In this episode, meet Rachel's mum and hear her thoughts on 9-1-1 and 9-1-1 Lone Star, see if you can catch the moment Rachel couldn't cope with her mum's word choice, and find out how many character's names Rachel's step-dad can remember!
Listen to a preview above, stream the full episode on Anchor.fm, or find it on platforms including Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, and more.
See the show notes below for timestamps of when specific discussion takes place, and for links to references made and Rachel's recommendations for works by creators @logangarfield @evelynwangs @bilosan @alkaysani @laylakeating @bieddiediaz @buckhelped @hotcinnamonsunset @butchdiaz @iinryer @calyssmarviss @henwilsonmd @renecdote
Show Notes:
Topics:
Welcome and guest intro (04:30)
How much of 9-1-1 has Rachel's mum seen (06:44)
Favourite things about the show (09:32)
Is the show what Rachel's mum expected? (15:40)
Favourite characters (21:51)
Favourite relationship dynamics (21:11)
Favourite episode/arc (30:17)
OG vs Lone Star (41:52)
Backstory on the name game (43:13)
Any regrets? (44:18)
Name game (45:19)
Rachel's recommendations (53:59)
Referred to in episode:
Jess mistmarauder
Tumblr post mentioning a review of Tomorrow
Rachel's recommendations:
911 Begins Episodes + Music gifset by logangarfield
Buck and Eddie soundtrack gifset by evelynwangs
your name forever the name on my lips gifset and zombie apocalypse au gifset by bilosan
ready or not gifset by alkaysani
maddie horror film gifset by laylakeating
buck helped gifset by buckhelped
you're losing me gifset by bieddiediaz
the 118 + your boyfriend meme by hotcinnamonsunset
it came upon a lightning strike art by iinryer
buck and eddie art by calyssmarviss
ultimate ceiling buddie edit vid by butchdiaz
all i ever wanted was a life in your shape fic by henwilsonmd (tuckergreen)
honestly I wasn't planning to post this because I thought it was too silly but @nymika-arts said I should so. if you like it you can thank her <3
[Read on AO3]
Buckâs feet are up on the coffee table, his head tipped back against the couch, eyes closed but not sleeping when Eddie sits beside him, mentally apologising to Hen and Bobby as he puts his own feet up on the coffee table and makes himself comfortable. The cushions bounce a little, tipping them towards each other, and Buck grunts at being displaced, then tips himself fully against Eddieâs side. Itâs late. They should both be in the bunks trying to get some sleep like everyone else, but Eddie came upstairs for a glass of water and found the glow of the TV and his best friend on the couch instead, a lure impossible to resist.
âWhat are you watching?â he asks. The scene that is playing out is vaguely familiar but not enough that he can recall the name of the movie or even the actors starring in it.
Buck opens his eyes, head lifting just slightly to squint at the TV. âUm, something about wedding dresses? I donât know, it was already on when I got here.â
They watch in silence for a few minutes, TV light playing across their faces, but soon Buckâs eyes are closed again, his head back on Eddieâs shoulder, and Eddie tips his own head back against the couch, too tired to figure out the movieâs plot when itâs already halfway through. Girl meets guy, falls in love with guy, denies that sheâs in love with guy, guy wins her over in the end. Something like that, probably. Everyone lives happily ever after.
The background noise of the movie and the warm weight of his best friend against his side is lulling Eddie towards a nap when Buck breaks the silence.
âDo you want to get married?â
âSure,â Eddie answers sleepily. âFall wedding?â
âWhat?â Buck frowns, and Eddie realises: oh, he meant do I want to get married generally not to him specifically. Then Buck is asking, âWhy fall?â
Eddie waves a hand: why not? âThe leaves are pretty.â
âThe leavesââ Buck stops, shaking his head. âWe live in LA, Eddie, weâre not exactly swimming in fall vibes.â
Vibes, Eddie mouthes at the ceiling. He blames Ravi and whatever influence heâs had on Buckâs vocabulary. Then he stops, thinks about it some more, and mentally apologises to Ravi for blaming him. Heâs pretty sure Bobby is the one who brought vibes into the firehouse.
