welcome to primetime bitch

"You're a ghost driving a meat coated skeleton made from stardust, what do you have to be scared of?"

[qualidude]

yeah mood

[huffylemon]

just want to make sure this post is burned into everyone's retinas before yahoo answers shuts down

[communistbussy]

i can't believe Yahoo Answers is shutting down and we're losing quality content like this

[fullmetalfisting]

What were they asking though

[bureau-of-state-ecology]

If you try fucking w/ gender and it just confirms that you are in fact cis, that still gives you like an upgrade because now you’re approaching your sense of self with Intent™.

[velvet-gardens]

What was it Dolly Parton said? “Find out who you are, then do it on purpose.”

[journish]

I hate that the “just a phase” thing makes us so afraid of trying new things. Go through phases! Discover yourself! Change every day! It’s okay if something doesn’t last forever. It makes me so angry that other people want to invalidate others’ experiences just because they decided it wasn’t for them in the end.

[hyrude]

[cloudybakery]

Everyone says Riverdale is the most batshit show but Glee walked shitfaced out of the bar so Riverdale could run into oncoming traffic

[weaver-z]

Me when my players are trying to guess the answer to a puzzle

[verydaftrpgideas]

they deadass forgot oranges

[meatswitch-deactivated20231107]

[verydaftrpgideas]

ok they also forgot blackberries

[meatswitch-deactivated20231107]

Black isn’t a color

[glittersolveseverything]

Redcurrents

[meatswitch-deactivated20231107]

Currants come in both black and red, the color isn’t a part of the name but an adjective.

[reallycoolsoup]

Kiwis

[meatswitch-deactivated20231107]

I’m very sorry but kiwis are a bird not a color.

[killin-the-machine]

I’m about to Mcfuckin lose it

[aquaflv]

one of my friends said she saw eric andre at the women’s march in DC. she asked “are you eric andre or do you just look like him?” and he said “i don’t speak english, i just memorized this sentence phonetically” and left

[interruptingkau]

I'm cryign

[zvaigzdelasas]

world gone to shit

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

I just reached out to a farmer I stayed with in Norway about something and I was like eh I was one of like 7 kids there at the time and he hosts like 30 every year and it’s been 6 years so we’ll see if he remembers me.

And he responded ten minutes later, “Mallaidh, my dear Mallaidh, you hold a special place in my heart,” and went on to describe his favorite memory of me totally unprompted I’m hdjdxjdjjdhdhdhh

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Me: wonder if he remembers me

Him:

[atlasoftripp]

Okay but what was the memory? What was the one experience he chose to represent you as? 

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Two of my roommates were a Slovak couple. The girlfriend was the only one in the house who didn’t know Norsk or English, so until a Czech couple moved in (Czech and Slovak speakers can speak to and understand each other), she could only talk to her boyfriend who translated for her. I knew she must have felt lonely and left out a lot, so I made it my daily effort to communicate with her in some meaningful way.

She baked most of the day every day, so I asked to be her assistant. We’d talk at each other in our own languages and teach each other our words for different ingredients, spices, etc.

ANYWAY. Her boyfriend was really nice, sorta a spacey gym type, but he was extremely sociable and easily distracted, and sometimes he’d just take off into a new conversation, and I’d always wait for a pause and ask him “hey, where’s [girlfriend]?”

He’d realize she wasn’t there and go get her to include her in the conversation lmao.

So anyway, the farmer said exactly: “I remember you in a special place in my heart. [...] I remember specially when you told the lazy bodybuilder how to behave towards his girlfriend.”

Dnndbdhdhbs It’s cute.

[stimman3000]

also I met a millionaire (possibly billionaire ? her family owns the mall of America and she made a $100 million donation to my brothers possible future school) today bc she donated That Much money to my brothers possible future school and she was at an event they held that I went to today. anyways she introduced herself w her first and last name and her title and I didn’t know who she was and i was like ok I guess that’s Just How We’re Introducing Ourselves Today and i went “um. okay. im alexander __________ and im _____’s brother” and I didn’t realize she was doing that because I was Supposed To Realize who she was until an hour later and looking back introducing myself the exact same way is the biggest unintentional power move

[stimman3000]

I checked and her net worth is over a billion dollars… I really (unintentionally) did That

[cellobotomy]

“oh we’re using our made-up names. then I’m spiderman”

[glowpop]

women write men with so much nuance and care and more dimension than most men in real life will ever have and men write women like they’ve never spoken to a woman in their entire life 

[funnysnake2019]

easy on the misandry, shawty.

[glowpop]

what on god’s green earth did you just say to me

[en-futubandera]

[soulrama]

Yoooo he just changed the game

[nyctosaurid]

are those two dudes from supernatural ok? it’s been like 14 years. there’s high schoolers younger than their contract. i don’t think i’ve ever seen them in any other shows. are they allowed to leave? do they feed them?

[goldrusher-deactivated20210124]

when supernatural began airing:

tumblr wouldnt exist for another two years

bush was still president

lost hadn’t aired its second season yet

youtube wasnt even a year old

the #1 song was kanye west - gold digger

ariana grande was 12

taylor swift wasn’t famous yet

paris hilton was at the height of her fame, kim k was not famous yet

[arguablysomaya]

jesus christ

[nerdgul]

This is as jarring as that history post talking about how MLK and Anne Frank were born in the same year only i actually lived through it

[radiofreeslowzone]

the biggest problem the world has……is….the GERM has gotten so brilliant

[emmablowguns]

people die from problems

[frogmp3]

president maduro please save my people

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

I think about this constantly

[pissvortex]

you just know his advisors explain shit to him like a 3 year old and then he goes on stage and repeats what they tell him exactly

[weonsinnombre]

[robotsandfrippary]

I love the flight response when it’s triggered by something innocuous. This is the human equivalent of cats getting spooked by sudden cucumbers.

[kayas-wife]

I hope they bought that guy a new lunch. He really dropped his croissant

[prof-grace-aspen]

I would argue that an entire-ass dinosaur is not precisely quite as innocuous as a cucumber.

[kvothe-kingkiller]

okay but have you seen cats getting spooked by cucumbers 

[french-romarin]

To note:

FR: concentrer /EN: focus

FR: écureuil /EN: squirrel

FR: pingouin /EN: penguin

FR: câlin /EN: hug

[bat--country-deactivated2026032]

the “PINE-GUINE” fucking killed me asfgashasfg

[maya-tl]

Google Translate: focus

This man, with extreme amounts of self-confidence: fUCK US

[eliasbouchardslut]

if you have a crush on the same person as someone else just unionize