Sex Is Illegal

I exist

[klaasje]

really good text from my sister in law

[iloveuppers2-deactivated2026041]

[phantomrose96]

I want all animals to become sapient enough to produce art specifically because I want to see what sort of sex homunculus caricature each species would create if given the ability to draw

[phantomrose96]

Like we've already got the anime waifu with the needle-waist and watermelon-bazonkas and borzoi-legs and bug-eyes. Now show me a fucked-up stupid beetle as drawn by a horny beetle. I want to see what a cartoonishly sexy lion looks like according to lions. I want to see the most ridiculous drawing of a peahen that would have the peacocks squaring up by the fountain.

[phantomrose96]

We give this power to ostriches and they just start drawing people

[cottoncandylesbo]

i'll be frank, doll, your puss makes me wild! and your stinky vagina is quite the delight too. (light a cigar. takes a sip of my whiskey, then spits it out.) damn this apple juice is pretty bad!

[ratliker1917]

the fact that pro-monarchy arguments have degenerated, over the past few centuries, from “the king rules by divine right and is accountable to nobody but god”, to “uhm the royals generate a lot of income from tourism” will never stop being extremely funny to me

[ratlicker1917]

the monarchs… bad. but the castles? oh, the castles are positively lush with rats… 👅

[ratliker1917]

Delete this account immediately.

[hardgockcafe]

The only things I’m memorializing today are a couple beers

[doyoulovethewayzeylily]

1 like = 1 dead US soldier 1 reblog = we fuck his wife

[glutko]

Got Yoshi to lick this man's balls lol

[sandmandaddy69]

[genderblunt]

Diva alert ⚠️

[vryfmi]

post so bad tumblr offers 5 delete buttons and no post button

[id: screenshot of broken tumblr queue footer ui with one reorder button, 5 delete buttons, one edit, and one unreadable button where post button should be./end id]

[barstoolblues]

mozzarella and parmesan is kind of like the age gap yuri of cheese

[uss-emberprise]

[wordproblemapoligist]

tom nook is NOT a landlord!!! he is a construction worker! he SELLS you a WHOLE HOUSE! He is not CHARGING YOU however many bells a month to live there! You PURCHASE a HOME that he BUILDS FOR YOU and then you PAY HIM FOR HIS SERVICE. He charges no interest he sets no time limit it is a relationship built on trust. the only penalty you get for not paying off your home is that he won't build more home until you pay him for the first one. A guy that builds you a house wherever you want him to and then charges you for the cost of construction is not a landlord you own the fucking home

[brennacedria]

He is, however, in the mafia

[fruitsoftheape100]

TGIF

[grayson-genie]

Elmer it’s Thursday, I think you’ve made a mistake

[fruitsoftheape100]

Be Gentle With Me

[retrogamingblog2]

[digital-magus]

I love you, vintage gay Pikachu. You’ll find the boy for you, I promise.

[dogpuppy]

I wish I could have heard you sing this… I bet you have a beautiful voice

[teaboot]

“Why are you scared of dating” I’m not scared of dating, I just haven’t found anyone’s company to be more enjoyable than my own. And also I don’t care

[justlightmeonfire]

I just don't want anyone to steal my very cursed amulet

[teaboot]

Also the amulet

[whimsicalmayhem]

Is that you talking? Or the amulet? Are you SURE a new hand doesn't want to touch the beacon?

[teaboot]

The amulet and I are not currently looking for a third

[no-one-offical]

‎

[zhoudadudugongjin]

Look I love unconditional devotion love stories as much as the next person, but there's really something so deliciously raw about conditional devotion.

I have served you and I have loved you for decades, but I will not give up my principles for you. You cut out part of my heart and took it with you down that path that you insist on walking, but you walk it alone. Even when the bleeding, gaping hole you left in my chest kills me, I will not follow you.

[zhoudadudugongjin]

me everytime one of my seemingly non-specific homoerotic text posts breaks containment

[inthefallofasparrow]

[piratewithvigor]

Just saw a bird get a worm at 8:06pm.

Never let the morning people say it can't be done