dolloptrash

natasja, 19, denmark dedicated working on not fucking up my own life, very intrigued by science, tv shows and gay stuff

[princearthur]

planet of love; siken

     Imagine: Someone’s puling a gun, and and you’re jumping into the middle of it.                              You didn’t think you’d feel this way.

[tastefullyoffensive]

He crashed his bike.

[denisvileneuve]

And every winter that came has ended.

[pr1nceshawn]

People Who Enjoy “Medium Rare Chicken”

[succ-my-pandas-dick]

[quotethatshow]

[citizen-zero]

So in lore, vampires have this trait that I’ve almost never seen used, and that’s the fact that vampires are OBSESSED with counting things. Like, the Count on Sesame Street was almost certainly created specifically as a vampire because of this piece of lore.

Like, I read this vampire book years and years ago that explained that a surefire way to protect yourself from vampires getting into your house was to spread a ton of seeds on your doorstep–poppy and mustard seeds were particularly recommended for the purpose. Basically, if you suspected someone to be a vampire, all you had to do was drop a sackful of seeds on the ground in front of them.

If they didn’t immediately start counting them, they were not a vampire. However, if they WERE a vampire, they’d be seized with the urge to count all the seeds and they would not budge from that spot until they knew how many seeds there were in total. The point was to keep them there until the sun came up and killed them, because if they hadn’t counted all the seeds by sunrise they wouldn’t be able to leave. Presumably you could just go about the rest of your evening as normal, though no word on whether it’s possible to make them lose count and start over.

Having remembered this piece of lore, I want fewer stories about brooding tortured Edward Cullen-esque vampires. I want to start seeing more stories about math nerd vampires.

Vampire accountants who are an honest company’s best asset and a corrupt company’s bane because they are frighteningly accurate with the accounts and will not hesitate to blow the whistle on a CEO scamming money because fuck you for making the numbers wrong.

Vampire cashiers that don’t need to look at the register screen because they already mentally calculated your total. 10-items-or-less vampires who know goddamn well you have 20 items in that basket and NO, you cannot just slip in with the rest.

Vampire math tutors who are constantly in high demand and have to hold lotteries to see who gets to be tutored by them.

MATH NERD VAMPIRES

[an-aura-about-you]

If anyone would like the term for this, it’s arithmomania.

[gosshiku-hime-wa-yami-san]

“But sir, he’s a vampire!!!” “Vampire or not, he’s the best damn accountant we have here, and i’d let him drink my blood before i fire him!”

[randomthingsthatilike1]

“still less of a leech than Matt in legal. Fuck matt”

[cappucino-commie]

Okay but also, vampires as drug dealers- a profession that requires extremely quick, extremely accurate counting. “You’re 5 dollars short.” “There’s 50,000 dollars in there at least, how the fuck did you count that fast-” “Pay up or I will drink you like a slurpee.”

[denisvileneuve]

1x03 | 7x07

[kanjabeto-deactivated20180421]

Something really weird is happening. Yesterday was my 13th birthday and then– and then today I woke up and I’m this, and you, I mean– you’re that! You get it?

[gifsofgot]

[sheisrecovering]

Slow progress is still progress.

[marias-studyblr]

Be patient. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon.

[linddzz]

One bonus of being An Adult ™ is grossly misusing modern slang on purpose and watching the young interns cry inside

[linddzz]

a fine example: the other day I pointed at a passing shark and, while looking one intern right in the eye, went “Man is that bae or what huh?” and the look on his face was something i will treasure for years

[combeferret]

#a…… passing shark?

[hullabaloon]

I don’t think there are many directors who can claim to be as versatile as George Miller

[crimepit-deactivated20200606]

this is fucking evil and trump is the literal devil

[irishisneverquiet]

What the actual fuck. This is what Hitler did to Jewish children. What happened to never again?

[sheogorath-ruler-of-madness]

is there actual words to describe how not okay this is?

[mxnrique]

taylor: “im sorry the old taylor can’t come to the phone” “why?” “cuz she dead.”

me:

[biprideharry]

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

[ellenfromnowon]

[cs-inactive1-deactivated2020060]

not all heroes wear capes

[brainless-moe-white-lotus]

What you should all be impressed by is Alexander Hamilton’s ability to limbo right under the super low bar Eliza set for him as a husband…

[talesandfluff]

“Just stay alive, that would be enough”