Mediocre @duckoxymoron - Tumblr Blog

Had a realization in a dream I just had that this isn’t real and I can just do whatever I want and so I started shrinking the face of this guy that was talking to me and then once it got real small I woke up sleep paralyzed

powerfulwizard

I was given godlike powers over the universe by realizing it’s all in my head and the first thing I did was use them to torment the nearest man

powerfulwizard

And the actual God woke me up and put me into a 5 minute timeout to lay frozen and think about what I’ve done

gharibajameel

horses are inherently funny because they come in so many sizes. like draft horses

this looks so fake. this horses skull is bigger than the dudes entire torso. this horses NECK is thicker than the dudes entire BODY.

and then at the opposite end of the spectrum you have shit like this shetland pony which ALSO looks fake

what the hell happened to this thing who bred this line of ponies to be so ridiculous

hapalopus

fun fact, while most mini horses and ponies look fat, like the shetland above, some are genuinely just scaled down versions of regular horses

you look at this and think “wow that’s a horse i bet I could ride that” but you’d be wrong because this is an american shetty and it’s the size of a large dog

also fun fact, this is the world’s smallest horse, thumbelina

and this is the largest horse ever, brooklyn supreme

onceiwashere

No woman will ever want to fuck you

dude i’m a world of warcraft blog. you think this is news?

thyrell

thewowsignal2026

this has to be one of b99’s best opens

brklyn-9-9

generally one of televisions best openings

ohiwasonlyfallinginlove-deactiv

please watch brooklyn nine nine

tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva

OK THIS IS EPIC

stability

brainscrewz

me: *is sad*

some random shiny thing with no function or monetary value half buried in the dirt at the bus stop:

me: oh ho HOOO

woodle-dee-doodle-deactivated20

we’re all just crows with rights and anxiety

theleafriday

Rights?!

catgirl-crimes

c3rvida3

My boss, who is a grown woman with children my age, just whispered, “Oh, this is going to be so fucking efficient,” before spraying Febreze directly into the ceiling fan and proceeding to cough her guts out when it blew back in her face.

correct-vampire-opinions

me

gnatsattack

My parents HATE overwatch because it takes up our entire wifi whenever my brother goes online and when I bought myself the new Zelda my mom was like “can I watch Netflix? or are you playing” and I was like no, no don’t worry it doesn’t take up internet. and she was so relieved and started walking towards the TV in her room and I was like “you want to watch it out here? I can switch to the handheld mode” and she was so impressed that she could watch Master Chef next to me while I played my game. Nintendo is truly the family system.

meshugenist

nintendo paid for this post

sorryfortheraybans-deactivated2

blizzard payed for that reply

hollowtones

I paid for my lunch today (one of sandwich, meat ball sub)

sorryfortheraybans-deactivated2

did it taste good?

hollowtones

it was very good. thank you for asking :) i hope you have a good lunch tomorrow

dicksmasher

reblog for a good lunch tomorrow

thebootydiaries

an unfamiliar cat: (approaches me)

me, internally: this cat senses my inner worth

cashewcream-deactivated20170602

me about me: is she okay

acoolguy

he’s licking his lips…

he’s checking it twice…

the-pesci-mode

Five minutes left, on his microwave rice

mostlygibberish

My brain, at 6 AM on a Monday: I wonder if you can order those little soy sauce fish shaped bottles in bulk, except without soy sauce in them. You should spend 30 minutes trying to find them instead of sleeping.

mostlygibberish

Must… resist…

mostlygibberish

Cons: Waste of money, waste of time, stupid, pointless, unnecessary, foolish.

Pros: Hrrrruuugruhruh, little plastic fishies…

mostlygibberish

I’ve lost control of my life.

mostlygibberish

Update:

Feesh…

parakavka

the-gayest-dovah

Sometimes I see a girl’s shoulders/collarbone area and I’m suddenly possessed by the spirit of a 19th century lesbian first seeing another girl removing her dress to reveal pantaloons and corset in the dorms at the all-girls boarding school her parents sent her to so she may be trained in proper etiquette