Pinned post 2.1.1 Slightly More Future-Proof Edition
General information and rules
You can request stuff if requests are open, please check the ask button to see if requests are OPEN or CLOSED, I'll have it up there in all caps.
Please read the will/won't write sections before requesting
Please specify reader's gender if possible. I will write any gender, but it helps to know what I'm working with up front
I reserve the right to turn down any requests
I have a kofi you can support me on, obviously not required, but always appreciated.
Do not follow: minors, blank/ageless blogs (please put your age or age range in your bio before you follow), if you have "men dni" OR "women dni" in your bio, proship/comship/"anti-censorship," harry potter fans, daredevil fans (this one's personal don't worry about it just don't ask)
Anons: 🪶, 🌽, 🔎, 🌨️, 🐊, 📻, 🦊, 🟪
More information under the cut. Character list at the very bottom.
Will write:
Any gender of reader
Smut
Fluff
Light angst in some specific cases
Hurt/comfort
My ocs. I write about those little guys from my head a lot.
Miscellaneous kinks: bondage, dom/sub, breeding, toys, pegging, daddy/mommy as a title i guess, monsterfucking, threesomes, omo/watersports (block the tag #jarate moment if you don't want to see that bc i know this one's pretty out there compared to other kinks i write), pretty much any position
Won't write
Yandere
"Dark" romance
Incest
Pedophilia
Rape, noncon, or dubcon
Whatever booktok daddy dom borderline abusive boyfriend the leon residence evil fans that drove a lot of us normal people away think he is
Miscellaneous kinks: choking, scat, cg/l, feederism/fat fetish, any oppression/bioessentialism kink, any request that's vague about consent and yes that has happened before
The key to writing good fanfiction is to harbor a deeply humiliating desire, and the trick there is that even pretty basic and societally-accepted desires like “being held” and “being wanted” CAN and WILL be humiliating if they’re intense enough. Become so estranged from human connection that the idea of someone playing with your hair fills you with yearning so deep you feel like you’re going to throw up and you will write some banger fanfiction. It might have some other consequences too but idrk about that.
Self indulgent but would you be down to write some h/c of the mercs reacting to a reader with low blood pressure standing up too fast and passing out for a few seconds? I don’t know what I’ve done but I keep getting lightheaded and collapsing this week, and I wish I had a sniper or engineer to fawn over me
oh goodness. take care of yourself ok? i'm just gonna do sniper and engineer since you mentioned them by name
Sniper:
The first time he sees you pass out standing up he full on panics.
He immediately grabs your hand and doesn't let go.
"Let's... not... move so fast, mate."
He's been watching you like a hawk every time you get up from a chair ever since, ready to walk you to wherever you need to go or just sit you right back down.
The thought that you should maybe be eating more does not cross his mind at first because he lives on coffee and food that doesn't require him to have access to an average kitchen. He's probably got tim tams lying around in the van somewhere though.
Engineer:
Way more responsible. Asks you to please eat something now and have you talked to medic about this.
Dramatically catches you when you fall. Flashes a smile and helps you right back up and from now on this is how you two flirt.
"Careful now. I can't always be around to keep you from fallin' on your hindquarters."
He'll walk you to the kitchen and make something. An excuse to spend more time with you and do something nice for you.
heyyyy its the Reader, Heavy, Medic poly person again. First off, LOVED what you wrote, Secondly this little line you added-
"Hah! Perhaps I make you both suck me next time."
-gave me another idea for another little drabble, a part 2 if you will. GN Reader and Medic enact Heavy's idea, with Heavy gently, sweetly commanding them to suck him off at the same time. And since their both already in close proximity down there, they can do some self-indulgent groping (medic tiddies 🤤) then it escalates to Reader and Medic full on making out on Heavy's dick and frotting against eachother.
Thank youuu! 💞
hehe yes the concept of this was so hot to me i had to tease it. now how do i describe it without phrases like "it looked like two seals fighting over an eggplant"
(The fic anon is referring to)
Contains: gn!reader, threesome, cock worship, 2 subs 1 dom, everyone is a switch, sexually degrading narration but in like a pre-nut delirium way
-
Well, if Misha wanted that kind of attention, who were you and Ludwig to deny him? He probably needed two mouths to get him off anyway. So he sat back against the pillows and spread his legs wide, allowing you to lay on one side and Ludwig to take the other, propped up on your elbows, his long, thick cock inches from your faces. Hard, uncut, and jutting up and out, it was far too much for one mouth to handle.
"Don't be shy," Misha said. "Suck. Lick. Make out with it. Doctor and little love will get creative, I am sure of it."
