars. People watched you: glancing out their windows, or gathered around a charcoal barbeque. Curious eyes followed your trail down the main road. Bumping your bike around potholes, avoiding tetanus ridden nails and petrified clothes molded to the ground as if theyād been there for years.
Dogs walked their fences as you passed.
You were beginning to have some regrets when a beacon welcomed you. After a curve, an old van parked out front of a blue and white trailer came into view, but more importantly, dwarfed next to the Chevy behemoth, was a black car youād recognize the red interior of anywhere.
The heat of parentās concerned stares burned into the back of your neck as you rode up to the concrete stairs, leaned your bike against the metal handrail, and approached your fate.
Even though you were absolutely sure this was the correct address, you knocked with as much confidence as a dormouse. Any harder and the sound of your knuckles striking the aluminum wouldāve been too loud in the creepy-quiet trailer park.
No answer.
You knocked again. Harder. Louder.
There was movement inside. Footsteps. A muffled voice. Your heart leapt. In your throat. Closer. Closer. This was so stupid. This was a mistake. This was a bad idea. The excuse in your mouth was weak, and you were about to embarrass yourself in front of your coworker by surprising him at his house, which you only knew where to find because you were snooping, and there was no amount of explaining that would help you out of your spot in hellā
Eddie swung open the door, and his heavy-browed, distrustful, annoyed, apprehensive, suspicious glare jumped to wide-eyed shock.
Your cheeks went hot.
āNope!ā
You winced at the slam, but nothingāno Godās will, no Devilās agreementāwould convince you to blink at the shuttered window where he once stood. No. No, no, no. No, never. Never would you want the searing glimpse at Eddieās naked chest out of your sight before it was engraved into every second of every day of every night of every dream for the rest of your years.
In some part of your mind, you knew your gazes connected long enough to see the blood drain from his face, but your attention was soon urged downward, to the overwhelming amount of skin.
His hair was tied back, exposing a poetry of shadows. Hollow of his throat, to his clavicle, to the swell of his shoulders. Biceps twitching under a prominent vein when he caught himself on the trailerās frame, and gripped the door handle. Muscles straining with fear, then soft with relief, then strong with fear again when he realized it was you who caught him in this shirtless state, discovering the beautiful line between his pecs when he flexed. Witnessing the fine wisps of softly auburn hair on his chest, juxtaposed to the wiry dark curls creating a blessed trail to the top of his sweatpants. Drooling over the eclectic collection of tattoos sporadically placed over his body. Too many to decipher in the brief encounter, aside from the dragon crawling up a sword etched into the subtle planes of his abs and curving around his slight stomach, with the blade ending at his waistbandāa full picture of the tattoo you spied at the grocery store when he stretched his arms above his head.
The door creaked open again, and youād yet to recover. But thinly obscured in the darkness of his home, he was visibly flustered as well.
Eddie hunched over, struggling to get the zipper of his tan jacket up, tugging it harshly, grinding the metal teeth in his anxious fight to cover his chest; and when it was snug to the splotchy kiss of pink on his neck, he squinted at you. āWhatāre you doing here?ā he asked, voice gone hoarse from his dry mouth.
Knees locked, and oh so staring him directly in the eyes, you took the black notebook from under your arm (not remembering when you tucked it there), and showed it to him. āYou left this at work.ā
He took it from you slowly without a thanks.
āAnd, uh,ā you continued, gathering the clinking jewelry in your jacket. āThese too.ā You dropped them into his cupped palm, brushing your pinky over a scratchy callus, experiencing the zing of intimacy of skin on skin.
And he felt it too, with how he curled his fingers in to seal the fleeting sensation.
Pocketing his rings, he stood meek in his doorway. The pain of expecting someone different to be knocking at his trailer had dwindled, but the tension was there in between his eyebrows, weighing on the slope of his gentle frown, painting brilliant highlights on the long line of his nose in the blazing dayglow threatening to invade his home.
The dull brown of his eyes glinted aside the honey as his mouth hung slightly open, tip of his tongue curled against the pearly dam of his teeth. The lined pages of the well worn notebook fanned out, flopping in his grip. āDid you read what was in here?ā
Shifting your gaze to the sharp edge of the tin roof decorated in elaborate dangly fish hooks, you clasped your hands behind your back in a cute way, and delivered the answer he awaited with an inflection like it was a question, āNo..?ā
āFor an actress, youāre bad at lying.ā
āOr Iām being obvious on purpose so you tell me what it is.ā
Working his jaw back and forth, he bided his time, each grind a consideration at his options in regards to how vulnerable he should be, and if this would be the final nail in the corroded coffin where youād realize what a giant loser he was. āItās..ā You leaned towards him in interest, and he looked away. āItās notes and stuff for Dungeons and Dragons,ā he admitted in a mumble.
āNerd! Nerd!ā You jumped up and down, pointing, shouting, āI knew it! Youāre a nerd!ā
Twisting his mouth in a sarcastic sneer at your childishness, he snatched the side of the door and began shutting you out. āOkay, okay. I get it. See why I didnāt want to tell you?ā
āEddie, Eddie, Eddie,ā you exhaled, switching on a dime from your teasing to a serious tone. You caught the door, and pleaded for him to stop being an idiot, āI knew you were a dweeb when you held me hostage for an entire thirteen minute lecture about your song lyrics. The Dungeons and Dragons shit is the third least surprising thing youāve ever told me.ā You clasped your hand over your heart. āTruly.ā
āWhatās the second?ā
āYour music tastes.ā
āAnd the first?ā he asked, despite his better judgment.
āThat youāre single.ā
He announced his displeasure in a deadpan expression. āAnd Iām beginning to see why you are, tooāā All of him went rigid, withdrawing slightly into the trailer with his head lowered, ear angled towards the right of him, listening as his gaze went unfocused.
After a few seconds, his lungs reawakened with a relieved breath. āJust coughing,ā he said to himself. Dragging his attention back to you, he gestured weakly at his jacket to indicate his lack of clothing, still embarrassed at the situation. āAdrie, uh.. She puked on me earlier. Thatās why I wasnātāuhmādressed.ā
Worry edged its way into your question, āIs she okay?ā
āYeah, yeah, sheās fine. Kids get sick from daycare all the time. Basically just sentient germs running around, licking their hands after touching everything.ā
Your eyebrows ticked up at the memory of the awful Dayquil hangovers following the weekends you worked as a clown for childrenās birthday parties.
You asked, āAnd what about Wayne?ā
āHm? Oh.ā Recognition, and the ease of a casual conversation overtook the near-permanent anticipatory hardness to his features, softening his bristly nature around you; finding you comforting when he was in the place where he was supposed to feel safest, but didnāt.
Home wasnāt home for Eddie Munson, and you felt that icy statement behind your ribs as you watched him pat his pocket as a way to check his rings were there for reassurance, acutely aware there was an hostile world at your back, and you chose to only see each other.
There was a tender innocence to his lip crooking up in a lopsided grin as he remembered you asked him a question. āTypical old man. Wayne was outside and didnāt hear the phone ring, thatās why he didnāt answer. Heās at work now, though.ā
āMm,ā you hummed. āDo you have soup?ā
āSoup?ā
āFor Adrie,ā you clarified.
