Product Placement
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@driftwooddave
While I certainly agree with some possible interpetations of this post, to me, the notes on this don't show a lack of reading comprehension, or really anything, other than that if you make a broad, sweeping, vauge statement that can fairly be interpeted 1 000 ways, people are going to interpit it 2 000 ways, and then complain that the 1 999 other ways are invalid.
Truscum this comic is not for you
I think I might have needed to hear this one.
I think I manage to be decent to transitioning people most of the time but I do have an inate need (prolly my autism) to be 'the voice of nuance' and espcially when it comes to masculine and feminine behaviour I struggle to not mention it Because I DO think its important to keep in mind that in most situations there is no need to asign femininity or masculinity to anything it can just be a look or a behaviour or whatever and it can exist outside of a gendered view. So much of liberation from a gender esentialist society comes not just from gender nonconformity but from the dismantling of gender norms to conform to in the first place. But I should probably be more concious of when this is the right responce. It's so deeply important to me to support those that do not conform, and historically, fo rme, that has been spesifically the crossdressers and the femme guys and the masc women, and I've seen the pressures put on them first hand, in a way I haven't really with trans people. About half my friends use they pronouns, but almost all that don't are cis. I'll certainly make a more concious effort, though I have already been making one, to consider if the situation at hand is one that actually calls for 'my truths', or just my compassion. I'm happy you're happy with your transition, and thanks for a ponigiant way to phrase a problem I have been aware, but not sufficently cognisant of.
As a fellow autistic person what I find seems to work in these situations is to first analyze why they might be telling you this thing (which in these examples are a relatively easy analysis, with the character using words like "love" and "glad" in association with the results they are seeing.) This tells you that they are experiencing change, and that change is beneficial to their emotional state.
Generally the intention of such statements is to allow others (in this case you) to share in their joy about these changes. It is reaching out [connection] and the response sought is generally "I acknowledge your reaching out, and feel joy about your joy [connection]"
Then, once you have determined the reason for informing you (in this case connection and sharing of joy,) approach the person's statement (at least internally) as if it is less as a gender thing and more as a medical thing.
I think of it as fitting the same mental conversation space as if they'd said "I'm now taking X/doing Y treatment and am feeling much better," mixed with a little bit of "I am really liking this [insert change here] it's making me feel much more confident"
In those cases the script called for is the rough conversation script that (in my head) I've got marked as "I'm glad you're seeing an improvement/feeling better," mixed with a bit of "Your experience of joy is acknowledged and I too feel joy."
So the reply goes along the lines of "I'm glad you're seeing good results from your treatment and feeling more confident in your self-expression. It is good that you have found something that makes you happy and that makes you feel more comfortable in your body."
The reason that I apply the medical framework/script and that it fits is because if, for example someone tells you that they're pregnant, the best response isn't to immediately go for the facts (the medical risks or other things) it's to figure out what they're feeling about it (generally I ask "and how does that make you feel" unless if I know for certain that they have been intentionally trying for a baby) and then build off of that by supporting their emotions.
Same as if someone's found a medication that helps them. They're telling you because they want you to share in their joy. They are not really stating that "to be X you need to do Y" or that the medication would help everyone with their condition, they're saying that because of the steps they've taken their personal situation has improved and that it gives them joy.
Basically, they want acknowledgement of their joy, and that you are recognizing and are also experiencing positive emotions about the fact that they are feeling joyful.
