when did Ichigo fall in love?
Some self-indulgent meta on Ichigo coming to terms with his feelings for Orihime because fic writing… Relating a lot to this poor boy’s intimacy struggles, I figured Ichigo’s falling in love could be expressed through taking steps towards this particular relationship, little by little.
And that starts with the ground he stands on: empathy
the basis of their relationship is empathy. The series start with him noticing her, worrying for her because he knows her pain.
step 1: he acknowledges that she notices him, too
And that is literall because he says “i had no idea you could see us”, referring to Orihime seeing his shinigami form. But he also had no idea that she noticed him, paid attention to him and thought of him to such high standards. Seeing himself through Orihime’s eyes surprised him at first, but it also helped steel his resolve. She gently holds a mirror to him and says “see, you are a kind, brave person”, and he sees that. He sees his own qualities through her eyes - and this is a big deal.
now, once again, her display of affection surprises him… and he welcomes it. He is yelling to the world “I won!”, exhausted, and is (literally) hit with this genuine, tender sentiment that she has for him… and he is grateful for it. In her crying for him, he sees his own desire to see his friends safe, he sees the same level of care that he displays - but he’s also taking in the more intimate concern that she is showing for him. This is another big deal, because allowing someone in like that opens the vulnerability gates, which leads to
step 3: dealing with vulnerability
… and now, he is confronted with facing the consequences: he let her in, now it can get under his skin. Now it can hurt him.
And it does. He sees his own personal failure in her injuries, but the apex here is the fight with Grimmjow: when he sees her frightened eyes, he doesn’t see the kind, brave man he saw before, he sees his own fear. Orihime says: “i can’t see my own reflection/ i don’t recognize him”… and neither does Ichigo. Her not recognizing him is mirroring his own personal fear of losing himself to his hollow.
… but right after, when her loving feelings get to him, he is empowered. She is not just saying “look, you are still a wonderful person”. She is saying “look, this is my heart: it is scared for you, it hurts because I can’t bear to see you get hurt, just like you can’t stand to watch me or anyone else get hurt”. He sees care, he sees love, he sees acceptance and empathy, he sees his old self, and he takes that to heart.
And now, she reaches even deeper…. which brings him to extreme places
And yet he does not fall back on his decision to let her in. It takes him a while, and quite the pain during FB Arc, too, but finally, TYBW comes and we see that he finally took the next step.
step 4: rely on her and their bond.
Ichigo finally takes the leap of faith and trusts in their intimacy. He is trusting eye contact to pull a master move to use his hollow - the power that has made them both so afraid before, the extreme place he went within himself, with her. He is confident in himself, confident in her, confident in their relationship, confident that with her by his side, he can do this. He moves past his fear of being vulnerable, he moves past his fear of failing her. He still worries about her, he always will, but now, he is ready to embrace their bond as it is, trusting that the intimacy they built so far will come through - and it does.
… and all he needs now is time and encouragement to reassure himself and take the final step.
romaincrisis
snowghoul
2087
