he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
will byers stan first human second
DEAR READER
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@selfaware-despair
POV: you wake up and remember food exists and your body is real
When I’m depressed af and can’t interact but don’t want my friends to think I hate them:
Res patient: leaves a singular stale bread crumb on their plate
That one extra ass nurse:
I N C O M P L E T E!!!!!!!!
Ok I seriously need to go to bed. I’ve gotten 8 hours (maybe) of sleep in the past 50 hours…BUT IM NOT TIRED UGH. But I’m gonna be “proactive” and go to bed “early” (it’s 1am) I’ve been up since 5am yesterday morning but someone how I feel like it’s only been like 6 hours. Time isn’t real lmao. Ok fr im doing it. I’m going to bed!!!!! I’m putting my phone A W A Y. Byeeee. Gn!
Ilysm💞 Sweet dreams☺️ Bye bye😴
Me: looks like I’m not gonna have a nightmare tonig—oh fuck you dude.
That one trauma dream that just got back from hiatus:
Me, just wanting a good nights rest: I just want a good nights rest
My ED & insomnia:
My mom: *opens door* Hey have you seen—what are u doing?
Me, eating cheerio flavored chapstick to avoid binging:
DO NOT DO THIS! ITS A JOKE & ITS TOXIC! I REPEAT: EXTREMELY BAD IDEA & DOES NOTHING.
Me: Why is my water retention so bad ;(( I drink plenty of water!
Every Single Meal I Eat:
Therapist: What do you do for self-care?
Me: I meditate.
Therapist: Sitting up in bed at 2:00AM listening to ROLE MODEL & crying over Halo Top isn’t meditating.
Me:
For anyone who is struggling with an ED this Fourth of July, just remember:
•It’s only one day.
•Family > Food
•You are stronger than you think
•You are allowed to feel anxious
•Focus on making awesome memories
•Time with loved ones is fleeting. Don’t forget to soak it in.
Most importantly:
Even if no one else does,
I care about you.
💞Even if I don’t know you, I still care bestie💞
POV: the Menu at the Cheesecake Factory that your dad brought you to for his birthday dinner
Back from vacation!!!!! Finally that nightmare is over😮💨 I try to keep numbers off this page because I know that can be very triggering. So all I’ll say is I don’t have any damage control to do after being away from all my safe foods for over a week. I will say, it was very annoying. I truly wanted to enjoy that vacation because it was for a very important reason. I don’t think I enjoyed it as much as I could have because every hour I was stressed (that’s not a big enough word) about my next meal, drink, how much I was walking, not walking, sleeping, and so on. If there’s one thing I know about myself and I know about ppl suffering from EDs is that we need to feel in complete control of everything around us as often and as perfectly as possible. Not everyone is like that, but a lot of us are.
Well…on a vacation(that I had to go on), your schedule is out the window, your normal foods are gone, your comfort behaviors are out in the open. Basically: it’s sink or swim. Luckily, I was able to keep steady (mostly…I only had two panic attacks but that’s pretty good for me). I only got questions once or twice. Everyday was a different schedule. That was the hardest part.
But I’m back and in my own space with my own food and control over my schedule. Thank Goodness🤧🤧🤧
My family: *knows I’m a vegan and forces me to eat out at BBQ places & steak houses & burger joints*
Also my family: Why do you never eat??? Are you okay???? Why are you annoyed??? You always ruin family dinner with that attitude!!!!
Me: jeez idk
IF I HAVE TO EAT OUT ONE MORE FUCKING TIME I SWEAR TO EVERYTHING GOOD IN THE WORLD IN GONNA KMS
TW FOR CAL MENTION & DISORDERED BEHAVIORS MENTION
✨Mental breakdown✨
I’m going on vacation for 10 days w/ family and there is 100% no way to avoid it. I’m hella stressed because I can’t bring my scale and I feel like I’m gonna gain a bunch of weight. What’s worse is I’m super stressed which made me stress eat and I went 170 calories over my limit. I know logically that isn’t a lot of calories but it feels like 1,700 to me and I’m freaking out. I’m very particular about the food I ate, I legit only eat like 7 foods and they’re all like very specific store bought stuff or produce. I won’t have any of that stuff other than a few bags of popcorn and a can of soup. I feel cornered and trapped and scared and I have no one to talk about it with. My family knows I have an ED but they don’t know it’s active rn and I really don’t want them to figure it out. All in all: F M L
Reblog if you’re pro recovery. Whether you’re in it or not