He glanced over his shoulder, assumingly at the kitchen, and after some mental deduction, he shrugged in vague nonchalance. āYeah, thereās probably soup for her.ā As if you didnāt know him well enough at this point to read past the nervous habits weaving their way into his fidgety unsureness.
You backed down the stairs as you spoke, āOkay. Well then, guess Iāll get going since you have everything on lock down here. Got your sick kid, got your soup, got your notebook, and your uncleās at work. Sounds like everythingās in order.ā Hopping off the last step, you swung around the handrail and guided your bike to the road, beaming. āSee ya!ā
āYeah, see ya,ā he replied, settling into his usual side-ways glance around the trailer park, challenging the gawkers who watched a girl willingly walk up to his home and leave it smiling. They did not dare to say anything, of course; returning to their lives with sealed lips, pretending to pay him no mind. Just how it should be.
He held his chin high.
āāāā
And when Eddie next answered the door, it was in the low blue hue of a setted sun, and he did so in his black jeans and a white tank top. His unzipped work jacket swayed prettily around his torso, low bun at his nape loosened to a mess, short curls in a frizz over his ears, and cheeks flushed. āI figured youād be back,ā he forced out evenly, doing his best to disguise his panting breaths.
You hugged the brown paper grocery bags to your chin, and grinned.
He stuck his foot behind him in an awkward curtsy, and swept his arm for you to enter.
Walking into his place for the first time there were many things to comprehend, absorb, fawn over, and ask about until he was tired of explaining their originsāand since you were already crossing an entire notebookās worth of lines today, you inquired about the most obvious. āYou, uh, like collecting hats and mugs?ā
āTheyāre Wayneās,ā he grunted, unplugging the vacuum he left in the middle of the living room by yanking the cord out of the wall, and dragging it on his way to the hallway closet where he kicked and shoved things aside to make room, rattling the thin door that definitely had been punched through at one point, patched and painted over, and was now a canvas for crayon squiggles along the bottom. āBefore he worked at the power plant, he was a trucker. Collected them at every rest stop in every state, that sorta thing.ā
āAh.ā
In a quick spin, he surveyed the rest of the trailer, and made a similar āahā sound when he saw the cleaning products and balled up paper towels on the tiny table squeezed against the wall. He lunged for them, stuffing the evidence and other garbage into the overflowing trash can. āI still keep up the tradition by getting him a mug for Christmas.ā Jerking his chin at the shelf above him, he specified the one on the end. āThis year was Looney Tunes.ā
āHow cute.ā The bags crinkled in your arms as you stood in the entryway, nodding expectantly.
āShitāSorry.ā
You smiled. He finished clearing a space on the wrap-around kitchen counter for you to set the groceries down, scooting a candle out of the way, flickering the flame he may have burnt himself on while lighting, if the red mark on his thumb was anything to go by. And he was back to pivoting, scanning the area, desperate to latch onto the object which would jog his memory on where he was in his cleaning: dishes dripped in the drying rack, Wayneās grilled cheese endeavor was out of sight, the bathroom radiated the nose-burning scent of bleach.
He snapped his fingers at the overflowing trash can, and almost slipped in his frenzy to tie up the bag and rush for his boots, saying heāll be right back on his way out, leaping down the stairs.
āAlrighty..ā
The steady rumble of a washing machine rattled every loose bit of metal in the museum of belongings.
You waged war with your tennis shoes, wiggling out of them with the laces still tied, and stepped off the carpet dividing the trailer in half. The bubbling vinyl kitchen floor stuck to your socks, still damp from being mopped, and heaved the groceries onto the pale blue countertop, sliding them across decades worth of scratches scarring the material. Once you were sure you could let them go without a toppling situation, you took the goods out one at a time, but your attention was nosy and undivided.
Acting as foreground to the walls of hats and mugs was the rest of Eddieās life. Laundry baskets occupied a couch with flattened cushions. A coffee table supported stacks of his daughterās playthings after picking them out of the vacuumās path. There was a fold out bed in the corner, and a modest TV situated on top of a VCR. To compensate for the lack of overhead light was an abundance of mismatched lamps on each surface.
It was a hodge podge, and it was cramped, and it was incomprehensible, and it was his house.
Turning, you began to guess at which cabinets he would store a bag of rice when you spotted the artwork hanging on the fridge.
Pinned under a teddy bear magnet was a decoupaged version of your Thanksgiving turkeys, cut out and glued to a single piece of construction paper, complete with the castle in the background. And secured safely under a smiley face magnet was a stick figure drawing of two peopleāone in a pink dress, one in all black scribbleāand dated in neat ink by someone with less messy handwriting: 5/7/92.
Eddie came back to your wide grin, and two cans of baked beans held up in a question.
āThey go over here,ā he said, nodding at the skinny door next to where he stood at the small green table set for three chairs, organizing todayās mail in his hand.
You opened the pantry next to the recessed oven, and stacked the rest of the cans inside. Towards the back there were two white cereal boxes with plain blue text and nothing else, leaving you to deduce no one in his family stooped to eating unsweetened cornflakes even if thatās all they had. Meanwhile, he arranged overdue bills into a ladder style letter holder hung on the wall beside the phone, periodically taking one out and placing it down a rung, ordering them from most to least important.
āI was supposed to go grocery shopping yesterday, but I had to buy and install a new hot water heater,ā he told you suddenly. Whether he was saying this because he was coasting on the fumes of his Christmas bonus until Decemberās child support arrived, or because he was simply too busy to go shopping, neither of you addressed it more than necessary. He accepted your help, and you didnāt pry.
āUnexpected shit sucks, huh?ā you added for his benefit.
āYeah,ā he huffed in a short laugh, playing the same game.
And it was him who rested his forearms on the edge of the pale blue wrap-around counter, watching you commit good deed after good deed, guessing where groceries went in the cabinets, acclimating to his kitchenās set up, and making room for a bag of grapes and three apples between his six pack of Pabst and block of Government cheese.
āCan I ask you kind of a weird question?ā
You brightened at his voice, teetering on the edge of a smile just from that alone. āAlways.ā
He drew absent-minded circles with his finger as he tried to find the best way to word something he wondered about since the week you met. āWhen you saw Adrie for the first time, you had this really, uh, surprised look on your face.. Why was that?ā
Your tone was dismissive in the wake of something that appeared to haunt him, āOh, that?ā You folded down the empty paper bags, and placed them on top of the fridge after he said Adrie would use them for arts and crafts. āWell, itās like, Mr. Moore has dozens of pictures of his family on his desk, and Carl told meāapproximatelyāten different stories about his sons an hour after meeting him, and Kevin carries pictures of his dogs in his wallet. It just seemed like if you had a daughter, you wouldāve shown me a picture too, like most dads.ā You waved your hands around, and contorted your mouth in a silly manner. āI mean, it was just weird you never mentioned her.ā
He took your assessment to heart, and opened the drawer closest to him. Amongst the clutter of junk was his black wallet resting on a coiled chain with clips on either end. Taking out the cheap leather, he cradled the width in his palm, and wiggled out a picture kept sealed behind a plastic window. He said, āActually, I do carry a picture of her,ā and handed it to you.
