be trans, throw hands

it/she. dx OSDD. [pro/neutral] endo/willo/tulpa DNI. antishippers/radqueers DNI. asks are open.

[sentient-stove]

Whenever I get like, really sad, I just start writing another au of Amos Kane adopting Leo. I think they’d really hit it off if they met. they’re so father and son shaped . I got like five different aus just floating around my google drive of them

[dredgensam]

Kane Chronicles in the big 26? 🥹

[dredgensam]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Cecilia stared up at the ceiling upon waking up, eyes narrowing as she reacclimated herself. She vaguely remembered leaving the gala and returning to Luscinia's apartment, but that didn't explain why she was naked.

She sat up, feeling unusually clear for what she remembered of the previous night. Bast and Trinity must have returned, but that had to have been after she managed to fall asleep. Speaking of, how long had she been asleep for?

Rolling around in bed, she slipped her fingers through the blinds, casting the light of midday onto her face and forcing her to squint her eyes. She frowned, sitting up and looking around. If it was this late in the day, where were Luscinia or either of their Ghosts? They could have left to run errands, but the kitchen was plenty stocked.

Finally leaving her place in bed, she shuffled to the wardrobe and slipped on a jacket and sweatpants. Exiting the bedroom didn't answer any of her questions, either, the rest of the apartment equally barren of life. She had expected at least a note on the refrigerator, but Luscinia had neglected to provide one.

Sighing, she splayed herself across the couch in the living room and tuned the radio to a Crucible broadcast. She would never be caught dead competing herself, but it was entertaining to listen to the younger Lightbearers without any sense of self preservation kill each other over and over again. The broadcasts had become less exciting after Ikora had retired from the Crucible to take over most of Osiris's duties, but it was something to distract herself with as long as Luscinia was away. Ikora, much like herself, appeared to have been changed by the events on Venus.

Cecilia had lost count of how many matches the radio commentator had gone through when Luscinia finally returned, though it immediately became irrelevant. She smiled at Luscinia from the couch, tilting her head when her action earned a frown, though she could barely see her face over the boxes she was carrying.

"At least tell me you've eaten something," Luscinia said, moving to the kitchen and setting the boxes down.

"No." Cecilia's voice still held traces of exhaustion as she turned down the volume on the radio. "Didn't really feel like it."

"Uh-huh…" Luscinia sorted through the items she had brought home, some going into the refrigerator and others to the cabinets, stealing several glances at Cecilia. "Do you remember what happened last night?"

"We went to that party and obviously came back," Cecilia deduced. "Don't know why I woke up naked. Did we have sex?"Cecilia thought for a moment, squinting as she tried to recall the memories. "We obviously left the party and came back here, but that doesn't explain why I woke up naked."

"We did not, though you kept asking." Luscinia answered, staying focused on the task at hand.

"Why not?" Cecilia complained, stretching in her spot on the couch.

"Because you were drunk! I shouldn't have even kissed you yesterday!" Luscinia's head turned as if on a swivel to look at Cecilia in disbelief, feeling worse for accidentally snapping.

"But did you like it?" Cecilia asked timidly, shying away from Luscinia's volume.

"That's not the point!"

"I—" Cecilia wrung her hands together, unable to quickly piece together an answer that would satisfy Luscinia.

Luscinia sighed, abandoning her task in favor of attempting to comfort Cecilia. Standing behind the other woman, she held her shoulders tight enough to ground her, but no so tight as to feel confining. She wished she could alleviate all of Cecilia's problems with a wave of her hand, but that was unfortunately not the domain of the Light. "You know I love you, right?"

"I know," Cecilia replied quietly, slowly reaching up to hold Luscinia's hand. Despite all of the work both of them did, her hands were still soft despite the callouses.

"Maybe the two of us could take a break for a few weeks. Or months," Luscinia suggested, lightly rubbing Cecilia's shoulders as she tried to comfort her.

"I might like that," Cecilia said, muscles slowly relaxing from their small argument.

"I'll take some time off from fieldwork so we can be together," Luscinia offered, running one of her hands through Cecilia's hair. The gift of the Light meant their bodies were very low maintenance (aside from still needing to eat and drink), but personally, she could stand to wash her hair every once in a while.

"We both know you're not likely to keep that promise," Cecilia said, only partially playfully. She still didn't know what she did whenever she disappeared for a day or two. Trying to get the flight plans from the Shipwright never revealed anything, either, always being filed as a 'patrol'.

"Perhaps," Luscinia said, smirking and pulling her hands back.

"I love you, too," Cecilia said at last.

"I know." Luscinia pressed a kiss to Cecilia's cheek, joy blooming inside of her when she leaned in and embraced her.

Bast and Trinity appeared in the apartment, the transmat system lighting up the dust in the air around them. The two of them hovered next to each other, the former watching Cecilia's mouth held agape.

Her vision was torn from their display as Luscinia directed her to look back at her. "Let them have each other. We have us right now."

She tried to look at the Ghosts again, but Luscinia forced her to keep her eyes fixed on her.

