content that sonny had stopped apologizing, even though only doing so when threatened with a lack of cuddling, noah curled up closer. âi just said be careful with the topic and you go and give me the choice, you learn nothing.â he teased, humming soft.
he decided not to dwell on the makes me feel safe comment, knowing that his feelings would blow it all out of proportion. âi can talk about space or the fact that pancake now knows how to roll over or iâve got some thoughts on parks and rec since iâm rewatching it again?â he was rambling, which was the very thing he had tried to warn sonny about. there was a wide grin on his face, eyes moved to fixate up at the ceiling. âiâm also rewatching golden girls and iâm pretty sure we gotta keep cheesecake in the fridge at all times because it seems to fix a lot of problems.â
Sonny curled up close to Noah and closed his eyes, humming softly as he listened to the other talk. âAre you teaching Pancake tricks?â He asked, deciding to focus on that topic for now. He didnât have the patience to teach their dog anything, and he spoiled the shit out of her so it did no good for him to try and train her - he could hold a treat and tell her to do something, and end up giving her the treat anyway just because she sat there staring at him, looking like an absolute angel. âI wish we had cheesecake right now,â He said after a moment, lolling his head to the side so he could look at Noah. âThat would be really fuckinâ good. Middle of the night cheesecake snack time.â
noah was infinitely relaxed once he was cuddled up with sonny, pulling the weighted blanket over the both of them. âif you donât stop apologizing i will stop cuddling you.â he murmured, unable to help as a yawn escaped him. he was gonna joke about kicking sonny out of the bed, but he couldnât even joke about turning him away right now.Â
âwhat do you wanna talk about?â he asked, looking up at sonny. âbe careful about the topic or else iâm gonna ramble, iâm warning you now that iâm high as shit.â he joked.Â
Sonny couldnât stop the pout that formed on his lips when Noah said heâd stop cuddling him, though he took the threat seriously and decided to shut his mouth. Instead of saying anything, he laid his head back against the pillow and stared up at the ceiling for a moment before closing his eyes, enjoying the closeness and warmth that he was sharing right now with his best friend.Â
When asked about what he wanted to talk about, he opened his eyes and met Noahâs gaze, a little smile on his lips. âI dunno. Anything, I guess,â Just hearing Noah talk was enough to settle him down, make him feel calm, so any topic of conversation was fine as long as the other just kept talking to him. âI just like hearing you talk. Makes me feel safe.â
timestamp: december 2015, one month before sonnyâs 18th birthday
featuring: sonny deluca, james deluca, donna deluca
tw: mentions of abuse, violence, disordered eating, purging, and self harm
Sonny was so tired. Everything in his life had led up to this point, him wanting to leave home. Heâd been leaving for years but never had the nerve to stay gone for good - it would hurt his mother if her youngest child went missing, considered a runaway who would never make it back home, and he couldnât stand the thought of that. No matter how many times sheâd hurt him over the years, he couldnât hurt her back, no matter how badly he wanted to. But with his eighteenth birthday coming up within a month, he could finally leave without feeling guilty, he didnât have to do this anymore. It seemed so simple, so easy, getting out on his own and moving away from Jersey.
Heâd made up his mind. He was going to leave by February, move somewhere new, and he was going to tell his family at dinner. Out of six kids, three of them had grown up and moved out already, so why couldnât Sonny do the same? Heâd be the youngest to move out, and the only one to leave the state altogether, but he couldnât stand to stay in that house anymore.Â
He didnât understand the toll it had really taken on him, the abuse heâd faced over the years at the hands of his father, not having resources to help him see the bigger picture. Sonny either barely ate or ate everything in sight, the latter causing him to purge or spend hours at the gym to work off whatever heâd eaten. He punched and banged his head against walls, hit himself on the legs and arms with anything in sight, leaving behind harsh bruises on his pale skin, ones that he never bothered to cover up because he dismissed them as coming from roughhousing with his brothers. It gave him a sense of control, something he didnât have over any other aspect of his life, and he needed that. Being in control over his body was something he cherished because no one could take that away from him, not even his parents.Â
They wouldnât have even tried, because they only paid attention when he did something wrong.
As he sat down at the dinner table, Sonny kept his eyes locked on his silverware, not daring to lift his gaze as he heard his father enter the dining room. Rarely did he ever look the man in the eye, afraid that heâd be yelled at for being disrespectful. His eyes fell shut once everyone else was seated around the table, listening as the man said grace before muttering out a quiet amen.
