SUMMARY: Due to really bad anxiety, you sign up at an agency that matches you with a dominant partner.Β
WARNINGS: 18+ DOM/SUB.Β (more under the cut)
WORD COUNT: 3055
Nutmeg MASTERPOST
WARNINGS: Safe word use, oral, piv, aftercare, mentions of depression and medication use.
You started fantasising early during the day.Β You were tired and irritated and felt the frustration grow steadily.Β You needed everyone to leave you alone.Β In fact, they shouldnβt even look in your direction.Β
You knew one of the symptoms of your depression, when it got a bit worse, was aggression.Β And you felt like ripping out throats.Β
All you wanted was to kneel down, place your hands behind your back, drop your chin and allow him to do with you whatever he wanted.Β Because he was the exception, wasnβt he?Β He was allowed to look.Β He was allowed to see.Β You secretly hope that he would be a little mean.Β A little ruthless.Β
You text him something to that affect when the time to leave from work got closer.Β He replies with a simple βokay,β but you know him.Β You knew he would be going above and beyond.Β He always does.Β He knows how to handle you when you are like this.Β
When you get home, exhausted, your pillow is in the middle of the living room floor.Β You drop your keys and bag and start undressing, already feeling your brain getting quiet.Β You kneel, get into position and wait.Β Β
You wait quite a while.Β But then you feel his presence as he gets closer to you.Β You donβt lift your head, but you are desperate to see him and when he steps in front of you, you see his bare feet and bare legs, tattoos scattered along his skin.Β
βYou had a rough day, Peach?β he asks.Β You hear the pout in his voice.
You nod.
βThank you for letting me know before you got home,β he says his voice low.Β βI will make you feel better soon.β
You feel tears prickling at your eyes in sheer anticipation of feeling better, of him making you release the breath you have been clinging to all day.Β You have to breathe, like he has taught you, not to prevent a panic attack this time, but to stop yourself from sobbing.Β
You can tell Noah notices, because then he brings you a glass of water, the ice clinking as he comes closer.Β He kneels in front of you.Β βHave you eaten?βΒ
βI had my lunch, yes,β you say as you take a few sips of the water.Β βIβm just relieved to see you.β
He cups your cheek and kisses you quickly.Β βI got you, baby,β his thumb running back and forth along your cheekbone.Β He looks at you for a moment, his eyes squinting a little, looking from one eye to the other.Β βWhatβs the safe word?β
βI remember the safe word,β you say.Β
βSay it for me?β he says patiently.
βNutmeg,β you whisper.
βIf this is too much, you use it, alright?β he says, making sure you are paying attention.
βI will,β you say, making eye contact.Β
He kisses your forehead tenderly, lingering a moment, and stands up straight.Β βOkay, baby.β
Your eyes drop back down, and you try to relax your shoulders into your position.Β It all makes you feel grounded and yet you still felt like you were holding back tears.Β
He slowly walks around your kneeling form, like he was checking to make sure you were in the correct position, and then he stops in front of you.Β βTake my cock out of my boxers,β he says softly.Β
You roll your shoulders and let your hands come to the front and then you work your fingers under the elastic of his boxers and pull it down just far enough for him to be free, and then your put your hands back behind you.Β
βMmm, so obedient,β you hear the smile in his voice.Β βKiss it for me?Β Iβm not completely hard yet.β
You lean in and touch your lips to him, to the soft skin of his cock as it got harder and twitchier with each movement of your mouth.Β Noah let out a few soft moans and sighs, but you saw more than you heard how turned on he was getting.Β You kissed the very tip when a bead of precum had formed so beautifully, and let the slight salty taste remind you of how Noah likes to take care of you.Β
βSo good, Peach,β he whispers.Β βNow, remind me, baby.Β When my cock is in your throat, what is the safe word then?β
You look up at his face again, his eyes darker than usual.Β βI push on your thighs,β you answer him.
βGood,β he says and he reaches a hand out and strokes your hair back.Β βYou are such a good girl.Β I know you are so frustrated with your bad day.Β I know, baby.Β But Iβm here now, okay?βΒ
You nod, anticipation filling you. Β Β
βOpen your mouth, baby,β he says and you obey, just like he taught you.Β He pushes his cock into your mouth immediately and goes quite far.Β βOh yeah.Β Thatβs it.β
You keep your tongue out and try to remember to breathe through your nose as much as possible as he gently thrusts in and out of your mouth, taking it easy on you at first.Β You wait for the feeling to come over you as soon as he takes over.Β Β Β
He pulls his hips back and he pops out of your mouth and you see how wet he is from your mouth, you donβt know why, but it does something to you β seeing his lovely cock wet from your body.