âFall has good weather too,â he says. It was summer when he married Shannon and a low pressure system brought down biting, heavy rain that soaked them through as soon as they stepped outside the church. âNot too hot, not too cold, less chance of rainâŠâ
âDoesnât that happen in a movie?â
Eddieâs turn to frown. âWhat?â
âThereâs a movie where it rains during the wedding,â Buck says. âI canât remember if itâs supposed to be a good sign or bad sign, though.â
âI think itâs just a sign that itâs raining.â
Buck rolls his eyes. âIn the movie, Eds. Like a sign that sheâs marrying the right guy or the wrong guy, you know?â
Eddie thinks about fat drops of rain smacking him in the face, his hair sticking limply to his forehead, Shannon shivering against his side, not noticing or not caring as the hem of her wedding dress turns black from the mud.
He thinks about Shannon, pregnant, and the way it felt like a sign. The way it felt like a sign the second time too, but was just the universe mocking him for believing in something like signs.
âI think Hollywood makes rain seem a lot more romantic than it actually is,â he says, shrugging the melancholy away.
âYeah,â Buck agrees, something distant in his eyes like heâs remembering some awkward relationship moment of his own in the rain. âAnd snow. Itâs like they forget how cold and unpleasant it gets.â
He shivers as he says it, some phantom memory attached to that too. Eddie thinks about asking, but Buckâs past is a patchwork of old bruises and anything he doesnât willingly share is usually one he doesnât want poked at. If they were at home, on the couch or in the kitchen, nursing a six pack between themâmaybe then Eddie would poke anyway, ready to soothe any hurt it uncovered. Now he just nudges Buck with his elbow and says, âSo, fall wedding. No rain, no snow, we wonât sweat through our tuxes before we get to the end of the aisle.â
He catches it a beat too lateâweâand braces himself for rejection, for laughing it off, for fumbling through an explanation. His heart is torn, hoping Buck will think he just meant theyâd both be in tuxes and walking down the aisle because heâd be Eddieâs best man, and half dreading that thatâs all Buck will think when he pictures them at the altar together.
Exceptâ
âWe could have a destination wedding,â Buck suggests, his fingers idly pulling a loose thread on one of Eddieâs buttons. Eddie swats his hand away before he can unravel it completely.
âDestination weddings are expensive,â he counters. âWe should just get married at the courthouse and save all our money for the honeymoon.â
Buck snorts. âYou want to pull a Bobby?â
âI didnât say we wouldnât invite anyone.â
He wants to say all I need is you, me and Chris but everything this conversation has become already feels too dangerous. Too close to serious. Theyâve always been good at blurring the line between friends and whatever else they could be, but this feels too blurry even for them. Eddie wonders if he should pinch himself, just to make sure he isnât dreaming.
âAnd weâll have a party too,â Buck adds. âDo you think Henâs cake guy could do a wedding cake?â
âI think Henâs cake guy can do anything,â Eddie replies, his mouth somehow still working while his brain is spinning, spinning, spinning. He doesnât remember a lot of the time he spent under the influence of the LSD brownies, but heâs pretty sure it would have felt like this: everything heightened, one step to the side of reality, this unrelenting gravitational pull towards Buck even back then.
âI donât know what everyone complains about,â Buck says, head tipped back to smile at him. âWedding planning isnât so hard.â
Eddie smiles back, like itâs just another inside joke between them. Like this conversation isnât happening in the middle of a bubble, thin and wobbly and liable to pop at any moment. He wants to say you make everything easy but the edges of the words are too sharp, too real, and heâs not ready for the bubble to pop just yet. He wants to enjoy it, even though he knows it canât last.
The music in the movie swells as the girl finally gets her Big Damn Kiss and the start of her happily ever after. Buck smiles twists into something wistful as he turns back to the screen and Eddie wants to hold him tighter, but heâs not even holding Buck so it doesnât make sense.
âI miss kissing,â Buck tells him, quiet enough that it feels like a confession. âNotâI mean, I like sex too, obviously, but kissing just for the sake of kissing, you know?â
Itâs late. Everyone else is asleep downstairs. The glow of the TV and the dim yellow light left on above the stove make the shadows feel deeper around them, the night fuzzy around the edges. The movieâs final scene is rolling into the credits, another love song playing quietly through the loft. Their bubble hasnât popped yet.
Maybe itâs all of those things, or none of those things, that makes Eddie say, âI could kiss you.â
Buck goes still.
Eddie wonders if he could bite clean through his tongue so he can never speak again. Human teeth are crazy strong so itâs definitely possible, right?
Buck would know if itâs possible, he thinks, and then he really does have to bite his tongue so he doesnât laugh hysterically. God, why did he say that? Just because he was thinking about kissing Buckâhas been thinking about it for months going on yearsâdoesnât mean he should have said it. Heâs halfway to an apologyâan excuse, maybe, some way to laugh it off as practice for their hypothetical trip down the aisleâwhen Buck sits up, pulling Eddie upright with him.