"You're kidding, right?" Cecilia had barely started reading the mission dossier given to her before she threw it onto the war table, glancing between Luscinia and Aparajita-4, successor to Caliban-8 as the Hunter Vanguard. It was shocking how deadly the position appeared to be. The likely solution was that those who prescribed to the paths of the Hunters were simply predisposed to much more dangerous fieldwork, creating a revolving door in the Vanguard.

The Titan and Acting Vanguard Commander Zavala stood at the end of the table, not having said a word. Normally, an assignment like what had been proposed to her would have required the full attention of the Vanguard, but Osiris was once again absent. His fixation on the Vex had grown dramatically in recent years, spending more and more of his time on Mercury and Venus, and an ever decreasing amount in the City. Saint-14 had once attempted to ferry colonists to the once garden world, but Mercury was now dust and glass, hollowed out entirely by the Vex for their own ends — according to Osiris.

"Guardians are spread thin across the system," the Awoken explained from his end of the table. "The Fallen on Earth, the Vex encroaching on Inner Sol…"

"We don't have many choices," Aparajita added, folding their arms.

"I want to go back into the field after a month and this is what you do to me?!" Cecilia stood up, the shrapnel on her armor glowing a dull orange.

"I wouldn't have volunteered you if I didn't think you could handle it," Luscinia said, regretting the words as they left her mouth.

Cecilia scoffed, focusing her wrath on Luscinia. "I 'can't handle' spying on our own people?"

"According to Luscinia, Executor Jan and the New Monarchy are cozying up to Lysander," Aparajita explained. "We can't have them jeopardizing the safety and security of the City."

"This is only going to prove them right. You think it's going to go over well when they find out that the Vanguard is trying to undermine their only ways to keep us in check?"

"We need to be prepared for all outcomes," Zavala stated, standing up to accentuate his commanding presence. "If Lysander is successful, he will unite the other factions against us. We cannot have another Faction War."

"And you think sending a Guardian to them is going to convince them otherwise?" Cecilia said incredulously, a chuckle entering her voice.

"Which is why you will not be bringing your Ghost while on assignment," Aparajita clarified, bracing herself for the Hunter's reaction.

"What?" Her laughter quickly died down, replaced with surprise. "You expect me to do all of this without Bast? Why not send Luscinia? She's much better at stealth ops."

"The Monarchy is more… 'human-centric' than the other factions," the Hunter Vanguard clarified, glancing back to Zavala. "You would stand out far less than her. As outlined in the briefing you neglected to look at, you would be given a residence, an identity, and a large enough allowance of Glimmer to be comfortable."

"And I presume an encrypted communications relay with which to report my findings?" Cecilia offered.

Aparajita thought for a moment, turned back to Zavala. "Scheduled communications bursts, hidden by local chatter?"

"See it done." Zavala nodded. His Ghost, Targe, whispered something to him, the only outward reaction being a clenching of the Titan's armored fist. "Other matters require my attention. I leave this in your capable hands."

"I wonder if Osiris told the other Hunter Vanguards that," Aparajita muttered, too quiet for Luscinia and Cecilia to hear. Internally, recomposing herself, she stood up straighter as Zavala left the command center.

Cecilia leaned back in her chair and stuck her legs up on the table as soon as Zavala left, looking apathetically between Luscinia and Aparajita. "Seriously?"

"I suggest you familiarize yourself with the entire mission briefing." Aparajita kept her voice level.

"And if I say no?" Cecilia fired off a Solar spark from her finger, the particle harmlessly fizzling out above her head.

"The factions revolt. Worst case scenario, most Guardians abandon the City, the Fallen move in and destroy whatever's left."

Cecilia glared at Aparajita, the façade crumbling only due to Luscinia's presence. "Fine," she spat out. "I'll do it, if only to prove all of you wrong."

"The finer details will be sent to your jumpship and to your Ghost. You will—"

"I thought I wasn't bringing Bast." Cecilia chuckled at the Exo's misstep.

"On Luscinia's suggestion, I am sending the information to your Ghost so that you are able to become familiar with your task."

Cecilia rolled her eyes, removed her legs from the table and stood up. "Don't worry, I'm not going to desert."

"The concern is your mission failing because you did not adhere to your objectives."

"I'm surprised I agreed." Cecilia sighed, turning and making for the stairs to the Tower courtyard.

"Wait up, Cecilia!" Luscinia had to jog to catch up with her, almost falling over when she stopped and pivoted to face her. There were few moments where she had seen Cecilia angrier, her gauntlets blazing with Solar fire.

"Is this what we are now?! Immortal dictators spying on the people we're supposed to be protecting?!" The flames grew more intense, her emotions and proximity to the Traveler making them more volatile.

Luscinia glanced at the Guardians and civilian workers turning their attention to the two of them. Taking a deep breath, she pulled the Void out from beneath the topmost layers of reality, obscuring them from all except those especially attuned to the Void. The energy of the vacuum instantly suffocated Cecilia's flames, leaving her all bark. "Are you done?"

Cecilia's hands started throwing sparks, but nothing could ignite with how oppressive Luscinia's Void was. "This is wrong."

"We are protecting humanity from threats within," Luscinia said calmly. "Just as we have protected it from threats without. Just as you have done so."