On instinct, you pored over the image of him first, prizing the crown of his head sporting the same wild haircut. He had his face tipped down to the newborn wrapped in a pink blanket in his arms, crooking her in their safety as he held a bottle to her lips. His knees were on display behind his ripped black jeans. His shirt was sleeveless. She was tiny and precious. He was decidedly emotionless from what you could see, sat on a couch that was not the same as the one across the room from you.
āThat was taken at Harringtonās place,ā he answered your unstated question, keen to the recognition washing over your face as you placed it as Nancyās ugly pink floral loveseat.
You gave it back to him.
He looked over the captured moment in time, bleak gaze set on his little girl when she was so fragile, and small, and when he was so weak, and teetering on a long overdue breakdown.
āIt took me a long time to carry this around,ā he said, tone heavy with disappointment, regret, and shame. āWayne and I were fighting constantly. And I mean, I donāt blame him. He gave up his life to take care of me when I was twelve, and I put so many gray hairs on his head that he went bald from my bullshit, and then there I was, bringing home a screaming infant I didnāt know the first thing about taking care of. Yāknow, just proving I was a fuck-up right when he thought I was smart enough to get my act together.ā Tracing the sharp edge of the photo trimmed to fit his wallet, he placed it in its windowed slot and tossed it back in the drawer, closing the past from his sight. āI donāt have a lot of good memories from that time. Shit fucking sucked.ā
āI can imagine,ā was all you could say.
āI love her,ā he said in the event you doubted him.
āI know you do,ā you offered in return.
Steering the conversation in a different direction, you swung your index fingers at the extensive cabinetry, and asked, āWhereās a cutting board?ā Right of the sink, he answered. āAnd a knife?ā Top drawer next to your hip, he responded. But it took until you shook out the washed celery stalk, and snapped the ribs off, lining them up on the white plastic cutting board did he become suspicious.
He leaned more of his weight on his forearms, and kept his tone carefully neutral, āWhatāre you doing?ā
Keeping your expression indifferent aside from your arched brows, you cut the celery into manageable sticks and began slicing them lengthways. āI believe Iām in Edward Munsonās trailer making him and his daughter soup.ā
The crimson guitar pick at the end of his necklace swung forward, jostled from where it was stuck to the healthy sheen of sweat glistening along the top of his chest. āHow do you know my full name?ā
āA little birdie told me.ā
He shifted his shoulders, head lowered, eyes narrowed, voice deep, āBetter question. How do you know where I live?ā
āA bigger birdie told me.ā
āSomeone told you about me?ā
Rightfully confused, you pulled a face. āHuh? No. I was kidding. No one talks to me. Anyway, back to the soup.ā You harnessed all your charm into impressing him by meeting his stare while you diced the celery, using your knuckles as guidance. āAre there any vegetables she wonāt eat? Or stuff sheās allergic to?ā Your flagrant insolence irked him: reading his notebook, inviting yourself to his residence, filling the voids in his kitchen with groceries, and now making him soup without ever asking if he wanted you to do those things.
Because of course he wanted you to do those things.
He surrendered to your kindness. āNo allergies, and sheāll eat anything as long as itās diced smallāYeah, like thatāand cooked down to mush. Itās the one thing sheās always been good about.ā
āAnd you?ā
It took a few sad seconds for him to understand you were asking about his allergies and his preferences, not used to his needs being taken into consideration. āNo, no, whatever you make is good. Uhm. Hey, you donāt have to do all of this. Donāt roll your eyes, Iām being serious. Adrieās sick and I donāt want you to catch what she has.ā
āPlease,ā you implored in thick sarcasm, āIāve been coughed on by every disease known to man on the Q train. Thereās not a cold or flu in existence I havenāt succumbed to. Iām immune at this point.ā
You found a stock pot from the cabinet at the junction of the wrap-around counter and the sink, and set it on the cooktop to come to heat while you peeled and chopped an onion. Eddie dwelled in his observations; listening to you recount tales of working in kitchens because they were always hiring, collecting horror stories from being a dishwasher, a waitress, a morning food prepper; moving from title to title; birthday clown, bartender, craft store cashier. Flighty, flighty, flighty. He watched your hands move in quick chops and long sweeps down a carrot with skill he didnāt have the patience nor time to learn. He told you as much, how when he comes home heās fucking tired, and doesnāt have the energy to make dinner.
āNow whatāre you doing, sweetheart?ā he asked in what he hoped was an exhausted tone, but he knew it was futile. The timidness was there, sneaking its way into his words when he made the leap to calling you an endearment in his own home. And how could he not when you pulled out a stack of tupperware, divided the piles of chopped vegetables between them, and wedged them into the freezer, still tending to the sweating mirepoix with a wooden spoon.
āItās so next time you want soup theyāre all ready to go. You donāt have to waste time cutting vegetables. Just dump a container in a pot and add broth and noodles, and call it a night.ā
He made a fond noise in the back of his throat, looking at you through his lashes. āYouāre really doing everything in your power to extort me for this āthank youā I owe you, arenāt you?ā
āYouāre the one who promised me something good,ā you reminded him.
Water splashed, sputtered in the pot, steaming into a cloud of savory humidity, filling the living space with earthy aromatics. You added bouillon cubes, and stirred the stock together while turning the dial on high to bring the soup to a boil.
āYeah, guess I did,ā he said, petering out into a mumble, straying further from the current topic. He wasnāt finished talking about the previous one yet, and he made it known.
Tracing his thumb along his plump bottom lip, he tested a boundary, tiptoeing into a realm he did his best to ignore. āSo, uh, you employ the same strategy with jobs as you do dating, huh?ā
āOh, yeah,ā you grinned. āHaving an endless well of stories about shitty customers to pull from is perfect for stand up. Everyone loves the perpetually single girl who works in service or retail, and just canāt seem to find the love of her life, despite going on an insane amount of first dates with New Yorkās most average. Itās funny, and relatable.ā
āAnd now youāre stuck as a boring receptionist in a nowhere town in a nowhere state.ā
You released a sugary, syrupy, sweet giggle. āAnd now Iām stuck as a boring receptionist in a nowhere town in a nowhere state, and itās the longest job Iāve ever held.ā
His eyelashes fluttered from the nervesāthe strong ache in his chest pressing down on him, stealing his breath. āAnd what about the dates? Gone on any with Hawkinsā finest?ā
āJust one.ā Though your back was to him while you washed and dried the cutting board, your smile was outlined in your banter. āBut it was awful,ā you emphasized in a dramatic sigh. āWorst date ever. He drank my Icee, wouldnāt stop talking during the movie, and, get this! He didnāt even tell me I was pretty. Not once.ā
āWhat a jerk,ā he agreed fullheartedly, scrunching his nose and twisting a curl of his hair over his stupidly smitten grin. āSounds like a real asshole.ā
āActually, he was my favorite,ā you corrected him, turning down the dial to where the coils lost their fluorescent glow. āHuge, huge nerd. Like, the biggest dork ever, but he was definitely my favorite out of any of my dates.ā On your way to the green table, you bent close to his ear, and begged him in a whisper, āBut donāt tell him I said that. Heāll get a real big ego about it.ā
He made a zipping motion over his mouth.
