↳INSTAGRAM: @bonniestew uploaded a photo:
taking sylvie out on a big gay dinner date 2 celebrate pride and i dressed for the occasion!!!!
@missymac: please yee on my haw i'm actually begging you
Not today Justin
Mike Driver
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@drmissymaclean
↳INSTAGRAM: @bonniestew uploaded a photo:
taking sylvie out on a big gay dinner date 2 celebrate pride and i dressed for the occasion!!!!
@missymac: please yee on my haw i'm actually begging you
↳INSTAGRAM: @ElizabethSmith uploaded a photo:
Chrissy’s first big creation being put to good use! So proud!
@missymac: i've actually never seen anything cuter
↳INSTAGRAM: @d.sterling uploaded a photo:
🏞️☀️📸
@missymac: had a good time with forrest did we?
↳INSTAGRAM: @.firefighterbuckley uploaded a photo:
my baby @winwuuu
@missymac: wtf none of my irish contingent do this for me
↳INSTAGRAM: @jollyollywalker uploaded a photo:
Can’t think of a better way to spend my day off 😊😊😊😊 @maripatch 😍🥰💛
@missymac: well yes i love this for you actually
↳INSTAGRAM: @missymac uploaded to their story.
@peterkim: Red really suits you.. Wow...!
@missymac: i'll bet we can find a colour that does everything for you too petey
@missymac: let's make those tinder girls swoon
↳INSTAGRAM: @missymac uploaded to their story.
@gabebrooks44: Fuck. @gabebrooks44: You look great, Miss. @gabebrooks44: You free later?
@missymac: only if you plan to come take this off of me
↳INSTAGRAM: @missymac uploaded to their story.
@talesofthetardis: HEARTS ARE JUMPING OUT OF MY EYEBALLS! :) Looking so respectfully!
@missymac: well now you've made me blush so what are we going to do about it?
↳INSTAGRAM: @missymac uploaded to their story.
@bonniestew: you are the most beautiful angel princess in the world no man has ever deserved you JUST BTW
@missymac: i only ever do it for you babe
↳INSTAGRAM: @missymac uploaded to their story.
@kmcgrath7: Rory and Bonnie are scrapping over you again. She's called him a gobshite at least 3 times and I need you to understand how rotten that sounds in the Yank accent.
@missymac: @kmcgrath7 stop booing her she's right
↳INSTAGRAM: @missymac uploaded to their story.
@therealcolinnash: Mommy?
@missymac: down boy
@missymac: unless
↳INSTAGRAM: @missymac uploaded to their story.
↳INSTAGRAM: @therealcolinnash uploaded a photo:
Some me time.
@missymac: overrated actually i heard some missy time was better
↳INSTAGRAM: @d.sterling uploaded a photo:
whatcha looking at?
@missymac: i'll tell you exactly what i'm looking at but it'll make you blus
↳INSTAGRAM: @talesofthetardis uploaded a photo:
Remnants of a day with Missy :D
@missymac: i love you more than anything in the world yes even the dinosaurs
“Weird? Baby, I know weird and you are not it,” Colin softly reassured her, laughter spilling breathily from his lips in a move that he hoped read as soothing rather than mocking. When you bumped elbows with the sporting elite, you were exposed to just about every brand of whack job out there. Whatever Missy was dealing with, he was certain he’d seen far worse.
Besides, Colin Nash wasn’t exactly the poster boy for mental stability. The difference was, he buried his shit down as deep as he could and let it eat him alive every day of his life. And he’d been doing the same since he was a teenager. In her own, fucked up and maybe slightly unhealthy way, Missy was asking for help. There was nothing conventional about her methods, but she’d come to Colin looking for some sort of relief. Maybe he couldn’t give it to her in the ways she’d hoped, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t try.
His large hands rested against the small of her back, easily taking up a large expanse of the space there. He kept her secure as she straddled his lap, pointedly ignoring the way she perfectly fit against him. Colin might not think the best option for either of them was to let her bounce on it and ignore what was bothering her, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t semi-hard and a little horny already. He’d already been half-way aroused before she even arrived, having spent the better part of an hour watching compilation of Ty’s career highlights on ESPN. He’d been pent up and ready to get himself off alone by the time she’d shown up.