âOkay,â he says. âShow me what youâve got, Diaz.â
His grin is all bravado, but Eddie knows him well enough to see the nervousness at the edges. It soothes him, somehow, knowing Buck is nervous too. Not that this isnât still a completely stupid idea, the kind of idea that they can never come back from and will probably regret in about two minutes, butâ
He cradles the back of Buckâs head, holding him steady while Eddie tilts his own head to fit their lips together. Gentle at first, growing bolder when Buckâs hands curl in the front of his shirt to pull him closer, tongue running along the seam of his lips until they open to welcome Eddie inside. Buck tastes like coffee, a little bit sweet like the vanilla syrup he keeps hidden away at the back of the cupboard in the kitchen. His breath is warm against Eddieâs chin when they break apart just long enough to breathe, lips lingering together, noses bumping, one kiss made up of a dozen smaller kisses.
Eddie pulls away first, forehead resting against Buckâs just for a moment before he drops his hand from the back of Buckâs neck and makes himself sit back. His hands are shaking, he thinks, and he doesnât know if itâs fear or desire.
âOh,â Buck murmurs, reaching up to touch his lips, an absent kind of movement like he doesnât even realise heâs doing it.
Eddie swallows, the taste of Buck still on his tongue. He shouldâsay something, do something, probably not lean in and kiss his best friend again (and again and again).
They both jump when the bell rings.
âEddieââ Buck starts, but thereâs no time. Eddieâs fingers are tingling, his heart stuttering in his chest, but his feet are already moving, muscle memory carrying him while his brain buffers trying to catch up.
âWe have to go,â he says, and heâs as grateful as he is irritated by the interruption of the alarm.
âEddie,â Buck says again, catching his hand to halt him before he can climb into the engine. Theyâve got seconds before Bobby sticks his head out the window to ask them what the hold up is, but it only takes a handful of seconds to say, âOctober.â
âWhat?â
Buck smiles, âLetâs get married in October.â
He ducks in close enough to kiss Eddie on the corner of the mouth, quick and lop-sided, and then heâs climbing into the engine with a bounce in his step, andâ
Oh, Eddie realises, he did mean he wants to marry me specifically.
(âSoo.â Chimney draws the word out awkwardly, looking around at everyone crammed into the engine together. âWe all saw that, right?â
âOh yeah,â Hen answers, her eyebrows raised above her glasses. âWe definitely all saw that.â
Eddie just shrugs, his knee pressing against Buckâs thigh, their eyes catching and holding, unable to help smiling at each other while everyone else looks on. âI have no idea what youâre talking about.â
Thereâs a round of âuh huhâs and âsure you donâtâs and a half-muttered âat least Iâm not finding out about this one four months laterâ from Bobby.
âBy the way,â Buck adds when itâs quiet again, âyouâre all invited the wedding.â
Theyâre still smiling at each other like lovesick fools when the engine explodes into a cacophony of exclamations around them.)
âBuck,â said Eddie, trying to school his face into something less fond and amused. âThatâs my couch.â
Buck turned from where heâd been happily showing off the new piece of furniture heâd gotten with Natalia the day prior. âWhat?â
âThe couch,â Eddie repeated, with a quirk of his eyebrow. âYou bought my exact couch.â
âNo,â Buck replied with a shake of his head. âNo, itâs definitely different.â
read on ao3
Eddie looked at itâa three-seater in dark blue, velvet-y fabric with square corners and deep seats to accommodate his long legs. Theyâd picked out some nice white decorative pillows for it, and itâs certainly brand-new looking, butâ
âItâs totally the same.â Eddie gave up on hiding his smile.
Buck looked back to the couch, tilting his head to scrutinize it. After a moment, he sighed, planting his hands on his hips. âAh, fuck. Itâs totally the same.â
Eddie groaned, letting his head thump back onto the edge of the cot behind him. âThe pain meds are definitely kicking in.â
âWell, good,â snarked Buck from a chair next to him, attention half-focused on his phone in his hands. âThatâs what theyâre supposed to do.â
Eddie sighed, long-suffering. âYou too?â
âYes, Eddie, me too.â Buck replied, thumbs flying as he tapped out something on the screen in his hands. Probably to Maddie. Probably about Chim. Who was probably okay. âYour ribs are fucking broken.â
âYeah,â Eddie said, staring at the ceiling. âAnd I know what they feel like. Iâm fine, there wasâother stuff going on.â He thought about that paramedic from the 133 shining a penlight into Henâs eyes, frowning like he didnât like the results and going back in to do it again. He thought about the constant jitter of Buckâs leg next to him, the constant worry for Bobby and Chimney whoâd taken the other two ambulances before the three of them had managed to squeeze into another cab. âBesides,â Eddie pulled himself back on track. âDid you even get checked out?â He leveled Buck with a look that he hoped had more energy behind it than he had left.
