conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 60 (masterpost here)
Dick: -and remember to adjust the sensitivity with the new ones because B always makes them way too heavy,
Damian: yeah yeah, no fucking shit, Red broke his arm because of it or whatever, womp womp. I'll see you tonight.
Dick: he got that from Jason, i'm telling you.
Tim: he is- Damian has inherited so much shit from Jason it's actually insane. like- he was a lab child, right? he said they did experiments on him n' stuff. are we sure Talia didn't, like, use Jason's DNA to help create him?
Dick: nah they met after Damian was born. he does look a lot like Jason, but then Jason always looked quite similar to Bruce when he was younger, so i dunno. i think it's just the green eyes, plus they have the exact same scowl.
Tim: yeah but it's way more than that, i feel like they're super similar just- as people in general, too. the more Damian grows up, the more he's just... Jason if Jason was brown.
Dick: he's like Jason in a different font, though. like, Jason's a literature guy and Dami's an art guy, you know? they're the same but slightly to the left of each other. he raised Damian the most at the league, so i get it.
Bruce: Nightwing, do you have the building plans i asked for, for the Argentina case?
Dick: oh, yeah. i got them on this USB thingy, i forgot. i'm on my way to the docks if you wanna meet me there?
Bruce: i'll be there in five.
Tim: what do you think of Jason and Damian, Bruce?
Bruce: no names in the mask.
Dick: we've just been talking about how much of Hood Robin seems to have inherited. out of all of us he's the most like Hood, right?
Bruce: *considering hum* i... suppose it is occasionally noticeable.... that he takes after Hood in... various aspects...
Dick, mystified: what the fuck was that?
Tim: -yeah you've definitely thought about this before.
Bruce, stiffly: i just told you it was noticeable, of course i've thought about it.
Dick, amused: yeah but you were weird about it, like you've thought about it more than you think you should have and you're ashamed of it.
Tim: you didn't want us to clock it.
Dick: -but we did. so. spill.
Bruce: ok, fine. there... was an occasion a few months after we found out Hood was the one to have brought Robin to Gotham, where i started noticing similarities between Robin and the way Hood was when he was a child.
Tim: yeah that's what we were talking about, they talk similar sometimes; make the same expressions.
Bruce: yes, but it was more than that. Robin eats the same way Hood used to, cuts his food in the same order and has very similar aversions to specific tastes. he's also left-handed, just like Hood, and they have remarkably similar jawlines. i also noticed his sleep patterns were similar to that of Hoods, as well as his preferred methods of learning and absorbing information. skills, too, as they developed, were shared between them. Robin is adept at story-telling, using his dialect, and he prefers combat styles that utilize his upper body and arms rather than legs, like Nightwing. all of that is identical to Hood.
Dick, slightly confused: what were you fucking doing back then, scanning his brain activity and comparing their brainwaves at night?
Bruce: i am known to be a paranoid man, Nightwing. you know this.
Dick: yeah but what were you paranoid about?
Tim: *abrupt gasp* OH- *cackle*
Dick: what? what the fuck?
Tim: Wing, Wing- *wheeze* he thought Damian was Jason's son. he thought- B, you thought Day was your grandson, not your son?
Dick: ...wait- *slightly amused* seriously?
Bruce ...i had a few theories. that i... may have decided to confront Hood about.
Dick: *instant cackle* OH MY- fuck, B, please tell me you asked him that on patrol so Oracle has the recordings?
Tim: i cannot believe Jason hasn't brought this story up to make fun of you before.
Bruce, bitter: it was a logical assumption, at the time. i simply wondered if there was a closer connection between Robin and Red Hood that i wasn't being told.
Dick, still giggling: and what did Jason say?
Bruce: ...this is a pointless conversation, Damian is my son, i was wrong.
Jason: yooo, double-R, i'm like two seconds away from you; you ready to go?
Dick: YES, fuck you have perfect timing!
Jason: ...d'ya miss me that much? also Replacement turn around, i'm here.
Dick: always, but that's not the point. B was telling us the story of when he thought you were Damian's real dad and he won't tell us what happened when he 'confronted' you.
Jason: oh- HA. you mean- B are you telling them about when i said i fucked Talia?
Tim: *choke* *water spitting*
Bruce: ...well i was trying not to.
Jason: no- *evil cackle* calm down, i was lying,
Jason: listen- listen, *wheeze* it was a bit of a rumour back at the league is all; some weirdos thought that Talia might have revived me to satisfy her more fleshly desires, rather than the obvious truth which is just that i was a better option for son than Damian. it was all bullshit, but it used to piss Talia right off, so i always thought it was real funny to flirt with her in front of the troops every now and then.
Tim, scandalised but amused: Jason?!
Jason, flat: hey, listen, it used to weed the perverts out of the ranks, ok? i got like six people killed just because they insinuated that they thought Talia should 'share' when i was like. sixteen. anyway it was a fucking funny rumour to me and Damian, so obviously when B came up to me in all his glory with a fucking presentation of all the listed traits Damian shared with me that could possibly be hereditary, i was like 'yeah, i need to do something here'.
Dick: *sudden giggles* so you told him you'd slept with Talia?
Jason: *laugh* yeah, complete bullshit though. he believed it for- you believed it for like a solid week, right?
Bruce: yes, well, you went through the effort of faking DNA tests; how was i supposed to tell it was a lie? i only figured it out in the first place because i called Talia to confront her about statutory rape and she called you to make you come clean. Nightwing, i'm at the docks, are you here?
Jason: *another cackle* aw, yeah man... *fondly* she was pissed. the fuck do you mean DNA though? i didn't do that.
Bruce: yes you did, i compared Robin's DNA to that of yours that we had on file, but you must have already hacked in and made it look like there was biological relation. i'm not surprised, you've always had a habit of using the batcomputer for your practical jokes.
Jason, blandly: ...oh yeah. i forgot about that. i did do that. ...anyway me and the Replacement have a case to do, so we'll talk to you later. Tim, switch lines?
Jason, instantly: on god i did not fuck with the DNA tests, Tim. on god.
Tim: *intense whisper* yeah no shit Jason you fucking froze the second he said it-!
Jason: how is that even possible, he's Bruce's fucking kid?!
Tim: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW?! we need to- we gotta get Damian back here to double-check,
Jason: dude i need to fucking call Ra's-
Tim: -cannot fucking believe we might be making this discovery because Damian made fun of me for breaking my fucking arm.
Jason: -like i know he did some body-experimentation type shit when Damian was little to help enhance him, he used to do some shit to me too- I didn't think he'd fucking swap us with each other?!?!?!
Jason: the fuck you mean 'broke your arm'? your arm's fine?
Tim: no- *sigh* we were talking about a couple months ago, when i was testing out a new grapple but forgot to change B's sensitivity and fell.
Jason: *snort* holy shit yeah, womp womp.