āSoups gotta simmer until the potatoes are done. Might as well sit.ā
He unzipped his mouth. āWhen did you cut up potatoes?ā
āWhen you were staring at me all dreamy-like,ā you supplied, words dipped in coy and flirt.
Undecided on which way to balk at your claim, he did them all: rolled his eyes, clicked his tongue, muttered a small āwas not,ā and slung himself into his usual chair at the table. He expected you to do the same, to match his silly theatrics with your own impassioned eye roll and smirk, but you didnāt. You sat across from him, poised, hands clasped together with the black notebook beside you.
The mood of the evening dipped visibly in your serious gaze set on him.
You tapped your knuckle on the metal spirals binding the worn pages of his latest campaign together. āNo more secrets,ā you punctuated. Three short words let go on an exhale. Three little words standing taller than the final barrier he built to keep others out. Not an ask, but a necessity if you were going to continue your relationshipāplatonic or not.
Your posture and expression were stern, but gentled by patience. āLetās get to those rumors, hm.ā
It was time.
No going back.
Whatever happens, happens.
Eddie took a shaky breath, and invited you over to the vulnerable truth. āHas anyone ever told you anything about me? Not like Harringtonās stories, but actual rumors?ā
You shook your head. Between spending most of your time at work, or at Robinās place, you didnāt have much opportunity to speak to random people, apart from small talk. And chit chatting about the weather was nowhere near as grave as what rooted itself in the solemn slow blink wherein he closed his eyes, and dipped his head.
āIāll tell you everything, but can I ask you not to say anything while I explain?ā he hesitated, knowing how it sounded. āI donāt know how else to word that to make it less rude, but this shit is difficult for me to talk about, and Iāll probably ramble, and go on tangents, and jump around the timeline, but, please, donāt interrupt me or say anything until Iām finished, okay? I donāt want to forget any of the details, and have to discuss this again. Can we do that?ā
Digging your thumbnails harder into the flesh of your fingers, you agreed to the terms with a solid nod.
He swallowed. And when his tongue remained too thick in his dry mouth, he swallowed again, and sat up straight, pressing his back into the chair. āOkay.ā
Two anxious stomachs twisted at once.
He cast his vacant stare around the room; never allowing it to land on you. This conversation was with himself and the green table and the shelf of mugs and the soup bubbling away on the stove and the washing machine entering its spinning cycle and the containers of Play-Doh on the coffee table; speaking to the non-judgemental objects instead of the person across from him.
āIāll start with my reputation in school,ā he said. āProbably doesnāt take much of an imagination to picture me as I am now with the same hobbies and opinions, just a lot louder about them. Heavy metal was the only music I listened to, and people called me weird for it. And I thought āweird?ā Was that supposed to bother me? I loved being weird! I wore the title āweirdā with pride. I didnāt want to be like everyone else. And when they saw I played Dungeons and Dragons, they called me a Satanist. Satanist? Like Ozzy, and all the bands I looked up to? Hell yeah! I thought being called a Satanist was so cool I sewed a Leviathan Cross on my jacket.ā The corner of his lip jumped at a memory, smiling at something from long ago. Then, it faded. āGoes without saying I didnāt make many friends until I found other outcasts who shared those same views as me. We started a band together, and after some convincing, we made a DND club with me as the Dungeon Master. Of course people called me a cult leader for it, but being a cult leader sounded fucking awesome, so I encouraged it. Antagonized it. Weird, Devil-worshiper, cultist, freak. I wore them all like armor.ā
He paused to crack his knuckles, expression falling blank as suppressed scenes unfolded in his head. āI got bullied a lot. Not that surprising. I was so aggressively opinionated about everything and never shut up. But the worst of it stopped when I got held back enough grades that I made āgrown-up friendsā and started dealing to help pay for my guitars and stuff.ā He shrugged a single shoulder in apathy, and the tan jacket slipped down his arm, revealing a faded stick-and-poke viper above his armpit. āUnless it was Steve or someone in that friend circle, I was never invited to parties except to bring drugs. Weed, pills, whatever low scale stuff, nothing that serious, but I wasnāt very popular outside of that context.ā The washing machine buzzed at the end of its cycle. āAnd as much as I told myself I didnāt care, I did. I did care when my friends were out on dates with their girlfriends, and I was alone, stuck in front of a record player learning a song just to give myself something to do, and something to say I did over the weekend when they all talked about the movie they saw together.. Made me feel like I was the outcast even amongst the outcasts.ā
Listening, but not responding, you smoothed your thumbs over the divots in your skin your nails left behind.
Swallowing again, he faltered, āGirls didnāt like me. Even if I was the cooler, older guy who was so confident in everything he did, I was still off-putting. Or just weird in the bad way, because I didnāt know how to act, and came on too strong, or tooāI donāt knowāfucking dorky, doing shit like opening doors and bowing for them, laughing too loud at my own jokes when they didnāt find them funny.ā It took everything you had to not to break your promiseāto stay silent, and indifferent, and not gather him into a hug and assure him all those goofy mannerisms were exactly why you liked him. āI dated, yāknow.. Had girlfriends here and there, but they never lasted more than a month.ā
To close one chapter of his life and open another, he rubbed at his eyes, and ran a hand down his face, scrubbing over his chin as he spoke to the ceiling, āNow onto my old man.ā
The hand he used to wipe the loneliness from his somber visage came to a rest on the edge of the table, and he ran the side of his palm along it as a way to fidget.
āHe was in and out of jail for a number of things my whole life, but when I was twelve, he murdered someone. She was a nice lady. Well known in town, and well liked. Popular. Prom Queen, cheerleader type. Everyone loved her.. And he murdered her.ā
Silence, silence, you remained in white-hot, visceral, sweat dripping, jaw-clenching silence.
āAccording to my criminal record, I was following in his footsteps. I had a penchant for stirring up trouble. It was fun. Stealing dumb shit, hotwiring an old car to drive us to the woods to get drunk when we were teenagers, dealing, begging Steve to throw ragers every weekend so I had an excuse to get shitfaced and run from the cops.. Yeah, it really looked like I was following in his footsteps. Following the Munson name.ā
Eddie sat forward. Sleeved forearms sliding across aged coffee rings staining the green collapsible tabletop, and rubbing the backs of his fingers along the other. He was close enough for you to reach, to hold, to comfort when this was over, and the ghosts were put to rest from clouding his softhearted brown eyes.
āThere was a New Yearās Eve party I was invited toā āhe jumped his fingers in quotationsā āon the rich side of town. It wasnāt one of Harringtonās, and I was out of my supply anyway, so I skipped out and spent the night here with my friends playing DND, and setting off fireworks in the trailer park, just having a good time.ā The next inhale quivered his bottom lip, āI woke up in my bed to three cop cars blaring their sirens, and someone telling me I was being arrested for-for murder. Ah..ā
You steeled yourself from blinking away.
āA girl died at that party. Prom Queen, head cheerleader. The type everyone knew, and everyone liked. And.. A-and, Jesus, I-I just need to get through this, Iām so sorryābut stuff was done to her body.ā
The frankness hung in the room.