Buck shrugged, powering off his phone with a click. âIâm fine.â
âThereâs blood all over your face,â Eddie pointed out.
âHen cleaned most of it up already.â
âThere was more?â
âThatâsâEddie, Iâm fine,â Buck said, turning towards him. âI scraped up my cheek and bit my tongue when I fell, and, sure, Iâll be a little bruised, but Iâm fine.â
âYou lost consciousness,â Eddie pointed out, and he swallowed around a dry throat.
âHow⊠how did you know that?â Buck stuttered in reply.
Eddie gave his own shrug, picking at the edge of the right kneepad on his turnout pants. âI didnât pass out. I radioed right after Iâd gotten my bearings, but no one answered. Then, like, thirty seconds later you must have woken up.â
Buck, for a moment, held Eddieâs gaze with something so unbelievably devastated, and guiltyâlike the thought of not being able to answer Eddieâs call was the worst possible thing that had happened that day. Then he flicked his eyes down to the floor. âOkay, s-so, like, thirty seconds. Iâm fine, Eddie. Really.â
Eddie frowned, thinking about those thirty secondsâan unbearable weight on his back, a growing pain in his chest, and the clawing panic as he listened to the silence stretching out on the other side of the radio and fought the mounting urge to plead, Iâm still alive, please, Iâm still alive down here.
And then how heâd breathed a hugely painful sigh of relief when Buck finally asked for a headcount, how heâd fumbled into his pocket for his St. Christopher medal and prayedâsomething he hadnât done since that awful week of the coma. Prayed that heâd come home safe to his son, but also that Buck would be carefulâthat he wouldnât do something stupid and destructive and reckless to save any of them.
That heady rush of gratitude when Buck had sawed the doors open, taking off his safety goggles and assessing Eddieâs situation with a calculating, heavy gaze.
Next to him, Buck cleared his throat, shifting in the chair. âAnyway, you broke three ribs, man. Let the meds do their job.â
Eddie huffed a laugh, leaning back into the pillows behind him. âTrust me, they are.â
Eddie sipped his Diet Coke, beer off-limits because he was still taking the Tylenol threes. âSo, you finally got a new couch.â
âI had a couch before,â Buck pointed out, a matching soda in his hand for solidarity. âKameron justâyâknow, gave birth all over it.â
âYeah,â Eddie said, snorting a soft laugh. âThat must have been wild.â
Buck chuckled. âThe baby didnât want to wait, I guess.â
âImpatient little guy,â Eddie said. âMust be those Buckley genes.â
âHey,â Buck protested, pointing a finger. âI can be plenty patient.â
âSure,â Eddie agreed placatingly, but be noticed how there seemed to be something more behind the mirth in Buckâs eyesâthe plastic pieces at the edges of his smile. He fought the urge to say I told you soâmostly because it would have been childish, but also because Buck hadnât asked for his opinion at any step of the way, and Eddie hadnât offered.
Eddie decided to wait him outâusually the best course of action when it came to Buck. Eddie understood intimately how much time it could take to parse through a mess of feelings in your brain and formulate them into words that would make sense to another person. Usually, Eddie would sit quietly and sip his beer while watching Buckâs feelings play out on his unguarded face, and after a minute or two Buck would haltingly begin to explain what had been going on with him.
Eddie had tried to explain that to Maddie when theyâd both been nearly sick with worry over Buckâs post-coma mental state. âHeâll come to you when heâs ready,â Eddie had said over the phone. âYou canât force him to talk about it.â
âEddie, you donât know him like I do,â Maddie had protested. âHe shouldnât be alone right now.â
And Eddie had opened his mouth to say no, actually, I know him better than you, I know him better than anyone, butâthatâs not true, is it? Why would Eddie know Buck better than his own sister, whoâs spent the entire thirty years of his life caring for him, when Eddieâs only had him forâwhat, five years? Then subtract all the things they didnât talk to each other about and all the issues theyâve had, andâyeah, who is Eddie to say whatâs best for Buck?
And then Buck had knocked on his door and passed out on his couch and Eddie had felt righteously vindicated in a way that he almost wanted to rub in Maddieâs face, which was kind of bitchy of him to think.
