My life is a fail

Sarah. 20. Australia. Usually a comedy blog... and the occasional posting of whatever I feel like. Chuck us a message if you want a follow back/promo, I'm happy to do either ^.^

[slimmetra-deactivated20250917]

reblog to hex any and all men who have hurt you

[1999gorl]

ITS A QUARTER AFTER 1 IM A LITTLE DRUNK AND I NEED YOU NOW

[rnutualfollow]

SAID I WOULDN’T CALL BUT I’VE LOST ALL CONTROL AND I NEED YOU NOW 

[respectfulmemes]

[holyromanhomo]

I can’t with my friends today

[itwashotwestayedinthewater]

Who The Fuck Does This It Is Kind Of Scary

[pr1nceshawn]

Life With Cats.

[audreysparkle]

Adorable little assholes

[alphaflyer]

This puts absolutely nothing into perspective, but that’s not a Bad Thing.

[vondell-txt-deactivated20180105]

[fishpunsandrustbloods-deactivat]

no you dont understand the charmeleon is like level 20

[moaccyrk]

What the.

[tommy-razor]

I usually don’t share vines but holy fuck my sides hurt from laughing

[mymodernmet]

[onlytwitterpics]

[godshaves]

[adhighdefinition]

i hate when you miss the “falling asleep” window where you actually felt tired enough to fall alseep right on the spot but minutes later your brain is back to its normal noisy self and so you won’t be able to fall asleep for another few hours

[actualdogvines]

[burgrs1994-deactivated20151224]

*eats 1,000 oranges* its fruit i won’t gain weight

[bandtshirt]

[themoufofthesouth]

[apimeleki]

anyone who can do this to a mango needs to hmu

[rassclaart-deactivated20160713]

The ultimate succ

[dominickwhelton-deactivated2024]

IM LITERALLY SCREAMING I JUST SPIT OUT MY DRINK ALL OVER MY BED

[matcha-tylenol]

I need my eyes cleansed…

[oleathe]

There’s an alternate universe out there where you didn’t post this and we were living a much happier time

[aesthetictrek]

Trigger warning: sin

[percyhoneybee]

ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD

THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS

YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN

SO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH.

NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED. PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITH A BUBBLE BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE.

NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING

NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE

GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED

[gender-euphowrya]

IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS POST FOR AGES thanks for the tip karkat

[dwasylyshen]

My wife just did this and has been running around the house screaming “IM A FUCKING GODDESS”

[indie-idiosyncrasies-deactivate]

Its true, I have been.