never gone from me (thirteen/river song)
“I carry them with me. What they would have thought, said and done. Make them a part of who I am. So even though they’re gone from the world, they’re never gone from me.”
In the few days since Graham discovered that aliens exist and sometimes they’re in Sheffield, he’s seen quite a lot but he has a feeling he’s got a long way to go before he stops being surprised at what the universe is capable of. To be fair, it isn’t every day he’s standing around on the pavement when a blue police box appears out of thin air. Without a sound, without a single noise - just between one blink and the next - it’s suddenly there.
The strange woman who had dropped into his life and made him question everything he thought he knew - the woman who calls herself only The Doctor - doesn’t even notice until someone else points it out. Wide eyed, Yas stares over the Doctor’s shoulder and asks, “Where the hell did that come from?”
Mid-lament over her lost spaceship, the Doctor whirls - stumbling a little like she isn’t used to having legs - and bounces forward a step at the sight of the blue box. “My TARDIS,” she says gleefully, her whole face lighting up in relief. “She’s here!”
Graham watches as she approaches it with the eagerness of one reunited with a long lost friend. “She?”
Beside him, Ryan asks, “Hang on, your spaceship is a police box?”
“Only on the outside,” the Doctor murmurs, running her hand fondly over the faded wood. In an awed whisper, she says, “You did it. You found me, you sexy old thing.”
Before Graham or anyone else can question the obvious - such as why is the Doctor talking to her ship and furthermore, why is she calling said ship sexy? - the door to the TARDIS creaks open and a woman with riotous blonde curls saunters out. “I certainly did,” she says, with a voice like warm honey. “Though I do take offense to being called old. You’ve no room to talk, you know, even if you do look about twelve again.”
The Doctor turns slowly, like any sudden movement might scare their unexpected visitor away. Eyes pained and disbelieving, she studies the woman for a long moment, squinting like someone trying to decipher fiction from reality. Over the woman’s shoulder, the door remains ajar and Graham can clearly see the Doctor had been telling the truth - the ship only looks like a police box from the outside. A bigger on the inside phone box, however, is nothing compared to the wondrous way the Doctor looks at this woman. She looks at her like she has recovered something precious, something she’d thought lost forever.
Graham feels an ache in his heart when he realizes - it’s exactly how he’d look at Grace if she suddenly appeared in front of him again. He’d never want to look anywhere else.
Finally, the Doctor breathes out, “River?”
The woman smiles, wide and dazzling. “Hello Sweetie.”
The Doctor makes a choked noise in her throat, like a half-formed sob.
Patting the TARDIS fondly, River says, “I die for a few measly decades and look at you, losing the Old Girl and wearing last season’s clothes.”
Without sparing a glance for the tattered rags she still wears, the Doctor stutters out, “What are you - how are you - I - what?”
“Oh good.” River sighs, looking pleased. “I did so miss winding you up. Your last body wasn’t nearly so easy to fluster. Not that I didn’t enjoy a challenge.”
The Doctor cheeks turn pink. “I remember,” she mutters, swaying toward the other woman like she can’t help being drawn to her. Like this woman is the shore and the Doctor is the tide, always rushing toward home no matter how far the water may wander. “River, how can you be here?”
She winks. “A thing happened.”
Despite this complete lack of an explanation, the Doctor beams. “I’ll bet it did. Library still standing?”
Tilting her head and scrunching up her nose, River replies, “Only just.”
Without another word and seemingly none of the wariness from before, the Doctor surges forward and stumbles gracelessly into the other woman. Unsurprised to suddenly have an armful of small, slightly manic alien, River catches her. She sifts her fingers through the Doctor’s hair and returns her clumsy, enthusiastic kiss with equal fervor.
Yas and Ryan shift uncomfortably, looking away, but Graham can’t take his eyes off them. He has no idea what’s going on - a feeling he’s rapidly getting used to in the Doctor’s company - but he does know that this is a reunion of some sort. An unexpected, happy reunion. The notion of it, with the loss of his Grace so raw, is enough to make his eyes sting.
Staring at the curly-haired stranger called River and the smaller figure of the Doctor wrapped in her arms, their mouths moving together with familiarity and passion, their blonde heads pressed close together, Graham feels a slightly pang of envy. But mostly, he just feels grateful. He and Grace had all the time they were meant to have but perhaps the Doctor and River have managed to steal some more for themselves. He couldn’t begrudge anyone that, but especially not this woman who had spoken of the loss of her family with ghosts in her eyes.
As the two part, still clinging to each other, Graham clears his throat. “Doctor?” He hides a smile when she starts, turning to stare at them as if she’d forgotten they were there. “Care to introduce us to your friend?”
“Oh, she’s not my friend.” Her gaze wanders back to River again, apparently making sure she hasn’t disappeared in the split second her attention had been elsewhere. “She’s my wife.”
Graham feels his throat close up.
Frowning, Ryan protests, “I thought you said you lost your family?”
“I did,” the Doctor replies, still looking at River with soft eyes. “But she came back.”
“I always will, you know.” Graham has been so focused on the Doctor’s clear joy that he hadn’t paid much attention to River but it’s obvious now in the quiet devotion of her smile that she has been missing the other half of herself. Her happiness at being whole again may be quieter than the Doctor’s but it is no less profound.
Gripping her dress and overcome with a sudden fear, the Doctor eyes her with barely restrained hope. “Promise?”
River touches her fingertips to the Doctor’s throat. “Completely.”
For whatever reason, the Doctor relaxes at this and releases her white-knuckled grip on her wife’s dress. She straightens her coat and pushes her hair behind her ears, licking her lips nervously. To Graham’s amusement, she doesn’t seem to notice River following her every motion with interest. “Well?” She asks, sounding almost shy. “What do you think?”
River blinks at her. “Of what?”
The Doctor sighs, as though going through the motions of a familiar exchange. “The new body.”
“Oh, it’s much too early to say.” River waves a hand at her, smirking. “We haven’t even been to bed yet.”
The Doctor, blushing furiously, doesn’t appear to notice.
Reaching out a hand, River brushes her fingertips across the Doctor’s pink cheek and looks into her eyes. “But I do like this face,” she confesses. Her eyes gleam. “In fact, you look a lot like my second wife.”
The Doctor looks chuffed at this. “Do I? I was hoping I might.” She frowns, muttering to herself. “Now I’ve just got to make sure my next face looks like the first wife.”
River sighs, still smiling. “Jealous idiot.”
“Yup.” The Doctor grins, unrepentant, and claps her hands together. “Now then. Got my wife, got my TARDIS, and some new friends.” She turns to them and Graham notices a light in her eyes that he hadn’t even realized had been missing until now. “What do you say, you lot? Want to see some stars?”
Knowing instinctively what Grace would say to an offer like that, Graham steps forward with a smile and isn’t at all surprised when Ryan and Yas follow suit. “How about all of them?”
The Doctor grins. “Good answer.”
“Wait, before we go anywhere,” Yas says, casting a glance at the Doctor’s frayed trousers and tattered coat. “You really need to get out of those clothes.”
“Seconded,” River murmurs, eyeing the Doctor appreciatively.
The Doctor blushes again. “Oh, stop it.”
Lips against her ear, River challenges throatily, “Make me.”
As the two disappear into the TARDIS still flirting or bickering or whatever it is they’re doing, Ryan and Yas hurry after them muffling laughter. Graham heaves a sigh and follows dutifully in their footsteps. Something tells him there should be a grownup onboard and he has a feeling it’s going to have to be him.
Come along, Grace, he thinks. Let’s have an adventure.
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