He screwed his eyes shut, and let the ugly reality spill from his mouth, āA guy from out of state went to that party with way harder shit than I sold, and she wanted to try some. They went to the bathroom together, he gave her too much, drugged her, she overdosed, and h-h-he..ā His eyelids twitched with movement, and the tendons in his neck strained. You werenāt sure if he could hear the small, involuntary noise you made, but he chose the same words to avoid what you could infer. What all women could infer. āHe did stuff to her body.ā
His voice continued to crawl up an octave as his muscles braced in a reflexive cringe. āH-He left her there, and when her body was discovered, and the police were called, it didnāt take long before someone said they thought they saw me there, and once one person said they saw me there, suddenly everyone saw me there.ā Hard swallow, palms wiped on jeans. āI was arrested the next morning, and even though I had three alibis, I didnāt have any hard receipts or any of that shit they wanted to establish where I was and at what time. And when my alibis were a bunch of Satanic cultist shithead troublemakers like me, they were brushed off. And why wouldnāt they be? Itās my friendās word against thirty people who swore the long haired guy they saw at the party was me. Cops thought they caught their man, booked me, and had me in interrogation in under an hour from kicking down my door.ā
He licked his lips.
āJanuary of ā88,ā he said with an unsteady cadence, shooting out the sentences as they came to him, lurching faster and faster towards the horrid scars heād never heal from. āI was so fucking lucky, so fucking lucky. DNA testing had only become a thing the year before. Mhm. Thatās what saved my ass. But even then, it wasnāt like it is now. That shit took weeks to process.ā He lifted his handsāfingers loosely curled, trembling. āFor weeks they made me look at the pictures of her. H-Her body. The b-bruises around her neck.ā He gestured at his own, and his voice swung higher pitched, āInterrogated me over and over again. For days, and weeks. Trying to get me to confess. It took weeks to prove I was innocent, and clear my name. Weeks, and weeks. A-A-And in those weeksāā
The trembling escalated to uncontrollable shaking.
āāFuckāI donāt want to talk about this,ā he said, volume fluctuating.
The air was too thick to breathe.
The wrinkles between his brows deepened, as did the lines bracketing his mouth. Red flush overtook his shuddering chest, his strained throat, his scrunched face with his eyes closed in refusal to acknowledge you sat opposite him, your expression slackened by dread.
āIn the weeks between waiting f-for the DNA results,ā each word wobbled worse than the last, āI found out Adrieās mom was four months pregnant. And if I knew, then all of Hawkins knew. Everyone knew I knocked someone up, and.. and more rumors started..ā He lifted his eyebrows, and his hands developed a violent shiver, hovering over the table, palms open, afraid and begging. āBecause of.. what happened to the body.. People thought that she was.. That I..ā each pause was a short wheeze.
Your blood ran cold with the slow realization of what word he was avoiding.
Desperation influenced his stammer, āI swear to you, w-what happened between us was consensual,ā he stressed the last word in a whimper delivered straight to your dropped stomach. āShe doesnāt answer my callsābut I could try, if you need to hear it from herāI promise, I promise, as soon as the rumors started, as soon as they started, she denied them. She tried to stop them from spreading. She tried. She told everyone it-it-it wasn'tāthat we both chose toāā he sniffed back the croaky sob, and without the grace of respite, he coughed the rasp from his throat, and ushered you into another apology you didnāt know you were owed, āI shouldāve told you before we went to Adrieās school. You had a right to know why people were staring. Iām so fucking sorry.ā
In the room at the end of the dark hallway, his daughter who he sacrificed everything for rolled over in her bed, bringing the covers with her. In the belly of the trailer belonging to his uncle, you kept your feet tucked under your chair, letting the information wash over you in worse and worse crashes. In the lousy home he hated, Eddie held his breath until the aches reached their peak, and released them in a cough; and another, and another, until the pain subsided.
Deep breath, deep breath.
Your chair creaked from your uncomfortable shifting.
With time, the tension in his body waned to where his composed words could be heard in all the clarity they deserved, āI know this has been a lot to hear, and process, and Iām so sorry for unloading all of this on you at once, but I wanted you to know the whole story so you could make an informed decision.ā
You werenāt sure if you were supposed to speak yet, but your whisper broke through, āInformed decision?ā
Cheeks hot, but dry, and lower lashes clumped together from the rescinded tears, he answered you indirectly at first, āIt took months to find and arrest the guy, and by then Hawkins didnāt care. Babe, you can be anonymous in the city, but this is how small town mentality works. All it took was one person to say I was at that party, and like that, my life was ruined. My name was stained. No one cared if I was innocent. The culprit was some other guy theyād never heard of from another state whose picture they flashed on the 6 oāclock news once. He might as well not even exist.ā A pause. A change. A regret. āI want to protect you.ā
There was pressure building behind your eyes, and you moved your gaze to the shelves above you in an effort to stifle the well of tears from fallingāfor him, for the dead girl, for what he was about to say next.
Eddie alternated between weakly slapping his hands flat on the table, then turning over to show his palms, then slapping them down again; guilt and shame and loneliness and fear working its way into every part of his gentle nature. āMy name carries a stigma, and if youāre going to be coming around to my place, or be seen with me in public, you need to know there are consequences. Assumptions are going to be made about you. People are going to speculate, warn you, judge you. You donāt deserve that shit, so please, tell me, and Iāll accept just being friends at work, and leave it at that. I wonāt ask questions. I wonāt bother you. I wonāt ask for more.ā
āWhat?ā
āIāll understand,ā he said, eyes tightening in a flinch.
āEddieāā It came out broken. His encouragement for you to end the burden of this relationship at coworkers for the sake of your image stung like the tender throb of rejectionāexcept, it was worse. It was him giving you permission to break things off because he didnāt see himself as worth the hassle.
Your poise collapsed. āYouāre right, it is a lot to process, and itās all Iām gonna be thinking about for the next week, a-and yeah, I wish you told me sooner, but Eddieāā His knuckles made a harsh sound when you grasped for his hand, knocking them on the table with the force of your messy coordination through the blur of true friendship disrupting your vision. āThis changes nothing between us.ā
Graceless under the circumstances, you took his right hand and wrapped your fingers around his thumb, fitting the meat of your palm into the curve of his. You delved your other fingers under his sleeve cuff, stroking them down, then up, slotting them beneath the stretchy bracelet. D-A-D-D-Y. He cupped his free hand over top of yours, enveloping them both, and waded through the entanglement to caress the prominent callus at the tip of his middle finger over the white blocks with black lettering. M-O-U-S-E.
āIām with you,ā you said. āIām here. And whenever you want me here, whenever Adrie wants me here, ask and Iāll be on my bike pedaling as fast as I can.ā
His face pinched in sentimental yearn. āBaby..ā
Instead of suffocating the intensity of his emotions as he normally would, he slid his chair back and buried his head in the hollow of his outstretched arms; and in the pocket of space where he felt safest, he allowed himself the relief of two hot tears streaking through the fine sweat overtaking his puffy face. They clung to the tip of his nose, and dripped to his jeans in a loud splat.
He snorted, but it came out as a muted huff due to his stopped up sinuses. āCanāt believe I made it all the way through that sober and without crying, and then you justāwent ahead and said something like that.ā
You smiled. He probably did, too. Then as yours ebbed, his probably did, too.
