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if i look back, i am lost
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@selfaware-despair
POV: you wake up and remember food exists and your body is real
When Iām depressed af and canāt interact but donāt want my friends to think I hate them:
Res patient: leaves a singular stale bread crumb on their plate
That one extra ass nurse:
I N C O M P L E T E!!!!!!!!
Ok I seriously need to go to bed. Iāve gotten 8 hours (maybe) of sleep in the past 50 hoursā¦BUT IM NOT TIRED UGH. But Iām gonna be āproactiveā and go to bed āearlyā (itās 1am) Iāve been up since 5am yesterday morning but someone how I feel like itās only been like 6 hours. Time isnāt real lmao. Ok fr im doing it. Iām going to bed!!!!! Iām putting my phone A W A Y. Byeeee. Gn!
Ilysmš Sweet dreamsāŗļø Bye byeš“
Me: looks like Iām not gonna have a nightmare tonigāoh fuck you dude.
That one trauma dream that just got back from hiatus:
Me, just wanting a good nights rest: I just want a good nights rest
My ED & insomnia:
My mom: *opens door* Hey have you seenāwhat are u doing?
Me, eating cheerio flavored chapstick to avoid binging:
DO NOT DO THIS! ITS A JOKE & ITS TOXIC! I REPEAT: EXTREMELY BAD IDEA & DOES NOTHING.
Me: Why is my water retention so bad ;(( I drink plenty of water!
Every Single Meal I Eat:
Therapist: What do you do for self-care?
Me: I meditate.
Therapist: Sitting up in bed at 2:00AM listening to ROLE MODEL & crying over Halo Top isnāt meditating.
Me:
For anyone who is struggling with an ED this Fourth of July, just remember:
ā¢Itās only one day.
ā¢Family > Food
ā¢You are stronger than you think
ā¢You are allowed to feel anxious
ā¢Focus on making awesome memories
ā¢Time with loved ones is fleeting. Donāt forget to soak it in.
Most importantly:
Even if no one else does,
I care about you.
šEven if I donāt know you, I still care bestieš
POV: the Menu at the Cheesecake Factory that your dad brought you to for his birthday dinner
Back from vacation!!!!! Finally that nightmare is overš®āšØ I try to keep numbers off this page because I know that can be very triggering. So all Iāll say is I donāt have any damage control to do after being away from all my safe foods for over a week. I will say, it was very annoying. I truly wanted to enjoy that vacation because it was for a very important reason. I donāt think I enjoyed it as much as I could have because every hour I was stressed (thatās not a big enough word) about my next meal, drink, how much I was walking, not walking, sleeping, and so on. If thereās one thing I know about myself and I know about ppl suffering from EDs is that we need to feel in complete control of everything around us as often and as perfectly as possible. Not everyone is like that, but a lot of us are.
Wellā¦on a vacation(that I had to go on), your schedule is out the window, your normal foods are gone, your comfort behaviors are out in the open. Basically: itās sink or swim. Luckily, I was able to keep steady (mostlyā¦I only had two panic attacks but thatās pretty good for me). I only got questions once or twice. Everyday was a different schedule. That was the hardest part.
But Iām back and in my own space with my own food and control over my schedule. Thank Goodnessš¤§š¤§š¤§
My family: *knows Iām a vegan and forces me to eat out at BBQ places & steak houses & burger joints*
Also my family: Why do you never eat??? Are you okay???? Why are you annoyed??? You always ruin family dinner with that attitude!!!!
Me: jeez idk
IF I HAVE TO EAT OUT ONE MORE FUCKING TIME I SWEAR TO EVERYTHING GOOD IN THE WORLD IN GONNA KMS
TW FOR CAL MENTION & DISORDERED BEHAVIORS MENTION
āØMental breakdownāØ
Iām going on vacation for 10 days w/ family and there is 100% no way to avoid it. Iām hella stressed because I canāt bring my scale and I feel like Iām gonna gain a bunch of weight. Whatās worse is Iām super stressed which made me stress eat and I went 170 calories over my limit. I know logically that isnāt a lot of calories but it feels like 1,700 to me and Iām freaking out. Iām very particular about the food I ate, I legit only eat like 7 foods and theyāre all like very specific store bought stuff or produce. I wonāt have any of that stuff other than a few bags of popcorn and a can of soup. I feel cornered and trapped and scared and I have no one to talk about it with. My family knows I have an ED but they donāt know itās active rn and I really donāt want them to figure it out. All in all: F M L
Reblog if youāre pro recovery. Whether youāre in it or not