"You know it's not the same," Cecilia spat out. "This is policing what people can think, punishing them for exercising their rights!"

"These rights do not include undermining the security of the City."

"And who determines what is best for the City?" Cecilia couldn't believe what she was hearing. Not only was Luscinia on board with the assignment, she was starting to sound like a Praxic Warlock.

"The Concensus," Luscinia said simply.

"A Concensus led by the Speaker and the Vanguard."

"The Lightless only live for a couple of centuries. They can't see past their own mortality. Short term thinking will always be their undoing."

Cecilia glared at Luscinia, her anger at Luscinia overriding her memories of Giselle for the time being. She tried to use the Nightshade's transmat, but the Void was so thick, the signal was prevented from moving. "Let me out of here."

"I will, but I need you to understand that this is for the greater good." Luscinia stepped forward, trying to take Cecilia's hand.

"Stop." Cecilia stepped back, stopped only by the railing at the edge of the overlook. "I already agreed to the assignment. You don't have to do all these theatrics."

"I just want to make sure you're doing it for the right reasons."

"I need you to shut the hell up before I change my mind."

Luscinia finally relented, sweat visible on her face and breath heaving as the Void dissipated. Without Trinity in immediate proximity, drawing on that much Light wreaked havoc on her body, her muscles feeling like they might collapse much like the singularities she could create. "I… I trust you," she said, still breathing heavily as she steadied herself on her feet.

Cecilia's pupils dilated, having to violently adjust to the change from nothingness to afternoon. Sol hung in the sky at approximately a seventy degree angle, the radiation mercilessly beating down on them now that it was able see them again. "I won't be home again today." She pressed a series of buttons near her waist after her eyes adjusted, her body consumed by the Nightshade's transmat systems.

Cecilia's hands only stopped shaking when she settled the Nightshade into a geostationary orbit on the dark side of Earth. Luna was on the edge of her scopes, the planet's only satellite seeming more alien by the day. Seismic disturbances had grown more frequent and intense, and the gravity was now almost identical to Earth's, give or take a few hundredths of a meter of acceleration. The extra gravity had begun to alter local orbits, shifting the center of gravity of the two masses entirely outside of Earth and much closer to the midpoint between the two bodies. Even so, the scene was peaceful, Luna remaining visually unchanged even with the disturbances occurring beneath its surface.

"I don't think you should take the mission," Bast said, appearing as if out of thin air. Her voice was laced with concern, but wasn't it always?

Cecilia jumped, her heart rate spiking with her surprise. Even after all of these centuries, Bast still knew how to sneak up on her. It was probably easier when you could access transmat systems with a thought. Perhaps she was simply laying in wait, knowing she would return.

"Your talents are wasted on some deep cover assignment. You should be outside the walls like the other Hunters, like Luscinia."

"Don't remind me," Cecilia grumbled, reaching to her left and switching the jumpship's communications array to receiver only. It was nice every now and again to listen to any stray signals coming from Earth. Most of them were in the City, but there were a scattered few across the rest of the planet. Lately, however, she had needed to orient the ship such that the array faced away from Luna — probably linked to the other strange readings from the satellite.

More radio signals had been finding their way across the planet in recent years. Currently, she was picking up a handful of settlements with radio transmitters communicating with each other in short bursts. A couple of Golden Age facilities were still barely functional, sending repeated shutdown or quarantine messages, even fewer truly active. "We could poke around some Golden Age science facilities," she offered.

"Last time we did that, you got vaporized by an orbital laser."

"It'd be weird if it happened twice, though," Cecilia said.

"If it happens again, I'm not sure whatever killed you then won't kill me, too."

"But that was on Mars."

"You were killed by an orbital laser," Bast said. "That means WarSats, which means a Warmind. We don't know how many Warminds there are, or what facilities they deem important enough to protect."

"That one was buried under an ice sheet! Seems a bit obvious it wanted to hide something."

"And yet you still poked the frozen bear," Bast added, getting the last word. "Maybe you could try to talk to Aparajita, get a different assignment?

"I already agreed." Cecilia almost snapped at her, guilt flooding her mind as she recoiled. "Besides," she added, closing herself off, "she made it clear this was the only thing on the table. All there's to do is wait for the details."

"I… don't want to leave you," Bast said quietly, the facets of her shell closing up. "We've been by each other's side ever since I found you."

"I know, but sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do," Cecilia said, speaking to no one.

An alert briefly flashed on the communications array, Bast reacting as she received information, as well.

"Put it on the main console," Cecilia ordered. Her emotions were still volatile, but she was putting most of her energy into suppressing them. She would need to learn, or at least force herself to if she was to succeed in her new assignment. The illusion became harder to maintain, however, as she looked over the information contained within the data burst. Some of the finer details hadn't been worked out yet, but her new identity had been established.

"Laura Beckett," Bast read, the facets of her shell twitching as she processed. "I've heard worse."

Cecilia groaned. "They couldn't come up with something more exciting?"

"You don't even have a last name," Bast retorted.

Cecilia rolled her eyes, but couldn't fault Bast's logic. She hadn't even taken Giselle's last name when they lived together. Her name never actually meant anything before they meant, just being something Bast could refer to her as. "How long before they want me starting?" she asked, voice quieter than her expression would lead others to believe.