So, Buck sipped his soda next to Eddie on his new couch, a storm of emotions clear on his face, and Eddie waited him out because thatâs what he does.
Buck let out a sigh, and Eddie thought, here it is, heâll let me in, and thenâ âWant to watch the Dodgers game?â
Eddie blinked. âUm, sure.â
And Buck turned on the TV.
Doubt roiled in Eddieâs gut.
âWhat about Hen?â Eddie asked, Buckâs hand tight on his arm as he helped him into the passenger seat of the Jeep.
âKaren already took her home, sheâs fine,â Buck replied easily, before he shut the door and rounded the front of the car.
Heâd left when Eddie had been taken back for x-rays, taking an Uber back to the station to pick up his car so he could come back to get Eddie and drive them both home. Eddie absently wondered when he would get a chance to get his truck from the station parking lot.
Buck hopped into the driverâs seat, fitting his keys in the ignition but pausing before turning the engine. He fixed Eddie with a gentle, reassuring look. âSeriously, man, everyoneâs fine. Athenaâs with Bobby, Maddieâs with Chim, letâs go home.â
Eddie swallowed, biting the inside of his cheek as he thought about just how close literally every single one of them except Ravi had come to something far more serious than some hospital bills and time off work.
His gaze slid to Buck, who flashed him that small, soft, close-mouthed smile that Eddie rarely sawâthe one that made his chest feel warm and gooey.
âOkay. Letâs go home.â
The Dodgers were losing, and Buck wasnât talking about it. Eddie tried not to either of those things get to him.
During a commercial break, Buck got up to throw their empty pizza boxes away, waving Eddie off as he moved to help.
When he came back into the living room, he paused under the overhang of the loft, just staring at Eddie.
âWhat?â he asked, a bit self-conscious.
Buck huffed a laugh, shaking his head. âI canât believe I bought your couch.â
Eddie snorted. âDonât worry about it, man. Itâs flattering. You think I have good taste.â
Buck raised an eyebrow. âI donât know if thatâs it. Half the furniture in your house is from Target.â
Eddie sputtered. âIâwhatâs wrong with Target furniture?â
Buck, lowering himself back onto the cushions next to Eddie, raised his hands in a show of innocence. âNothing, man. I justâI donât know if I would call it good taste.â
Having no comeback, Eddie just whacked him in the shoulder.
Buck laughed, playfully pushing his hand away. âHey, câmon, donât start shit when I canât retaliate.â
Eddie smirked. âWhy? âCause you know you canât take me?â
âNo,â Buck denied. ââCause your ribs are still fucking broken.â
Eddie rolled his eyes. âIâm fine, Buck.â
âWell.â Buck crossed his arms, turning back to the TV as the next inning started. âForgive me for wanting to be careful.â
For a moment, Eddie considered saying hey, maybe we should talk about how I couldâve almost died again? But Buck clearly wasnât in the mood to talk about the big things, and Eddie didnât really want to think about that yet either, so he settled for bumping their shoulders together.
Buck leaned right back into him, and neither of them moved apartâthe comforting warmth of the contact buzzing in Eddieâs brain like the alcohol he wasnât drinking.
Eddie smiled down at his hands. âYou like my couch,â he teased.
âYeah, yeah,â Buck groused, slouching into the cushions as they watched a batter swing and miss yet again. âDonât let it go to your head.â
âAre you sure youâre both alright?â Carla asked, a worried hand hovering over his elbow. âI caught some of the collapse on the news.â
Eddie flashed her a smile before turning to pour two glasses of waterâone for him and one for Buck, who was off in Christopherâs room. âWeâre okay,â he said. âA little banged up, but the doctors said I should be back to work in six weeks or less.â
Carla narrowed her eyes. âYou better take that full six weeks.â
Eddie set the Brita down and met her gaze. âIâm fine, Carla. Really.â
She sighed, crossing her arms. âI justâI worry about you, Eddie. Okay? I know youâd rather I didnât, but I canât help it.â
Eddie ducked his head and smiled, a bit, filled with that familiar half-disbelief that people really do care about him. âI know it doesnât look like it, butâI was lucky today. That nothing worse happened, thatâthat Buck was there to pull me out.â
Carla scoffed. âOf course he was. I donât think luck had anything to do with that one.â
Eddie tried to fight the blush off his cheeksâhe didnât know what to do with that. Carlaâs surety that Buck would save him come hell or high water. His own surety that Buck would be ripping open the doors of that camper van any second now.
