[dull-mint]

I made this blog mostly to have a private place to talk about the more personal aspects of my life. This includes but is not limited to topics of trauma, PDs, DID, psychosis, alterhumanity and queerness. I'll do my best to tag everything appropriately.

I'd prefer if no minors or 'transID' people followed me, thank you.

pfp

[dull-mint]

Thinking about all the people I've hurt and thrown away in my life. It's not something that's ever really on my mind. I don't feel anything about it, it's all easy enough to justify. "They were hurting me", "it was necessary to get what I needed", "it was for the best in the end", "I needed to move on". Hurting others should be avoided, but if there's a good enough reason for it then it's alright. But I think most people would still feel bad about it, right? The fact that I don't feel much about it makes me feel wrong. I guess it's just about having the appearance of being a person who doesn't hurt others more than it is about guilt over actually doing it.

[spidey-bites]

Being in a subsystem

[dull-mint]

Thinking the subsystem is much bigger than I initially thought, just comprised of mostly fragments. But now it's triggering denial, I'm somehow caught between "the subsystem is something I'm making up to cope with my problems with the wider system" and "the subsystem is actually the real system and I made up the wider system"

[headfriendsdiarycomic]

Being plural is fucking weird sometimes man

[murmurationsz]

not the body

[turboautistdog]

@ fellow schizoids (self diagnosed and questioning included):

how painful is being perceived POSITIVELY? (in general)

it's WORSE than being perceived negatively

it's about the same as being perceived negatively (both bad)

it's bad but less bad than being perceived negatively

it's not painful at all (unlike being perceived negatively which sucks)

i'm indifferent to both, being perceived is not inherently unpleasant regardless

i dont know / nuance / other / it depends

not schizoid button (see results)

Voting ended onMay 13

(reblog for sample size!)

[cluster-a-culture]

Cluster A culture is

Why are there no characters who are just alone. And stay alone. Why do all lonely characters in fiction end up in a friend group and when they don't it's treated as a bad ending. It's not like I hate stories with friendships and relationships I quite like them actually they're a type of coping mechanism to me I've even written my own but at the same time I just want a character who's just happy alone. And yeah maybe that doesn't make an interesting story alone but there are so many ways you can just create a character that is alone and socially disengaged the entire series while also having a fun and interesting storyline.

[dull-mint]

I make up for the lack of control I feel I have in my life by forcing more rules on myself, and then I feel restrained by these self-imposed rules and lash out at myself to feel in control again. It's an endless cycle of restraining myself, being destructive to 'rebel' against these restrictions, and then being even more restrictive to prove I'm in control of myself.

[qsnd]

"i am actually so charismatic and friendly, socializing is easy, i was born for it"

>uses 200% of their brain to formulate a thought and say it without making 3 grammatical and 4 intonational mistakes in their native language

>wishes the other person would continue speaking so they wouldn't need to take the lead in conversation

>anticipates the moment they'll need to answer not because they want to share something but because it'll be their turn to perform a role in constructing a dialogue and they can't fuck it up

>automatically adjusts their tone of voice and character to the most "dangerous" person in the group, mirroring them

>actively controls face muscles and body language to look "natural"

>needs 10-12 hours of sleep after a full day of speaking to people

[dull-mint]

Systems with SZPD, do you experience attachment to your alters?

Yes, they're exceptions to my detachment

Yes, but there's still limited attachment

No, I feel nothing towards them

Depends on the alter, but typically yes

Depends on the alter, but typically limited

Depends on the alter, but typically no

Other

Results

Voting ended onMay 13

[designationpending]

The best way (for me) to avoid engulfment is to excel at everything, to be charismatic, to get along with everyone.

Especially being more knowledgeable and experienced than others, and in a teaching/mentor role to them.

It naturally creates emotional distance. People leave you alone because they don't want to "bother" you, because you're "important" and "busy", unless you choose to bestow attention upon them-- which is then highly valued and appreciated.

Not to mention, if you help those around you, and encourage them, are kind to them, go the extra mile for them, they're not going to comment on or even notice your more odd mannerisms.

(Like never talking about yourself, or never getting emotional. Because of course a super cool mentor has control of their feelings, and what you share is expected to be objective fact instead of personal anecdote.)

So you're seen as desirable, likeable, and you really can help people and nurture them and be a "good" person, meanwhile getting to dodge all the engulfment, without anyone being the wiser.

[dull-mint]

I understand that I am a deeply paranoid person, I just don't understand how other people aren't. My paranoia doesn't come from nowhere, it's a natural development from how dangerous people are.

[gleamyguts]

Animalistic fanart for Creep-P !!!

[tabbytrout]

Sometimes I feel like a provoked animal and it makes me feel feral

[leylenangel]

My Guardian Angel

[girlzoid]

i wish i could find statistics about schizoid pd. i wanna know how many of us drop out of school, how many have friends despite not wanting to, what percentage deal with the schizoid dilemma

[girlzoid]

i've organized the data from the schizoid survey!

click me!