The family rarely talked around the dinner table if James was present. He worked late most nights, leaving Donna, Sonny, and his sister and brother to eat alone. They always had a better time, goofing off and cracking up over stupid jokes, but that all changed when James was home in time to eat with them. Sonny sat in silence for a while, pushing his meatloaf and mashed potatoes around on his plate rather than actually eating, his stomach twisted in knots as he thought about telling his parents that he would be moving out.
âSonny, stop playing with your food,â James snapped. âEat it.â
Sonny was pulled from his train of thought as he jumped in his seat, startled by the angry voice addressing him. âSorry.â He murmured, though he made no move to take a bite, instead setting his fork down on the table and letting out a shaky breath. James was about to say something else but was cut off when his son spoke up, a bit louder this time. âI, uh - I have to tell you something,â He never lifted his gaze from his plate, afraid to see the anger that he knew was present in his fatherâs features. âIâm, uh... Iâm moving out at the beginning of the year. Iâve already found a place, out in Massachusetts, I can move in in February.âÂ
Donna was staring at him from her end of the table, her gaze locked hard on her youngest child. âWhat?â This revelation upset her - she didnât want her baby moving out yet, she thought he was too young for that, and moving out of the state just made it worse. âSonny, no youâre not. Youâre too young,â Her eyes were filled with tears as she spoke, knowing that it would make him feel guilty. âYou need to stay here and go to college, honey, you canât make a life for yourself out there.â
âI already paid the deposit. Iâm going, ma, Iâve already got everything lined up.â He finally lifted his gaze to meet his motherâs, lip pulled harshly between his teeth when he noticed that she was on the verge of tears. God, he hated this. He knew it would upset her, knew that she wouldnât like it, but he just... Couldnât do it anymore. He needed to get out.Â
âMy baby...â She trailed off, finally forcing those tears to roll.Â
James had stopped eating, attention focused on Sonny once Donna started to cry. âStop this bullshit, Sonny Francis, youâre upsetting your mother. Eat your goddamn dinner and be quiet.âÂ
âI donât care!â He snapped, standing up from the table and knocking his chair over behind him. âItâs not bullshit! Iâm leaving, I donât care what either of you say! You canât stop me, you canât make me stay!â
James stood up just as quickly, grabbing Sonny by the hair and landing a hard slap across his face, not giving him any room to flinch or move away before hitting him again. âStop your fucking tantrum,â His voice had dropped low, something that let Sonny know he was treading in dangerous territory. âYouâre going to sit down and eat your dinner, Sonny, and then youâre going to bed. One more sound out of you for the rest of the night and youâre gonna get it. Do you understand me?â
Tears had filled his eyes from the harshness of the slaps, though he was trying his best to fight them off and keep them from rolling down his face. As best as he could with his fatherâs hand still tangled in his hair, Sonny nodded his head, ignoring the painful tug in his hair from the unrelenting grip. âYes, sir,â He said quietly, refusing to meet Jamesâ gaze. âI understand.âÂ
And just like that, James let him go and sat back down at the table. He continued the meal as if nothing had happened, ignoring Sonny as he picked his chair up from the floor and sat himself back down at the table, picking at his food slowly and taking a couple of bites. He felt sick.
Rather than finishing his meal, he sat at the table and waited for everyone else to finish so he could be excused. Once his mother started clearing the table, Sonny got up and headed up the stairs to his bedroom, not saying a word. He didnât feel like taking a beating for something he didnât think was wrong.
Once he was in his bedroom, he locked the door behind him and went to his closet, pulling out his suitcases and duffel bag. He wasnât going to wait until February to get out. He had to go now, he had to get the fuck out, because he knew that the next two months of waiting would be a living Hell. He packed up his clothes, as many as he could fit in his bags, as well as a few sentimental things that he couldnât leave behind, and his laptop, iPod, and chargers for all of his devices.
After what felt like ages of waiting, Sonny finally heard his parents go to bed. He unlocked his door, threw his bag over his shoulder, and grabbed his two suitcases, heading down the stairs as quietly as he could. He stopped by the front door to make sure he had his wallet, as well as to grab his keys from the hook that hung by the door, before opening it slowly to make sure it didnât squeak. He got his things outside and shut the door, heading quickly toward his Jeep. It only took him a moment to load his luggage into the backseat, and then he climbed in and sat behind the wheel. He stared at the house for a moment before starting up the car, pulling out of the driveway quickly before either of his parents could come out to try and stop him.
He drove through the night, not bothering to pull over somewhere and sleep because he felt too wired to let himself rest. He felt that if he slept, heâd wake up and his escape would be a dream, and heâd be back home in his bedroom fearing the worst.Â
For the first time in his life, Sonny felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, like he could finally breathe, no longer suffocated.
