LET! AMANDA! SAY! FUCK!
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@dreamdaughter
LET! AMANDA! SAY! FUCK!
Little Bitches (2018) Directed by Nick Kreiss
women of color in film → Kiersey Clemons as Sam Fisher in Hearts Beat Loud (2018) dir. Brett Haley
LET! AMANDA! SAY! FUCK!
FINE.
his frustration was building, but he wasn’t going to raise his voice, that wasn’t what this was about. he just had to remain calm. it was clear that none of this was going to be resolved tonight. maybe if amanda just slept on things they could have a decent conversation instead of just yelling about things.
richard wanted just to excuse himself and go talk to joseph about the whole thing, but he knew he would’ve been upset hearing amanda knew. nobody was supposed to know. he just didn’t feel right keeping anything from her. richard was desperate for her approval, he wanted to make sure that she was always going to be there, but right now it was looking less and less like that.
he let her yell, it’s what she needed to do, needed to get it out. he was trying to hard not to let everything she was saying get to him. it felt like he’d just gotten over all his insecurities about the whole relationship, and he really liked joseph. he didn’t want to lose that.
at the mention of alex, he immediately tensed. he didn’t let silence linger long. ❝ amanda ― go to your room. ❞ richard got up from his chair and turned around. ❝ i’m DONE arguing with you about this. ❞ tears fell freely as he knew she was right. it’s not something that he would’ve ever approved of. he had tried not to think about it, but now she was making him come face to face with it. he knew that alex would’ve wanted him to be happy and move on, but he knows not like this. this was WRONG. he just didn’t think he was strong enough to admit it and do something about it.
it had been so long since somebody had cared about him like this, not since alex, he didn’t want to lose it. he liked being wanted by somebody.
As soon as Amanda was silenced, the bond in form of a tether between the two seemed to break. The separation was PALPABLE. He didn’t want to face the reality of the situation. FINE. Still seething -- UPSET, she sits at the table for a moment. When she sees her father retreat like the COWARD he pretended not to be, she stayed quiet, her lips pressing to a thin line. She’s being demanded to go to her room. To push it aside, pretend it didn’t happen -- LIKE ALWAYS.
“...’Kay. Fine. I guess you can push me away like you’ll be doing to everyone else when they find out, too. Hide me away like you do with everything ELSE you don’t wanna address. Pretend like everything else is FINE outside when you know you’re hurting people for selfish reasons. What the FUCK ever.”
With that, she pushes away from the table and shoves past her father, stomping all the way to her room, and the door SLAMMING shut.
If Richard expected her to have ANY conversation with him within the next couple of days, he was mistaken. They’d be filled with her going places and coming back, going immediately to her room, and shutting and locking the door. She’s taken a vow of silence because of his actions, and because the silence is where people are most forced to consider their actions. No one else to talk to.
Call her dramatic, she didn’t necessarily care. She was a kid who felt betrayed by her father.
whinemcm replied to your post: few things ‘bout demon manda before i really...
is this going off of cult ending at all or just a fun thing inspired from it
a little bit of both! it can come from cult ending but it also has influence in other universes! i made it work for any adjacent situation :)
STOP, AND LISTEN TO ME.
her tone was bone chilling. it had been a fierceness he hadn’t seen before in amanda, but one he recognized elsewhere. he wanted to throw a language her way, try and keep some kind of control on everything, but he figured that would just cause her to blow up even more. she was just upset and needed time to process everything.
she knew all the right things to say just to get under his skin. they were the concerns that he often thought about as he tried to sleep at night. they were the ones that joseph was so good at calming down. richard shook his head and closed his eyes, as if trying not to even listen to what she was saying.
❝ he’s miserable there ― they’re miserable already. i’m not making things WORSE, i’m just ― i’m just trying to make him BETTER. he goes home a little happier in the evening. ❞ richard leans forward, his arms resting on the table. ❝ things ARE different. he’s going to leave her ― ❞ his mouth went dry. it’s what joseph told him so many times. sometimes it seemed like they were on a break and but other times things felt just as before. but he HAD to believe him. ❝ the kids don’t know anything. a divorce is inevitable, whether i’m there or not. the kids’ll bounce back. ❞
richard found it hard to believe some of the words that he said, but the more he said them then the truer they would be, right? they were just the same statements joseph would tell him. the other half of her comment lingered with him. that cheaters will cheat again. he tried to push out that thought from his head, but he was aware of joseph’s past with robert. he wanted to believe that he was special. he was told he was special. that he was DIFFERENT he could feel tears starting in his eyes.