You licked at one side from base to tip, then closed your lips around the head to suck at it. Your eyes were closed, but you felt Ludwig's cheek press against yours as he joined you and teasingly kissed the corner of your mouth until you let him suck the tip the way you did. You kissed down Misha's shaft all the way to his balls and back up again. This time Ludwig was making out with the tip and he gladly gave you space to do the same. He giggled when your tongues brushed against each other.
"Come here often?" he asked.
The taste of Ludwig's mouth soon started to pick up the taste of precum. Misha pressed your heads together a little closer, and you shifted your bodies closer too. Your aching, neglected sex was pressed right up against his now, in the perfect position for you to grind on his length. Just a few pushes took the edge off, and Ludwig made such cute noises when you fondled and squeezed his tits. You moaned, Ludwig moaned, and Misha, who could feel the vibrations, really moaned. You must have looked like a slut down there, making out with another slut and making out with the thickest cock you'd ever seen, all while moaning and humping each other. Like something out of a porno.
But Misha treated his sluts well. One of his large hands caressed your shoulders and you caught a glimpse of Ludwig getting the same treatment, with gentle praise and a reminder to give the whole shaft plenty of love. And of course you still kept grinding against each other, both leaking all over each other before a climax was even on the horizon for either of you. You'd never made such a mess in your life. Except maybe the mess dripping down Misha's cock and balls, a wet mix of your drool, Ludwig's drool, and Misha's pre. You'd become intoxicated, like you wouldn't last a day without nursing on Misha's cock anymore, and Ludwig looked about the same, lapping at both you and Misha like it was the only thing he ever learned how to do in life, the spitroasting session from earlier feeling more and more like a distant memory. Misha's two lovers, once fucking him at both ends and being smug bastards about it, now reduced to cock-drunk sluts humping each other at his feet while they serviced him.
"Da... yes, so good..." Misha moaned. "O-open your mouths... Quickly..."
You and Ludwig obediently opened your mouths just in time for Misha to climax, first all over Ludwig's tongue with the first few spurts of cum, then all over yours for the last few as he aimed it where he wanted it.
"Very good," he purred. "Clean tip now."
You and Ludwig lapped at his tip once again, then at each other's mouths, and as Ludwig furiously thrust and thrust, you reached your own messy, glorious climax, at the same time as his.
"You take good care of me," Misha said as you and Ludwig laid on his soft, strong thighs. "No job too big with teamwork. Maybe we do this more often, yes?"
You nodded, completely out of breath.
"Did anyone else feel like a cheap cockslut?" Ludwig asked. "In a good way?"
Fighter: currently only familiar with the battle master subclass but by god is it awesome. simple, efficient brutality. lae'zel is a force of fucking nature. big swords. big armor. respectable carrying capacity. pretty straightforward though, you can't really mess with enemies like you can with other classes. 9/10
Monk: underrated. I intend to convert people to making monk tavs/durges. this is your sign. it's a glass cannon class that starts out pretty flimsy, but by act 3 you can beat Gortash in a fistfight and stand beside Karlach the whole time. warlocks and wizards are also glass cannons, and the reason why I keep making tavs in this class is basically the same reason Gale loves magic so much, i have a long history with martial arts and it's my thing and I picked it. i've only done two of the three sub classes, that being four elements and open hand, but I like them both. Way of the four elements allows you to focus on more enemies at a time because it has its own version of spells but way of the open hand makes the most out of the unarmed strike because it gives you variations on flurry of blows. 9.5/10 purely because it's my favorite
Warlock: I mentioned this being another glass cannon class and tbh I would argue it has a lot more cannon than wizards and a lot less glass. agonizing blast and repelling blast are key to fucking devastating your enemies because you pretty much almost entirely rely on eldritch blast for damage. unfortunately a lot of the items that a warlock could take advantage of are sadly medium armor and you probably have something better for shadowheart, so grab that moderately armored feat asap. you could even put wyll in that flaming fist armor! just grab the gauntlets of hill giant strength because you'll need them in act 3. badly. 8/10
Rogue: I have yet to try the assassin subclass but thief is better than arcane trickster purely because of how much more you can do. thief is one of those subclasses that makes the most out of the class's base features. if you don't respec astarion to assassin, I suggest you try thief, and if you don't respec him at all definitely consider multiclassing him into a monk and it'll round out his abilities more. also don't rely on grease bottles and keep alchemist's fire and smokepowder bombs as throwables, and don't bother with arrows of acid, darkness, or beast slaying. 8/10
