blasts and battleships

oh. i'm well to-do but, i ain't no pearl c'est moi. 'bout sum jamz watch somethin' or ask me sompin

[nemfrog]

The nervous system. Man, woman, know thyself! 1908.

Internet Archive

[nobrashfestivity]

Attributed to Wacochachi (Native American)  Drawing of Artist’s World, ca. 1830

[dirtyhands]

13 july 2026 // turn of events

gonna try something new for myself. maybe i've been hoping for something to change the wrong way. not willed and not magic. i knew this day would come. it feels right, i think.

but first, i gotta watch yorkie werewolf. let's see how this goes.

[nobrashfestivity]

Edvard Munch, themes of isolation:

Woman on sea coast, 1888

Evening melancholy , 1891

[nobrashfestivity]

Biho Takashi

Bats In Moonlight, Edo Period

[dirtyhands]

mantra III // mary in the junkyard

it is yours, babe

you deserve it

[dirtyhands]

7 july 2026 // it is yours, babe

mostly, talking to myself. a lot. probably broke a little bit last week. this loneliness is unbearable. but i'm going to try to stop being afraid of it. shun society is running as a mantra. just discovered role model hermit by mary in the junkyard and you know what is so crazy is the other day i wanted to listen to an album just like this. somewhere there's still hope but i'm only trying to hold what is tangible and real. hope is still that but maybe what i was carrying wasn't.

[nevver]

The seasons, Martin Jarrie

[thecinemastrikesback]

Starman (1984) dir. John Carpenter

[dirtyhands]

16 june 2026 //

lowkey want to jump out of my skin. can't tell if that would make it better or worse. i'm so anxious and i feel like i can't seem to fit in anywhere and because of that, like i must be an asshole so obviously it's my fault. brains are so fucking mean man

[nemfrog]

“They swam through the sea, were a long time swimming.” Wonder tales from Russia. 1921.

[dirtyhands]

11 june 2026 // dang

what a flipping doozy since the last time i was here. i've been in and out of social media. lost an old friend due to some fucking scumbags is the fucking worst of it. went back to boston to reflect on their life, but i met them before. going to boston was very powerful in processing, and i think, despite everything, he would have loved to see our old little circle back together again. it's truly crazy to think how meeting one person can change your entire life.

for lately, my little nephew had a big surgery right before his first birthday the other day. he's doing great! my brother is such a good dad, it's like, the best thing to see. my ex has a new boo already and it's obviously not really any of my business anymore but honestly i think i've been a little mad at myself for spending so much time in that relationship after finding out but at the end of the day, i learned a lot and i'm really happy to be committing to why i ended things - i really want to rebuild my sense of community and restructuring my life around what i find value in/within. but work is an absolute trash heap. i'm thinking about getting back on my nursing school path. i just have a few more science pre-reqs that i abandoned during the covid-era of online education. it wasn't a right fit for that. but if life is supposed to be lived without regret, i would regret not seeing that through to wherever it takes me. like it's been nagging at me for 10+ years and i've spent nearly 6000+ dang hours of my life working directly with people at the hospital, and to be honest, i still really miss it. i just really want to help people and this is the best way i've ever done that, i think. that dumb fucking calling lol. but i'm glad to be where i'm at figuring it out. so let's see what i can do in the next couple of years. i just want to be proud of how i contribute to the world while i'm here. oh, and i finished a new stop motion too! so far, i've made a cockroach and a penny for my characters. oh again! i turned 37 last month. woah. i think i'm doing okay.

for today, an unbelievably cute person smiled at me on my way to the pool and taking a dip on a 96 degree day was just what i needed to let my shoulders loosen up a bit. i'm still stressed, but like..whatever. that was nice, at least.

[nemfrog]

Adult and child skeletons go for a walk. Historia Anatomica humani corporis. André du Laurens. 1627.

University of Heidelberg

[nemfrog]

"Andras, grand marquis of Hell. He is seen with the body of an angel (and) the head of an owl." The owl head symbolizes nocturnal malevolence and secret knowledge; the wolf, ferocity; the angel's body, his fallen character.

Dictionnaire infernal. 1863.

Internet Archive

[zedtron774]

Kawanabe Kyosai, White Heron in the Rain, colour woodblock print, Japan, 1880

[nemfrog]

“Keep the bedroom windows open wide while sleeping.” Health habits, physiology and hygiene. 1925. 

[dirtyhands]

april 9, 2026 //

bit sleepy, probably from waking up on the wrong side of the bed for the last few days. just inconsolably grumpy but did have class this evening which i think helped. tried to do some stop motion exercises with puzzle pieces and left a little defeated but i think i learned a lot. it was nice to do something with all this frustrating energy even if it was also frustrating. in a way, i think that made it even more appropriate. there's something about stop motion that seems to work for my brain. i know perfect is the enemy of the good, but try telling my body that. i feel like this helps me push through that need to make everything align just right.

anyway, didn't eat much today so i went to the bar after. really appreciate that one of the good bars near me has a non-alcoholic beer on tap - it's truly a game-changer. i don't really miss it anymore, but it's also not something i can't do if i want to. even nicer that i don't really want to, though. i never thought i'd feel this way about it. i can't say i'm proud of myself, as it was mostly prompted by other health issues but i'm glad i listened to my body and some part of it all worked out this way. there's still an emptiness in my life, an ache for the old days. or something like that. sometimes i tell myself it's just that my brain needs to rewire itself and that takes time. it feels like it's taking a loooooong time. but what is a year or so in the scheme of things. can you believe lenny is thirteen? sheesh, that's crazy. what a good bud.