Incredibly well put, thank you. I have always struggled with call response, so i am not sure exactly how easy it will be to apply, but re-framing it as a medical thing is clever, its a clear paralell, and might be helpful as a mental referance point. I generally struggle a lot with that "I acknowledge and share your emotion" side of things though. If someone told me "I've recently started med A for X problem, its working quite well." I struggle to find a responce between "that's nice", which people seem to find dismissive, and "Oh? I've heard good things about med B, you're not experiencing (common sympthom of A)?", which also doesn't seem to work, even if I remember to throw in a "Glad its working for you though!". Spesifically applying the social framework around pregnancy is something I will have to reflect on. Certainly, no matter ones views, one would not get into the political side of pregnancies/child rearing, nor re-itterate that childlessness is a perfectly valid life path, if someone talks about their pregnancy. The same patterns fitting for transitioning makes intutive and logical sense, though its not quite a 1 to 1, as pregnancies are a predictable and "well established pipeline", freindly questions like "when are you due?" or "how long have you known?" are reasonable in almost every pregnancy, because, well, its predictable and knowable. The same sort of questings don't quite make sense towards a transition, or when they do, they're more personal in a way. It's also more difficult to correctly identify in which situations a purely emotional responce is correct. To referance back to the comic, there certainly are times when you can have a conversation with a trans person, as you indeed can with any person, about gender norms, and how we should lower barriers for women to act/present masculine, and for men to act/present feminine, and how that might look/be achived, and for me it can be challanging to sepperate those situations from the ones where a responce in that direction feels like the comics "there is nothing wrong with being feminine" (though I will note that my reflexive responce in that sitation would be almost the oppsite, something along the lines of 'not that there is anything wrong with a woman acting masculine', though I have no idea if that would be percived better or worse). Nonetheless, asking myself 'are they telling me they're pregnant (metaphorically)' might be good question/approach to attempt to weave into my nattural patterns. Once again thank you for your insight.
Can't share details, but does anyone here have experience living in youth housing? Dealing with a kid without guardians who's been appearing with some of my less-excellent regulars. How can I best support a kid with no family who I see semi-regularly?
Everyone else I've talked to is split between "poor little baby go easy on them" and "little shit belongs in juvie" but neither is ideal
They're twice as smart as I am and quick as a whip, don't want them ending up where my old friends did
I sadly have no directly applicable experience to draw on, but approaching people with respect is always good. Your tag thing is already good. Helping people is hard because while people need and on some level enjoy help, most people resent needing it, and hide doing so from themselves, or they might have good reason to doubt help. Ultimatly a lot of how you can help them comes down to how you can help them. If you worked in a food stall, 'accidentally' making the wrong order when you see them and 'hey, i either have to throw it out, or give it to you' is a cliche but sometimes functional way to help with food. If you have time to talk, talking about just other stuff, finding an interest, talking about math problems, getting help with a crossword can be great. Making calls on how to feel/what to do with authority (police, child protectice services/whatever) is extremely local dependant, but I would hesitate to involve anything. This is just general advice I have picked up though. Hopefully you get someone with more spesific experience or training responding.
Truscum this comic is not for you
I think I might have needed to hear this one.
I think I manage to be decent to transitioning people most of the time but I do have an inate need (prolly my autism) to be 'the voice of nuance' and espcially when it comes to masculine and feminine behaviour I struggle to not mention it Because I DO think its important to keep in mind that in most situations there is no need to asign femininity or masculinity to anything it can just be a look or a behaviour or whatever and it can exist outside of a gendered view. So much of liberation from a gender esentialist society comes not just from gender nonconformity but from the dismantling of gender norms to conform to in the first place. But I should probably be more concious of when this is the right responce. It's so deeply important to me to support those that do not conform, and historically, fo rme, that has been spesifically the crossdressers and the femme guys and the masc women, and I've seen the pressures put on them first hand, in a way I haven't really with trans people. About half my friends use they pronouns, but almost all that don't are cis. I'll certainly make a more concious effort, though I have already been making one, to consider if the situation at hand is one that actually calls for 'my truths', or just my compassion. I'm happy you're happy with your transition, and thanks for a ponigiant way to phrase a problem I have been aware, but not sufficently cognisant of.