Iâm used to starving out instead, itâs easier than faking it
sometimes it hurts but thatâs no worse than all those times
I guess it works
I know they walked away with a piece of me
âis it bad that i replaced his lube with hot sauce or did i overreact just a little?â
@wellcliffstartersâ
Sonny nearly spit his drink when he heard Jesse speak. He wouldnât consider them to be âbest friendsâ by any means, he didnât know about her boy problems, but since Noah was his roommate and Jesse was his sister, well, it was hard for them not to at least know each other - and that was enough for him to take interest in the situation. Looking up from his phone, he shot her a bewildered look. âYou did what?â He raised his brows. âWhat did this guy do that was so bad?â
âsounds more like an addiction than a thing your little people worship,â her head tilts to the side, like sheâs just caught him in some kind of lie. âwhen i donât know a name, i go with âdude.â when you call me âmaâ i feel so old⊠like a motherâŠâ she keeps on giggling, burying her head in her hands. âi, like, totes havenât heard that one before,â ever since the song came out, stacy had heard the joke from peers, strangers, and even other family members. fountains of wayne haunts her name, but sheâs not angry about it. being forever calm and collected, she simply rolls with it. âlet me guess, since my dad walked out my mom could use a guy like you?â she flips the lyric from the song to fit her situation. âgood to meet ya, sonny,â she smiles, taking his hand for a quick shake. then she moves back and gives him her typical shaka. âprobably why iâve never seen you. i donât have a car that would ever need servicing,â stacy twirls one of her black locks around her index finger.
âItâs a little bit of both, I guess.â He said with a smile, shrugging. Sonny was addicted, he knew that, but that didnât mean he wanted to freely admit it. It was a bad habit, one he wished he could break, but heâd tried going cold turkey in the past and it wasnât pretty, so he just stopped trying. âGuess I shouldnât mention that, thatâs what I call my actual mother, then, huh?â He laughed, knowing that it wasnât the first time heâd gotten that complaint. It was like when he called someone maâam or sir - even those younger than him got called that, and he heard so many times that it made them feel old, but he couldnât help it. âOh, for sure. Did she ever get back from that business trip?â When she gave him the shaka sign, Sonny couldnât help but chuckle as reached up to remove his sunglasses, placing them on top of his head. âNo? I can only assume you donât do a whole lot of partying either, then. But you totally should. Youâd be a good time at parties.â
âalways.â noah couldnât just turn him away like that, it wasnât in him, plus he worked late tomorrow so he could deal with staying up a little bit longer if he needed. âi get it, sonny. you donât have to explain yourself to me.â he rested his forehead on sonnyâs shoulder, wrapping an arm around his middle. normally heâd be less immediately cuddly, but his brain was a little fogged up and he figured it wasnât out of the realm of possibility.Â
âyou wanna stay here for tonight? we can talk about bullshit or try and sleep. normally iâd also say that going for a run is a good idea but iâm not quite sure i can stand and you donât run.â he adjusted so that his cheek was on his shoulder, smiling lazily as he looked up at sonny. âwhatever you wanna do, bud, iâm here.â
Sonny laid back, scooting in close to Noah once he felt the arm around his waist. Fuck, he needed this. He needed to be held close and tight, needed to feel secure, like nothing was going to hurt him. Noah made him feel safe. âSorry.â He said softly, feeling like he was unable to stop apologizing for this whole situation. It made him feel good, knowing that he didnât have to explain himself to his best friend, but he still felt like he needed to.
âYes, please.â He murmured, a small smile finally settling on his lips as he looked at Noah, nodding his head. Sonnyâs feelings for his roommate stirred in his stomach, giving him butterflies from the mere fact that they were laying together in his bed, cuddled up with each other for the night. âCan we just talk? I donât think I can sleep right now.â
âi think i heard on npr that sleep deprivation can lead to a variety of adverse effects on the brain,â tejay always got nine hours a night, he went to bed at a good time and woke up early. he knew he didnât function well after nights staying up to work on policy or sending emails and mail back to concerned citizens. âi feel like being a liability doesnât stop a lot of people from getting wined and dined. however, i can assure you thereâs little chance i would wine and dine anyone right now. iâm too focused on my career.â tejay had a long stride, one that was confident and determined. he was able to make his way to the diner with ease, holding the door open for sonny to go inside. âyou can order anything you want, itâs all on me,â he knew that was asking for trouble. but, he was hoping sonny would be realistic with how much he could eat versus how much tejay could pay for.
