i don't mind being called a TIF but i prefer being referred to as an FTM, if you're going to refer to me with pronouns at all just use they/them not entirely detrans but disillusioned with trans communities, loud and proud FTM separatist radblr poster but i don't agree with EVERYTHING there, most notably i dislike JKR but i still appreciate the things she does for women i'm an adult, please don't baby me
hey are you good with people dming to talk. i know this might sound odd but ugh. iโm in a sort of similar position to you. although i donโt identify fully as trans iโve become really disillusioned by a lot of the things my friends (AMAB, might as well just say it) say/do. a lot of the other radfems on here sort of intimidate me but iโm trying to find someone who i can talk to who wonโt judge me or something (either for being a โTERFโ or, on the other side, being TOO supportive of trans people despite my current feelings)
hi, i'm okay with dms, i'll just take some time to reply as i log out of this account often and i'm bad at keeping track of messages. i promise won't judge, i'm not the type of person to do that without reason
I understand you experienced issues with transfeminine people to the point of trauma. Itโs unclear though why you would throw trans men under the bus
though I am not ftm I think we are in kind of similar spots. i know i canโt understand what youโve been through or even that i understand the ftm label or struggle but i just want to say that i see you and its going to be okay. you arenโt doing anything wrong and i hope that your use of the label helps you to find community and solace. i hope u have a good day today
thank you for this, i hope you have a good day too <3
I never understood why the "kink at pride" thing was ever a huge debate. like if you really wanna walk around wearing fetish gear there are plenty of clubs out there that are specifically for that sort of activity and are for adults only.
why do you wanna do it at an outdoor event where random bystanders who do not consent to seeing that are around that may include families with their children so badly? I mean, I know the reason but I just wanna hear you say it lol
TERF dumbass wants to call herself a dyke but then spits in the face of everyone who came before her that made it safe for her to do that. Classic "I'm better than those other gays" post.
"I don't like fetish gear at pride events because the children might see a human body but with leather straps and underwear on and I'm so fragile as an adult that seeing even a bit of skin makes me enraged and faint like some sickly Victorian."
I think you'd have better luck reclaiming the R slur for yourself than pushing fascist-puritan views as progressive here. Go learn lgbTq+ history, once you get over seeing a tit and bulge in public. You'd have zero fucking rights were not for pushing boundaries like this at pride.
I never understood why the "kink at pride" thing was ever a huge debate. like if you really wanna walk around wearing fetish gear there are plenty of clubs out there that are specifically for that sort of activity and are for adults only.
why do you wanna do it at an outdoor event where random bystanders who do not consent to seeing that are around that may include families with their children so badly? I mean, I know the reason but I just wanna hear you say it lol
TERF dumbass wants to call herself a dyke but then spits in the face of everyone who came before her that made it safe for her to do that. Classic "I'm better than those other gays" post.
genuinely asking, why are you so disillusioned with trans communities?
it's something that i could apply to plenty of communities, which is why put out for them when they won't put out for me? time and time again i have been cast to the wayside as a transmasculine person by other people in this community, whether it be ignorance or malice. i have been abused and mistreated by this community ever since i first decided to come out when i was still a bit too young to really understand what i was getting into. this community is openly hostile towards transmasculine people, it doesn't take too long in trans spaces on tumblr to figure that out; a lot of these transfeminine people will do anything in their power to put down people who aren't transfeminine and then use their identity as a shield from criticism. they paint all transmasculine people to be from the exact same caste and social class as cisgender men and become infuriated when you tell them that's not the case.
there is a staggering amount of these transfeminine people who are abusive themselves, and i have learned to steer clear of them from not only others' stories but also experiencing these abuses in real life from a transfeminine person. there is a large amount of transfeminine people that fetishize the existence of those born female in ways that i struggle to wrap my head around; getting aroused from wearing feminine clothing, feeling overjoyed at being catcalled or called misogynistic slurs, constantly talking about how hot their penises are and how much better it is because it's "attached to a woman".
cisgender lesbians are called transmisogynistic for not wanting to date or have sex with someone with a penis, and they even have an entire fetish surrounding it (dykebreaking) because they can't fathom being rejected. i have seen several posts of transfeminine people being upset that a cisgender woman didn't want to date them, and even if they were let down easy, everyone just assumes that said woman is a massive TERF. they call each other sisters, but so many of them have incest kinks, read their posts and you'll see countless fantasies about raping younger sisters; this fetishization of the female sisterhood mortifies me. instead of being a fringe group of perverts, it's almost like an expectation; they expect everyone to be okay with it, so they don't tag it, and they get upset when they get banned, calling it "social murder" and "lynching".
and bringing up the topic of race, these transfeminine people are widely racist. they pretend to be allies of people of color by saying "kill all white people" and prefixing their misogynistic spiels with "white", when in actuality the most they do for other races is use them as shields against criticism. "i have black friends so it's morally okay for me to make edgy jokes, and that was in private so why do you care".
