I think 99% of my advice for healthy relationships is to communicate, especially in advance.
Talk to your loved ones about conflict before you have one. Talk about how you react to conflict and ways you can solve conflict together. If you need to walk away during conflict to gather your thoughts, let them know before you have a conflict so that they can be prepared for the fact that you may need space. If there are certain things that really upset you that typically come up during conflicts, let them know.
Talk to your loved ones about your insecurities before they become a problem. Maybe this means planning a way to communicate that you could use some reassurance. Maybe this means getting a letter from them, or screenshots to read when you need to.
Talk to your loved ones about boundaries. If something they tease you about is actually upsetting, communicate that and let them know. Our loved ones generally want to make our lives better and wouldnât continue to do stuff if they knew it was hurting you. They donât know thereâs a problem to fix if they arenât told.
Talk to your loved ones if something is bothering you. Do you feel you always message first or initiate contact? Talk to them about it. Donât start playing the âIâm not going to message until they doâ game. Try not to become passive aggressive or hint at the problem.
Talk to your loved ones about things you like, appreciate or love. Give them the opportunity to do these things for you.
If a loved one is venting to you, ask what they need if they donât tell you. Ask if theyâd like support, or for you to offer validation or advice, or just to listen. This can prevent so much. When we get advice sometimes when weâre upset, weâre not in a place for it and it can make it worse and create conflict.
If a loved one is struggling and you donât know how to help, donât just avoid them because you donât know what to say. Ask them how theyâd like support. Sometimes people just want company, a distraction or to know theyâre loved. On the other side of this, try to tell your loved ones how they can help. Often they do want to help, they just donât know help.
I could go on and on about this, but perhaps you get the idea by now.
Our loved ones arenât mind readers, but sometimes we expect them to be and that isnât fair to them or us. That usually ends with both you and them being upset. Communicate directly when you can.
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