"Next week," Bast answered. "There is still time to back out."

"No. I'm going ahead with this. I don't need you or Luscinia telling me what's best for me."

"I don't know what I'll do without you." Panic began to flood Bast, unable to fathom being alone after spending centuries searching for a Risen.

"Don't you have Trinity now? You two can keep each other company."

"Ghosts and Guardians aren't meant to be separate. What happens if something goes wrong?"

"They would have to be crazy to kill me."

"You know what I mean," Bast said sternly.

The pain in Cecilia's stomach became sharper at the mention of her more unfortunate habits, though she was more annoyed at Bast for bringing it up.

Cecilia scoffed. "I'm not going to die like that."

"How many times have Luscinia or I had to remind you?"

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that."

"Fine, but I don't know how long it'll take for me to be able to get you if you do starve," Bast grumbled, trying not to grow frustrated with her.

"I'll be careful," Cecilia promised.

"You better be," Bast joked. "I'd hate to have to find someone else."

"Wait, you can do that?" Panic began to flood Cecilia at the thought.

"I've heard of it happening, but there's no way to know for certain."

The answer wasn't exactly reassuring. What if Bast decided she wasn't good enough and found a new partner somewhere else? Would she age as a human normally does or would her body quickly fail without the Light? Sensation spread through her as Bast nudged her shoulder, doing her best to jog her out of her fugue.

"Are you okay?"

Cecilia tenderly raised her hand and stroked Bast's shell, holding her in a loose enough embrace to escape. It would be easy to kill her. Easy to see what would happen to her without the Light. Easy to return to Giselle. She didn't even notice Bast's sudden stiffness. "Yeah, I'm fine," she lied.

The sound of a key being inserted into a deadbolt reverberated through the walls of the apartment. The interior was barren save for a handful of preinstalled appliances and a bed, no decorations to be seen. The door finally opened as the lock gave way, revealing a light skinned woman with shoulder length black hair. In her hands were a collection of cloth bags mostly filled with food. She sighed as she set the bags onto the counter, keeping her eyes on her new finds rather than her home so as to not get attached to it.

"Bast, do you mind—" She looked over her shoulder at the empty air, expression falling as it remain so. "Another thing to get used to, I guess," she said quietly. She dragged one of the bags along the counter to her refrigerator, sorting the bag further into the appliance's compartments. The other bag remained on the counter, mostly due to Laura being lazy. She wasn't used to the quiet, the only noises being the dull hum of the refrigerator.

At least everything was within arm's reach. It only took a few steps to reach her bed and fall into it, the softness almost feeling alien. She had slept in Luscinia's bed from time to time, but those had been few and far between. Even so, those memories had nothing on the comfort she was currently experiencing. Maybe her distance from the Light was taking a harsher toll on her body than she thought. She didn't even mind closing her eyes, her breath slowing as she succumbed to her exhaustion and drifted off to sleep.

[dredgensam]

So... we may or may not have an introject of Maya Sundaresh

[circusheart]

If I keep practicing I might even be a person soon

[dredgensam]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

"Cecilia?"

Luscinia's voice echoed through Cecilia's helmet, the former having put her helmet back on to communicate again. She still wasn't sure she had heard correctly. A peaceful Fallen House, supposedly existing only in reverence for the Traveler and the Light? "Sorry, I must have acute head trauma based on what I think I just heard you say."

"They have no weapons, their Skiffs are not outfitted for combat and they have not attacked me," Luscinia pointed out.

"That Servitor tried to kill me."

"No, it sent you away to protect the Eliksni you were endangering," Luscinia said sternly. "They don't have any excavation equipment, so they couldn't be harvesting any Light."

"Eliksni?"

"That is what they prefer to be called."

"And how the hell do you even know how to speak their language?"

"I've spent some time in the Reef, picked up a few things."

"A few?"

"The point is, we can communicate. Mostly."

"And you trust what they're saying?"

"If we were going to fight, we would be already."

"Then there's no reason for any of us to be here anymore and we should report back to the Vanguard."

"No! They can't know about this!" Lucinia cried, Cecilia wincing from the volume.

"They can't stay here. We have no guarantee they won't weaponize the Light here."

"And we aren't weaponizing it?"

"The Fallen—"

"Eliksni."

"The Fallen have been trying to destroy humanity for decades, possibly centuries before Trinity found you," Cecilia said, anger growing in her voice. "They cannot be trusted."

"The very same could easily be said about us," Luscinia retorted calmly.

"Just get back to the Nightshade," Cecilia said sternly, cutting off the communications channel.

"What was that?" Cecilia glared at Luscinia as she transmatted into the Nightshade's hold.

"We will leave these Eliksni alone and we will tell the Vanguard the reports were incorrect," Luscinia replied matter-of-factly.

"Fallen." Cecilia corrected. "How do you know how to speak their language?"

"I've made my way around the Reef in my time." It was the only information she was willing to divulge.

"I see we've returned to the 'cryptic Awoken runarounds'." Cecilia turned around and sat in the cockpit, beginning the jumpship's ascent to cruising altitude.

