"There is no kill switch on awesome."

41 (he/him). Sundry nerd stuff. 

[imthinkingofmakingacomeback]

[doktorkazz]

One Shot: Little Glances

Little glances. She's nervously checking her watch. The one her father gave her on her 13th birthday. The one that stopped running the day he had died in her second year of college when a black cancer ate him from the inside out like a corrupted worm. She'd worn it in his memory every day since. A gentle, warm reminder of his endearing love. Until five days ago on her 45th birthday when she discovered the lump in her breast. And the watch grew cold as the time started ticking again.

[doktorkazz]

One Shot: Sea of Slumber

Adrift. Lost. The warm waters of the Sea of Slumbers had the taste and viscosity of tears. Warm, wet, and filled with emotion. They said if you drank from the Sea you would dream of the pain and passion of all those that wept to fill your cup with spent tears. It was an intoxicating and dangerous experience to open oneself to so much emotion. Many had gone mad or fallen into eternal slumber by drinking too much from the Sea. Stranded on a make shift raft of the flotsam and jetsom from a wrecked ship of dreams, Toby thirsted for answers, but he was afraid they would not satisfy.

[doktorkazz]

One Shot: The Feeling of Swimming in December

A rush of emotion fills your chest. That headlong inspiration junkie reawakened by your time with that pixie dream girl and late night black coffee. The kind with the grounds in the bottom. The kind you have to chew. Like your lip, the way one does when they're over their head in the icy waters of December dreaming. An ache so deep in your chest that you can't remember the last time you ever really felt alive. You just know you do now. So, you leave a trail of breadcrumbs and hope she finds her way home because you don't want to play games. Because life is too short for tag and hide-and-go-seek when you have dreams to build together instead. Like a Lego set on Christmas morning. Every breath is fresh and new and everything shines when you look at it. Neither of your glasses, your's real, her's fake; can take it out of focus. You hold your breath and dive under, hoping she feels the same. And you rise from the winter water shocked, uncertain, and hopeful.

[doktorkazz]

One Shots (PB&J/k)

She laughed at me, but not in that way that made me feel self conscious.  Not in that, “Do I have something in my teeth?” tone.  No, it was self-assured and free.  That laugh was a luxury.  I smiled back.

“You know, I don’t think it is really that funny,” I replied.  I had to say something.  She just laughed at me.

“You mean to tell me,” she began through stifled giggles, “that you’ve never had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?”

“No,” I repeated.  This always struck people as odd.  I used to be self-conscious, then it was a point of pride.  Nowadays, it didn’t really make me feel anything.  Until she laughed that is.  But like I said, I didn’t feel self conscious.  I felt…curious.

[doktorkazz]

Cool Down 1 - Raspberry Jam

Your raspberry jam on buttered toast is driving me wild. I sit across from you, black coffee, two sugars. Cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese. I’m jealous, but I don’t say anything. You take another satisfying bite. Crunch. Shattering my illusions at sharing. “We could go walk the dogs in the park later,” I suggest. We don’t own dogs. “Uh, huh,” you reply, turning to page two of the local newspaper. Where you read about the things that aren’t quite important enough to be on the front page but are still more important than me. “And then ice cream after?” “Sure.” I’m lactose intolerant. “Maybe catch a movie at the cinema after that?” “Yeah, what ever you want.” I always prefer my books to film.   You reach for your toast to find it has vanished. You look up from your paper and I’m smiling guiltily.   Red raspberry jam smeared across my lips.

[doktorkazz]

One Shot: Awkward Early Dinner

“The thing about mailman jokes…is it is all about delivery,” he said while watching for my reaction.

“Get it?”

“Oh, I got it. It just wasn’t funny.” My response seemed to hurt his feelings and I had to fight my instinct to apologize. I mean, after all, I hadn’t invited him to come sit at my table. The cafeteria was always empty this time of day, that was why I came before my 4 o'clock class on Contemporary American Authors. To avoid people. He could have sat anywhere.

“So what’s your name?”

“Really?” I scoffed. “Just like that, you used a lame Dad joke and expect me to be interested in conversing with you?”

“Hi Really, I’m Ben.” He held out his hand and looked at me expectantly.

“No, thanks, I think you should try elsewhere.” I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to my tuna fish sandwich. Suddenly I wasn’t very hungry anymore.

Ben shrugged and got up to leave. He took his time too, just in case I changed my mind. I stared at my sandwich while I slowly raised my right hand and extended my middle finger. Ben sped up his retreat.

My appetite ruined, I crumpled up the remainder of my sandwich in the wrapper and stuffed it back into the brown paper bag. Shouldering my backpack I tossed the sandwich into the trash on my way out.

[doktorkazz]

One Shots (Elemental)

The embers of the fire had faded low. The coal glow was sunset orange and purple, the quiet breath of a sleeping Salamander, pulsing and humming with silent energy. Darkness surrounded the camp fire and its lone attendee. Reverently the dark figure leaned forward.

Jance held his hands out, cupped as a humble supplicant, to the coals. He murmured dark words in a foreign tongue and the coals coalesced into the shape of a lizard. Then, coaxing it forward, he guided it into his waiting palms.

The creature would have scalded a lesser man, but Jance’s scarred hands had suffered far worse than a Salamander’s flame. He cooed to the creature and its flames died down until it was nothing more than red-orange coals with a coat of fine white ash.