When she realized he wasnât going to say anything, Carla cleared her throat. âI should go. You up for a hug?â
âFrom you?â Eddie responded easily. âAlways.â
Carla pulled him into a gentle-but-still-desperate embrace. âOkay, Iâll get out of your hair.â With a frown, she brought a hand up to ruffle the wilting mess on Eddieâs head. âYour dusty-ass hair. Take a shower, alright?â
Eddie laughed. âAlright, alright.â
âItâs a little early for a welcome back party, donât you think?â Eddie said as Athena hugged him in greeting, Christopher heading off in search of the other kids.
âYou and Bobby are headed back tomorrow,â Athena pointed out.
âYeah, and Chimneyâs not back for another two weeks.â
âAnd you best believe Iâll throw another party for him.â
Eddie laughed, before venturing further into the house to greet everyone else. His ribs had healed perfectly, barely a twinge when heâd thrown himself onto the couch in triumph yesterday. Whichâspeaking of, Eddieâs phone was burning a hole in his pocket and he was doing a very good job of ignoring that.
Or, he was, until a lull in conversation found him standing alone in the kitchen and pulling it out of his jeans. No texts. Whichâof course, theyâd agreed to go for coffee after his shift on Friday, why would she text him before thatâbut, still. Eddie was nervous. Sue him.
His thumbs hover over the keyboard for a moment while he debates if itâs too much of a desperate move to text Marisol before they even go on a date. Christopher would know.
âWho are you texting?â asked a voice, and Eddie fumbled to turn off his phone and shove it in his pocket before someone could see⊠what?
He looked up to see Buck smiling at his antics, a beer in hand.
âOh, itâs you,â Eddie sighed, leaning against the counter.
Buck sidled over to join him, staring out the windows at the backyard where the party was in full swing. âJust me. Sorry, didnât mean to scare you.â
âItâs fine,â Eddie replied, for some reason hoping desperately that Buck wouldnât ask him aboutâ
âSo,â Buck nudged an elbow into his arm. âWho were you texting?â
âfuck. Eddie wasnât sure why this felt like something he didnât want to tell Buck, to whom he tells everything, but⊠they donât really talk about their girlfriends? It was always, always awkward, and it always left him with a sour taste in his mouth.
But, Eddieâs excited about this. Marisol probably wonât be the one, or whatever, butâstill. Eddie was excited that his brain was finally in a place where he could think about opening up his life to someone and it wouldnât send him into a panic attack that landed him in the ER.
And Buck asked.
And Eddieâs not in the habit of saying no to him.
âUm,â he started. âDo you remember Marisol? From theââ
ââyeah, yeah!â Buck cut him off. âSo, you were texting her?â He raised his eyebrows, a knowing glint in his gaze.
Eddie blushed. âYeah, uh⊠weâre going on a date?â he said quietly, a pit of dread or something similar opening in his gut.
Buck was quiet for a moment, and Eddie risked a glance at his face. He just caught the edge of something shocked and maybe fearful in his expression before it cleared and was replaced by one of those huge, sunny smiles.
âEddie!â Buck exclaimed. âThatâs great! Oh my god, man, this is awesome,â he enthused, slinging an arm around Eddieâs shoulders and squeezing him close.
âYeah,â Eddie chuckled, still unsure why part of him felt sick with guilt.
âHey, ever notice how we always start dating at the same time?â
âNo, do we?â Eddie lied, thinking about how heâd agonized over making the call and kept telling himself Buckâs with Natalia now, you should do this.
Buck laughed again, before he jolted with surprise and turned to Eddie, excitedly slapping him on the arm. âDude! We can go on double dates now!â
Eddie frowned. âWe didnât last time.â
Buck shrugged. âWell, you didnât like Taylor, so I figuredââ
âI liked Taylor,â Eddie protested.
Buck snorted. âUh, no, you didnât.â
Eddie tilted his head in a you-got-me face. âI kind of didnât. I thought you didnât notice.â
Buck dropped his arm around Eddieâs shoulders again, making Eddie huff out a breath. âOh, Edmundo, I always notice.â
No you donât, Eddie thought, and then he ignored that.
âBut,â Buck continued, a hesitation in his voice. âYouâyou like Natalia, right?â
Eddie didnât really know her at all, except for how excited sheâd been about Buckâs death-that-didnât-stick and how angry that had made him. âYeah,â Eddie lied again. âSheâs good for you. And she has good taste in couches.â
Buck laughed, relieved. âGood. Soâweâll do a double date, yeah? Me, you, Natalia, Marisol.â
Fuck, no. Eddie thought. That sounds awful.
