Got alerted that it was a 7 year anniversary on here today. Felt compelled to make a post for updates but also to clear the air from things I hear through the grapevine, and also for the haters that I know are out there. Most people and I are chill, but there are a couple, for whatever reason, that make it their life’s mission to dog me as some sort of competition to prove they were right about something. Idk. I’m not a psychologist, and maybe that’s the problem. I haven’t always done everything right, but I can honestly say I’ve genuinely cared about every friend and girlfriend I’ve ever had, even when I had to work through the pain of realizing things weren’t going to work out, and I’ve never put hands on anyone or crossed lines for what I feel like it is to be man. At the end of the day, I find that I have higher standards for myself than most people, and I don’t need validation for that.
I haven’t posted on here in years, but it’s been for the best reasons. I’ve taken over a mortgage on a house. I’ve been in the gym, I put on 25 pounds of muscle. I started a business that’s taken off as one of the better cannabis brands in my state. I’ve done events and conventions. I’ve gone and watched my alma mater win back to back national basketball championships. I’ve finally gotten back to festivals. And MOST importantly, I’ve met the most fantastic woman I’ve ever met in my entire life who has loved me, supported me, and made me a better person throughout it all. I was starting to think maybe it would never happen. I wasn’t looking, at all. And then she just walked into my life. I guess they say that right as you give up and submit, it happens.
Never in a million years would I have ever expected to meet a girl like this at a shitty hometown bar, and it was a 1-in-a-million shot that she was even there. She was recently out of a local college, lived out of state, and was just rooming with a friend to help her out. Her friend dragged her out, and I happened to be there with a gym friend sitting at the bar watching the Celtics/Lakers. We all noticed each other, danced together and talked and laughed a lot. When it was time to leave, I got her info and we started casually talking and hanging out more.
The more that I learned about her, the more amazed and obsessed I was. She taught me things I didn’t know. She made me consider things in a different way than I always did. She was quiet, but direct. In a lot of ways, she was very different than me: different race obviously, different family life (HUGE fam with healthy relationships), bounced around a lot in childhood. And yet, despite all our differences, she was interested in me. I couldn’t believe it. This absolute goddess. Bad bitch energy on the outside, like goth witch vibes, but for those in her circle she is the most kind, caring, smart, funny, hard working person I’ve ever seen. She practically raised her SIX siblings with her mom who had a few different BMs, calls them her babies. Why would anyone ever hate on this relationship? Well, I’m 9 years older than her. She will be 26, I’m 35. And I know this sounds like the most based thing ever, but it’s true: she is the most mature woman I have ever been with, hands down, no questions asked, twice on Sunday. She calls me out on my bullshit when I need it, she supports my hobbies. Shes vegan and pushes me to be healthier. I could literally write a novel about the things that I love about her. And I opened up to her. I told her everything. About all of my many past relationships. About my addiction. Everything. And she didn’t hate me for it, she loved me for changing. She made my life, OUR life.
And so I proposed. Last November, in the gardens at an old-ass Victorian mansion where they hung witches in Salem on Halloween under the moonlight for the first time in my life, I asked someone to marry me. Not because it was easy (although it is), not for money, not because “she’s easy to manipulate” (honestly that sounds like projection when people even say it), but because for once in my life, I feel like I am healthy enough and have someone who loves me for me, and who wont leave through the ups and downs. I mean I’m old as fuck now, it’s probably time. And ya know, my Mom is for sure crazy, but she had a few sayings that I liked, and one was: “it’s okay to take your old memories off the shelf every once in a while, but just make sure you put them back”. And I think that’s great advice for everyone.
Peace Tumblr. Maybe I’ll chalk another update down in a few years. Be easy, be well. And most importantly: don’t be a fucking hater man. ✌🏻