"You can't reveal their existence to the Vanguard," Luscinia pleaded, marching to the cockpit behind her partner. "Guardians will descend upon the Cradle to take it for the City, killing all of the Eliksni who ventured there to escape the violence."

"You have no idea how long I lived while Trinity was still wandering the planet looking for her Guardian," Cecilia said calmly, staring at the sky through the cockpit canopy. "The Fallen have done nothing but pillage the Collapse and try to destroy us ever since they found our system. You may have been there for Six Fronts, but you have no idea the brutality subjected to us by the Houses."

"Would you have condemned all of humanity for the actions of a few Warlords?"

"That's not fair," Cecilia said quietly, bringing her knees to her chest. "I still don't know how exactly she died. It could have been the Fallen or a Warlord, but I'll never be able to know now."

"And how do you think the Eliksni feel? We have killed as many, if not more of them since they arrived here."

"Now they know how we feel." Cecilia put her helmet back on, intent to shut Luscinia out for the duration of the trip back to the City.

"An eye for an eye and the world goes blind. I would have thought you'd have learned that by now." Luscinia sighed, tapping into the Nightshade's communications array. "Bring the Slipstream to the City," she said to Trinity. "I'm with Cecilia right now."

Cecilia stared straight ahead, engaging the jumpship's engines without another word.

Cecilia marched out of the Nightshade from its cargo hold, making her way to the shipwrights' office. The jumpship wasn't damaged, but she needed to get to talking to people regularly that weren't just Luscinia.

"Well, well." Lydia unstrapped her grounded boots, propped her legs up on the desk, littered with tools and order forms. "Been a while since you came through here. Jumpship finally total?"

"Very funny." Cecilia rolled her eyes, motioned to the intact Nightshade in the hangar. "As you can see, I know how to fly."

"You mean Bast knows how to fly," Lydia corrected. She sorted through a stack of orders, tucking away strands of hair too short to be tied back.

"Think you could expedite me?"

"I'll… I'll get around to it when I can." They rested their feet on the floor, hand on her scalp and the hair halfway between kept and messy.

"I can get a transport to the North Tower." Cecilia sighed, trying and failing to disguise her annoyance. "Another mission, another set of boring reports to file for the Vanguard."

"As if I don't hear that all of the time, " Lydia grumbled. "You people need to find therapists."

"I'll leave Bast with you to help with whatever you need. I don't know how long these briefings are going to take." Cecilia ran her hands through her hair, the drudgery already filling her mind.

"I have my techs for that. Ghosts always try to act like they know better and how things can be 'improved'. No offense." She nodded to Bast, trying to gauge a response. Did Ghosts have emotions or were they only approximations? They appeared to simply be machines, but that only raised further questions about the Traveler.

"Suit yourself." She would have preferred leaving Bast with the shipwright, not needing her comments about what could have been done better and objectives not accomplished. She reluctantly waved the Ghost over, wishing she was able to get any sort of alone time.

"Should I call a private transport and or are we waiting?" Bast asked, like she always did. Most Guardians would prefer to comission a private transport or use the North hangar to begin with, but Cecilia, much like any Hunter, loved to delay paperwork as much as she could.

"We're waiting — and no, don't tell Luscinia we're going to be late. I don't need a lecture over comms."

Initial reports appear to be incorrect on the assertion of an organized Fallen presence on the continent. There is Light present in the area, but it is wild, mutating the flora and fauna beyond recognizable evolutionary pathways. I advise against colonization or mining efforts for both the safety of fireteams and the surrounding environment.

"That is your approximation of the events of your assignment?" An Exo, Caliban-8, sat across from where Luscinia was standing at the table in the command center in the North Tower. Organizing the report with the stack of other papers on his section of the table. he stared her down.

"Yes," Luscinia said simply, briefly looking towards the stairs for Cecilia. With luck, she wouldn't show, leaving out the possibility of being called out on a lie.

"And the other member of your fireteam mentioned here? Where is she?"

"Cecilia prefers to disengage with the many bureaucracies of the Vanguard, as she puts it." Luscinia had to restrain herself from sighing.

"Not an uncommon sentiment among Hunters," Caliban admitted. "Personally, I don't see anyone committing to the Vanguard position after me."

"That's because no one wants to be trapped in the Tower for eternity." Cecilia chuckled as she descended the stairs to the conference table, rolling her eyes at the impatient look on Luscinia's face. "What, it's not like anyone's actually waiting on us."

"Cecilia," Luscinia said sternly, gesturing to Caliban on the other side of the table.

"I'm joking." Cecilia leaned against the table, next to Luscinia and facing away from Caliban.

"Cecilia. Would you care to corroborate the report of your fireteam member?" Caliban kept his voice level, his irritation with most of his Hunters just below the surface.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever Lusci said."

"You haven't read it." Caliban slid a copy to Cecilia, motioning for her to take it.

Cecilia sighed, pulling the sheets the rest of the way towards her and flipping through the information Luscinia had decided to record about their assignment. No doubt most of its content was fabricated.

