geez louise @dooteroo - Tumblr Blog

remember. you can't know things you don't know. you have to find them out. by doing things.

this is a mantra against shame over ignorance btw. like yeah you can and should actively seek out knowledge but you're just still gonna have blind spots and that's okay. you won't know the things you don't know until you know them. you know?

plumslices

“The time will pass anyway” absolutely shifted my mind

fidelcostco

robin-teddybear

it's kinda comforting to me when my friends are a little annoying or longwinded or abrasive or tired and inarticulate, or they don't do the exact politest thing in every interaction, and stuff, because I know I'm sometimes annoying, or take up a more than my share of conversational space, or forget to ask them questions, etc etc, and... like, I'm always working to be nice to my friends and to get better and better at friend-ing, but it just makes me feel more human about it :}

anyway I love you friends plz know I'm not counting, in fact I feel great affection toward you even (especially) when conversations go less than Perfectly Ideal

saulwexler

I'm not proud to say it but this line from a 60 year old detective novel made me re-think some things about friendship

the-real-seebs

Now I want to read the detective novel.

mellifexfarm

let me out

still-face-subject

There's this perception on here among neurodivergent people that neurotypical social behaviour is all fake and arbitrary. That it's a cruel, baseless game played to "weed out" ND people or to cause pain and complicate things on purpose.

This is wrong. All of those social rules and nuances ARE communication. Sorry if this is rude but it's not the NTs' fault if things don't gel- the gap goes both ways. Just because communication doesn't make sense to you, doesn't mean it's random or purposeless. Remember this post?

Every interaction in an NT conversation has purpose, and communicates something, and I don't understand why nobody ever explains this to ND people. There's information on basic stuff like facial expressions, but never what any of it actually means.

Small talk about the weather isn't about the weather. It's about how nice it is to be around the people you're talking to, or feeling out their understanding of the world, or just saying that you're both present and people and you're being people together. It's not literal. The words are, but the broad scope isn't.

A conversation is not just an exchange of words, it's an exchange of acknowledgement, attention, and emotional understanding. Of course it confuses people when their part in that exchange is met with flat affect or unembelished words. It's like looking in a mirror and not seeing your reflection.

butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway

While this article frames them in terms of romantic relationships, I find that "bids" often appear in relationships of all kinds. We may interact with those bids differently or have different expectations related to bids depending on the kind of relationship we have with someone, but realistically, a lot of how we interact with each other in the world, especially fiddly little social cues and expectations, have to do with these!

Bids in relationships are the ”fundamental unit of emotional communication.” Here's how it can strengthen your connection.

The way we choose to respond to, prioritize, and make bids within our various relationships can have a lot to do with how connected we feel with others, how effectively we are able to communicate our needs and capacities, and how comfortable/secure we are able to be with others.

emi-matchu

Thinking about how much more sense the world made to me once I realized that:

neurotypicals often genuinely prefer the work of cleaning up a problem after the fact, than the work of deliberately preventing the mess: that repair is a different skillset than prevention, and NTs often are more skilled in repair

and that this is not actually a practical or moral failing on their part; it's a reasonable way to choose to go about the world, and can often even be downright rational, depending on their circumstances

and, like with basically all NT/ND differences, it also strikes me that trauma could be one large contributing factor: it makes all the sense in the world that people who are used to problems being frequent and high-stakes would strongly prefer to give them no quarter, whereas people who are used to things generally going their way would prefer to just handle the ones that do go bad as they come

and that this is therefore not about inherent superiority of methods, but about context

this has also been a skillset I've have to build in myself as part of burnout recovery… the scope of my world and my ability to notice potential problems have only increased with time, but my capacity to handle individual problems has only gone down,

so I've had to start learning from NTs' example about how to choose what to address and what to allow to potentially fail, and what to repair vs what to allow to exist in disrepair

because if I allowed myself to consider a problem being unprevented as an inherent failure, then I would have to consider my life to already be done and worthless twenty times over… which is false and helps no one, it has been very difficult to remove this thought from my mind and I do not intend to let it back in

fucking sucks, I miss just being on top of all the shit, but… there's too much shit to be on top of now, and less of me than ever before… and the idea that prevention (my natural inclination) is inherently logistically or morally superior was burning up my precious little energy and running my self-image into the ground 😭

anyway, all this to say… don't knock the NTs' skills! they know things we don't, just as we know things they don't, and our ability to learn from each other is stronger than it may seem

"the majority of people who exist in this world are, on the whole, stupid" is a tempting ideology for autistic folks, and one I have to work hard not to fall into, and… it is not actually kind or smart or true

it is, in fact, eugenics thinking… and, as problem-preventers, I would encourage us to do our part to nip that shit early, please: it is not an ideology that, when given oxygen, tends to leave us alive

(prevention is of course also a marvelous thing, and a lot of people in the world need the exact opposite lesson of the one I'm saying here! I'm just speaking to the specific lesson I've had to learn, as someone who was taught very early that prevention is the only way to survive, and that repair is shame and disaster and death, and the poor incompetent normies simply don't know any better but thankfully we are superior beings)

niko4696

flying-golden-vee

Would love to play game boy SP in there

jordanbolton

To The Person In The Newspaper - Jordan Bolton

pathologising

vulnerability is so important but I will not be partaking in it

#wish this could be meeeeeeeee #tricked into being vulnerable at work #:))))))

beesmygod

in order to pass my computer skills class, 5 grade class of children, you must burn a cd-rom, block an IP address from the hosts file, and install at least 7 mods onto a bethesda product without it crashing on boot. these are essential life skills

beesmygod

doing mister miyagi shit by holding out 10 links that say "download now!" and repeatedly taking the real one away from you until you catch it

Waking up at 6am with a wave of terror :))))))))

#montage of all the ways i subtly ficked up that i didn’t realise until now #it was actually a mistake to let my guard down #fuuuuuuuck #just beeeee yourself is the worst possible advice honestly i feel like i keep falling for it at the most inopportune times