i hate giving handjobs.. you can literally do this yourself do you want me to brush your teeth for you too? cut up your food for you? is that what you want? good boy.. wait what were we talking about
somatic symptoms of anxiety are so fucked. what do you mean I got so scared my body decided that it needed to add nausea and headache and dizzy to the situation. how is it helping
warnings/contents : age gap, (36 yr old Jiyong, 19 year old reader), slow burn, not too much plot, but cute and awkward :)
description : A younger videographer/photographer intern for ZIP DAESUNG doesnât know how to handle when her ult bias is right in front of her. Let alone when he shows an interest.
I do not think this is very good at all but I will probably edit it and make it better soon enough! đđŒ
requested by : @jiryuunosnacku - sorry if this didnât meet your standardsđ„Č and sorry for the wait! thank you for the request!
The girl adjusted the camera strap digging into her shoulder, trying not to trip on any wires surrounding the small, but elegant restaurant, and save herself any more embarrassment that she was sure was going to be inevitable today.
Y/N had only been apart of the âZIP DAESUNGâ staff for a month or so now, and whilst Daesung was overly welcoming and extremely kind, it didnât help the poor girls nerves and excitement when she first met the member of her favourite k-pop group.
So when she found out that Taeyang and Jiyong were coming on the show for an episode, something in her flipped. Whether it was her stomach, or her nerves, she wouldnât know.
Neither of them were here yet, and honestly, y/n was kinda thankful. She had only had small interactions with Daesung, as she was just an intern videographer, and photographer for the show, but she had grown somewhat comfortable with being around him.
Jiyong was a different story. The man was her ultimate bias who had recently returned to the industry, which that alone made her almost pass out from excitement.
She had been taught from school to be invisible. To use the camera perfectly, and not make a fuss, donât interrupt, donât be seen. Easy enough, but Daesung made that extremely difficult for the poor girl. In between takes, talking to her and other staff members politely but comfortably, asking her to pass him things halfway through filming.
When the cameras started rolling, Y/Nâs being one of them, Daesung seemed quite chill, composed. Y/N couldâve died at the mention of Jiyong and Taeyang when he started talking.
She had made sure her camera was getting a good lighting and would fit the three of them into frame perfectly, before stepping back and turning on her photo camera. Her job today was to get candidates of the three filming, as well as multitask and film the show from one angle.
Shortly after, Taeyang was soon welcomed into the quiet, dim restaurant, empty besides the overflowing staff members, and the idols themselves.
The girl managed to keep her composure throughout Taeyangs arrival. What else was she meant to do, go up to him and tell him that thereâs a picture of him on her wall from when she was 16?
When Taeyang started mentioning that the video quality was getting better recently, she couldnât help but wish that he was unknowingly talking about the fact that she was the one recording.
Daesungâs energy soon burst to high levels once Jiyong walked in. And so did Y/Nâs. But hers was somewhat discreet. The man walked in, he wasnât even doing anything special. But this was G-Dragon. So of course he made walking onto set seem like a red carpet.
The three brothers soon greeted each other, with Daesung singing crooked, admiringly bad, before they settled into their seats. Y/Nâs camera seemed lighter now, like someone changed the filter, but she knew it was just the fact her bias was in the same room as her.
The actual fact of that clearly still hasnât registered in her head, but her heart thumped loudly in her chest, she wouldnât be surprised if other people heard it. The girl quickly snapped out of her train of thoughts in order to carry on with her actual job.
Y/N had seen his face a thousand times of course. In posters. On fancams. In grainy, years-old variety show clips sheâd looped during sleepless nights. But this was different. This wasnât her phone screen or some polished magazine spread. This was real. She had to somehow keep that thought in her mind, as she kept the cameras rolling and stable. Unlike her own mind right now.
She kept filming, adjusting angles, zoning in on the smiles and eye crinkles. She let herself glance â just once â at him in real life.
He looked.. the same. Older, maybe. But sharper. The dyed hair, his glasses that sat on the bridge of his nose. There was something more grounded in him now. Something quieter. But when he smiled, it was still the same smile sheâd memorized from years of music videos and concert DVDs.
His voice didnât falter once as he spoke to his friends, drank and ordered food. And for the most part, Y/N remained composed. Trying to keep the cameras rolling steady in her grip, very cautious of how loud her erratic breathing was. Trying not to steal too long of glances, or freak out. Or both.