“There, there my little pet,” he whispered as he lowered it into the thick leather pouch he wore tied around his neck. Tucking the pouch under his shirt he could still feel the heat of the tiny creature. Looking out at the snow covered forest he was grateful that it’d keep him warm this night.

[doktorkazz]

One Shot: The Ghost of Your Reflection in Darkened Glass

The rain played out it’s syncopated rhythym as a series of questioning tic-tacs on a tin roof. The harder it fell the more demanding of answers it grew. A burst of wind rose in a hurried sigh, like an exasperated lover or someone paid for sex. The beat of the rain shifted in response. Tired, worn out, the tapping subsided only to resurge with the next hurried gust.

The rain always seemed louder in the dark. Or maybe it was just everything else was quiet for a change and the rain, with it’s one million tiny questions was finally audible? Lydia couldn’t decide which as she lay on her back staring forlornly at the curious faces etched into the plaster ceiling. The swoops and curves of the textured surface, accentuated by the flare of fluttering candle light gave life to sneers and smiles alike.

She wondered if this was what it was like to be depressed? It’d been so long since she’d felt anything she couldn’t be sure. Her own senses dulled by death. A hundred years ago? A hundred days? What did it matter? The Afterlife was aptly named because the atmosphere was dead. Like a smoky nightclub with the same lousy act night after night.

In short, being a ghost sucked.

[doktorkazz]

And we're back!

Gearing up to publish an e-book this week so I thought I'd dust off the old Tumblr...

[death-420]

i had a dream that i was solid snake workin at taco bell

[maxknightley]

“Uhhhh, can I get a doritos locos taco?”

“Doritos locos taco… Colonel, what’s the procedure?”

“That’s a taco with a special shell, Snake – made not from an ordinary corn tortilla but designed to evoke the famous tortilla chip, packed with extreme flavor. Substitute the shell and prepare the rest of the taco normally.”

“Got it. Excuse me, customer. There’s both Cool Ranch and Nacho Cheese shells here. Which would you prefer?”

“Cool ranch, please.”

“On it.”

[death-420]

can we get david hayter in on this

[virtanderson]

[f0rgemaster]

guess who met david hayter 

[soaleanmonterey]

David Hayter is a glorious man who clearly loved his role/loves his fans.

[tombstonettromboners]

reblogging this again because fucking Liquid’s VA did a response to this:

[ruffboi-mags]

i don’t even go here but this is amazing

[doktorkazz]

If the entire world could be cool people doing cool things for others, we'd be ok.

[sixohsixoheightfourtwo]

tag yourself, then release yourself back into the wild, for scientific monitoring

[atlas-of-kaertorin]

Pickpocketing v1.2

[Seeing the success of my previous pickpocketing table, I noticed a few things I could have improved and changed to make it even better than it was before.]

[dnd-campaign-references]

For any DM who has a player with sticky fingers.

[doktorkazz]

This is wonderful.

[phantom40x]

[earlgraytay]

If you are ever sad and need to stop being sad on short notice, google ‘venger d&d cartoon’.

every face he makes is memeworthy

every single one

he’s like if skeletor and voldemort had a baby and that baby somehow had even worse fashion sense than either of his dads

i’m am love him.

[doktorkazz]

I love venger too.

[lambsprout]

A page from my d&d character’s journal, it’s a draft for her Herbalist Guide

[doktorkazz]

Every druid, cleric, and ranger needs an herbal.

[thirdtofifth]

Bloodsilk Spider Small monstrosity, unaligned Armor Class 13 Hit Points 14 (4d6) Speed 30 ft., climb 20 ft. Str 9, Dex 16, Con 10, Int 2, Wis 10, Cha 2 Skills Stealth +5, Perception +2 Senses tremorsense 60 ft., passive Perception 12 Languages - Challenge 1 (200 XP) Blood Drain. As a bonus action, the spider can command its webs to burrow into their victims’ flesh. When it does, each creature restrained by one of the spider’s blood webs loses 6 (1d6+3) hit points due to blood loss, and the spider gains temporary hit points equal to the total damage dealt. Actions Bite. Melee Weapon Attack: +5 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 5 (1d4+3) piercing damage and 5 (2d4) poison damage. Blood Web (Recharge 5-6). Ranged Weapon Attack: +5 to hit, range 10/40 ft., Hit: The target is restrained. As an action, the restrained target can make a DC 15 Strength check, bursting the webbing on a success. The webbing can also be attacked and destroyed (AC 10; hp 5; vulnerability to fire damage; immunity to bludgeoning, poison, and psychic damage)

Bloodthirsty creatures that spin webs between trees and rocks to catch giant wasps, stirges, and spider eaters, bloodsilk spiders are fortunately rare. They are patient and cunning, spinning webs and waiting for prey to approach. Spotting an already-spun web requires a successful DC 15 Perception check. Most bloodsilk spiders are about 3 feet long and weigh around 40 pounds, but it is rumored that they grow the more blood they imbibe, and far larger examples are said to exist in the deepest part of the forest.

Originally from the Monster Manual IV. A request from pyrot3ch-nick.  If there is a monster from 3.5 or Pathfinder that you want to see converted to 5e, feel free to send me a message or submit a monster request on the submit page.