any word of dislike against any transfeminine person will get you labeled as a disgusting transmisogynist who does nothing but hurt them and want them to kill themselves, and will lead you to being harassed for days, weeks, even months to come. any valid criticism, any shred of disbelief is libel in their eyes. if you say one of them was abusive, they'll say they don't believe you and it doesn't concern you. if you yourself were abused, you're clearly lying you clearly want this innocent woman homeless, raped, and killed for no reason. if you call one a predator, they'll immediately say you're pedojacketing them and are trying to isolate them to make them kill themself, even if you have direct proof of them doing so because "the victim forgave them" or "it was a long time ago, so drop it".
the community will only ever see people as for them or against them. if you say one thing wrong, you're suddenly a disgusting transmisogynistic TERF who needs to be corrected with violent force. these people are not above death and rape threats because you said something they don't like, just look at JKR. even i've been subject to these abuses despite being transmasculine myself because i don't bend the knee.
and i've only mentioned transfeminine people because of their overall prevalence and demeanor. i have been around enough, i have experienced enough, and i have witnessed enough to know that i can't trust these people with any fiber of my being. even if i don't say anything that could be perceived as inflammatory, i will be met with abuses and cries of being a transmisogynist purely because of the fact that i'm transmasculine. the community is not safe for transmasculine people, or for women in general.
i am disillusioned because i have not had a single positive experience in this community, and i have learned time and time again that the people in this community do not see me or people like me in a positive light. it is almost always either fetishistic or violent, and they never want to take accountability for the things they say because of how they're "much less priveleged". even before peaking, i was constantly at alert to make sure i didn't do anything to offend transfeminine people, even going as far as denying my own sexual orientation lest i be uninclusive. i didn't want to be seen as exclusionary towards these people because i knew how volatile they could be, and i didn't want to be a target of the harassment it usually brings to be on their bad side, especially considering the amount of abuse i've gone through because of this community. it isn't safe for me, and i don't want to continue to be part of something that only hurts me.
there's a weird disconnect between the mtf and ftm communities that i don't think people discuss enough. mtfs are routinely allowed to make jokes about ftms being abused by cis boyfriends and generalizing them to be little uwu soft bois, but as soon as an ftm even dares to say "i think insecure white mtfs have a real racism problem", they're branded a disgusting transmisogynist that only wants to erase trans women
where did i imply racism is purely a white woman problem? is reading like impossible? nowhere does my post imply womanhood is the problem, i don't think they're racist because they see themselves as women, i never said that. i just said that community as a whole is majorly racist, because insecure white mtfs DO have a racism problem.
the community is overly white, so most of them have no experience with talking to trans people that aren't white. there is an overwhelming amount of these white mtfs that always joke about their "racist/nazi phase" like it's just a little goof in their life. it's impossible for me to show sympathy for someone who has been abusive to minorities. do you know how common of a stereotype the "nazi femboy" is? or how many of those later transition and try to play that off like it was nothing?
if i say "this community is racist" and the only thing you get out of that is "it sounds like they're just transphobic", i need you to grow an inch of passion for people of color. denying claims of racism just to say "but if they're transphobic then that sucks :/" is disgusting. just because you don't see this shit happen doesn't mean it doesn't fucking happen.
"puppygirl" should be used the same way they use "birthday boy" from now on since they are the same concept at its core but the former is much more sinister. "noooo don't dump me, I have depression and anxiety, I'm constantly emotionally dysregulated, the only treatment is to have sex with me whenever I want regardless if you even want to and to pay rent for me. dumping me is ableist and transmisogynist. so what if I'm not actually as 'disabled' as I present with you when I'm lovebombing a new mark-I mean gf. you're actively killing me. you're also killing every puppygirl in existence if you tell anyone you're unhappy. pleeeease don't dump me and don't stop paying for my daily mcdonalds breakfast, I'm just a poor innocent disabled puppygirl ๐ฅบ๐ฅบ๐ฅบ๐ฅบ"
i'm not one to reblog but i'll explain it; a birthday boy is just any FTM/TIF who dares to talk about their experiences on the internet in front of a TIM, though they try to say it means "transmisogynistic trans man who uses their sex as a shield" when that isn't what they use it for in the slightest. it's just another word like "theyfab". it comes from the whole "cmon it's my birthday you don't want to hit the birthday boy" thing, and it's weird to see TIMs using it when it was first used by a TERF iirc
Listen, I'm not gonna go after your character or your life or whatever psychotic shit your ideological opponents who want to prove they are more loyal to their misogynistic cause will attack you with,
But....
Aren't you tired? Like, what I mean to say is, you want to be involved in radical feminism, you want to find your people, but deep down, it just feels like you don't even want to see us as your people.
