DyingCoyote

[jasontoddlawyer]

i love the concept of jason being a catholic priest (shoutout to that one timeline) and actually really enjoying it WHILE being red hood and no one in the batfam knows that he is alive again yet. bruce was raised jewish/catholic but lapsed and won't be forced into a church with a gun, dick is eastern orthodox, tim is an atheist, damien is muslim, none of them really practicing, cass is a buddist, alfred is anglican. none of them will be coming anywhere CLOSE to a catholic church

EXCEPT.

azrael, the resident catholic fanatic, occasionally shows up for dinner and praises the new young priest whose sermons he quite enjoys - seemingly wonderful man, leads the youth group and many charity incentives, looks a little young and too buff to be a priest, but 10/10, it is a super chill little church

and then. jason reveals himself. and goes to a family dinner when jean paul also shows up.

and they just. stare at each other.

jean paul: yo i decided to drop by- father todd??

tim:

dick:

damien:

cass:

alfred:

bruce:

jason:

jason, now armed with the power of the 2nd ammendment AND catholic guilt:

jason: praised be jesus and mary

[star-steph06]

Hey anon….🥰🤭

I couldn’t wait either so I drew it. I think it’s so cute I hope you like it. 💕

[rainnyydaysworld]

Steph: So you like cats?

Cass: Yeah.

Steph: *tries to impress her by slowly pushing a glass off the table*

—

Jason: steph, you're a pussy, man.

Steph: You are what you eat. (Referring to cass)

—

Damian: Thought I was meowing back at my cat for the past hour, but it was just me and Cass meowing at each other from different rooms in the house.

—

*Damian sneezes*

Dick: Damian, are you sick? Here, let me wrap you in a blanket and hand-feed you some warm soup while singing you a lullaby!

*Bruce sneezes*

Dick: Oh my god. Shut the hell up.

—

Bruce: When I die I want steph to lower me into my grave so she can let me down one last time.

[neptunezo]

The idea of the batkids scaring Bruce with “a new grandchild” to only show an animal is so funny to me, because imagine Bruce is so used to it that when Jason wants to introduce him to his new grandchild Bruce almost falls out of his chair when there’s an ACTUAL KID!

Dick: You’re a granddaddy now Brucie!!!

Bruce: WHAT?!? Who?? When??? How??? Actually don’t tell me how. Who is she??? When did she give birth???

Dick: What? No, meet my kid *holds up a cat* her name is biscuit and shes the love of my life!

—

Steph: Cass and I are adopting…

Bruce: Holy shit, actually???

Cass: Yes, it was a tough choice, but we want to adopt

Bruce: Do you need any help with paperwork and stuff? It’s kinda my thing. Also consider the fact that you might be too young.

Steph: Too young…?

Bruce: Yes, I mean you’re only in your 20’s, are you sure you can handle a kid?

Cass: Too young for an iguana?

—

Damian: It happened again, I have a kid.

Bruce: What do you mean AGAIN?!?

Damian: This is my second kid, duh

Bruce: Are you talking about goats?

Damian: Of course I am father

—

Tim: BRUCE YOU’RE GOING TO BE A GRANDFATHER!!!

Bruce: Tim I didn’t think I was going to have to tell you this again after the whole thing with Stephanie, but just kissing someone doesn’t get them pregnant

Tim:

Bruce: Is it a dog?

Tim: No it’s a tiger

—

Jason: I have something to tell you

Bruce(not looking up from his paperwork): Okay, what’s up?

Jason: I have a kid, I want you to meet your granddaughter

Bruce: I can’t possibly imagine what type of animal you’ve gotten, but I’d love to meet her

Jason: What the hell are you talking about?

Bruce (looking up to see an actual child): You actually have a kid????

Jason: Yeah, Roy and I thought it was time I adopted Lian

Lian: Hi Grandpa!!!

Bruce: I’m going to faint, grab me some ice will you?

[cosmicpoutine]

[stray! au] the cat and the bat but they're gay

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Bruce once said, half-jokingly, that anyone who wanted to marry any of his kids had to beat hik in single combat first. Unfortunately, joking on the Bat looks dead serious to everyone not in his circle, so now Wally is busy learning Muay Thai, Roy is brushing up on Krav Maga, and Conner has resigned himself to living in sin. Steph just figures she'd ask Cass to fight her battles for her.

Conner: I’m sorry. I love you, but we can never marry.

Tim, thinking about who he might need to politely go ask Jason to take care of:

Conner, entirely serious: I’m never going to be able to beat your dad.

Tim, hearing “beat UP” because he was thinking about Jason punching Luthor:

Tim: I feel like further explanation might be necessary here.

Wally: Okay. I think I’m ready to fight Batman.

Dick, only half paying attention: *nods* I understand completely. I have the same urge all the time.

Jason: What do you MEAN you can’t marry me because Batman will beat you?

