Drama Cwēn's Tower

bits and pieces of thoughts from a PhD candidate in English philology. French and English speaker, Scots enthusiast, Middle English reader, Middle Welsh baby, Old English worshipper, longing for Latin, Old Norse lost me and Ancient Greek nearly killed me; I used to speak German and can guess my way through a text in Italian. Oh, and I'm a talentless author, too.

[dramacwen]

We could lose track of time together, don’t you think? Wait for clouds to fade or for a miracle to happen, a table at the café or a secret nook in the sky, flowers the colour of rainbows or leaves falling on our feet, whichever you like best, I know I’ll like it-- You know, in a casual way. It’s not that I like you that way, or whatever, you know... It’s just that when we”re together, Even the rain is brighter and warmer.

[dramacwen]

Yesterday I was told how beautiful I was whenever I spoke of you, and thought of writing in the hope you would read. How hopeful and bright, lively and calm, eyes stars piercing the low clouds of my brow,, as my lips unroll the fantasies and the memories alike, and remember for all to hear your words and your gaze, your sighs and your touch; and the dreadful silences inbetween, minutes and months all the same, tearing me apart and torn asunder the moment you honour me with your attention again.

A pity that you shall never read those words all and always meant for you.

[dramacwen]

I hate you for being so far, so distant, so silent, so ignorant of me-- so kind to others-- so close one day so far the other, for having me wonder “what did I do wrong?” never a thing, not a misstep, but the one that made me fall, years ago, and made me all yours.

[dramacwen]

So where's the lie?

You stared at me,

You smiled,

You blushed,

You giggled,

You sighed,

You lost your words,

You worried,

You rejoiced,

You hoped,

You sighed.

You went away,

You left,

You moved,

You ignored,

I sighed.

What were you, what was I?

If there was nothing, where's the lie?

[dramacwen]

She felt it, buried deep down inside her belly, as he removed his gaze from her and started his way down the street. The tingling that said, "right here, right now," along with the one whispering: "but it is forbidden." One step behind the beautiful and elusive man, she followed, her thoughts lost in the folds of his shirt and the leafy shadows dancing in the bright light of his arms, in the endless possibilities that might emerge from her crossing the line and gently pressing her shape against his. Certain he would welcome her touch, assured he was waiting for it, she stood away from his beloved body until he looked back at her and uttered words so insignifiant both forgot them instantly.

[dramacwen]

Prospective prologue

I always thought my wedding would be interrupted. Standing at the altar, next to a man whose face I could never quite see or grasp, I would hear the door bang open as the priest pronounced the words “speak now, or forever hold your peace.” The most despaired man in the world would enter, run, breathless, and proclaim there could be no peace for him if I were to be married to someone else. This would, then, truly be the best day of my life.

The day I met him, I knew he would be the one.

He was sent an invitation. In the white dress, walking down the aisle, my body trembled; my eyes saw him and never left his lips, his gaze, my breath uneasy as the inevitable moment was nearing. Approving whispers for my blushing cheeks and shy steps surrounded me, unaware as I was of anything but what I perceived as a glint of sadness in his eye--but also awe, and hope, and I knew he would do it.

The priest went on forever, and said the words. A silence followed, as per tradition; I looked at him, anxiously, and he answered with an encouraging smile.

The rest was a blur until I saw him leave at the beginning of the reception, after having congratulated the newly wedded couple.

[dramacwen]

Stupid girl

I thought it was fine

I thought it was forgotten

I thought it was gone and the way open

And then

(I'm a fool)

The souvenir, the place,

Alas, at last, the tears.

[dramacwen]

Do not go yet, stay with me but for a little while,

Ready as I thought I was, I am not;

You ached, you tore this core apart,

Until there was sleep no more,

Peace none left.

.

Indeed I am fine, but do not go yet;

Just as I missed my all, I will mourn your nothings,

The colourless landscapes you forced before my eyes:

How to bear the overwhelming light, joy, radiance,

When one was content of a premature burial?

.

It is all for the best, but do not go yet;

Do not go ever, stay quiet, be my shade,

Remind me always of forsaken days,

Of hardships come and gone and to come again,

Even as I stand once more in lightness.

[queerpolyglotte]

lead the way

“be scared with me, honey. be scared, i am too. let’s share in the running, we’ll fare best as two. be scared ‘til it’s funny, be scared through and through, be scared 'til it’s sunny” canyon city - be scared with me 

la sueur perle sur mes bras qui t’attendent, 

j’ai transpiré l’angoisse de ne jamais te connaître, 

j’ai lu mille fois cent ans de solitude dans ma tête,

pour me préparer à voir de la peine sortir de gros buissons. 

sur le sol j’ai formé une cordillère des andes 

avec mon corps peu frêle je me suis étalé.e sur des kilomètres

je suis un paysage peut-être pas encore voué à ta fête

car l’espace n’a jamais de mission,

cependant je veux bien que tu rôdes sur mes contours, 

en attendant que j’arrête d’avoir peur de tes pas. 

entends-tu les accrocs dans ma respiration ? 

mon souffle s’égare entre méfiance et intérêt. 

mais si tu promets ne pas me jouer de tours, 

si tu m’accueilles avec des draps, 

si c’est ta peau qui subit des frissons, 

je m’épanouirai tel.le une cerisaie.

