Restarting. . . .
hi, hello. i was shyukchimark before but now, it’s changed and stuff. so yeah. as the title of thid post says, i’ll be restarting everything. no, i won’t be deleting my stories though, however, i will no longer be continuing them anymore. but they will still be up in a post and such, so when i get some free time, i’ll try and organize them all together if you guys wanna keep reading them and such.
and if you guys wanna know the reason as to why i left, i’ll be talking about it in this post as well, so if you guys wanna know about it, feel free to keep reading here. i’ll get to the point now.
i left tumblr because of my personal life. my personal life as well as other stuff going on at the same time started to go downhill and it all became too overwhelming for me to the point that i couldn’t keep up with anything anymore than i used to do before.
school was also starting to kill me more than i thought, along with meeting and developing more connections with other people as well. a former bestfriend of mine also stopped hanging out with me without telling me anything and it made me go into a dark hole because i thought i did something but nope, turns out she just wanted to see other people. although, i wish she just told me instead of leaving me in the dark as to why she just suddenly went out and such but i never held anything against her. after all, i just wanted her to be happy. even if that meant that i have to be alone like i used to be before. and i was okay with that.
depression also came into play. i never knew that i had it. i wasn’t sure too. i thought that it was just because i was overthinking things like i usually do and being stressful over such things but turns out, i did have it. my mental health went down so much to the point that i was numb and dead for months without end. i tried to hide it behind a mask as well. but of course, it couldn’t last forever. i wanted it to though, and i had a hard time opening up and telling people. especially my family. i never told them about it. however, i did tell my friends. and now, they’re doing their best to help me. and i appreciate it.
i wanted to try and force myself. i didn’t want to feel like that anymore. so i continued to stay in a mask. creating a fake image of me. because i didn’t want anyone to worry. i didn’t want to be a burden. i always thought “they have other things too, i would just make things worse for them. i’ll keep my mouth shut.” but not telling only made it worse. it made me feel more isolated and more trapped inside.
talking is important. opening up to the people that you love and trust the most is also important. it’s difficult. i understand that. but i do know that i’m not alone. there’s people out there that have gone through worse and they’ve also experienced such things in their lives that made them feel so trapped and insecure and dead, so much that it has destroyed their minds and health.
i found it hard to open up. but i tried to do it. i learned to do so too. it’s okay to feel scared and to cry. go ahead and let it out. you have to. you need to. it’s okay. just always know that you’re never alone. there’s always someone out there that truly cares for you.
it’s okay. you’ll be okay. you’ll get through it. you’ll fight it. you will. and you’ll say “fuck it.”.
bottling up your feelings will eventually make you feel overwhelmed and it will make you break down and let it out eventually. i’ve done that. and it wasn’t in a good time too. it’s okay to make mistakes. as long as we learn from it and grow and improve ourselves.
push away those dark thoughts, say “fuck you, i’m not letting you ruin me again.” and walk away. it’s hard, i know. but you can do it. you will.
you’ll be okay. you will be.
you can do it.
don’t hesitate to talk to someone. it’s okay. know that you’re not alone. i’m here too if you guys would like to talk. i love you all. thank you.
you’re not alone. you will get through it. i promise.
you can do it.