REP#: 056-24F6512-CRD

SUBJ: Reconnaissance of southern continent

Both myself and my fellow Guardian (hereafter referred to as RSN-02) investigated reports of a Fallen presence on an isolated continent in the southern hemisphere. The landmass was long said to be uninhabitable due to highly arid conditions maintained over the course of centuries or millennia. Despite this, extensive plant life had spread itself across the area of the report, seemingly have undergone an accelerated evolution due to abnormal levels of Light. The same is true for the local fauna, having grown to much larger sizes than their unaugmented counterparts. However, no Fallen were present in the area investigated… In conclusion, initial reports appear to be incorrect on the assertion of an organized Fallen presence on the continent. There is Light present in the area, but it is wild, mutating the flora and fauna beyond recognizable evolutionary pathways. I advise against colonization or mining efforts for both the safety of fireteams and the surrounding environment.

Cecilia had expected some fudging of the truth from Luscinia, though the extent of the forgery was surprising, even to her. "Yes, the information in the report is accurate."

She could easily bring the truth to light, but that would only create more friction in the meeting. Caliban would grow wary of both of them, demand who was telling the truth and possibly order a second mission to verify the facts — it would end up being far more trouble than what it was worth.

"Very well. If there is nothing further to add, the two of you are dismissed." Caliban diverted his attention to the other reports dividing his resources and the other Hunters in the field ignoring his summons.

Cecilia wordlessly turned and left before she said something stupid, almost snatching Bast out of the air on her way out.

Luscinia sighed at her immaturity, respectfully nodding to Caliban and following Cecilia.

"What happened to wanting to expose them?"

"Stop talking before I change my mind." Cecilia ascended the stairs, only stopping when she reached the railing overlooking the City. She could make out the apartment blocks and market districts, imagining the people going about their lives. The City has had its own government for a couple of centuries at this point, growing far larger than Lyndfield could have ever dreamt of.

Luscinia silently leaned on the railing beside Cecilia, studying her face for a clue to her behavior. In the decades they known each other, the human had proven to be the far more spontaneous of the two of them, yet most of her convictions had stayed consistent. Why had she now decided to protect the Eliksni in spite of their relentless attacks on humanity and the City?

"I find it hard to believe that the Traveler really did choose them." Cecilia said curtly, gaze lifting to the scarred sphere seemingly forever hovering above the City.

"The Darkness followed the Traveler to our system. It stands to reason it destroyed the Eliksni homeworld before it arrived here and attempted to destroy us," Luscinia reasoned.

"And what have they done ever since their arrival?" Cecilia asked, a rhetorical question. "They have pillaged, murdered, and destroyed. That is all they know how to do!" She didn't intend to snap, but she didn't back down, either.

"That was desperation driven by scarcity! Was humanity any different after the Collapse?" She would usually wait for the gunslinger to burn herself out, but this situation was dealing with centuries of bias.

Cecilia turned away, unable to form a sufficient retort or admit that Luscinia had made a point.

"They're no different from us. Just small beings trying to survive in a universe that doesn't care about them." Luscinia placed her hand on top of Cecilia's, pulled her a little closer. "Did the Eliksni in the Cradle seem violent or murderous to you?" She waited for a response, but none came.

"You need to prepare for the possibility that the Vanguard and the Concensus are wrong. That you are wrong." Cecilia's pride was a strong barrier to overcome, born out of centuries of stubbornness.

"I'm not," Cecilia insisted, pulling away. "They're an outlier."

"Are you trying to convince me? Or yourself?" Luscinia kept her arms open in the event she wanted to embrace again.

Cecilia shook her head, signaling to Bast to engage transmat. She disappeared in a flash of particles, leaving Luscinia alone with the City.

"I don't think you're going to get through to her." Trinity made her presence known at last, her single eye turning up to look at the sky.

"I have to try."

"She's incredibly stubborn for the amount of years she's been a Guardian."

"Many Ghosts are likely the same." Luscinia countered, side-eyeing Trinity. "Though I don't know how much I can blame her. She's only had Bast for much of her life."

"She still has you."

Luscinia smiled, not letting Trinity see her true feelings. It didn't seem like it sometimes — the way Cecilia immersed herself in her work, how she seemed to drop off the face of Sol between jobs. It was like she only existed when she was needed, a product of having to survive so long on her own during the Dark Ages.

"I wish she knew that. Contact the Shipwright and get the ship ready to fly."

"We're leaving already?"

"Just more light reconnaissance. Make sure to tune for the frequency of the Nightshade's Arc dampeners so that we aren't followed."

"Where are we going? Why are you keeping Cecilia in the dark?"

"This isn't a discussion, just do it," Luscinia commanded, uncharacteristically curt of her.

Trinity nodded, disappearing in a flash of Light.

Luscinia stood straighter as she stood alone, isolating the Traveler in her vision. An aura of Light remained around it, ever-present despite the constant attacks on the City. It hadn't moved for centuries, steadfast in its protection of humanity.

"How do you choose us? There has to be some way to know," Luscinia spoke to nothing, hoping the Traveler could perceive her. It only ever gave visions to the Speaker, having no voice of it's own, but it would at least be able to hear her, right? "Do you see down the river of time? Do you know who we will become, what we will do? Who we were? Are you capable of making mistakes?"