When they started bringing out old memories, photos, etc, Y/Nâs stomach almost dropped when Daesungâs voice called out, in the middle of her re adjusting one of the cameras,
âYa, Y/N how did you find this?â His loud, energetic but overall happy voice beed throughout the restaurant. Y/N looked at what was in his hand, a photo from their debut days, one she had brought in when they asked her and other members of staff to try and gather old memories of the three of them. Luckily enough she didnât have to find anything. She already had them.
The poor girl tried to keep her voice as steady as possible, hiding the shakiness of it as she spoke âWith much difficultyâ she half-joked, Daesung smiling at her and looking down at the photo again, reminiscing. She had then noticed how Jiyongâs eyes remained on her as she spoke, as well as Taeyangâs.
She assumed it was out of courtesy, or just because Daesung had addressed her, but when Jiyong lingered his gaze on her for a couple seconds after she spoke, she quickly returned to what she was doing, once again trying to hide the tremor in her hands, or the way she was sure her cheeks flushed.
The three carried on talking after. And Y/N had calmed down a tiny bit, but the way Jiyong looked at her, casually yet immersed, had her wanting to go home and scream into a pillow, replaying the situation over and over again.
And then, when a staff member handed her three parasols rolled up neatly, with stickers and designs on them, her heart dropped. Yet again.
âA parosol?â Jiyong asked, seeing the staff member hand the intern three small bags.
Daesung and Taeyangs eyes followed, and the member who handed Y/N the parasols discreetly ushered her to hand them to the members. The girl was someone Y/N spoke to regularly, and who also knew her slight obsession with the group. Which is why Y/N cursed her out in her head.
When she offered the parasols out to the members silently, those who eagerly took them, Jiyongs fingers grazed across Y/Ns hand as he accepted his, causing a tingly feeling to emerge through her body as she then stepped back to her position.
âItâs cuteâ Taeyang commented, looking at the details on his. Jiyong repeated this, except, his gaze flickered back to Y/N before dropping back to the parosol, âitâs cuteâ
Y/N almost squealed, before Daesung looked at the girl and asked playfully, pointing to a sticker on his own parosol, âWhy do I only have 1% left?â He laughed, eyes crinkled slightly, his comment on the parosol causing a couple staff members to laugh, including Y/N.
âSince your energy level always gets depleted whilst filmingâ Y/N remarked, emerging another laughter from the people surrounding, including Jiyong.
After another thirty minutes of talking, and eating, the group needed to conclude the show. Meaning that they would have to stop filming in a second. The thought made Y/N a little more relieved yet saddened by the fact.
Y/N shut off her camera once given the signal, as well as turning to take the film out of her photo camera, whilst the three group members began to go around saying thank you to staff members which the girl didnât realise until Daesung came up behind her, taking her camera out her hand.
He looked at some of the photos that were on the camera before handing it back to Y/N with a smile, âThank you Y/N-ahâ Daesung bowed respectfully before wrapping his arm around her shoulder in a side hug. Something he had done once or twice before. The man thought it was good to have a comfortable friendship with his staff members, considering the amount of work they put in for him.
âOf course Daesung-ssiâ The girl nodded as Taeyang then went round to her, offering his hand for a hand shake. Her nerves spiked up again, as Daesungâs arm didnât leave and she shook Taeyangâs hand, praying she wouldnât mess up this interaction.
Taeyang smiled and the two bowed at each other with a âthank youâ before he moved onto another staff member.
Daesungâs arm briefly left her shoulder, she was the last staff member he said thank you to. Like always. If he was being honest, she was also his favourite, int what amount of time he had known her, he loved her young insights and her personality.
Jiyong adjusted his hair under his hat, before making his way over to his friend and the girl.
âG-Dragonâ Daesung dramatically said, shaking the manâs shoulders with a small laugh, causing the man to grimace slightly, playfully.
âThank you for your hard workâ he commented, a common polite phrase in Korea, causing Y/Nâs cheeks to blush once again. An action that had happened multiple times in the past couple hours.
