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we're not kids anymore.
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Today's Document
trying on a metaphor
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@disheartenedfeline
those days where your entire train of thought is just “I CAN’T FUCKING DO THIS I CAN’T DO THIS I’M NOT GONNA MAKE IT PLEASE HELP ME” and whole time ur just like. sitting at your desk completely fine
Even if you were a difficult child, you didn't deserve to be hurt.
I hope this message reaches all the neurodiverse and disabled people who were made to feel like their abuse was justified because they had "behaviors".
While this message is true for every child, you are who I had in mind when I wrote it.
i’m hiding worse, more secret emotions behind my big and obvious ones
counterproposal
Guy who never feels like his problems are “bad enough” to be taken seriously: what if I hurt the character so horrifically that everyone around them could not possibly deny the severity of their pain even if the character themself tries to downplay it.
Dreams in April Traci Brimhall
all of my writing is actually just thinly-veiled fantasy about being seen at your worst and still being loved
I love your agreeable and amenable and flexible nature and how none of your wants and needs ever get priority and how nobody even knows what they are to begin with and how you never start or engage in conflicts and never express even mildly unsavory opinions and get along with everyone from every conceivable group, that’s so trustworthy. hey quick question. do you happen to have an enormous pressurized reservoir of rage and resentment you feel like you can’t ever analyze or express because that would break the rules for the kind of person you are and if so, do you think a lifetime of squashing it down might ever backfire?
Kind of want someone to hug me like they came back from war
probably needed a hug. went completely nonverbal and dissociated instead
kind of pisses me off how like, being someone who people find annoying is enough to unperson you
One thing about me is I will never believe I am truly wanted or missed.
bruh having a traumatic childhood is wild cuz i get triggered by seeing some random ass guy be nice to his kid. just explaining things thoroughly, calmly, patiently.
when i was a kid my dad gave me money and sent me to the store alone (younger than 10), he told me i can get anything i want with the money, and i got myself a beanie baby cat. it was like $10. came home and got in so much trouble, screamed at, threatened, belittled, hit. i wasn't supposed to get anything i wanted, no, despite being told that (and confirming with a wide eyed "anything?") i was a fucking idiot for thinking he meant anything i wanted. obviously he meant any snack i wanted. and i was a defiant disobedient brat for getting a toy cat instead of a snack. of course. obviously. duh. (don't worry i never believed i was in the wrong here. i knew he told me anything, and he was the one who was wrong. i just endured being in trouble and moved on.)
so in this video, this dad is taking his kid to the store, and he says at first "you can get anything you want with this $20 and we will add it up together" then he later reiterates more clearly, probably for the same reason that i misunderstood as a child, "you can get any food you want"
and then I started deeply thinking about my stupid ass traumatic memory and then even went so far as to write a tumblr post about it this time. don't know that there was a point to this it's just fucked up. good for that other kid though, genuinely. and good for that dad
somebody in the replies reminded me of a story my dad told me once, about when he was a kid
it was the 60s and he had to walk uphill both ways to school, in the middle of nebraska farm country. he quite literally attended a one room school house.
his dad gave him 10¢ to get a piece of gum on the way home from school
my dad got the gum on the way to school instead
a genuinely harmless offense, not a big deal, it was his money, his gum, his choice right? when and where he chewed the gum didn't have any impact on anyone else right?
wrong.
he came home from school, mouth empty, and my grandpa flew off the fucking handle. my dad tried to lie and say he just lost it on the way home but it was too late. my dad got beat because he decided to use his money, given to him to spend freely on gum of his choice, a little bit sooner than he was supposed to. because he didn't come home with gum in his mouth.
the light snow gives off at night is one of my favorite things in the world