The Traveler stood silent, as it had for centuries, seemingly deaf to Luscinia's pleading inquiries. Tears fell from her eyes onto the City walls below her, grieving a life she so desperately wanted, needed, to save.

"I want to help her. I want her to want me to help her, but all she does is hide. From me, from the world, thinking no one can understand her. I want to understand, but she shuts me out, only wanting me to use her so she doesn't have to feel anything. I need to know that she'll be okay."

No reply came, though she had not expected one. This was all for herself and her own hope for catharsis and the Traveler only ever spoke to a select few individuals, and seemingly never at the same point in time.

The comlink in her helmet began beeping, pulling her out of her prayer abruptly. Blinking herself out of her surprise, she put her helmet on.

"The ship's ready to go whenever you're ready," Trinity said, unspoken questions hanging in the wavelengths between them. "No read of the Nightshade on scanners."

"I'll be there shortly." She turned to leave, her gaze remaining focused on the Traveler. She sighed, ripping herself away and returning to the hangar.

Luscinia double checked the Slipstream's instruments, verifying fuel and NLS containment and finally triple checking Trinity's calibrations of the sensors.

"Is all of this really necessary?"

"We're not filing a flight plan, either," Luscinia said, seemingly ignoring her Ghost. "Don't need anyone figuring out what we're up to."

"What you're up to," Trinity corrected, monitoring the sensors while Luscinia operated the jumpship. While the Hunter did do jobs outside of the purview of the Vanguard, mostly out past Mars, this was highly irregular.

"You're welcome to stay behind," Luscinia replied sarcastically, sealing the ship and activating the anti-gravity lifts." "You're sure Cecilia's dropped off scopes?"

"Yes!" Trinity snapped at Luscinia, bewildered at how overly cautious, almost paranoid, she was being.

Luscinia navigated the Slipstream out of the hangar, angling the jumpship westward and engaging the ion engines. If Cecilia was anywhere on Earth, she was likely in orbit, relegating their travel to the stratosphere and troposphere. Any higher and their engine output would be visible against the near-vacuum cold of the mesosphere, higher than that and they would be visible against normal sensors regardless.

Trinity side-eyed Luscinia, moving to the secondary navigation console. Their current trajectory would take them towards Eurasia and the massive shard of the Traveler located in the west, but they hadn't had any assignment anywhere in the continent in years.

"It shouldn't be long." Luscinia raised the engine speed to the highest speed she could without igniting the atmosphere behind them, slowly increasing altitude and angling slightly southward. As much as she would like to travel to the signal dead zone created the by the shard of the Traveler and attempt to get her answer there, she simply did not have the time.

Trinity's gaze moved to the navigation screen to Luscinia and back again, trying to calculate where they were going based on the alterations to their trajectory. The new projected course had them flying over the site of their previous mission and all of the pieces began to fall into place — Luscinia's caution, her insistence on making sure Cecilia was nowhere near, not to mention the lack of a flight plan filed with the Tower. "What are you doing?"

"Reconnaissance, like I said." Luscinia focused her attention on the skies ahead of her, hoping she wouldn't have to worry about own Ghost, as well as Cecilia.

The Slipstream slowed as it reached its destination, the Cradle overflowing with Light just as the last time Luscinia had been present. She could only hope the Eliksni were still there, though the settlement did appear to be a more permanent one.

"I think it will be best if you stay here until I call for you," Luscinia said, locking the transmat system into the very center of the Cradle.

"I'll stay here in case anyone comes looking for us," Trinity said, resigned.

Luscinia nodded, engaging the transmat and disappearing with a flash of light.

Trinity tried to use the sensors to keep an eye on Luscinia, but the interference from the sheer amount of Light in the area was far too strong to see anything. She settled for seeing what little she could from the cockpit, though it wasn't much better. The Slipstream was angled almost entirely away from the ground, set into hover mode in case they needed to make a quick exit.

Luscinia looked around at the surprised Eliksni, most of them backing away to their residences. Their reactions were reasonable; most of what they had seen of Guardians on Earth were them exterminating their kin. They still felt uneasy at one so openly walking among them. The House's Prime Servitor kept its singular eye locked on her, ready to obliterate her with atmospheric pressure waves or simply transmat her away if violence came.

One of the Eliksni took point and approached Luscinia, slightly shorter than the rest of them, though likely just as strong if the need arose. He stood half a meter taller than her, a decorative mane denoting his status as both Archon and Kell despite his build.

Luscinia had spent some time in the asteroid belt and the Reef located within it — mostly the outskirts of the Awoken authorities, giving her the opportunity to lay low and speak with Eliksni attempting to hide and escape from the violence of the Houses. She had been able to pick up on certain phrases and customs. She would certainly need Trinity's help to translate what she could, but there was no point in unnecessarily spooking the Eliksni more than she already had. Besides, she could use the practice. The Eliksni initiated the conversation, his tone peaceful, but guarded.

"Velask, Misraaks," Luscinia answered.

[zebra11235]

I love AO3 and all its wonderful, generous, gorgeous, hilarious writers.