âThank youâ she reciprocated politely, attempting to keep her composure. Daesung returned back to her side, his shoulder platonically pressing against her own, âHyung, this is Y/N sheâs a new internâ
âIntern? How old are you?â Jiyong questioned politely. Y/Ns breath hitched as she looked between the two men, she had been a fan of for years now before responding,
âIâm nineteenâ
Jiyongs gaze never faltered, not a look of shock or anything, he just shook her hand respectfully before doing something she couldâve only dreamed of when she was young.
His lips pressed against her cheek quickly before pulling back, and too casually moving onto another staff member.
Even Daesung looked stunned as he yelled out, âYa! Hyung, what are you doingâ he then got ignored by his friend, who continued what he was doing.
Daesung knew Y/N was a fan, but considering she worked under him, he seemed to forget about that fact.
âSorry about himâ He sighed, before squeezing her shoulder as a goodbye and walking to get his microphone taken off.
Y/N stood in place for another moment or two, and when she turned to try and find the man, who she could still feel his the remnants of his lips on her cheek.
Later on in the evening, after the girl and ranted to half the people in her phonebook about the events of today, she had somewhat settled on her desk, working through the footage from today, when her phone buzzed.
A message from Daesung. She only recognised his number from the ZIP DAESUNG work group chat, and his prescence on her phone made her tense up slightly, pausing her music before slumping into her seat as he read the message.
âHey, Y/N-ah! Is it okay if I give Jiyong hyung your number..sorry if this is weird :)â
In order to not seem like a creep, or someone who doesnât get off their phone, she left it a minute, and also text her best friend to get her input, before responding.
âHi Daesung-ssi! Yeah thatâs okay..why does he want my number?â
Less then a. couple moments later another message popped up, âPerfect, thank you. And youâre gonna have to figure that out :))â
You really donât know how this argument started, but then again, you never really know how any of yours and jiyongâs arguments start. Your voice was raw from screaming, your head pounding from crying, and your face blank as jiyong paces up and down the living room of your shared loft. it was now currently 3:00 in the morning and you two have been arguing for hours not really seeming to get anywhere, and going completely off topic from what started argument.
You were sitting on the couch across from jiyong, who was now sitting on the opposite side of the room, jaw clenched and his hand underneath his chin, staring at the wall like it was the most interesting thing.
you sigh, voice shaky from nerves. âjiyong, please.â you say softly âiâm tired, its late, can we just forget about this and go to sleep?â you couldnât stand another minute of silence and you were so exhausted you didnât even care that you were mad anymore. and from the look on jiyongs face you didnât think he cared either. he looks at you, taking his gaze off the wall, eyes red and droopy with sleep. he sighs deeply, standing up and walking over to you reaching his hand out for you to take. you look up at him sadly, taking his hand and standing up.
jiyong pulls you into him, hands hugging your waist and kissing the side of your head. âiâm sorry jagiya. whatever i did to make you feel upset iâll work on. iâm so sorry. letâs go to sleep.â he says softly while walking you to your shared bedroom. you both lie in bed, pretending like you didnât just have one of your worst arguments yet, clinging to each other like the other would disappear. you both fell asleep quickly, the sound of jiyongs heart beating calming you down rather quickly.
and for a while, things were normal. jiyong was finally changing, he was working on himself , barley any fights, no more feeling like you were alone. you were happy.
jiyong finished the night of his first show on tour, the club was hectic, loud music, bright flashing lights, drinks being passed around like it was going out of style. you were enjoying yourself, you and jiyong in a booth in the corner of the club with all your closest friends. you were talking with hyorin, sipping on some fruity drink, joking, singing, laughing and enjoying yourself for what felt like the first in a long time. jiyong had left the booth 30 minutes ago but you payed it no mind. you wanted him to enjoy himself aswell. as you were laughing with hyorin when something, someome, caught your eye.
you thought your mind was playing tricks on you at first. it was jiyong and some girl, who looked familiar but you couldnât quite pin point who it was. they were flirting, the girls arms wrapped around jiyongs neck, and jiyong just smiling and laughing about something she just said. you could feel your whole body go numb. it suddenly felt hot, the room started to spin and your clothes felt too tight on your body.