Obviously I don't know you. But to say "I identify as anything but a woman, being referred to as a woman makes me uncomfortable" is going to make it that much harder for you to truly find yourself at home with radical feminists that want to separate themselves from the patriarchy, male supremacy, and women's oppression.
To say "I transitioned to male!" is to say "I want to escape being a woman." And why? Because we are oppressed? It just feels like... How will you escape how males view women as below them, if you feel like you HAVE to pretend you are something you aren't. And why? What does it mean to escape being a woman?
Like, aren't you tried of trying to run away from it? You and I both know it's okay to be a woman who doesn't engage in performative femininity, or doesn't want to perform it. Like now you're trapped in this world where if someone calls you a woman, you experience distress. You experience self hatred.
I just can't see how that is feminist.
Sure, FTMs are TECHNICALLY welcome in feminism. So are tradwives and pro porn/prostitution activists and anti abortionists and religious women, but at the end of the day, they aren't really feminists. We welcome them, but only because we welcome women. They sure as hell do not welcome us.
At some point, something is going to have to give. You're going to have to choose between liberation or serving the patriarchy. It's hard, and if you want to be palatable to the most people, the best option is to lick a mans boot.
Feminism isn't cute, it's not fun, and it's not safe. But in a world where you can choose safety or freedom; feminism, REAL feminism, is freedom.
hi, i appreciate your ask.
i've never said that i haven't wanted to be aligned with women, nor have i said specifically that i don't want to be called one or that i see myself as everything but female. i personally identify the way i do because i simply just.. do. i wouldn't say me calling myself "ftm" is a rejection of womanhood when i recognize the "f" as important above the "tm". i'd say i see myself more as transmasculine over a man at all; i used to consider myself as a trans man, but overtime as i've been peaking i've come to terms with being a woman and have since just start saying transmasculine instead. i haven't been trying to run away from the female label for a long time, it's something that i understand is innately part of me and it's something i want to start connecting with more instead of casting it aside as i did as a teen. i know i don't have to be trans to be masculine, but i still keep the "trans" prefix purely because i've identified as such for such a long time that dropping the label feels a bit awkward at this point in my life. not only that, but i still feel a connection towards others who identify as trans men or transmasculine, and the reason im more inclined towards radical feminism than others who identify similarly is because of the way trans men and transmasculine people are treated in the broader transgender community, aka with the same misogynistic lens that all biological women are viewed with.
i don't want to only be considered as "technically welcome" in a community centered around women. if we can agree that being a woman is something you were born with and not just a feeling, then why are FTMs only "technically welcome"? we are born women, that is an immutable part of ourselves, the entire reason i feel comfortable enough to have a tumblr account in this space is because of the kindness extended to me by the women in this space. they have helped me understand that i don't have to alter my own body to achieve the image i want to present, that i don't have to bend the knee to the mtfs in the trans community and finally accept myself as who i am. i haven't felt more welcome in a community online in ages. i know you don't feel as if people like me can be called "real feminists", but other radical feminists do, and i appreciate them more than i can say with words.
i don't think feminism is cute, fun, or safe either. i've been a feminist since i was 10 years old, and i'm an adult now. i've seen a lot of shit, i've experienced a lot of shit. i'll never stop calling myself one because of how i personally identify, i'm not going to abandon other women at the drop of a hat because i indentify differently than other women, and i'm certainly not going to start sucking up to the patriarchy because i identify differently. i'm a woman at the end of the day, no words are going to change that.
it's fucked up how quickly people will treat you poorly once they realize you're a radfem. i haven't even been here for very long but i've already been called a white supremacist, a dimwit, a nazi, a TERF, a cunt, and given death threats to the point where i turned my anonymous asks off. i've only been posting for barely a month.
.. are you taking about me??? i'm black and i'm not even a detransitioner, nor am i a "terf". i think people talking about kink content on a public forum without making it inaccessible to minors is disgusting, and the way the screenshotted post reduces female pleasure to whoreness and basically saying that in order to sound like a woman you have to moan like one is reprehensible. why is "don't oversexualize woman or call them whores" a hot take? why does that get me called a terf??
and on "tim use is white power", i'm just calling a spade a spade. these are biological men that identify as trans, thus "trans-identified males". it is nothing more than a descriptor. how any of that equates to whiteness is beyond me
why are you insisting that i'm not trans?? i'm not sure how i'm supposed to prove that to you. i've had a trans flag in my room since i was fourteen if that helps you? trans people can say things you disagree with, or are you one of those types that believes everything a tim tells you purely because they're trans?
and that's not labeling me correctly. i don't support white supremacy or whatever bullshit you're trying to accuse me of. i'm not sure where the humor in your sentence was supposed to come in; maybe it just wasn't funny.