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

I think ao3 is literally the only site where no censorship means no censorship. you can post the most vile things on there — things that will get taken down on any other platforms — and ao3 will protect you, your works, and your rights to create whatever you want, however you want.

and no, this isn’t me saying “write that messed up, disgusting thing” because while, yes, write it if it’s what you want (I myself enjoy writing dark fics, something I believe would be considered “vile” to a lot of people), this is me saying in a world of censorship and capitalism, ao3 really is a treasure.

everybody say thank you ao3

[hazedxg0]

I feel like I'm progressively losing my mind logging on to Tumblr and seeing people say things like "wow, I wish we knew how splitting and switching worked, too bad DID is so under researched :("

My friend. Respectfully. We know both of those things.

We know way more about DID than the internet would lead you to believe. We know how DID forms initially, how alters split afterwards, what happens on a psychological and neurobiological level when switching, we know what kinds of trauma will cause DID and what kind of trauma cause specific alter types, we know what leads to specific presentations of DID, we know how DID presents across the lifespan, so on and so forth.

Basically all of this stuff is covered in the theory of structural dissociation. You know, that scientific theory everyone loves to name drop but no-one actually reads? You should read it. Find a PDF of The Haunted Self or Coping With Trauma-Related Dissociation. You will find basically everything you want to know.

DID was first added to the DSM-III in 1980 (although under a different name). But we've been studying dissociative personality systems since the early 1900s, and even that was based on earlier work in related areas. The theory of structural dissociation is essentially a compilation of all the research on trauma and dissociation from the past century, and it has been continuously expanded upon and validated by modern day research involving things like neuroimaging techniques. The references section of The Haunted Self alone is 48 pages long.

There is so much research out there. There is so much information publicly shared by credible professionals that can educate you on this disorder. Don't just assume we don't know the answers to your questions if you haven't even checked if the answers are out there.

Of course we don't know everything. But DID is certainly not this completely mystical disorder that no-one understands.

[omensvessel]

yeah i use like twenty names with varying degrees of preference

yeah i use dozens upon dozens of pronouns

yeah my sexuality kinda changes on a daily basis

yeah i can’t remember what i did two hours ago but i can vividly remember very specific things from my past (but only in certain moments)

yeah my friends and family often note random changes in behaviour for no apparent reason

yeah i often disconnect from my body and can’t get back to it voluntarily

yeah i age regress involuntarily and it’s often triggered by traumatic events or memories of them

yeah im sure it’s all normal and typical of healthy and stable-minded people

oh i have DID

[coyoteguuurl]

"autogynephilia" is fucking hilarious to me bc like. i promise u i get more hot and heavy seeing myself looking sexy in a tight little dress than any trans woman does doing her estrogen shot and getting ready for work. every night i watch myself in my bedroom mirror as im getting undressed and into my pjs and stare at my tits and bounce my ass for my own perverted amusement.

[love-and-mercy]

me (and like a million other tgirls): I can't believe I think I look good today... wow... sexualizing myself.... im such an evil ugly moid... I dont deserve to be a woman...

Every other cis woman from time to time: dammmmnnnnnn Im fucking hotttttt

[coyoteguuurl]

like. the basis for "autogynephilia" is just the idea that there is something wrong with a woman (in the case of agp, specifically a trans woman) who loves herself and loves her own beauty without a man having to be involved.

its just "why do women look beautiful if they dont want men to catcall/grope them??" but adapted in a form which is specifically designed to harm trans women.

[guerrillatech]

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

[wanhyutji]

Actually I DO think twelve year olds should get hrt. That’s the normal age to start puberty, so why does it have to be different for trans kids?

[starsharts-blog]

If you think trans kids don’t deserve the right to a timely and correct puberty – the same way cis kids already get – you are transphobic.

[wre7ch]

if trans kids are too young to start puberty so are cis kids

[adhd-system-safe-place]

ADHD P-DID is originally thinking the dissociative amnesia was adhd forgetfulness . It was . Not . As it Turns out; adhd forgetfulness is NOT forgetting weeks-months-years of your life at a time … 💔💔

-🌈💫

this is adhdid!

we also. did this lmao

[foxgirlmindcrank]

Everyday was Sunday Monday morning

[cidadepequenasystem]

we get more anti-endo by day

wth do you mean by "wanting to be" a system?

we have been trying to survive, we are all desperate

our old host just spent 3 hours losing their shit

panic, anxiety, sleep paralysis, hallucinations, dissociating, passing out

we often have to remind them that we are safe, that the year is 2026, that we are loved and cared for now

dont get me wrong, im grateful for everyone, but it would be dishonest to say we never thought about NOT BEING a system

I DONT GIVE A SINGLE FUCK if you are lonely or what not

keep your obsession out our spaces

its already hard to get access to resources with all the ableism, WE DO NOT NEED your wishful thinking here

BEING ENDO IS NOT REAL

you CANT decide to be a system

being a system was the way our child self managed to survive

its not your roleplay show and tell oc competition

FUCK YOU

[dredgensam]

Is it weird that despite being diagnosed with OSDD, it still feels like I'm faking because I don't experience many overt outward symptoms? I know I shouldn't compare my experiences to a DID system (or any other system for that matter, since every system is different) but it often feels like I'm too "normal" (well, normal enough for someone that can't remember its childhood)