βStick your tongue out for me?β he asks, and you do what youβre told.Β He grabs a hold of himself at his base and he slaps his cock on your tongue a few times.Β βDo you feel how very rigid that is?βΒ
You nod again.Β
Β βItβs not going to be easy to get that in your throat, Peach, is it?β he asks.
You shake your head.Β
βTilt your chin back a little,β he says and his hands carefully comes to rest on either side on your head.Β βAre you ready to try, my baby?β
You nod a little.
He pushes into your mouth, leaves it there for a moment, before he says, βDeeper baby, you need to take me deeper.Β You can do it, I know you can.βΒ Β He pushes forward and so gently holds onto your head and you feel him slip into your throat.Β βOh fuck,β he grunts.Β βHold it, hold it, I know itβs a lot.β
You feel yourself gag and try to stay calm, until he pulls himself out and you cough a little.Β You do feel calmer, but you still feel like the tears forming in your eyes are not just from having a cock in your throat.Β
βBreathe,β he encourages you.Β And then he shuffles closer to you and just touches your chin and you open for him again and then he pushes it in all the way down.Β βOh, good job, baby, thatβs amazing.Β I know, itβs difficult and you are being such a good girl.βΒ He thrusts a few times, keeping himself as deep as possible, before he pulls out again.
You suck in a deep breath.Β
βTake a second and breathe for me,β he says sweetly.Β βWill it make your pussy more drippy if I fuck your throat, Peach?βΒ Β
You know it will.Β So, you nod again.Β You feel it already, the heat between your legs.
βBaby, are you still doing okay?β he asks, concern visible on his face.Β
βYes, Iβm good,β you say, before really thinking too much about it.
He leans down and kisses you, despite the mess on your face.Β βI love you,β he says so close to your mouth before he kisses you one more time.Β βLast time, baby,β he says as he straightens up and prepares to really let your throat have it.Β βYour throat feels so good.Β Almost as good as your pussy.β
You try to brace yourself as he slips himself into your throat, holds still for a few seconds, breathing heavily.Β Then he fucks your throat like he promised with feral growls escaping him as he does it.Β You grip onto his thighs out of instinct, not interfering with what he was doing, but needing a way to ground yourself as tears spilled from your eyes.Β In that moment, you were not sure of the reason for the tears.Β You wait for the quiet to take over your mind β but it doesnβt come.Β Β Β
He pulls himself free and drops down on his knees in front of you.Β Just the sincerest praise comes from his mouth as he wipes at your face with his hands.Β He drops loving kisses on your cheeks, chin and between your eyebrows.Β He didnβt say anything about you not keeping your position throughout and he didnβt mention anything now, when you have your arms around his neck.Β
He helps you up and while holding on to you, he leads you into the bedroom.Β He removes his boxers completely and you stand there, feeling a little strange.Β Again, he looks at you with a tilted head and squinted eyes.Β You pulled your shoulders back and straightened your spine.Β You needed to show him that you were strong enough.
He gestures to the bed.Β βHead down, ass up, Peach,β he says his voice always so calm, despite the words he is saying.Β
You get into position.Β You know it well.Β You did not feel shy anymore.Β Noah has more than proved that he was fine with your body and everything about it.Β Another wave of emotion washes over you as you get comfortable, remembering the many moments where he has been patient with you and reassured you.Β
You feel the bed dip as he gets behind you.Β He casually lets his fingers feel between your legs.Β βOh, you are definitely wet enough, fuck, baby.βΒ He touches you with practised familiarity and yet, it still makes you burn with desire for him.Β Every fucking time.Β Β Β
βPlease?β you barely whisper out.Β You needed the quiet.
βYes, baby, I know you need it,β he says back and you feel him shuffle his body closer to yours.Β Then you feel his head at your entrance and you struggle to stay still.Β He pushes in slowly, giving you time to adjust to him, his hands squeezing at your hips.Β His thrusts start slow too, but he builds intensity fairly quickly and soon he is fucking you with audible slaps of your bodies connecting and grunts of exertion.Β His one hand is flat on your lower back, the other using your hip to pull your body back towards him.