The intertwined pocket where you clasped each other ran hot with body temperature, humidity, and the loaded implications of his confession and your subsequent acceptance. Heavy with the context for why people stared at him. Their significant glances at you, and the new depths and meaning beyond people thinking he was weird, and you were weird by association.
But at the same time, their stares didnāt last long. They were glances by every definition. A look over, a judgment, and then away, back to their own little world and their own little lives.
You asked, āAre the rumors still as bad as they were?ā
The short curls at the crown of his head waved back and forth with his slow head shake. āI donāt think so. I think theyāve gotten better in a weird, fucked up way.ā He sniffled, and wiped his nose on the inside of his sleeve before returning to the darkened confines of his arms, refusing excess stimulation until he could handle it. āEver since Home Alone came out, my friends joke that Iām like that old man, yāknow, the one all the neighborhood kids target, and turn one rumor about him into this entire narrative where heās slayed over a dozen people, and keeps the bodies in his basement.ā He laughed, truly. A warm, muffled thing. āThatās the sorta rumors going around now, I think; that Iām some Boogieman that gets blamed for every bump in the night. Adults probably know the accusations, but, like I said, Adrieās mom did try to stop the other ones, but I guess I donāt know for sure ifāwhen people look at you and meāthatās what theyāre thinking. Uhm, I donāt know if Iām making sense anymore.ā
āYouāre good,ā you consoled him. Your thumbs whispered sentiments on his skin, smoothing over the rough terrain from his labor, and catching on the excess sweat, wicking it away and creating more with each hindered brush across his inner wrist, trapped under the weight of his heavy hand copying you; running his fingers over wherever he could, needy, grounding himself to your presence, and seeking closure. āThank you for finally telling me.ā
āThanks for listening,ā he responded quietly.
Eddie shrugged his shoulders to his cheeks, and dried his face on his jacket to the best of his ability. Together, you sat in silence for a while longer, holding each other. Thinking. Decompressing. Plunging into the ice water of yet another development in your relationship, and emerging to the surface in unison, breaking the surface tension latched together by the same lifesaver.
You squeezed.
He squeezed back.
āI think I need a minute,ā Eddie said, throwing his head towards the bathroom and letting go of you to inelegantly wipe at his runny nose. He drew further away from the table, standing up and walking in his odd, awkward way; playing with his bangs, and taking his hair out of the ponytail. āIāll see if Adrieās awake and wants soup, too.ā The edge of the bathroom door flooded with yellowed light and a faucet was turned on high.
There was a nice moment where you nodded at the homely kitchen, lost in thought, absorbing the sounds and smells of the thick bubbling brew, and tomatoey pungence. Until it dawned on you.
āShit, the soupā!ā
Thankfully, as you stirred, the potatoes stuck to the bottom of the pot dislodged themselves, and nothing appeared burnt. Because, honestly, you couldnāt take the wound to your pride if the first time you ever cooked for Eddie Munson resulted in you burning soup.
After searching, you discovered the cabinet above the dish rack housed the dinnerware. You grabbed two mismatched bowls and hesitated on the shallow Little Mermaid one, until hearing the click of the bathroom door swinging open, and a squeak from the adjacent bedroom.
Soft footsteps announced his excitement before you could turn and see Eddieās silly hand wave.
Come here, he mouthed, peeking from around the wall.
You dropped the serving spoon on theāhad to be homemadeāceramic ashtray masquerading as spoon rest, and followed, hungry for new discoveries; the first being the (offensively ugly) pirate ship wheel chandelier hanging above the washing machine you had to have been an idiot to miss earlier. Deeper into the carpeted hallway was the coat closet with crayon squiggles, a shelf of kitschy knick knacks, and a thrifted painting of a lake scene with the curled-edge price sticker still on the corner of the glass. Passing the bathroom, you got a glimpse of a dark green shower curtain, a wet rag on a packed sink of various spilled products, and a bucket of rubber ducks next to the tub.
Eddie slowed, and you were confronted with his back. Slim shoulders on display from his oversized jacket falling further down his arms, thick canvas folding over itself around his tapered waist. The white tank top was stretched to fit him, hem of the armholes digging into his flexed lats as he eased the bedroom door open, back muscles contouring in the heavy shadows as he hunched and held his breath at the creaky hinges broadcasting his entrance. Edges of tattoos taunted you while he blinked into the darkness. And when the one who usurped his bed nearly five years ago didnāt wake, he straightened up and shook his hair out of his face.
He angled to the side, opening himself to you with his arm outstretched; an unspoken suggestion in his fingertips finding the edge of your cable knit sweater. You understood the glossy shine of unfiltered love in his gaze, and fit yourself between him and the doorway, stealing the soft filtered light brushing Adrienneās sleeping form in tender illuminationāmade sweeter by the curls falling over her closed eyes, and the pale blue unicorn hugged in her arms.
āOh,ā you sighed in surprise, and clasped your hands on either side of your cheeks, craning to look up at him.
Just like the time he helped you hang decorations in the breakroom, your head made contact with the stick-and-poke viper, and his grin was instant.
His inhale cradled you. āShe loves that thing,ā he said, chest rumbling against your nape, stomach pressing to your side with an amused grunt, filling the gaps between you and him with warmth.
It was as if nothing changed. Not really.
Eddie canted his forehead to you with an expression of mild jealousy over your plush toy wrapped in his little girlās arms when his cold plasticy ones sat at a miniature table in a pink playhouse pretending to have a tea party. His eyebrows were the sameāraised, hidden beneath the wet stringy pieces of his bangs skimming his wrinkled forehead. His damp cheeks, jaw, and neck were the same after his cold water wake up call, splashing himself over the bathroom sink. His full lips were the same, pink and pulled back to show his teeth. His strong chin was the same, peppered with a recent shave. His handsome nose was the same, albeit red. The crinkles at the corner of his eyes were the same, if not slightly fuller from his recent cry.
But everything had changed.
Before, you lacked the understanding of the fear in his eyes when Mr. Moore had walked into the shop. How he had risked a painful bruise on his hip from the chair he knocked over in his scramble to get away from you. The tremble in his hands when he ran them through his hair in an urgent act to appear composed, and not like he was doing something worse with you. To you.
Everything was different, but it was felt, not seen.
The leftover adrenaline from the confrontation at his kitchen table faded, and in its place, rising from the truest, barest, rawest vulnerabilities of himself, was trust. A candid expression of respect in his palm at your back, fingers curled in to stroke his nails along the knitted design of your turtleneck. He confessed his secrets, you knew him to be an innocent man, and despite his worry for your reputation becoming infected by his, you promised him the same loyalty you always had, because there was not a lie in existence that would break the bond you facilitated months ago, born from your sheer desire to annoy the one mechanic who wouldnāt speak to you.
Felt, not seen.
A promise, and an urge.
The tingly pleasure of his nails scratching over your sweater advanced to a divine expression of affection.
He wrapped his arm around you, settling his hand in the curve above your hip. It lasted all of two seconds, long enough for him to bring you into the crook of his body for the purpose of whispering something in your ear, but it was a phenomenal improvement over the usual nervous flittering his fingers performed when in your company.