âYeah, sure,â Eddie said instead. âThat sounds great.â
Eddie was in the kitchen, pre-heating the oven to heat up some frozen chicken tenders because he didnât have the energy to cook anything else when he felt little arms wrap gently around his midsection. It hurt his ribs, but Eddie didnât have the heart to dislodge his sonânot when these hugs were becoming rarer and rarer each day.
âHey, kid,â Eddie said, turning in the hold and dropping a hand onto Christopherâs head. âWhatâs up?â
Eddie had already seen him, when he popped his head into Christopherâs room to find him sitting with Buck, a careful hand brushing the wounds on the manâs cheek. The sight had made something massive and unknowable bloom inside Eddieâs broken chest, threatening to choke him. Heâd tamped it down and hugged Chris hello before heading off to shower, but apparently that hadnât been enough.
Chris looked up, propping his chin on Eddieâs sternum. âIâm glad youâre okay,â he said, a tightness in his voice betraying him.
Eddie smiled. âMe too.â Even though it sparked the ache in his side into a bona-fide pain, Eddie leaned over to drop a kiss onto Christopherâs headâsomething he barely tolerates anymore. âHey, the doctors said Iâd be good as new in six weeks. Think you can deal with having me around all the time for that long?â
Chris laughed, bright and happy, and Eddieâs heart sang. âIâll try,â he joked, and then something clouded passed over his face. âBuckâs okay, too, right? His face is bloody.â
âOh, buddy,â Eddie sighed. Usually, he would kneel down to meet Christopherâs gaze, but he settled for easing himself into a chair and ignoring the concerned look Chris was giving him. âBuckâs totally fine, he just got scraped up a little bit. And today was prettyâpretty scary. For both of us.â He swallowed down the urge to berate himself for telling his kid he was scared, and it seemed to be the right move, because Chris nodded along with wide, careful eyes.
Eddie sighed again, settling his hands on his sonâs shoulders. âButâtell you what. Buckâs gonna stay with us tonight, and heâs pretty bad at taking care of himself, right?â Chris giggled at that, and Eddie smiled in response. âSo you and I are gonna have to be sneaky about taking care of him tonight, okay?â
Eddie expected Chris to give another sweet smile, and maybe to offer some comfort so earnest and childlike in its innocence that it made everything in the world feel right again, so he wasnât quite sure to do when Chris burst out into loud, raucous laughter.
âOkay, whatâs so funny?â he said, playing at being annoyed.
âItâs just,â Chris managed through his massive smile. âThatâs exactly what Buck said. About you!â
Eddie just blinked in response, and Chris fell into peals of laughter again. âOkay,â Eddie said with mock-offense. âOkay, I see how it is. Gang up on the injured guy, why donât you.â
âDa-ad,â Chris whined, fixing him with a very grown-up look. âWe just care about you.â
Eddie pursed his lips, that unknown emotion threatening to drown him again. âYeah,â he said, more choked-up than he would like. âI know.â
A small hand covered his, and Eddie flipped his own over to give it a squeeze. âWhy donât you go put on the next episode of MarĂa, okay? Weâll translate for Buck.â
Chris smirked. âYou mean youâll translate for Buck.â
âHey, donât sell yourself short, kid,â Eddie offered as Chris disappeared into the living room.
And later, when they were all piled on the couch, Christopher giggling at Eddieâs half-assed translations and Buck protesting that he understands more Spanish than you think, guys, the newest dose of pain meds forced upon him by Buck making his head more than a bit fuzzy, Eddie thought to himself: I wish it could be like this forever.
Buck shouted in exaggerated outrage to make Chris laugh, gesturing at some ridiculous plot point playing out on the screen, and Eddie let that huge wave of feeling bowl him overâthat world-ending, all-consuming love.
Just this. Forever.
âHold on, let me get this straight,â Hen said, a hand raised to keep Eddie quiet. âHe has this whole thing about his girlfriends being couches, and the couch he finally bought is your couch?â
Feeling somehow embarrassed, Eddie just nodded. Hen shared a smirk with Chimney, sitting on the lawn chair that Maddie hadnât let him move from for the entire party.
âHeâs been looking for the perfect couch, but it was yours all along!â Chim crowed, and Hen dissolved into giggles. She was definitely more than a little drunk.
âItâs so sweet, Eddie, come on,â she needled.
