Haha hiiiiii I’m 27 now and looking back thru this blog makes me want to vomit anyways this is the only place I can post where probably nobody I know irl will see it (i rly hope so anyway)
Things really did get better there for a minute. Like it was unreal. now I feel like I’m just waking up from a long needed and blissful sleep, and going back to the reality of my life which is, as always, one giant joke. I don’t really feel like I have anyone close to me I can talk to about it, besides my therapist but she wasn’t there for a lot of my character development which is at play here big time. I’m just tired of feeling like I’m fighting for my life every single day to keep my fucking head above water. I feel lonely and unseen, and unseen is one of my least favorite ways to feel if I’m being honest. Like the world and everyone in it is hellbent on misunderstanding. I’ve been crying so much.
my best friend is moving away in 3 weeks. I thought we had more time, like I knew it was coming I just thought we had more time. I’m happy for her, because I know she’s happy, and I know how long and hard she fought to finally be as happy as she is. God, I’m so fucking happy for her. But damn if I don’t feel like something she’s packing away in a box and leaving behind, because she just doesn’t need me anymore. She just doesn’t need me anymore. And then, when I sit down and let myself think abut that, I think about how nobody really needs me anymore. I think I’m just a tired, sad, old, broken, outgrown thing.
I don’t know. Things have changed so much since the last time I visited this godforsaken website. A lot of good change, maybe just as much bad. I never thought I’d make it to my late 20s, never planned that far ahead, and I’m here now, and life is moving so fast, and I’m drowning, alone, unseen.
