Drowing In Red

Dripping depression dump

[drowninginred]

Lost & Found

I lost the person that made me feel comfortable. Comfortable without any pressure, without guilt or shame

I lost the friend that listened, that wanted to know

I lost the one that helped me with my gender journey, support and encourage to discover who i truly am and then remember

I lost the person i could tell my depression thoughts, listen and relate and hurt together

I lost that friend because they found all of that in someone else

I lost the one because apparently i wasn’t more than that

I lost my person because when i distanced myself a little bit you took it as a get-out-of-jail freecard

I lost a friend. A best friend. Something else that we couldn’t quite put a label on

And with that i lost myself a little

Because i didn’t find another person that made me feel that comfortable

I didn’t find another one that listened

I didn’t find another whatever we were

And you did

[drowninginred]

Laying down I look at my belly again

“I really am fat now…”

I sit up and everything squished

“Im like a potato”

But- my mind goes

“But at least I’m still here”

And that broke me

I rubbed my tummy with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes

“But at least im still here”

I whispered to myself

;

[drowninginred]

I

I- I cant do it

Why

I just

WHY CANT I JUST DO IT?!?!

Its so simple

Just get up

Grab ur toothbrush

And hold it in front of your mouth for a minute

How

Why is that so hard?!

why…

why cant i do it?

please

dont be mad

i dont mean to

i dont know why

but i just….

cant

please

I dont need you to help me do it

i-

i just need you to tell me its okay

please

please dont be mad

please understand

that there’s just something wrong with me

that i just… cant… do it

please dont be mad

or dissappointed

please

i need you to tell me its okay

[remanence-of-love]

[drowninginred]

Maybe next time I just have to do this:

“Quiet BPD. Look it up. Quiet BPD splitting. Look it up.”

And if they’re offended by it? Throw in a lil “Suicide prevention. Look it up.”

Why bother overexplaining, laying out every detail for easy consumption, when they wont listen anyways?

You wanna know? Look it up.

You dont care? Stop talking.

Stop blaming me for your indifference.

[drowninginred]

I thought you were my soulmate

You turned out to be my soulmaybe

[remanence-of-love]

[remanence-of-love]

[remanence-of-love]

[remanence-of-love]

[drowninginred]

“You were supposed to be the exception. Yet you turned out to be the confirmation.”

[interdimensionalvoid]

Having ex friends that you left because they hurt you is strange. I hate you and never want to see you again. I wish we could still be friends. I wish you the best. I hope you get fucking payback for how you hurt me. I wish I could make the hurt stop for you. I know how you’re feeling. Maybe i should reach out. I never want to talk to you again. Remember that one time we had fun and were friends. Did you ever like me. I miss you. You’re a fucking piece of shit. I need to let you go.

[remanence-of-love]

[drowninginred]

It’s funny how you rejected the idea of us dating, because you thought “it could fuck up our friendship” and “I was too important to lose”.

It’s funny when your new relationship with someone else did that exact thing you were ‘’so afraid’’ of and doing it happily.

It’s funny how you thought “us together” could eventually break our friendship, when in reality you didn’t even need me for that.

It’s funny how you lost me, because you found someone more important.

It’s funny how fucking ironic our whole situation is and you can’t even see it.

It’s actually not that funny…

It’s just fucking pathetic.

[ethanmaldridge]

Childhood can be scary.

A collection of some of my hand-drawn horror looping animations!

[drowninginred]

I miss my best friend

But I dont miss you

I miss what we had

But I dont miss you

I miss how you made me feel

But I dont miss you

I miss feeling seen and understood

But I dont miss you

I miss a best friend

But that is no longer you

I miss what I made you up to be

But that was never you

[drowninginred]

Sometimes when I lay down on my back, hands crossed, I feel like Snow White. Well, not really Snow White, more like her ugly fat sister. Who got hungry and ate the apple instead. And then she would just sleep for eternity because the prince didnt want the cheap, second hand version. He wanted the pretty, skinny 14 yo.