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My favorite pirate joke is “why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at c” not because it’s THAT funny but because it’s a relatively simple joke that nobody ive told it to has ever correctly guessed the punchline for because they all think it’s gonna be a joke about arrrr

1percentcharge

Another classic is

“Why couldn’t the pirates play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck!”

For more hilarious pirate jokes like these go to google and type pirate jokes into the search bar and click search

livedinthecastle

ever since i was a little girl i wanted to waste all of my potential

serial-unaliver-deactivated2024

someone: hi

me: did you know the narrative that school shooters in the US are all bullying victims is false and originates from inaccurate coverage of one of the most infamous school shootings, the columbine shooting? in reality the columbine shooters were reactionaries who isolated themselves deliberately and followed an ideology that positioned them "above" the rest. so, a lot of school shooters are actually ideologically motivated rather than revenge motivated. no one knows this and the media paints these murderers as victims. do you want to know what the columbine effect is? also I have a lot to say about "stranger danger" as a conservative fear campaign to promote the isolated nuclear family

kosmogrl

iguanamouth

objectpermanences

I laughed so hard no sound came out

luntfontanne

every single one of those posts that’s just a paragraph of short semi-contradictory sentences is just trying to be like grace kelly

luntfontanne

“being in your 20s is just like: do I attract you? do i repulse you with my queasy smile? am i too dirty? am i too flirty? do i like what you like? i could be wholesome. i could be loathsome. i guess i’m a little bit shy. why don’t you like me? why don’t you like me, without making me try? i could be brown. i could be blue. i could be violet sky. i could be hurtful. i could be purple. i could be anything you like”

natalieironside

If u want to write a story about a character that's just you but hotter with a dark twisted backstory and magical powers and a pet falcon or something, I think u should just go ahead and do that. Who's gonna stop you? The government?? Fuck the police.

guerrillatech

amateur-climber-pro-shitposter

Their mock election was so realistic the school even played the role of the CIA

hawkeyedflame

found out today that the "no don't [action] your so sexy aha" meme is, in fact, NOT well known outside of internet circles and you should not just Say That to an unsuspecting coworker

a-lil-strawberry

good to know. you took one for the team

punkrorschach

“pull the trigger piglet” is another one you can cross off the list, i said it to a coworker who proceeded to very seriously ask me not to call him a pig

serotoninsuggestion

an author i love just tweeted about how “big joy and small joy are the same” and how she was just as content the other night eating chocolate and cuddling her dog as she was on her Big Trip to new york and honestly. i think that’s it. this morning i was listening to an audiobook while baking shortbread in my joggers and i realised i really didn’t care what Big Things happened in my future as long as i could keep baking and reading at the weekend and maybe that is the kind of bar we have to set to guard ourselves against disappointment. just appreciate and cherish the mundane stuff and see everything else as a bonus.

serotoninsuggestion

found it - she was replying to this thread that starts “unpopular opinion: i don’t think your life has to have a purpose, or you a grand ambition; i think it’s okay to just wander through life finding interesting things until you die” and i for one think that’s fucking brilliant