come eat lobster with a monster

Congratulations. You've just managed to catapult a cow for no apparent reason.

[divinepilots]

i write things. im also very normal about the reckoners but am in many other fandoms

my ao3

@official-amulet-posts is me

[happybunnykat]

What if I start a trend called "No one nuts November" where everyone writes about their favorite characters having bad sex that sucks and isn't fun.

[happybunnykat]

Okay so I made a list of 30 (well, 29 actually) prompts I am releasing into the wild. The point of this is that at least one of the participants are not having a good time.

It has 30 prompts for November but feel free to write and post whenever, but please add the tag #No one nuts November or #NoonenutsNovember wherever you post. You do not have to @ or credit this blog if you use any of these prompts.

(Text version under the cut)

1. Safeword

2. Sub/dom drop

3. Loosing intrest halfway through

4. Trying something that doesn't work

5. Medical emergency (bonus points: it happens during bondage)

6. Bad/failed orgasm

7. Should have safeworded

8. "Wait, it's not supposed to hurt?"

9. "Let's never try that again."

10. Sex so bad they break up after

11. Realistic shower sex

12. Incompatible kinks

13. Threw up on that thang

14. Can't get hard/wet/aroused

15. Says wrong persons name during sex

16: ugly crying/overwhelmed

17: "I remembered you being better at this"/"I'm not impressed."/"I've had better."/"You're not hung chill"

18: Allergic reaction/cut off circulation

19. Dirty talk/degradation gets too real

20. Ignored/missed a safeword

21. Random horny confession that kills the mood for the other person/people

22. "No really, that's not going to fit."

23. Fire alarm goes off/interrupted by a third party

24. Pushing themselves into sex they aren't ready for

25. Sex toy gets stuck

26. Only one person having fun/agreeing to boring sex

27. Couple brings in a bad 3rd

28. Sex in a bad location

29. Sex so bad it kills you/one of the participants dies

30. Free day

[headspace-hotel]

Asunder is basically the most classic way to be torn, and if you're looking to be cleft, in twain is a vintage but stunning choice

[felipeiv]

[boopeey]

Thinking ahead what step 3 Harper would be like

[egberts]

i hate that social media apps have decided it's their job to scroll for you and autoplay the next video in a desperate attempt to get you to stay. like genuinely nothing you do will make me stay and watch that video after you force it onto the screen in front of me. the minute you auto scroll from what i was watching to your stupid distraction technique, i close the app and you fail. fuck you

[mysterypuppys]

U literally cannot save your mother like it cant be done

[persianmom]

[divinepilots]

you brought jet fuel??? BRETT!!! you KNOW this can't melt ANYTHING!!!

[molabuddy]

really specific trope i like that i feel like can only be explained in a diagram

[gravityjunior]

Starting a collection

[gigglybumbug]

randomly getting intensely interested in some bullshit like

[writingdose]

being a writer is fun

[goldcrescent]

My new pet peeve is people completely misunderstanding the term Male Gaze and making the term female gaze based entirely on that misunderstanding

[goldcrescent]

the white boy of the month pushing his hair back and reading poetry for the camera is not the equivalent of the dehumanization of women in visual media by way of presenting them primarily as vessels for sexual gratification

[valtsv]

why does getting what you want hurt so much worse than never getting it at all?

it probably has something to do with the setting yourself on fire thing. that i'm sure everyone else also does when they finally get what they want.

[canwriteitbetterthanueverfeltit]

hey, tag this with a food people get really upset about you not liking

[asneakyfox]

the idea that restrooms, locker rooms, etc need to be single-sex spaces in order for women to be safe is patriarchy's way of signalling to men & boys that society doesn't expect them to behave themselves around women. it is directly antifeminist. it would be antifeminist even if trans people did not exist. a feminist society would demand that women should be safe in all spaces even when there are men there.

[asneakyfox]

btw this is maybe the single most key distinguishing feature of the terfy strains of radical feminism, the seed all the rest of it springs out of: they have absolutely no faith in the ability of feminism to actually destroy patriarchy. they do not think feminism can truly build a better world. they cannot really even imagine that possibility. they think patriarchy is an inevitable natural consequence of unchangeable biological facts, and therefore the goal of feminism can only be to mitigate the worst effects of patriarchy, not to get rid of it.

they can imagine a society where women get some designated safe spaces without men around. they cannot imagine a society where the presence of men is not inherently a danger to women.