❝ i didn’t mean that, pa ― amanda. i just meant that relationships are complicated. ❞
She wanted to scream LOUDER. Smack him upside the head and force him to see things as they ARE, instead of through rose-tinted glasses. Her blood managed to boil more, threatening to make the proverbial kettle whistle loudly, ANNOYINGLY, until he found out what she meant. She wondered just how much Joseph had manipulated him up until this point: just how many lies he told so they, together, could perpetuate a BIGGER, MORE INTRICATE lie.
The thought makes Amanda’s stomach churn.
Instead of hearing out a useless case, she shakes her head, yellow ribbon flopping atop her head as she continues to avoid eye contact. A hand goes up, as if to say ‘STOP’, and she takes a deep breath. Maybe this ISN’T her place, as his daughter. She didn’t care anymore, Amanda didn’t mind if this wasn’t her place. She had to tell him what he needed to hear, because it’s likely Joseph was telling him the OPPOSITE. No one else was making SENSE anymore, anyway.
“...So you’re gonna go and make them MORE miserable? I’m-- WHAT?! Holy shit, you-- hold up. You think that YOU have the ability to make HIM better? The PASTOR THAT IS CHEATING ON HIS WIFE?! HIM? BETTER? YOU? BY HELPING HIM CHEAT? You think the kids will BOUNCE BACK? You think they’ll LIKE YOU after they find out YOU’RE part of the reason Mary’s so unhappy and Joseph is hardly there anymore? You don’t CARE about that. All you care is about yourself, and YOUR-” airquote, “-HAPPINESS with him which isn’t even gonna last, and...” She sighs, trailing off after the moment of intense build up. Her shoulders slouch. The tears spill as hastily as her words. She doesn’t LIKE arguing with her father, but... What else is she gonna do? He HAS to see that his actions have an effect on people, and he’s not doing a good job at the realization.
WHICH IS WHY AMANDA DRAWS ATTENTION TO THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM.
Her voice is hush. There’s silence between the two. The eye of an oncoming storm. Her time for yelling is over. Voice cracks, tears fall, as she fearlessly asks: “...Would ALEX be happy with this decision? Knowing that after he died you went and did that?”
few things ‘bout demon manda before i really unleash her out to the world ( will be formed into coherent thoughts when it’s not 2 am lmao )
she’s not like. a ruthless demon? she’s more like a trickster kinda deal and isn’t really completely DEMONIC. she has demonic features but she isn’t fully demonic, yknow?
sometimes her humanity will just say bye-bye and she’ll be rough and tough but for the most part she’s the same chaotic manda except now she has cool demon powers
she was turned to a demon because she tried to barter for her father’s life and surprise both of them got a bum end of the deal, for a while she tried to hide it from dadsona and how it works out really depends on the dadsona i play it out with but!
more later on this i just wanted to throw it out there
enigmatii replied to your post: y’all remember demon manda? i remember...
don’t make Cryptid dad get his knife
demon manda vc: bruh
y’all remember demon manda? i remember demon manda
YUP! The whole thing is about my goals for the future, and those are basically just to sit on a giant pile of MONEY with my TWENTY DOGS and also have a strong and mutually supportive relationship with my father into ADULTHOOD. ( temporarily dash only. prev. pewshot. )
what’s your favorite movie genre?
anything on LaserDisc
indie dadsona. temp dash only. follows back from @whinemcm
NO.
she didn’t immediately blow up at him, so that seemed like a good start, well he hoped. unfortunately they weren’t going to just brush over this like he hoped might happen. amanda’s words weren’t so encouraging, however. the PUNCH in her words hurt. he could tell that they were going to have a long way to go until they finally saw eye to eye.
