Feels so weird having known and felt what skinny is like and now I’m just a lump lol. Makes me not wanna show my face to anyone.
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Feels so weird having known and felt what skinny is like and now I’m just a lump lol. Makes me not wanna show my face to anyone.
I’ve been struggling with my ed for 10 years now and its completely screwed up my relationship with food
Me: *doing my normal grocery shopping*
The Target Employee watching me read Soup Labels for 45 minutes:
Me: getting dinner
My mom: wow your eating that much/little?
Me:
Gotta love constantly hating yourself 🥲✌️
someone: you’re so quiet, what are you thinking of?
me: i shouldn’t have ate that, how many calories was that, it’s late, i’m not eating tomorrow, when i’ll get home i’ll have to do an 1 hour cardio workout, i’m never eating again
3500 calories = 1 pound
How do I convince my brain that I couldn't have possibly gained 2 pounds from eating a slice of bread
people don’t understand how mentally draining having an eating disorder is. they assume you just skip a meal a day and then boom you lose like 30 pounds then recover. they don’t realize that you lose all your energy and can barely even function. you lose friends over it, get horrible grades, have to stop working, lose interest & energy in pursuing passions and hobbies. it fucking sucks and they make it so obvious they don’t give a shit about us.
Unlimited Power
The waiting is the worst part
Just waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Every. Single. Day
Waiting for that one specific number
Waiting for the hunger to become bearable
Waiting for the reflection to change
Waiting for all that internal pain to be externally noticeable.
Waiting for it to finally feel like enough
But I don’t think it ever will…
Things that aren’t talked about enough about anorexia:
-insomnia(not being able to sleep and when you do sleep it’s only for a couple hours)
-food nightmares(having a realistic nightmare of eating a ton of food or being super fat)
-restlessness(always fidgety and not being able to stay completely still)
-stomach pains(eating even a little bit of foods CHURNS your stomach bc you are not used to eating the right amount)
-anger/irritable(getting mad easily and emotional at everything especially loved ones because of the hunger)
-dizziness(not eating for a day or two and finding yourself feeling nauseous and dizzy when waking up until you get something to eat)
-completely drained(having barely any energy)
-isolation(isolating from your friends and family most of the times non-intentionally because all you can think about is food)
-numb(feeling numb to everything and the only emotion you can really feel is anger)
-always distracted(not being able to focus in class because you’re thinking of calories, weight and food)
-terrible digestive system(even when we eat a little, we get stomach aches and when we eat a lot or a normal amount, the stomach aches are even worse and you have to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes)
-anxiety(being anxious to go out with friends bc of food, being scared to go on dates because of food, being scared that people will think you’re as fat as you see yourself, and being scared to recover)
-muscle loss(even though we are losing a lot of fat, a lot of muscle also goes away which makes you even weaker)
-guilt(feeling super guilty and ashamed even when eating a normal amount or not as little as was planned)
It be like that sometimes
It is what it is
I wonder what it is like to not think about food all the time, and not absolutely despise yourself. I am so sick of stressing all the time. Just so tired.