your whole face fell to the floor, hyorin noticed. âis everything okay, y/n?â you snap out of the daze you were in, plastering on the best smile you could. âyes, iâm fine! i just, im getting a little tired so i think im gonna go. if jiyong asks tell him i wasnât feeling well.â you say trying your best to sound believable. hyorins frowns slightly, concern written all over her face. âdo you want me to tell youngbae or daesung to drive you home? or i could drop you off?â you smile at your friend, her concern making you feel just the smallest bit better. you stand up from the small table gathering your things ready to leave. âno, no, no! iâm fine i donât want to ruin anyoneâs fun. iâm okay i promise. enjoy rest of the night.â you say waving goodbye to your friend.
as you walk to the car you canât help the tears that start to fall. he said he would change. he was changing, he was doing so good. he hadnât hurt you in so long, you thought he was finally doing better. but you weâre proven wrong once again. you donât know why you still stayed. this wasnât the first time Jiyongs done something like this. and then he tells you heâll stop, heâll change, he only loves you. and you fall for it. every. single. time
you donât even know what time it was. as soon as you got home you changed into one of jiyongs t-shirts and a pair of shorts and went straight to sleep, you couldnât handle thinking about Jiyong and the girl any longer. you were awoken to the door being slammed shut. you didnât move from your place in bed, to hurt and tired to even see if it was Jiyong or not.
you heard footsteps making their way towards the room. stumbling into the room and on the bed jiyong speaks up. âwhy did you leave so fast? i wanted my girl with me and you left me alone.â he says coming up behind you trying to hug you, his words slurred from being drunk and tired. âyou didnât look alone to me.â you say quietly, vemon dripping with every word.
Jiyong is confused for a second, but than he remembered the girl. the backup dancer that was flirting with him, touching him. he didnât do anything besides kiss her. he didnât even like her. she was just there. he only loved you. âjagi i didnât even do anything with her. we were just talking, thatâs all.â you turn around, facing him now. eyes filled with hurt and puffy from crying.
âjiyong how many times are you going to tell me that?, huh? how many girls are you gonna flirt with, touch, do God knows what else with and then just go and say itâs ânothingâ. iâm sick and tired of your lies and your bullshit.â you canât do it anymore. your tired of repeating the same cycle over and over again. you start to raise your voice slightly, tears forming in your eyes once again.
âall i do is love you and care for you, and you donât have the fucking human decency to not cheat? Jiyong i canât anymore. iâm exhausted.â you sigh, letting the tears slip from your eyes once again. Jiyong stares at you, jaw clenching and eyes glossy. âY/n nothing happened! I donât like her, i donât want her! shes nothing to me, okay? i love you so much. i donât wanna hurt you.â he says, sounding all to convincing, but you know itâs bullshit. maybe he does love you, maybe he really does only want you. but his actions say otherwise.
you get out of the bed, head spinning and tears blurring your vision. you start getting dressed, not saying a word scrambling to find your other shoe as jiyong looks at you with hurt and confusion. âJagi, what are you doing?â you swallow the lump in your throat, looking jiyong in the eyes. âi need to get out for a little. clear my head.â throwing on a jacket grabbing your purse and phone, walking out of the room, Jiyong follows you out of the room stand by your side. âY/n itâs 3:00 in the morning and itâs raining, where are you gonna go? please just stay home.â Jiyong tries to convince you to stay but you canât. you need to clear your head. you donât say anything else as you walk out the door and slam it shut. Jiyong just stares at the door, jaw clenched running a hand through his hair. cursing himself and pacing around the room.
You get to your car, starting it up not waiting for it to heat up. you drive for what feels like hours, sobbing, hitting the steering wheel while music plays softly in the background. you park your car in a fast food parking lot, drinking water to calm your nerves. you were in no rush to get back home to Jiyong, knowing that he did God only knows what with another woman for what felt like the millionth time. you were staring out the window tears streaming down your face when your phone dinged, a text from jiyong.
Jiđ€:
iâm sorry baby, please come home. i love you so much. your my everything. â€ïž
you stare at the text message blankly, debating whether to respond or not, tears still streaming down your face.
Y/nđ:
be home in 30.
You cursed yourself as you responded to Jiyong, throwing the phone down into the center console. you start the car up again and make your way home. because even though he hurt you, you couldnât leave. your love overpowered any other feeling or voice in your head telling you to leave. he was everything to you. even though he continues to hurt you over and over again, he was all you had. your first everything. you couldnât leave him. and who knows, maybe this time he really will change.
pixelskylines
areudirty
gracieabrams
yousharknotpass
romaincrisis
2087
germansingergirl