He obliged with ease, allowing her to guide his hands to exactly the right position, wherever she needed them. His thumb brushed absently at the stitching on her shirt, enjoying the satisfying press of the fabric to his skin. He wondered if that was how it felt for Missy, but to a higher degree? Most people knew the gentle satisfaction that came with doing mundane tasks in a very particular order, the routine of it all. Or feeling the seam of your sock press against your toes in just the right place, comfortable and smooth, not a wrinkle in sight. Colin even had his own, private tells; The way he liked to take a certain amount of steps along the green before delivering a backhand, jostling himself into position by twisting his wrist just so with the perfect rally. Colin was a calculated player, knowing exactly when he wanted the ball to bounce before a return and when he didn’t. It was OCD in its purest, most innocuous form. In sports, it was whittled down to simple superstition, championed even for the way it helped an athlete play. In everyday life, it could rear its ugly head more violently and more often. Colin’s quirks were harmless and inconsequential, but where Missy was concerned, it seemed as though it might break her.
“Does this happen often?” Colin whispered, keeping his hand steady and secure against her chosen spot. He dipped his head, pressing a kiss to her hair where she remained slumped, before resting his chin atop her head. He would sit there all day if she needed him to. “What usually helps?”
Had she found herself in Colin’s lap literally any other time, Missy would have taken full advantage of the situation and began cheekily grinding down on him. She wasn’t altogether sure if she’d even written that off completely, much preferring the possibility of him fucking her brain quiet to the humiliating ordeal of trying to explain herself. She knew if she even tried though, he’d only look at her with that same, wide-eyed look of concern and that would make her feel ten times worse.
Instead, she leaned forward, hiding her face in the front of his shirt and inhaling deeply. His cologne was sharp and spicy, overtly masculine, and she absently wondered if this was one of the brands he had a sponsorship deal with. She’d gotten used to sitting on the subway and looking up to see a poster of her friend holding a fragrance bottle and staring back at her.
At his question, innocent as it was, Missy left out a sharp, ugly laugh.
“Often?” she echoed, her tone sour. She bit back another sarcastic cackle. It wasn’t Colin’s fault. He was only trying to understand, which was more than she could say for every teacher or guidance counselor she’d tried to ask for help from growing up. But the word often suggested there was any reprieve at all, and that was what was laughable to her.
“Try every single day of my life,” she sighed. “Some days it’s just louder than others.”
Like today. The storm in her head had reached its maximum power, shorting-out the rest of her synapses so the only thing she could focus on was the thunder in her brain.
“This sort of helps,” she whispered. “If you just keep your head where it is. I don’t know how to explain it but if you move it then it feels off and then it’s like my skin is on fire. And my head…”
She trailed off, suddenly feeling exhausted from it all. She was exhausted all the time really.
“I just need it to be quiet for a little while.” Her fingers idly played with the buttons on the front of his shirt. “Sex helps. But if I ask you to fuck me and distract me are you going to give me the puppy-dog eyes?”
Colin watched, bewildered, as Missy tore herself away from him and threw herself down on the sofa. Nothing was making any sense to him, but he wanted to understand. He knew his reputation preceded him, and that Missy wasn’t unfamiliar with the sort of man he’d often been labelled as. Heartless, uncaring, and a total dirtbag were some of the words that Ty alone had slung at him, not to mention the countless other people he’d fucked and forgotten around the world. Not that he’d ever been at risk of forgetting Ty, even if he’d once pretended to do so.
But above all, he was a big brother. And while his relationship with Missy was far from familial, that same protective streak coursed through him now. He was determined to help her, even if he had no clue where to start.
"Okay...” Colin said slowly, still not fully understanding. He lowered himself to her level, dropping into a crouch in front of her as he softened his tone. “So let me help you, okay? What would feel right, baby?”
Gently, he lifted a hand and allowed his fingers to trail along her knee, grazing the skin there until his palm settled flat against her thigh. He didn’t push it further, didn’t coax his way into her skirt the way he might usually, but he gave her bare flesh a soft squeeze. That could be something, right? It was familiar, chartered territory.
Colin nodded slowly along with her, absently shuffling closer as he tried to follow what she was saying. He let himself drop to his knees, kneeling between her thighs as she talked, his free hand lifting to wipe delicately at the tears that were spilling down her cheek. His thumb swiped at the excess mascara that was blackening her skin, before running the same hand down past her neck and along her arm. He might not fully understand the gravity of what was happening, but it seemed like touch – to some small degree – made a difference.
“Hey, hey. No, c’mon. Easy does it, sweetheart,” Colin whispered, fighting for his life to keep his voice even, calm.