Good for you! I wish more people took the "this shit don't matter" thing more to heart. There is no behaviour possible on this earth that is exclusive to one gender.
statements ive seen on this website in the past day, verbatim:
we need mens liberation now
something needs to be done about the rampant hatred of white people on this website
i really fucking wish the block button could kill people
Why do racists of all colours always brag about being racist? You'd think ocationally, one would come around that didn't feel pride over their bigotry spesifically, but no, seems to be pretty much every single bigot bragging about being a dickweed. It's almost fascinating.
if hiphop weren't real its existence would sound like an exceptionally heavy-handed metaphor about racism from a really cringe didactic fantasy novel. yeah the racialized underclass in this society, the one that's constantly derided by the ethnic majority as stupid and anti-intellectual, they have a complex artistic tradition based around improvisational poetry which is sometimes enacted on a competitive basis for dispute resolution. you get judged based on the subtlety of your wordplay and the complexity of your internal rhyme schemes. the dominant group periodically gets mad about how this doesn't count as real art like their own objectively more simplistic music and poetry because sometimes it has swears in it
See I was with you until "objectively more simplistic music and poetry", that's just rasism also. No one is inherantly better or worse for liking or disliking an artform, and while there certainly are more complex or more simple forms of musical art, categorically stating that non-hiphop music is "objectivly simpler" is just... baffling to me. A simple change to "-how this doesn't count as real art, despite the fact many of the art peices they laude are simpler in construction and execution than many of the peices they put down." or some such, and you're no longer drowing the tail end of your point in random rasism, but rather rightly pointing out the unbalanced view. The entire point to being concious of the biases of the world around us, and of the history of opression, and all similar things, is not to keep score, or track who is right or worthy, or to divide the world into us and them, but to do better, to be better, and to make a better world. There are many ways in which we do this, but one thing we cannot allow ourselves to do, is to use the same paterns of elitism we are fighting. We must take pride in ourselves in an intrinsic fashion, not through an extrinsic comparison and belittlement of The Other.
u tell someone yr nonbiny and they go oh trans masc or trans fem and its like. neither i said theres non of the biny that means zero biney
(I can't put this into words correctly, but I do agree with you OP, I don't mean to discredit any part of your experience, I just have Thoughts) At the same time I do get people being confused, so long as they remain respectfull, because a lot of trans/trans adjacent people will use the nonbinary label, and mean "Oh, i'm not cis" and some will use it to mean "oh, i'm 0.8 girl 0.2 boy/demi-girl" or whatever, and that can obscure that some people use it to mean "Oh 'im sqrt(-1)" or "I'm neiter boy nor girl, but a secret third thing". When people only know one or two, or even have no personal experience, but just know some vauge terminology randomly, it can be hard for people to be as kind as they're trying to be.
everyone loves Predynastic Egyptian Terracotta Bowl with Human Feet. shout-out to a real one
It looks like it would be so excited to run over when you needed a bowl
Got distracted. Saw a cool bug
I'm sorry how fucken old do u hafta be to be *predynastic EGYPTIAN*
You cannot parody America in any way that matters
calories are one of those things like mbti where the very minute of the hour of the day that you find out what it actually is, you stop giving any credibility to anyone who uses it as a serious scientific data point for the rest of your life
I thought calories were the amount of energy in food, which is the thing that you eat food for? Eat too many and you'll get fat, too few and you'll lose weight and eventually starve, and what qualifies as too many or too few is specific to individual people based on a wide variety of variable factors, chiefly but not exclusively excercise, with 2000 calories per day being a broad average for the amount of calories to neither gain nor lose weight, and the amount of calories in food being relatively calculable based on the ingredients and size.
That's my understanding, what do i have wrong?