Cleric: it's no secret that trickery domain is fucking bullshit and if you wanna go for combat stick to war domain or tempest domain but life domain is NOT a bad subclass. this is what thief and way of the open hand are to the rogue and monk classes in that it makes the most of the class's healing abilities. also when you unlock divine strike it does radiant damage which is better than poison. honestly don't bother with poison damage at all regardless of who's doing the damage. just make sure raphael doesn't have punish divinity active or you're fucked. always keep scrolls and shit your monk or rogue or warlock can't carry by act 3 because for some reason the netherstones are made of pure magical tungsten or something. 9/10
Paladin: I don't know how this didn't get patched out or nerfed at some point but holy shit? I suppose the oath keeps you from being too overpowered in theory but in practice it does not turn out that way at all. having spent most of act 3 as an oathbreaker I kind of like some of the oathbreaker spells better than the oath of vengeance spells I had. I also didn't really know when or how to use most of the support spells until I saw Zevlor doing it and I'm like oh yay spell! i can cast that spell too! now our friends have two people to stay close to! plus oathbreakers get a mysterious Scottish knight who hangs out in camp with you. some of the things that count as breaking your oath are bullshit but the oathbreaker knight tells you that you are free of any and all bullshit now so even if you decide to remain an oathbreaker you may be happier, as he was when he broke his own oath. in terms of the subclasses it seems like oath of vengeance hates nuance the least, whereas oathbreaker just allows nuance. 9/10
Ranger: up there with monk in terms of favorite classes for me. it's been quite some time since I went to an archery range but god it takes me back. so this is another class that I have a personal attachment to in real life. you get some fantastic abilities at higher levels in acts 2-3, you get druid spells, and really the only thing I hate about it is the beastmaster class, don't pick it. Minsc is not a shining example of a ranger because of his barbarian vibes, don't worry about him. 9.5/10
Sorcerer: I haven't completed a campaign with a sorcerer yet so my opinion of this will most likely change but god I wish my little bitch elf was tougher. I like the versatility that metamagic provides and the wild magic subclass means sometimes you get a fun little surprise in a fight. like when everyone got turned into cats while we were fighting Ethel. 7.9/10
Astarion and his girlfriend where she gives him a hand job when she is behind him and he starts to feel the need of having to pee, but he puts it for later thinking he can go after sex.
Possibly, under Cazador, he wasn't allowed to show weakness for his reputation there. But while getting stimulated so good with both a hand job, praises, kisses and another hand caressing him, his legs buckle up and he ends up going. Then he cries because he's embarrassed and thinks she doesn't want him anymore, while she shushed him quietly and gently calms him and it's all so sweet between them.
no need to ask if you can hold it while he pees lol it's just gonna happen.
You assured Astarion going into this that he wouldn't have to do anything. No charming seduction or salacious words, just sit back, relax, and enjoy. Literally sit back. You had propped yourself up against a large rock with your legs spread for him to sit between and rest up against you. As he made himself comfortable, he leaned his head back to rest on your shoulder, where you could run your fingers through his curls and he could smile up at you, flashing those characteristic fangs. You loved his toothy grin, but you were more interested in something lower than that.
You ran a hand down his body, over his abdomen, over the slightest bit of belly.
That's new, you thought. His stomach hadn't looked that full before. After a diet of rats and bugs for 200 years, you weren't surprised he was pretty lean, but this gave you a bit of hope that he was finally eating well. And you sure hoped so; you'd been feeding him well!
You pressed on that little bit of fat and he jolted.
"Sorry," you said. "I just noticed you were fuller than before."
"Yes, full of blood," he said. "That will take some getting used to. Let's just avoid any, well... pressure."
"Big meal you had there, huh?"
He laughed. "You don't know the half of it."
You ran your hand down to the fine patch of dark silver curls around the base of his dick, teasing him with light touches. He fidgeted and moaned, trying to get your hand to brush up against his shaft, until you mercifully wrapped your hand around it and began to stroke.
"When was the last time someone gave a thought to your pleasure, hm?" you purred.
"You're... sweet..." he moaned softly. "I almost forgot..."
He bucked his hips a few times, moaning longer and louder.
"I almost forgot how good it feels."
You leaned down and kissed his cheek. "That's the plan, love. I'm gonna make you feel real good."
You rested your chin on his shoulder and watched your hand move up and down his length. He moaned and writhed in place and his tip leaked precum in little drips. The more you stroked him, the more he leaked.
"So needy," you said. "At the end of the day, you're just so pent-up, aren't you?"
He bit his lip and nodded. "I just want to cum..."
"Should I go faster?"