he left out a sigh and set down his fork, ❝ it’s complicated, panda… i was just trying to be a GOOD friend, help out when he needed it. ❞ a hand ran though his hair, as he quickly went through all of the events that lead up to this moment. reflecting back on it, everything did feel like such a whirlwind. ❝ things just sort of developed, and it all went so fast. ❞
richard’s gaze went down to his plate, ❝ but now he’s happy ― and i’m happy, isn’t that what really matters in the end ? ❞ he looked back at amanda and tried to smile reassuringly. ❝ i understand if you don’t get it. look maybe when you’re older you can understand. but ― i just wanted to be honest with you. ❞
“No.” It’s immediate, demanding, and she doesn’t care how harsh she sounds. “No, you don’t get to tell me you’re fucking -- helping Joseph CHEAT on Mary and then call me PANDA. Nuh-uh.” She shakes her head, unable to meet his eyes. Hers, however, despite not being able to meet her father’s, hold a hurt in form of tears welling up. For now, she pushes them aside, though her voice does waver. It’s complicated to swallow -- in a literal AND metaphorical sense.
“Sure, he’s happy. Sure, YOU’RE happy. FOR NOW. It’s EASY to be happy when you’re not the one being HURT. But what about Mary, Dad? What about the KIDS? You’re gonna let THEM suffer just ‘cause you THINK what you have with him is special? That’s SELFISH, Dad. It’s not nuanced, ‘s not different, it’s SELFISH.” Her voice cracks. “Did you know that 99% of the time relationships that start with cheating END in it, too? You really think because you’re happy NOW that he won’t find someone to cheat on YOU with? You’re not special to him, Dad. You’re another guy he’s cheating on his wife with. His WIFE, Dad. The person he’s MARRIED to.”
It’s not NEARLY as complicated as Richard is playing it out to be, and she’s SURE of that. Even if this paints Joseph as a garbage person -- which it DOES -- it also paints HIM as someone who PERPETUATES this behavior. And that, to Amanda, is JUST as bad. Infidelity isn’t a one person behavior, including and ESPECIALLY when the other person knows.
“Oh, when I’m OLDER I’ll think it’s okay to cheat? When you turn thirty do you automatically start excusing BULLSHIT like that? 'Cause if that’s the case I’m HORRIFIED to grow up.”
DAD.
@dreamdaughter likes to die!
there was a lot about this conversation that richard wanted to avoid. like, the whole thing. he wasn’t so great in talking relationships with his daughter, her’s or his’. he always felt like these conversations shouldn’t be happening, even if amanda at times seemed supportive of his love life. he hadn’t really been in a relationship since his partner passed away. a few dates here and there, but they never really did anything for him. sometimes he wondered if he was still stuck on the past.
but with moving to a new neighborhood, fresh starts were always a good thing. so he finally started to loosen up. the last few weeks had been amazing. richard finally felt like things could be moving forward. there just happened to be one, BIG problem. he’d been seeing a married man.
richard knew it was wrong, but there was something about joseph that he was just so drawn to. every time he spoke about his life, he sounded so desperate to get out of it. he said he was going to even. it couldn’t all be bad, right?
he was worried that amanda might be even upset with him for even dating somebody else after her father, he wasn’t sure. he figured it might take some convincing to have her understand joseph as well. but his relationship with his daughter was the most important thing to him, they had to be honest. he felt it only fair she knew if he was seeing somebody. richard just knew his daughter well enough that she’d pry to who it was anyway.
better just to get it all out in the open, like a band-aid. richard cleared his throat and took a sip of water. he was trying to keep things casual but his nerves were getting the better of him. ❝ so uh ― i’ve kinda been seeing joseph ❞ he shut his eyes and shook his head ever so slightly, regretting how he already was starting this. ❝ ― how’re classes going for you by the way? gotten those english grades up? ❞ he quickly shoved his mouth full of food.
Amanda had known.
She’d known for a WHILE, actually.
The most damning part is that her father tip-toed around the whole subject like it wasn’t glaringly obvious. She was younger than him, but that didn’t mean she was DUMB. The way he snuck out down to the way they exchanged glances at barbecues like there was a mutual secret behind the two of them... It was plain to see. She wondered why her father didn’t think it was any more obvious than it actually was.