They explain it well in their follow up reblogg, though it uses mana as a metaphor, but basically: The way we measure callories is imperfect The way the body absorbs callories is imperfect The degrees to which the two are wrong, vary wildly between foodstuff, personal biology, gut flora, and other factors. Basically, the correct statement is: The body needs a certain amount of energy per day. this amount is hard to accuratly measure. We get this energy from food. The eact amount of energy you get from a spesfic food is hard to accuratly measure. But that's complicated, and "You need about 2000 calories per day." Is good enough, most of the time, but its not scientifically rigourous, and trying to be granular with it is futile. Counting callories can be a usefull tool, but only when you're aware of the problems with it. Its a guideline, and helps you catch 'oh, that mid day snack is mre callories than i though, maybe I should cut that', but you could very much build two diets, both with the exact same callorie count, and lose weight on one, gain it on the other.
Who the fuck goes on Tumblr to try to tell other people how to live their lives or express their gender? This is supposed to be one of my places away from that. But it seems a lot of people here only extend that curtesy towards people who want to be more femme than society wants them to be. You can litterally tell trans men to de-transition, "as a joke", because "we need more women", and still people reblogg your stuff and tells anyone that disagrees with doing that that that makes them transmysogonists. But people will say misandry and transmisandry aren't real... Just... Fuck, man. WHY? Fuck sake people, let people decide for themselves what their gender is, how to transition if needed, how to express, and go "nice outfit" if they post a selfie... I thought we'd started to move away from gender essentialism, but nah. We just added a thing veneer of trans "inclusivity"(terms and conditions sure as fuck does apply) to the same 1920s gender ideals the fucking conservies have wet dreams of. The only thing that ideologically sepperates some people on here and fucking tradwife influencers, is a shot of estrogen.
“ok lets do warm up sketch”
“oh..”
I need someone to do this to me.
What is it about american culture spesifically that gives such power to individual words? FRX the r-word, gosh, etc. No other culture I know of censores itself like that, or gives that much weight to singular words. In other countries I know, the horrible things you can't say but people do are more like "your father is a dog and your mother a whore", and individual words or even phrases are rarely censored. But the US censores everything. God damn becomes gosh darn, fucking hell becomes frigging heck etc. Why? Gosh Darn and God Damn are identical. There is no differance, gramatically, etymologically, semantically, context, nothing. Its the same phrase. But one is acceptable, the other not. In other cultures you have swears like "You're Satan's Horsecock", and the way they censor it is by… Not saying it, they don't go "You're Daten's Morseblock". Whats going on here?
wellll i'm not entirely sure about your premise here. in russian we say блин (lit. pancake) as a euphimism for блять (yeah that's the vulgar "blyat" one that you hear 12 year olds in video games screaming all the time). i think it's cause they start with the same 2 sounds
the r word is not really in the same category as minced oaths like gosh darn, people aren't supposed to say it because it's both a slur and is entangled with a crap ton of cruel historical tragedies and ongoing oppression of people with intellectual disabilities. rhyming swears is just for social politeness and some people totally just use the full swear
I don't know if you're going off of experiencing america irl or off the telly because broadcast regulations also affect what words people use? If I was judging based on british tv id think brits never say wanker which isnt true lol. they are a smidgen more puritanical than other places but i dunno if its quite thaaat much.
To sort of answer your question though, grammar and semantics aren't the only thing that lends meaning to words, social contexts do too. thats how we get phatic expressions like a "you alright?" that actually means "friendly greetings noise!"
Fair points I guess, but I also feel like someone British would go "You can't call someone a wanker on live television, John." not "Don't use the w-word." I'm well aware why someone shouldn't use certain words as insults, whats mystifying to me, is the need to avoid saying that word when comunicating that. I'll respect that that's how people feel, but I find it strange. There's nothing offensive about saying "Hey man, you can't go around calling people wanker, that's a bad word and makes people feel bad." to a kid, that is fixed by going "Hey man, you can't go around calling people the w-word, that's a bad word and makes people feel bad.", and I don't think that really changes no matter what the word is, and I honestly think that holds true even if it was televised.