[palemusicjellyfish]

the iliad + the odyssey = the idiocy 

[dramacwen]

I dreamt about you in San Francisco and now I remember, though it's hazy. The Golden Gate was in sight and I remembered that night I lied and abandoned everything to go looking for you at its foot. I went halfway down a path. I can't remember if you had walked the other half.

Is there something to do now that I'm there? Forget-me-nots paved the path. Will you meet me halfway?

[aaliyahbreaux]

I wonder how many gay people are actually transgender & dont know it because people thing being transgender is transitioning when it’s literally just not being cis.

[aaliyahbreaux]

like I had a friend tell me last night “all my life I wanted to be a girl. even to this day, like if someone told me I could transition & look like you or *insert another trans woman idk* I would do it in a heartbeat” and when I was like omg ur transgender he was surprised? like he was like wait just wanting to be a girl makes me transgender even if I dont do anything about it? and like its harder to pinpoint non binary people but if u have a desire be a different gender ur transgender. transitioning is a choice but being transgender is not.

[divinegaeity-deactivated2023101]

“One of the symptoms of being a girl is wanting to be a girl.” Don’t remember where I heard that but the quote is my life.

[southernbitchface]

The day I realized I was Nonbinary was wild because I simply said, “I used to pray not to get boobs” and my friend went, “girls don’t usually pray to NOT get boobs”

Then I sort of went on a short spiral because how could I have not realized that?!

[sexycactuses]

(thanks for this @postcitywave)

[twizzlerrthedragon]

As a cis girl, I’ve never wanted to be another gender. For me, that would be like wanting to be….idk a sock. It just never crossed my mind, and even when I considered it, I pretty much immediately went “¯\_(ツ)_/¯ nah”

So if you find yourself questioning and/or longing for another gender or sex-related physical attribute, listen to the above folks!!!

[aaliyahbreaux]

thanks for this addition

[dramacwen]

... So, my childhood theory that I was completely a girl but with like a hidden boy inside means I should ask myself some questions, is that what this means?

(Addendum: I always have felt very much like a Girl™, but with thoughts that to deploy my full (charismatic) potential I should have something actually showing from "hidden boy." But really I look like Molly Weasley so this androgynous vision of my little self is bound to never be fulfilled, and I'm at long last ok with that.)

[ketunpentu]

the pronunciation guide in this book is killing me

[typhonbaalhammon]

It’s a pretty good guide I guess. I mean, in an ideal world we would all use the IPA as God and the IPA intended but in this imperfect world, I have seen worse pronunciation guides (any attempts to do the same thing in English or French as metalanguages is doomed to be worse given their irrational orthography)

[dramacwen]

The best thing is: this way of transcribing the pronunciation of one language with the letter-values of another is actually quite old! The example I know best being The Hymn to the Virgin (... because I already have written thousands of words about it, granted), which is written in Middle / Early Modern (that was the transition point) English, but spelled with Welsh letter values. And thus, it looks something like:

O michti ladi owr leding tw haf / at hefn owr abeiding / intw ddy ffest efrlasting / i set a braents ws tw bring.

(in PDE: O mighty lady our leading to have / at heaven our abeiding / into the feast everlasting / ye set a branch [for] us to bring)

What I have found over the course of my research, in a few words, is that while someone who speaks English but has no Welsh cannot read it, it is however possible for someone who does not read English to understand and read it anyway as long as they speak the language and read Welsh, which raises interesting questions of literacy and language acquisition imho. What is interesting too is that children raised with Welsh as a first language do tend to, and are encouraged to, learn to read English by first writing in such a fashion.

TL;DR: one day a random linguist from the future might be absolutely fascinated by this pronunciation guide.

[sartorialadventure]

Also Beau Brummel got in terrible debt and had to flee the country, and died in Paris, of syphilis. So there’s that.

[queerpolyglotte]

the angst in cute memes

roses are red

violets are blue

i write threads

you write me “i love you”

but each letter feels like hate

each word sounds fake

and they aren’t

there is no hate

there is no fake

i hear what isn’t

the truth is worse

you don’t need me

i’m not your solace

my voice is so hoarse

because of all the shouts

that i can’t embrace

oh what a heartache

roses are red

violets are blue

the song in my head

should have stayed an haiku.

[dramacwen]

L’eau est calme ; pourtant tout tremble. Les ponts menacent de s’effondrer et les couleurs des façades ne font que s’évanouir. Les feuilles dissimulent des fossés sous leurs corps, et s’y abîment. Le bord du fleuve est paisible et aucun son ne perce l’atmosphère. Les lignes des pavés se prélassent et s’enchaînent dans l’ombre des saules. L’azur s’étend à perte de vue, il n’y a plus d’autre horizon que lui, seul. Une convulsion silencieuse possède son corps impassible. 

[dramacwen]

Thoughts fleeting, fleeing, flying, Inspiring only as they expire, Brushing shyly past the page, And gone the moment they are born.