At first, she felt BETRAYED. She didn’t mind him going out and seeing other guys -- in fact, she ENCOURAGED it, and she’d normally be behind such a decision. Go out! Get yourself a man! It’s been so long since you’ve had one ( and I’m LEAVING SOON anyway so you’ll have no one to annoy ) ... But this? This was DIFFERENT. Everything about it, from the situation to the person. In all honesty, she didn’t care what was or wasn’t between them. HE WAS HURTING A FAMILY. A family that she watches over occasionally. A family she KNOWS is struggling. It wasn’t necessarily about her: it was about Mary, the kids...
Those kids. They had a reason to act like they did. She’d do the same, act the same, under similar circumstances. They kept hush-hush about it. She wondered if they KNEW, too.
“...How do you KINDA help someone cheat on their spouse? Like, oops, I KINDA started to date a married man! I tripped and fell into his arms and ACCIDENTALLY punched his face with my face but whoops it’s lips and now we’re kissing? Like, what?”
More importantly: how do you KIND OF ruin a family? How do you KIND OF perpetuate something so heinous? Amanda was usually one for laughter and lack of serious conversation, and even in those times she liked to keep things light. Not now. She couldn’t front like that.
Times like this SHE felt like the adult, which sucks. Maybe her father was right, she was growing up too fast... But maybe that wasn’t entirely her fault, either.
amanda ann lastname: known vocaloid stan,
❥ 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝐃𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐘 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄 .
dream daddy is a game released by game grumps , a dating sim to date dads ! feel free to customize as you wish !
❛ right . yup . definitely repressed that memory . ❜ ❛ weren’t you the one who threw that flaming tennis ball at the police station ? no - wait . that was me . ❜ ❛ aw man a nap sounds great ! if sleep wasn’t , you know , for the weak . ❜ ❛ i think someone needs to do a three - point turn on their attitude . ❜ ❛ I GOT A PROBLEM WITH AUTHORITY ! ❜ ❛ you can never be too sure . see that baby in the stroller over there ? government operative . ❜ ❛ you know , frisbees are traditionally caught with your hands , not your face . ❜ ❛ children in general are just … tough . ❜ ❛ … are you just afraid to meet new people ? ❜ ❛ c’mon , what’d we say about meeting new people ? ❛ … perhaps i should leave saying “ baby ” to the professionals . ❜ ❛ i am in no way fit to be responsible for any living thing , including and especially myself . one time , i drank an entire jar of marinara sauce for dinner . it was unholy . ❜ ❛ medium sized dog , handkerchief around the neck , i get to name it . that’s what it’ll cost me to give up on my dreams . ❜ ❛ yeah it’s just like , my entire future . no big deal . ❜ ❛ are you actually fine or are you just saying that ? ❜ ❛ okay , cool . while you do that i’m gonna do some drugs and commit some light arson . ❜ ❛ i would’ve expected you guys to be up to white collar crime by this point . maybe money laundering at the least . ❜ ❛ i love someone who knows their way around balls . ❜ ❛ i - i , uh . don’t normally … do this … ❜ ❛ aw man . i was kinda hoping you had gotten kidnapped and i was gonna have to come rescue you . ❜ ❛ … have you been reading my tweets ? nevermind . ❜ ❛ you’re a beautiful work in progress . ❜ ❛ we have to be fashionably late . who shows up anywhere on time ? ❜ ❛ i’d shake your hand but i have a glass of wine to tend to . ❜ ❛ this plate of cookies is my new _____ . bye . ❜ ❛ that’s cold blooded . i like that . ❜ ❛ kids , right ? gotta love ‘em . you’re required to by law . ❜ ❛ i’m tired of talking to old dudes who blame my generation for the failing economy . ❜ ❛ i think i just have to accept the fact that as an adult , i’ve become the machine i once raged against and accept my fate to unironically wear socks with sandals . ❜ ❛ my , do you know how to treat a lady . ❜ ❛ i think i might have taped over a veggietales VHS with the shining . who knows . ❜ ❛ he’s probably stuffing dirt into his mouth . who knows ? toddlers are pretty resilient . ❜ ❛ you’re not gonna do the thing where you wait silently for me to come home in the living room with all the lights off , are you ? ❜ ❛ you really scared me . just … please don’t do that again . ❜