i donāt want to achieve equality by sinking to menās level, i want them to get on ours! why should i have to unlearn the conversational art of waiting my turn, unlearn sexual self-restraint, unlearn trust in othersā good intentions, unlearn the impulse to cater to othersā needs, just to have a chance at success among savages? why canāt the men learn some fucking manners so we can all conduct our affairs in a civilized manner? i shouldnāt have to stop saying sorry, you say sorry!
In the 80s when I was in my freshman year in college, they still had entirely separate mens and womenās dorms. I was in class waiting for a final to start and one of the guys was telling someone about how he had had to go into a womenās dorm to drop something off, and he was startled to see posters on the walls, flowers, curtains, etc. He said his menās dorm had holes in the walls, things on fire, fights, guys walking around with open wounds and he just didnāt understand why they had to live like this. He said, āI want to live with the women, in civilization.ā
Am reading Sisterhood of Spies, about women working for the OSS during WWII. One of the stories mentions that the women in London had a male visitor who would eat in their mess hall once a month. He was married and wasnāt interested in hitting on any of the women; he just wanted to eat in an atmosphere where people saidĀ āPlease pass the butter,ā instead ofĀ āPASS THE GODDAMNED GREASEā
I dated a guy who brought me along on group activities (movies, video game night, etc.) with four or five other male friends. Once I mentioned to one of the other guys that I hoped I wasnāt intruding on theirĀ āguy timeā or some such. He got this sort of rueful look and said,Ā āThe truth is, I really like it when youāre here because it gives us a reason to act better. When itās just guys, we all have to try to outdo each other with how vile we are.ā
So the moral of these stories are men donāt even treat each other like human beings.