As her hand had flown up to clap against her own face, he’d wanted to cry out, to yell at her to stop. He’d never seen Missy do anything like this, but it frightened him. His mind flashed with images of the two of them in bed, her hand closing around his wrist as she guided his own fingers around her neck. All those times he’d found it sexy, now he couldn’t help but wonder if she was punishing herself for some invisible, torturous crime that her mind had conjured up.
This time, his hand closed over her wrist instead as he pulled her hand into his own, drawing it up to his lips as he began pressing kisses into the palm of her hand. He trailed his lips along her wrist, to her forearm, before settling for nuzzling against the inside of her elbow.
“Hey, Miss? Look at me, okay? Look at me, focus on me,” he whispered softly, eyes lifting to meet hers. “The world isn’t ending, and you’re not hurting anybody, you haven’t ruined anything, nothing is broken...”
He couldn’t even begin to guess what benign instruction her mind had conjured up, nor what world-altering and earth-shattering consequence accompanied it, but he couldn’t sit back and let her keep thinking that way.
“I’m gonna join you on the couch, okay? And you’re gonna climb into my lap, and I’m gonna hold you. How’s that, honey?” he mused, eyeing her desperately before pressing another, deliberate kiss to the side of her shoulder.
Missy had been to the apartment of many different men. Some, she’d toed her shoes off at the door and let her feet sink into the plush hallway carpet. Other times, she’d focused only on the wave of lust crashing through her instead of locking in on, perhaps, the dire need for a hazmat suit as she navigated her way through dirty laundry draped across a sofa or shampoo spilled carelessly onto a bathroom floor. On one occasion, a one night stand had pulled his duvet back to reveal a half-eaten cup of Pot Noodle lying on his mattress, to which Missy had drawn a firm line and instructed him to fuck her up against the wall instead.
Basically, she’d seen it all. Been in many a man’s bed and apartment, rummaging through the contents of his fridge for a post-coital snack, but there had never been a home that made her feel as safe as Colin’s.
She knew it almost as well as her own apartment that she shared with her Gramps, albeit with far less dinosaur memorabilia. With the rain battering against the window and the lamps in the room creating the perfect mood lighting, she should, by all rights, be relaxing the same way she usually did in the familiar surroundings. Instead, she felt like she might bolt at any minute. When had Colin’s apartment stopped being a sanctuary for her? When had that been taken as well?
Her breath hitched as she felt Colin’s hand settle on her knee. But he was putting it about two inches south of where she needed it to be. Not in a sexual way. She’d already put that idea to rest for tonight, but where Colin’s hand sat was not where Missy needed it to be in order for her skin to stop feeling like it was being set alight. Her thighs prickled uneasily and a fresh wave of frustration washed over her as she tried to find a way to voice this.
“It’s not… I can’t,” she tried to say, knowing that whatever words did come out wouldn’t be satisfactory enough. She would only succeed in making herself look crazy.
In her fight to push herself all the way back to normal though, she realised she’d only made herself look worse. She hadn’t meant to hit herself, but it had been instinctive, a knee-jerk reaction. Compulsive, almost.
A hiccuping breath tore out of her the moment Colin gently grabbed her wrist and began pressing kisses to her skin. It was a tenderness she didn’t think she deserved right now, but she supposed you had to talk softly to a spooked animal in order to get it to calm down for long enough to subdue it. Colin was only doing what she might have done with a scared dog. And she would try her best to wag her tail and be obedient.
“It’s fine. I’m fine,” she protested lamely, but she didn’t argue when Colin sat beside her on the couch. As soon as his weight settled in next to her, she squeezed her eyes shut again, too ashamed to look at him.
“You don’t need to take care of me like that,” she argued, her voice lacking any conviction. She knew it was weak, but the moment she let herself move, crawling into Colin’s lap, something in her chest settled, if only slightly.
She felt one of Colin’s hands at her back, fingers pressing against her tailbone. Frowning, she shifted a little, trying to recalibrate where they should be to quiet the alarm bells in her head.
“I know you think I’m weird,” she said, easily putting words in Colin’s mouth. It made her own inner thoughts seem validated if she could force them to be reflected back at her from her best friend. Easier for her to open herself up to punishment. Wriggling once more, she bit back another frustrated noise.
“I know you think I’m weird,” she repeated, her voice a little louder this time. “But can you move your fingers just- around my hip a little. It’s just… It won’t feel right if it’s not…” She reached behind her and pulled his hand around, pressing her fingers on top of his so she could align them against the seam of her blouse, where she needed them to be. Almost instantly, the noise in her head quieted and she slumped tiredly against Colin’s chest.
"That's... yeah."