What is it about american culture spesifically that gives such power to individual words? FRX the r-word, gosh, etc. No other culture I know of censores itself like that, or gives that much weight to singular words. In other countries I know, the horrible things you can't say but people do are more like "your father is a dog and your mother a whore", and individual words or even phrases are rarely censored. But the US censores everything. God damn becomes gosh darn, fucking hell becomes frigging heck etc. Why? Gosh Darn and God Damn are identical. There is no differance, gramatically, etymologically, semantically, context, nothing. Its the same phrase. But one is acceptable, the other not. In other cultures you have swears like "You're Satan's Horsecock", and the way they censor it is by… Not saying it, they don't go "You're Daten's Morseblock". Whats going on here?
Herding sheep, looking after kids, and playing healer in videogames: every day you're surprised of the sheer innovative genius of how they'll find the most inconvenient goddamn places just outside your reach to get hurt or put themselves in lethal danger.
Isn’t this sheep in real life?
Children in real life also.
It. It literally did. That was literally precisely the point.
I have no idea how the hell I could possibly express myself more clearly.
The humble Oxford comma
IT'S LITERALLY RIGHT THERE.
This isnt even bad reading comprehension anymore, its straight-up illiteracy
This one is kind of a glitch in the language. The sentence is grammatically correct, but "this qualifier comes at the end of the list and so applies to all entries" is a valid read under the rules of English no matter how you punctuate it.* Best options for clarity are;
Putting "playing healer in videogames" in the middle of the list to clearly show that the qualifier is attached to the entry in particular.
Leave of the qualifier entirely, and capitalize "Healer" to indicate that you are talking about the role, relying on shared cultural context to ensure that "in videogames" is implied.
*The exception in punctuation is that you can put "playing healer*" in the text, and separately place "*in videogames" to show that you are providing additional context to that entry in particular.
Yes, but no. To use a classic example, if you encounter "This book was inspired by my parents, Ayn Rand and God.", sure, gramatically speaking, its valid to interpit that as 'this person is the child of Ayn Rand and God, and is therefore claiming to be the second coming of jesus' is a gramatically correct reading... But you still have poor reading comprehension if that is your genuine truthfull take away, and you do not reflect upon that, or suspect you might have it wrong. Same shit here.
Idk why I'm surprised. Dana terrace goes ahead and works on a very queer show that criticizes corporate entertainment and all y'all can do is call her a transphobe. Like literally go touch some fucking grass. How often do we say on here that we want more butch representation? WELL HERE SHE IS!! Say thank you Dana for this hot, smart, butch and move on with your life. Write some fanfic. Draw some fanart. Have your headcanons and make peace with them.
Stirring the pot with this one again. Every trans person in my life who is aware of this asinine discourse does not think Dana terrace is inherently transmisogynistic for saying that frankie was written to be cis. You can be disappointed, that's fine. But if you harass someone on social media, they will probably block you regardless of your marginalized identity.
I gotta be honest, at times it feels like a few people in the trans comunity never actually leanred to look past the gender binary, they just added trans to it? A butch woman? She must have been AMAB, no other possible explanation. "All butch women are either post transition MTF or pre transition FTM." feels like its implied in certain comunities. It's frustrating, I grew up with a lot of gender non conformity, and there's other factors for why that's changed in my comunities, but it does also feel like there's some people who just have this incredible need to put people into as neat and few categories as possible. The sort of people to shout egg at anyone who deviates in the sligthest ways, or is overly 'helpful' with pronouns for anyone who's not 100% within the mold of society. I know someone who kept being asked by a particular someone about microlabels like 'demi-girl', even though she kept saying she's just a cis woman that likes a lot of 'guy stuff'. I've heard from a couple crossdressers that it's also harder these days to be accepted as that in some places, with people almost pushing them into trans labels for it. It's... It's nbot the biggest of issues, but its frustrating? Liek why are we reinforcing the binary? Got a bit away from me, but yeah, there's almost something conservative gender esentialism-esque things going on in some trans circles, it feel like.