It took a while, but suddenly the feeling inside of you cracked.Β The uncertainty and the quiet that just wouldnβt come.Β You held your breath for a moment to stop the sob.Β God, what was wrong?Β He felt so good, he was doing everything you had specifically asked for.Β βNutmeg,β you choke out, you know he didnβt hear you, because it barely got past the constriction in your throat.Β You reach back with one hand and grip onto his β the one on your hips and you squeeze as hard as you can.Β You feel him stutter in his movements behind you.Β But he was paying attention.Β βNutmeg,β you try again.
He stops immediately.Β You can feel the tension in his body shoot through the roof.Β He pulls out of you and does not touch you at all.Β βOkay, baby, itβs all over.Β Iβve stopped.Β Iβm sorry.β
You drop your head down on the mattress for a moment in relief and guilt.Β But the tears started flowing freely at this point.Β βIβm sorry,β you cry.
βNo, no, baby,β he says his voice soothing.Β βDonβt be sorry.β
You reach a hand out again, towards him, and he takes it quickly, but also with apprehension.Β βItβs not your fault,β you try to explain.Β
βI just need to know youβre alright?β he says and you hear his voice is still far away.Β He was worried you didnβt want him close.Β
Clinging to his hand with all your might, you bring yourself up and you turn around, trying to make yourself as small as possible as you climb into him.Β He holds still for a moment waiting to see what you were doing.Β Your press your face into his sternum.Β You wrap one arm around him, while his other hand is near your face, trying to hide the tears, or something, you didnβt know anymore.
It takes him a moment to respond, but puts one hand on the back of your head and the other around your body and he holds onto you.Β βOh, Peach,β he sighs.Β βWhatβs going on, Love?β
βIβm sorry, I know I asked for all that,β you hiccup.Β βBut I was wrong.β
βWrong about what?β he asks tenderly.
βI donβt want what I asked for, I just want you close,β you cry.Β βPlease just hold me a little.Β Iβm so sorry.β
He sits down on the bed, making himself more comfortable to hold you, never letting go of you.Β βYou know youβre allowed to change your mind, right?β
You nod against him.Β βI thought it would make me feel better.β
βBut it didnβt?β he asks.
You think before you answer. Β βIt felt good.Β But, it didnβt make me feel better.β
βHmmm,β you feel it rumble in his chest.Β βI should have seen it.Β I should have noticed.β
βYou didnβt do anything wrong,β you feel desperate to make him understand.Β βIt was all me.β
βThank you,β he letβs go of the words along with a deep breath.Β Β βThank you for realising and telling me.βΒ He very subtly starts rocking the both of you back and forth and you wonder whether he is aware that he is doing it.Β βTell me when you feel up to talking about this?β he says softly.Β
βWe can talk now,β you say, your voice thick from crying.Β You sniff.Β
βWas it something I did?Β Or was it something I said?Β Or was it just the whole situation?βΒ he says this slowly.Β
You lift your head to rest it on his shoulder so you were more connected while you were having this conversation.Β You press a kiss to his jaw.Β βI think,β you start.Β βI think I just kept telling myself that if you were all rough with me, that it would distract me from all theβ¦ things.β
βMmmm,β he nods just a little, but doesnβt speak more.
βBut, I think I just needed a hug instead,β you say fresh tears starting to fall.Β
He still doesnβt say anything.Β Youβve noticed he just lets the silence stretch to encourage you to keep going.Β It was a thing that you have learned to appreciate so much about him.Β He wasnβt just waiting for his turn to answer.Β He really wanted to hear what you had to say.Β
βYou didnβt do anything wrong,β you say again.Β βI just need you to hold me more than I need air.β
After a pause he says, βIt was the first time you used your safe word.β
βNo, it wasnβt.β
βI mean in the context it was meant for, I guess,β he says.Β
βIβm sorry I could tell you were shocked,β you say feeling guilty.
βI was shocked, I still am a little,β you hear his voice shake a little.Β βBut please, always feel like you can use it whenever you need to.Β I donβt want you to worry about how I will feel when you say it.Β I can hear the little gears turning in your mind, you are overthinking it.β
βOkay, yeah, youβre right,β you admit.Β βBut I asked for this.β
βDoesnβt matter,β he sighs.Β βYou have no obligation to go through with anything.β
βBut then, you also cannot blame yourself for not magically knowing what I actually needed.Β Please, Noah.β
βI wonβt,β he exhales shakily.Β βI know I shouldnβt.β
βIt was the agreement.Β Do you remember?Β I have to tell you whatβs going on.Β I have to communicate with you,β you remind him.Β
βYes.β
βI just didnβt know what was going on yet,β you explain.
