Partner or Just Someone? 6.01.19
My boyfriend and his daughter went to one of his sibling’s apartment to go swimming. Of course, I have work so I stayed home to sleep and re-energize for the 12 hour night shift. At around 3:30pm, I could no longer sleep and kept rolling around on the bed. So, I decided to rinse up, get dressed, and tidy up the kitchen. By 5pm, I said goodbye to my dog in his kennel and headed to my appointment at the waxing center (plan was to get in the mood and surprise my boyfriend the next day). After the waxing center, I still had time to go to Target across the plaza to get myself an energy drink, and drive across the highway to buy Shiloh dog food for the week. When I finished all the errands, I started to head to work. Of course, I called my boyfriend to check on how they were doing, and sure enough, no answer. Called again, no answer. Thinking to myself, they really were enjoying themselves, swimming with his family, so I left a message wishing them a great time. Hours later, at around 9pm, I still haven’t heard from them. So I call again, yet no answer. I texted if everything was okay. I received a weird response few minutes later “668,″ which got me to start worrying. Of course I responded immediately asking what that meant and even called, no response and a rejected call. I waited thinking they might still be playing games or eating dinner or driving back home. Nothing. About 45 minutes later, I text again asking if they were okay and hoping that they were okay. No response until 30 minutes later with a “huh.” I called immediately after receiving that text, worried sick already, but straight to voice mail. I then texted that I was worried sick and that it was not funny, but received no reply until an hour later saying “we’re good.” I called immediately, yet again, and he finally answered after the 2nd call being very short and blunt. Here I am, at work, pouring my heart out at how worried sick I was and thought something might have happened to them and his response was, “Why? I can take care of myself and my daughter.” That got me. Of course I was worried sick because I care!! I explained through the phone, yet he wasn’t even listening, so I hung up the phone irritated, frustrated, hurt, and in disbelief. He texts right away “bye” so I responded that I was glad they had fun and both are okay, but to at least put himself in my shoes. He asked “why.” And here were my messages (which were left unresponded):
“You’re asking why? If someone you care about doesn’t answer their phone or rejects calls and sends random “668″ text, you’d worry. It doesn’t matter if they’re a guy or a girl or they know how to take care of themselves, a person would still worry. This just shows your view about me in your life. I am not part of your circle, not even close. I’m here falling head over heels for the both of you, but yet you ask why I got worried? What ever happened to being part of each other’s lives?”
“I care that’s why I was worried. You know yourself that you can take care of yourself and your daughter. I believe that too, but I’m a little different. Meet my halfway here. It can’t always be your views and your thoughts and everyone agrees its okay. Maybe the damn letter I wrote earlier was too much, but I care and love both you and your daughter. You’re my family and I just wish I could be in yours as well.” (letter was a love note)
“Maybe you’re used to that, people not worrying about you (and I’m not saying this to attack you), but I’m saying this because I’m begging you... Let someone worry about you for once. Let me in.”
And that was it. Either he read those or fell asleep. I don’t know since I am currently at work typing this down.
2 nights ago we were both talking heart to heart, crying in each other’s arms, closer than before and because of that, it seems like he’s pushing me away. Is he scared? Is it because he’s depressed about what we talked about? Is it because he’s depressed about something else? Or was my love letter too much? Or he just wanted quiet time? How the heck am I supposed to know when I am left hanging in the abyss? He gets depressed sometimes and told me before that he would like to be left alone when he does, but again, how the heck was I supposed to figure that out when they originally went out to swim and have fun? Communicate with me, please. So that I don’t worry and start thinking something could have happened.
Guys, if you are in a relationship, whether one or both or none of you are broken, it’s always communication that will help. It’s not only love relationship, it could be any type of relationship, friendship, family, etc. If one is low, the other has to be strong and vice versa. If you’re broken and you’re reading this, remember the person that is with you know you are broken, but yet they are dedicated to be with you because they truly love you, all of you. The ups and downs, the happy times and sad times. So please, don’t be afraid to let them worry about you, even though you’ve been so used protecting yourself or walled up or whatever it is. That person stayed with you knowing you’re broken because they’re broken too. Heck, everyone is broken in some way, but it takes two broken souls to come together to make it whole again. I’m not saying I’m perfect, I’m broken too, but I chose him because he lifts me up and encourages me to keep going. We’re to support one another in our highs and lows. We’re supposed to be part of each other’s lives, not just one person...
I’m no longer frustrated nor irritated. I just now question if he sees me as his partner or just someone who shouldn’t even bother to care and just be there?