His voice was candy sweet after watching your face break into a smile for his daughter, āMaybe we should let her sleep, hmm?ā
You leaned into him. āYeah,ā you sighed, rolling your head along his shoulder, guiding your silly grin from him to Adrie. āShe looks so peaceful.ā
āAnd quiet,ā he observed in the wise tone of a single father after long hours of soothing his childās headache when her cries created one of his own, and juggling the duty of cleaning up her puke from the floor, her clothes, his clothes, and bathing her while wallowing in the misery of doing it all by himself.
Eddie persuaded you into the hallway, and closed the door behind him, letting his arm fall to his side, ending the cocoon of warmth he provided with the harsh drag of the metal zipper scratching across the back of your jeans. He followed you to the kitchen and opened the fridge, muttering a string of words about deserving something as he snapped a silver and blue can from the plastic ring holding them together. āWant a beer? I donāt think you can get a DUI on a bike.ā
āYou actually can in some states.ā You didnāt elaborate, and continued spooning soup into the bowls in questionable silence. āBut no, thank you.ā
Crack, tss. He held your stare over the rim as he tipped back a long gulp, pressed his lips together, and swallowed with a satisfied āah,ā giving you ample time to ignore him. Finally, he moved his hand about, and asked, āNot gonna tell me why you know that?ā
āNope.ā
āOkay.ā
Moving on, you located two spoons from the absolute chaos of the cutlery drawer, and brought the bowls to the table while he reached into the pantry for an open sleeve of saltines, tossing them between the both of you and falling into his chair with a soft grunt.
āThis looks great,ā he complimented in earnest, voice and face alight with appreciation as he thrashed his arms to get out of his jacket, and took another sip of beer before crowding his side of the table with elbows, forearms, and hands; always holding the Pabst, or the soup, or reaching; always in motion, dominating the space you shared between your bowls, and beneath, where your legs were slotted in tight between his wide-spread knees.
His manners were about what you would assume after eating lunch with him many times, but thatās not what had you breathless.
He just.. took off his jacket like it was a completely normal thing he did dozens of times in front of you, sometimes accompanied by a hand rolled cigarette hanging from his lips, or joined by a sneer at some bad joke you told.
But it wasnāt normal. Not this time.
Hungry, hungry, hungry, you devoured the sight of his bare skin.
While he stirred the finely diced carrots and potatoes, you were afforded the time to admire the art no longer hidden by coveralls. Guessing at the older blotchy etches on his inner arm, theorizing about the origins of the souvenirs done in various stages between professional and very not professional, probably by himself or a friend. He didnāt have many, but it was easy to get caught up in the collection of motifs spanning from the top of his shoulders, and crawling in disorder downwards, to a tiny dagger at the apex of his bicep, two dice above his elbow, and a classic twist of barbed wire. Very cool and tough, but your roving stopped at one tattoo in particular.
Rather, one cluster of tattoos making up a whole.
āThe bats..ā
He perked up at your whisperāāHm?āāand looked down at his arm. āOh, yeah. These were my fourth, I think? Somethinā like that. You like āem?ā he asked, mouth cutting into the same delighted place a smirk originated from, but with more fascination as he too realized this was your first (technically second) time seeing his exposed arms.
Sucking in your cheeks to curb your habit of smiling at everything he said, you nodded in response, falling into a rhythmic head dip as you thought back to your first time meeting Adrie, and the picture she drew for you, and her Halloween costume, and how she chose not to dress as a princess like all her friends, but as a bat instead, because her daddy liked bats. āYeah.. Yeah, I like them.ā
He removed the twist tie from around the crackers and counted out three, stacking them neatly between his palms and, without warning, crushing them into his soup, sending a fine powder into the air.
It was obvious you were watching him on account of your untouched food, but it was beyond your control. Winter created a barrier between you and his skin. You needed to reap the beauty now while you could. Learn what you could, like the scorpion above his collar bone opposite the viper, and the eyeball monster with tentacles twisting over the bulk of muscles laying dormant in his solid forearms, and whatever the hell else was peeking out from under his tank top.
He scraped his spoon along the bottom of his bowl, and determined he needed one more cracker to make his soup as thick as he liked, and collected it from the crinkly pack. Yet another simple movement he had executed hundreds of times in front of you, and yet..
You stared. And stared. And stared. And made a sound of disgust. Rising from your chair, you loomed an impressive shadow over Eddieās face as he gazed up at you with an expression of open confusion.
His eyes were trained solely on the pretty glint in yours.Ā
Shiver. Goosebumps.
He jumped at your bold finger slipping under the strap of his tank top to move it aside. You pinched your brows, narrowed your eyes, and pressed your palm to his skin, enthralled by the sensation of him existing under you, aware of the full breath he took to fill out his chest as you introduced the touch.
Humming, you studied your hand cupped over the black widow spider inked onto his naked pec, and concluded, āThat oneās smaller than my palm.ā
The pale saltine cracker shattered in his grip.
Acting oblivious, you scooted your chair under you, sat, smoothed your hands over your lap as if a napkin existed there, and slurped your spoonful of soup as if you had done something as natural as point out the weather.
He released his surprise in a huff, and brushed the crumbs from his palms. āYou are the lamest person I have ever met.ā
āHave you met yourself?ā At his weak glare, you slurped more of your soup. An amicable silence followedāthe sort of camaraderie communicated through full belliesābut thereād been something on your mind since he willingly opened himself up to you and shared his past, expecting his name to become a forgotten word in your mouth and nothing more. āHey, since weāre like, baring our souls and shit tonight, do you want to know why I created my āyesā policy?ā
Instead of a comically over-quirked eyebrow, he showed genuine interest in listening to your story. He set down his spoon, and turned his full attention to you. āIām intrigued.ā
āIām tellinā ya now, itās not as riveting as yours, but uh,ā you faltered on a pause, and fostered the same sort of nervous shrug he did. āGrowing up, my parents were really.. negative, I guess is the best way to put it. Like, they wouldnāt let me hang out with friends, told me Iād never amount to anything, said I was a disappointment. Yāknow, normal stuff. Uhm, I wasnāt allowed to do much, only really leaving the house to go to school or go to my job when I was old enough to have one. They said Iād never live up to their expectations, I was a failure, Iād never get a boyfriend, Iād be a bad wife, Iām going nowhere in life, and Iām an annoyance and take up too much of their time, and I was never wanted.ā You swiped your tongue along your top teeth, and popped your lips after perhaps sharing too much. āAnyway, I made good grades in high school, so I took a lot of electives, and one of those happened to be Drama class. This may come as a surprise, but I was really shy at first, but after a while I got used to playing different roles, and fell in love with the freedom of becoming whoever I wanted on stage. And one day my teacher taught us a lesson in improv, and yeah.. the moment she explained the concept of āYes, and..ā I was hooked. Just the mindset of nothing being rejected, and no idea was made fun of, or shot down was brand new to me. And as you can infer by now, I adopted that ideology for my own life, and, uh, yeah, Iāve been saying āyesā to everything since then and never looked back. Literally, Iāve talked to my parents like, once since moving out, and that was about my insurance.