âIâm always sleep deprived.â Sonny said with a shrug. He was used to it, though he did love the nights when Noah was home and allowed him in his bed. Sleeping alone was one of his least favorite things, which led to him not sleeping at all some nights - that, on top of his nightmares and general insomnia, made for one sleepy boy. But heâd grown used to it over the years and hated to complain, so he just dealt with it as best as he could. Once they reached the diner, Sonny dropped his cigarette on the sidewalk and ground it out with the toe of his shoe before going inside and heading toward a booth. âCool, man, thanks. I appreciate it.â Tejay was asking for it, telling Sonny he could order anything he wanted, because the boy had an appetite and could scarf down food like there was no tomorrow. Once they were settled in a booth, he turned his attention to the man and rested his arms on the table. âSo, anything, huh? Iâm pretty hungry, you might regret that offer.â
Ya boy got a new guitar this afternoon. DJ Sunny D doesnât have anything planned for the evening so Iâm taking the night for myself and having a well deserved jam session. Sorry not sorry for the noise, neighbors âđ»
âwell, they do say that early bird catches the worm. iâm not sure what they say about the bird that never goes to sleep,â he jokes, making the sound of a drum symbol afterwards. âmaybe the bird who never sleeps gets a free breakfast.â tejay was definitely not trying to wine and dine, he was just hoping to gain the favor and understanding of someone who seemed to take issue with his authority. he does a little face palm, shaking his head. âno wining and dining, just a good deed as charity for one hungover man.â tejay starts walking in the direction of the diner where the bacon, eggs, and pancakes were always piping hot and tasty. the coffee seemed a little burned, but you could always run across the street to bean there, done that for a good cup.
âThis bird is always down for free food. I donât get a whole lotta sleep, like, ever.â Sonny hated nights when he was at home and not out at a party. He was an insomniac and, on top of that, he had terrible nightmares that he couldnât shake. Itâd been that way since he was a teenager, but it had gotten worse after he moved out on his own and away from his family. Nights at home meant tossing and turning in bed, staring at the ceiling, praying for sleep and then regretting it once it came. He felt like he couldnât win. So Sonny, being the annoying shit that he was, ran on nicotine and spite most days. âWell, I appreciate it,â He said as they walked, taking a drag from his cigarette before continuing, âAnd I appreciate not being wined and dined. Iâm a fuckinâ liability, you wouldnât want to wine and dine me.â
âthe greasy foods and liquor i can get down with, thatâs probably what my temple is filled with and what my little people worship,â she pats her tummy like sheâs just had one of the big burgers from sparkyâs. she could go for one of those right about now. her life in wellcliff consisted of surfing the days away and finding the best spots in town to eat. âma?â she giggles at the word. âyou know, i have a name - itâs stacy.â she flips her hair over her shoulder, for once it isnât wet from sea water. âi think youâd need a bloody mary more than me, i hear theyâre great for hangovers,â she winks. âwhere do you work? are you from wellcliff or just in town for our radical parties?â
âThe nicotine just adds another layer to the worship. My little people would suffer without it at this point.â He said with a laugh, reaching up to adjust his hat. When she laughed - no, giggled - a grin spread across Sonnyâs lips and he shrugged his shoulders. âYeah, ma - easy go-to when you donât know a girlâs name,â He paused, tongue darting out momentarily to wet his nearly-chapped lips. âStacy - does your mom got it going on?â His mind immediately jumped to Stacyâs Mom by Fountains of Wayne, and he hoped that she got the reference and didnât think he was being a creeper. âIâm Sonny, by the way,â He extended his hand for her to shake. âI work down at the garage - Iâm a mechanic. Lived here for a coupleâa years now, actually, but the parties are definitely a plus.â
Sonny likes to think of himself as fashion-forward. Heâs very fond of prints and patterns, which is reflected in his wardrobe. As a teenager, his closet was filled with band merch and skinny jeans, and he only discovered his current style in the last two years. After growing his hair out and embracing his natural curls at 20, he took on this new style to get away from looking like a baby-faced teenager. Other than the example outfits shown, Sonny wears khakis and a nice polo shirt each and every Sunday when he goes to Mass. He also tends to dress down for his DJâing gigs, usually wearing jeans and a t-shirt, as well as a backwards hat and sunglasses. Those are generally the only times he breaks away from his usual style.Â
Landing on a runway in Chicago, and I'm grounding all my dreams
Of ever really seeing California, 'cause I know what's in between
Is something sensual in such non-conventional ways
Tonight the headphones will deliver you the words that I can't say
Tonight the headphones will deliver you the words that I can't say
Tonight I'm writing you a million miles away
And I can't forget your style or your cynicism
Somehow it was like you were the first to listen
To everything we said
My smile's an open wound without you
And my hands are tied to pages inked to bring you back