"Yes! Yes, please, please go faster! I can't wait much longer!"
You pumped his cock much faster, and you focused on some more sensual loving to get him there a little quicker. Your free hand caressed his body and you kissed his neck and shoulder. When your lips weren't pressed against his skin they were just a hair's width away from his ear as you whispered sweet, salacious things.
"You're doing so good. You've gotta be close now, right? All that tension is gonna make you snap, and then you'll cum all over the place. Think about how good that would feel. How good it'll feel to finally let go."
He whined.
"Are you close?"
"Yes..."
"That's good, Astarion. You're doing so good. I'll get you there real soon, I promise. Besides, your poor body can't hold it in forever, right?"
Instead of having an orgasm, like you were expecting, he started uncontrollably pissing, all over the ground in front of him, and while you still held his dick in your hand. His legs still shook a lot, and he let out a string of incoherent moans and sobs, all while his pale skin turned a deep pink from his cheeks to the tips of his ears.
Oh. Maybe he wasn't putting on some much-needed weight after all. Maybe precum wasn't the only thing he was leaking. One thing was certain: all that liquid he'd filled up on earlier led to a long, hard stream that seemed to go on forever, and the longer it went on, the more those moans became sobs. You didn't know whether to even move or not!
The stream died down to nothing more than a few stray drops falling from his tip. He buried his face in his hands, shaking your hand away.
"Oh... gods..." he whispered.
He broke down crying right there, bringing his knees to his chest while keeping his feet on either side of the massive puddle he'd just made, shrinking away from you as much as he could.
"Astarion," you said softly. "It's alright."
"Don't look at me!" he sobbed.
"Astarion, you didn't do anything wrong!" you assured him, getting up on your knees and putting an arm around his shoulders. "I just... I had no idea. You didn't say anything."
"Of course I didn't! It would have made me look weak..."
He sniffled. "Cazador would have had us flayed for admitting weakness. Especially if it took time away from a c-conquest..."
"I'm not a conquest, Astarion. I wanted to make you feel good," you said. "I'm not mad at you."
You leaned in. "There's nothing wrong with being weak."
"Well, now look. The most good I felt was from pissing all over us both! That's weak! You don't see a problem with that?"
"Astarion, come here."
As you moved over to a dry part of the ground, you pulled him into your lap. You felt his erection press against your stomach, undeterred by what he'd established was a deeply humiliating experience. You'd had some mood-killing moments in your time, but it made you wonder.
"I'm sorry if I made you feel like you couldn't be honest with me," you said. "I swear I would have stopped and let you go."
"It's not you. It's always him," he growled. "I still can't get myself to remember I'm safe now."
"It's not that easy. There's probably a hundred things you still do the way you were told without even thinking about it."
"No, no, this one was new," he joked. "Two hundred years of conquests and I never once wet myself. How in the hells am I going to live this one down?"
You looked down at his hard cock.
"You wanna keep going? End it on a high note?"
He chuckled. "Now that you mention it, I was close."
honestly I didn't expect this to get more than five notes in a day. same with the last one. how many of you like seeing this man piss himself? have y'all been here the whole time???
i think chiara's family (nobles) would be known to tieflings all over the world as kind of this success story for their people and zevlor seems like he would know a lot about those so i imagine him looking at her like "i swear I've seen your face before" and chiara, who doesn't want a freaking hellrider recognizing her because he might dump her on her family's doorstep for them to punish her for being so far away for so long, is desperately trying to throw him off like "i just have that kind of face i guess" and then she starts wearing a hood around him to get the attention off her
i think chiara's family (nobles) would be known to tieflings all over the world as kind of this success story for their people and zevlor seems like he would know a lot about those so i imagine him looking at her like "i swear I've seen your face before" and chiara, who doesn't want a freaking hellrider recognizing her because he might dump her on her family's doorstep for them to punish her for being so far away for so long, is desperately trying to throw him off like "i just have that kind of face i guess" and then she starts wearing a hood around him to get the attention off her
Minthara: Thank you for allowing me refuge from the cult of the absolute
Theia: No problem but we do have some rules here.
Minthara: of course. Even Eilistraee's followers would do well to run a tight--
Theia: No fighting, no stealing, no poisoning of other people's drinks to build up resistance, no spiders, no sexual misconduct, especially towards the guys, no handing off your camp chores to others, especially to the guys, just because you think it's beneath you, no proselytizing, no kidnapping, no ritual sacrifices, no slavery, no Menzoberranzan love magic, no handling of food or drink unsupervised, no threats towards anyone in camp, no murdering anyone you're mad at, and NO torture.