âWell, sure, butââ Eddie sputtered. ââromantic? Come on, guys.â
âNo, youâyou come on.â Hen said around a hiccup. âYou guys areâBuck and Eddie! Eddie and Buck!â
âYeah,â Eddie replied with a frown. âAnd you guys are Hen and Chim.â
âNah, no, no, no,â Chim said with a wagging finger. âItâs not the same.â
âHow is it not the same?â Eddie threw his hands in the air, one hampered by the half-full bottle in his hand. âYou guys are partners, just like us.â
âYeah, but,â Hen said. âYou guys are partners,â she explained, trying for some hand gesture that must have gotten lost in the all the alcohol and rush of the party because she just ended up clasping her hands together awkwardly.
âYou guys are crazy,â Eddie said with a long-suffering shake of his head.
âAnd youâre crazy about Buck,â Hen said in an itâs-so-obvious whisper.
Eddie drew back. âWhat?â
âHenââ Chimney started, a hand on her arm.
She shook him off. âNo, I gottaâEddie, you and Buck are like, perfect for each other. You love him, right?â Her eyes were wide and earnest behind her glasses.
âOf course I do,â Eddie said automatically.
Hen gestured emphatically, whacking Chim on the shoulder like this proved her point.
âHen,â Eddie said gently. âDid you forget that Iâm straight?â
Hen scowled, like she did not want to be reminded of this fact. âOkay, but likeâif Buck was a girl, you would have asked him out by now. Youâd be likeâfucking married by now.â
Eddie opened his mouth to respond, but found his mind stuck on Henâs words. If Buck was a girl. Him and Buck, married. Eddie felt far drunker than he should be off just one and a half beers.
âEddie, ignore her,â Chim cut in.
Hen frowned. âIâm going to find Karen,â she declared.
Eddie watched her retreating form, unsticking his tongue from the roof of his mouth. âHeâs my best friend,â he said belatedly.
âEddie.â Chimney kicked his leg. âIgnore her, okay? Sheâs drunk.â
âYeah, butââ Eddie started.
âLook,â Chim sighed. âWe joke about you and Buck sometimes, okay?â
âYou do?â Eddie asked.
âLittle stuff,â Chimney assured. âJust, like, youâre each otherâs favorite person and youâre missing whatâs right in front of you, or whatever.â
Eddie opened his mouth to respond, to refuteâwhat?âbut Chim continued.
âBut theyâre just jokes, okay? We know youâre both straight. I mean, itâd be great if you werenât, or whatever, but thatâs not the world we live in.â
Eddieâs jaw closed with a click. He sipped his beer.
âHeâs your best friend.â Eddie looked back to Chimney. âAnd thatâsââ He seemed to search Eddieâs face for a moment. âThatâs enough, right?â
Eddie swallows. âYeah. Why wouldnât it be?â
âExactly,â Chim agreed with an easy smile. âSo, donât worry about it, okay? Sheâs just drunk and forgot that we donât make those jokes in front of you guys.â
Eddie nodded. âRight. Besides, Buck has a girlfriend, andâI have a date on Friday, soâŠâ
âYou have a date on Friday?â Chimney exclaimed. âThatâs great!â
âYeah,â Eddie agreed, voice flat.
Chimney clapped him on the forearm, unable to reach his shoulder from his sitting position. âLook, man, youâll find that perfect girl-version of Buck out there, okay? I believe.â
Eddie chuckled. âSure.â
He looked out to the partyâhis eyes immediately found Buck, head thrown back in laughter at something Athena had said. The string lights of the backyard made his styled curls shine with a honey-colored fire, his fingers curled carelessly around the neck of a beer bottle made Eddieâs mouth feel suddenly dry.
Just this. Just you, Eddie thought.
âYouâre right,â he said to Chimney with a hollow smile. âIâll find someone.â
[Image ID: five tumblr text post screenshots (image ID in ALT text) and ten gifs
GIF 1 and 2: from episode 4.08 Buck wearing a pink shirt. GIF 3 and 4: from episode 5.13 Eddie looking exhausted in therapy. GIF 5 and 6: from episode 4.06 Ravi picking up and holding a stack of textbooks. GIF 7 and 8: from episode 5.17 Chim holding and drinking from a juice pouch. GIF 9 and 10: from episode 3.08 younger Bobby waving on ice and present day Bobby on ice.
The podcast with your mum was so sweet! The name game with your step-father was hilarious. I think him and my dad come from the same school of name forgetting!!
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it đ I thought I was bad with names till I realised how truly terrible my step-dad is đđđ