āUh, anyway,ā you said, still talking a mile a minute, āit did kinda create a people-pleasing complex for a while. I wanted to say āyesā to everyone because it made them happy, since, yāknow, I was always told ānoā and it did the opposite. But itās whatever. And, uh, while weāre doing this, I wanted to apologize for always pointing out that youāre single.ā You avoided eye contact. āKinda harsh in hindsight.ā
He broke into a laughāa loud clap like thunder, and curling in on himselfāfinding the humor in your flustered state.
āWell, Iām glad you find it so funny,ā you deadpanned.
āNo, no, sorryāā He concealed his giggles behind his knuckle crooked to his lips. āI, yeah, Iām sorry for pointing out that youāre single too.ā
āAppreciated.ā
The brief teasing commenced to a slight frown between his eyebrows. His gaze drifted to his soup, worry twisting at his lips as the bubbles of oil sloshed across the surface of the reddened broth, trembling in ripples from his bouncing leg.
Eddie was emotionally fatigued. Words werenāt coming to himānone that carried the weight they neededāso he offered an alternative to hollow apologies.
He brought a shaky spoonful of soup to his lips, and dribbled some off the side as he overcorrected the angle he needed to slide it into his mouth. The next dive for a potato proved just as awkward, trepidatious, but the struggle of eating with his non-dominant side was worth it.
Your fingertips brushed over saltine dust as you accepted the proposal of his hand resting at the center of the table, palm open, and fingers coaxing you to reunite skin on skin.
āI like your policy,ā he said, voice gone gruff with the exhaustion of the day.
āReally? On more than one occasion youāve called it stupid, irresponsible, absurd, the dumbest thing youād ever heard of, naiveāā
He shut you up by curling his fingers over yours, setting your cheeks ablaze with his unashamed thumb pressed to your bracelet. āYou wouldnāt be here if it werenāt for your policy.ā
A powerful move, and you matched the intimacy.
You hooked your thumb around to the scars lining the backs of his fingers, and lost yourself in the warmth of his embrace, giving yourself to him with each circle you massaged over his knuckles and between the joints. He did the same. Touching, touching, touching. Trusting. Melting into each other's palms. Holding hands with a man accused of so much, and forgiven so little. Holding hands with someone, just months ago, he brushed off as flippantly as her parents did.
He was sorry for the way he treated you.
You were sorry for the way the world treated him.
He squeezed.
You squeezed back.
~~~
āAre you sure you donāt want me to help?ā you asked with a whine.
The pot of leftover soup still sat without a lid on the stovetop, and the serving spoon had a layer of scum dried to it. The dirty bowls and spoons were stacked in the sink, and Eddie hadnāt moved his wet laundry from the washing machine yet. Surely, you could help by wiping up the crumbs on the table, or cleaning up the spilled toothpaste on the bathroom sink, orā
He clapped his hands on your shoulders. āNo,ā he stressed slowly, āitās late, and Iād prefer it if you got home before Buckleyās mom starts filing a missing persons report, and adding another rumor to my ass.ā You cupped his elbowsābarricaded from his body heat by his jacketāand opened your mouth, ready to argue. āAnd I swear if you donāt turn on your bikeās headlight, Iām gonnaāā
You threw your head back, and groaned, āYouāre so annoying.ā
With the trailerās door open, the quiet night penetrated the mix of air colliding from his warm kitchen and meeting the windless cold from the season, joining where your bodies connected on his cement steps. Your shoes dragged on the pebbly concrete in a woeful goodbye, making your effort to leave appear utmost arduous, tacking on a classic bottom lip pout when you both relinquished your holds on each other, and he shooed you off.
Not like you actually wanted to clean his house, it was just fun to annoy him into thinking you did.
Leaned against the doorway, he crossed his arms and tilted his head, mirroring your fondness in his gaze. āYeah, yeah. Get out of here before people start gossiping about the pretty girl leaving my trailer, alive.ā
The sudden belly laugh escaping you reverberated off the metal boneyard.
You slapped your hand over your mouth. āSorry,ā and after a thought, you asked gently while crouched to unchain your bike from the handrail, āDo you normally joke about what happened to you?ā
His shadow shrugged over the hubcap hidden amongst the crunchy brittle grass. āMakes it easier, sometimes.ā
āNoted.ā You threw your leg over the seat, and made a big production of clicking on the headlight situated between your handlebars. āSee you at work tomorrow, pretty boy.ā
The scoff he was going for devolved into a snort. āBye. Be safe. Please.ā
Eddie locked the door behind him.
For minutes he stood at the center of his uncleās trailer. It looked much the same as any other day when he came home from work, if not neater. But things had changed. As much as he liked eating across from Adrie, the two bowls in the sink were adult-sized, and it wasnāt the scent of stale smoke clinging to Wayneās flannels that had Eddie throwing his arms over his head, locking his grip around his wrist, and twisting back and forth on the spot.
āNot exactly what I meant when I said I was gonna invite her over,ā he informed no one but the darkness behind his closed eyes, remembering he promised Adrie that youād come over soon.
Inhaling deep, he expelled a loud sigh and addressed the leftover soup. āBut what a fucking night, huh?ā
Inundated by the heaviness of feeling wanted, he opened the fridge and grabbed a tall boy stuffed behind the shelf of condiments. It wasnāt a drink of sadness as it usually was, but in celebration.
Afterall, he had much to celebrate. He held your hand. Twice.
And, not to mention, you know, how he showed you the gruesome details of the reality he lived ināhis home, his reputation, his daughter sneezing into his open mouth when he was instructing her on how to take her temperature while you gagged from outside her bedroom. You knew it all, and youād see him tomorrow. And the next day. And the next. Morning smiles, afternoon laughter. Maybe heād even ask that question heād meant to before you left.
But for now..
He ran his fingers over the old tattoo on his shoulder, and pressed his palm over it, replicating the weight of your head resting there when you so lovingly witnessed Adrie being his best wingman, hugging her stuffed unicorn while she slept. Itās what gave him the bravery to wrap his arm around you. And what did you do in return? You leaned into him with a smile, utterly charmed by his forwardness, if his cynical eyes werenāt playing tricks on him.
A voice in the back of his head whispered a seed of doubt, but after a sip, he dismissed it.
āStill fucking got it, Munson,ā he complimented himself, downing a long gulp.
āāāā
See you at work tomorrow..
You definitely didnāt see him tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the next.
āHere you go, my lovely,ā Robin cooed. She entered your room on tiptoes, ever so quiet, and placed your requested bottle of Nyquil on the bedside table with a glass of water. āHowāre you feeling, sweetheart?ā
You broke from your nest of blankets for the lone reason of glaring at her saccharine voice; somehow sweating through yet another t-shirt, while still shivering as if youād just emerged from an ice bath.
āAw, donāt look so grumpy, baby,ā she comforted you with a pinch to your cheek. āItās what you get for locking lips with Eddie.ā
āI did notāā You cut your own self off with a round of coughs, making your attempts at speaking scratchier, and scratchier. And by the time youād recovered, Robin had escorted herself out of your vicinity.
Her giggles haunted you from downstairs.
āYeah, sheās fine!ā She yelled to her mom. āJust lovesick.ā
You rolled over, and sighed.
Goodbye extra sick day.