After quite a few minutes of sitting like this, your leg was going numb and you know Noahβs back must be breaking from sitting the way he was.Β You lean away from him a little.Β
βDo you need anything?β he asks.
βCan we take a bath?β you ask.Β
βOf course,β he says.Β βIβll go get the water on.βΒ He gets up and stretches a little.Β
Sitting opposite each other in the bathtub he asks the question.Β βBaby?Β Was this a bad day?Β Or are you feeling depressed?β
You look down for a moment.Β βDepressed, I think,β you say honestly.
βHave you been taking your pills?β he asks.
βI have been skipping a few.Β Accidentally, I swear,β you say feeling so stupid.Β
He nods like it was the answer he thought he was going to get.Β βAlright, baby,β he says.Β βWe will put reminders on our phones and on the fridge and on the door handle.β
You nod.Β βI didnβt realise how serious it was.β
He leans forward to kiss you.Β βIt is serious, Love.β
You nod with utter agreement.Β βIβm sorry.β
βDonβt be,β he smiles.Β βWe will fix it.β
Noah took out his softest t-shirt for you to sleep in, he made sure your hair was tied back.Β He made sure your ice water was on the night stand.Β Then you sunk into his side in your bed, resting your head on his shoulder and he held on to you tightly.Β
βThis is my favourite part of every day,β you say.
βBed time?β he asks.Β
βWell, yes.Β But itβs because you are here,β you say almost a little shy.Β βKnowing this is where every day is headed, is a blessing in my life.β
He chuckles softly.Β βA blessing?β
βYes,β you say firmly.Β βThe comfort and peace I feel right here,β you pause to think of the right words.Β βI donβt know, it feels like a blessing.β
He kisses the top of your head.Β βI love this too, Peach.β
βThank you for being so perfectly you today,β you say with a bit of shame still coursing through you.Β βIβm sorry for worrying you.β
βYou need to stop apologising,β he whispers.Β
βOh, and I didnβt say it back earlier.Β I love you too,β you say against his neck.Β βSo much.β
A/N: I haven't actually written in a while (in my head I have, loads) and I'm very rusty. This also took so much longer than it should have. This was written because someone asked to see what it would be like if the safe word was used in the real dom/sub situation. I struggled to think of how to do it, while doing both Noah and Peach justice, because in my mind, they are just so open to each other and good about keeping the communication honest... that in almost every scenario, I would think but Noah would notice.
Thanks to the people who keep asking, liking and recommending.
fandoms would be a lot more peaceful if more people told themselves βokay but itβs fiction and it doesnβt affect me or anybody in real life in any way, shape or form, and I can just block, mute, scroll past it as I pleaseβ every time they saw something they didnβt like on the internet
Hiiiiπ€ how are my Nutmeg babies doing? I miss them so muchπ₯Ίπ€
Heyyyyπ€ In my mind they are so happy together. I am trying to get a few ideas written that I have for them, because I think about them often... (I will post it one day.... i promise) Thanks for the ask and your love for Nutmeg, it still surprises meπ₯°
Whumpee who has no one. They sob and sob until they can't breathe with no comforting embrace to soothe their cries. They pick themselves up before they collapse, knowing full well there was no one to catch and carry them to a warm place to recover. Whumpee who has no one to hold on to when their knees tremble and buckle, no one to lay their head on when the pain is unbearable and no one to turn to in times of trouble. It goes on and on that they're used to being lonely and it convinces them that it was always just meant to be that way. They'll either end up pushing people away or be blinded from the comfort offfered to them.
Dude I literally thought I made you up, I found one of your fics a few months ago and then could never find it again. Hi! I hope youβre doing well and thanks for your writing π€
But when you said no, they were in a mood, made you feel guilty or otherwise punished you for it.
Thatβs still not okay.
Consent isnβt just about whether someone stops. Itβs about whether you were free to say no without fear of guilt, withdrawal, anger, or emotional consequences.
If someone makes you feel bad every time you set a boundary, your body learns that βnoβ isnβt safe.
And yes, that can be traumatic.
Youβre not being dramatic for carrying pain from that.
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