Roy: But Bruce said-

Jason: I don’t care what Bruce said. Actually, no. I do care. How DARE he-

*cut to Jason fighting Batman*

Roy: So does this count, or…

Bruce, at six am in a bathrobe and slippers: Steph, what are you doing here?

Steph: Outsourcing.

Cass: *comes flying at Batman from two stories above*

[lil-gingerbread-queen]

"Robin brings light to the darkness" or something

[rokonrrc2]

Learn More

[spocks-husband-deactivated20260]

In Bruce's phone, he keeps the contact photos for all his kids as their baby pictures (or the closest approximation that he has).

Dick's is a photo of him when he'd first designed his Robin costumes, smiling ear to ear as he proudly showed off his first hand-sewn prototype.

Jason's is a picture Alfred got of the boy sitting on Bruce's shoulders while they went over a case.

Tim is him fast asleep in the middle of taking notes on his first real mission (he wanted to impress Bruce really bad).

Damian is a polaroid he got from Talia of him when he was about a year old, teething on a mango seed as he sat on the floor of his mother's room.

Cass is entirely blacked out except for her big bright eyes that can be seen in the darkness-- Bruce thinks it's the cutest photo ever.

Even Babs has hers set to a photo of her with her first computer, grinning happy as she probably hacked into a federal database somewhere. He got that photo from Jim.

Likewise, of course, Alfred's (very bareboned) smartphone that he barely uses has Bruce's contact set with a photo of him playing in the snow as a little boy.

[grievingwithnoreason]

THIS HAS ABSOLUTELY MADE MY FUCKING DAY

BRO WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE HES ABOUT TO BURST INTO TEARS 😭😭😭

[rokonrrc2]

Learn More

[hecate-hollow]

When Bruce “died” all his kids ended up gathering together for the reading of his will. Things were split pretty evenly between them with certain assets going to certain people (the company to Tim, the Manor to Alfred etc). At the end of the will there is one last line

“Don’t let your brother turn into a supervillian.”

All of the siblings are busy arguing about who Bruce might be talking about except for Tim and Cass, who are standing away from the group. Tim has an amused gleam in his eye and Cass is staring him down.

“Don’t you dare.” She signs at him knowing full well that Bruce was talking about Tim.

“I’m going to take over the League of Assassins.” He signs back to her.

Which was always the plan, he just couldn’t leave right away. Dick giving Damian Robin was a perfect excuse. Also, Bruce was def alive just lost in the time stream and the league would have the resources he needs to find answers.

Six months later, over 100 bases blown up, and with coordinates to recover Bruce, Tim returns to Gotham. He’s not alone though. Oh no. Drake Industries has had a complete overhaul under the leadership of the teenage heir and if all of the new employees are ninja assassins thats for Tim to know and no one else.

When Bruce returns he gets swarmed with questions from his kids about which brother he was referencing at the end of his will and he gives them all a confused look.

“Tim of course. The kid borrows my morals like library books.” At this, Dick goes ashen.

Tim? Bruce had been concerned about Tim? Tim who has been off the grid for the last 6 months doing god knows what?

“Tim should have known I was referencing him. He should have told you and the fact that he didn’t means I should be concerned.” Bruce glances to his son who can’t contain his smile.

“It’s hardly my fault the Ra’s has the charisma of a used gym sock. Besides, at least I offer benefits and paid time off. Also you don’t have to worry about the LOA anymore. They all work for me now.” He smiles a bit wider and then disappears into the shadows.

Bruce, who wrote that last line after going through Tim’s Young Justice Records, simply signs. “Could be worse. He could have become Gun Batman.” Which unloads an entirely new floodgate of questions from those around him, but as long as his kids are safe, happy, and still walking a mostly moral line then Bruce is happy.

[bloomeng]

finally got around to redoing Cass

It’s been a journey and a half but from the start I was not super fond of her design but I was just to busy to revisit I know a lot of people had a lot of opinions good and bad but I’m much happier with this version of her

[yrkhn]

finished this sketch in between comms. they are sleeping 🙏😊

[amorkuku]

don't destroy his self-esteem 🐦😆

[demonicsuffrage]

Headcanon that when the batkids are mad at Bruce or just, mildly annoyed, they deliberately use last names that piss Bruce off, a lot.

Kidnappers over the phone: We have Richard Wayne in our custody, if you want to see him again-

Dick, mad after Bruce made him throw out the discowing suit, in a muffled voice: It's actually Richard Grayson-Kent, get it right

Bruce, on the verge of a heart attack: Chum Please

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barista at Batburger: What would you like your coffee cup to say?

Tim, not mad, just mildly annoyed at the way Bruce did the reports last night: My name is Tim Jordan-Gardener-Cruz-Scott

Bruce, clutching his Jokerized fries so hard veins appear: You're grounded

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author, at a book signing event: And who should I address this to?

Jason, after Bruce had let the Joker live yet again: To Jason Dent, please

Bruce, standing in line next to him, whom Jason had brought along to pay for the signed copy: I should make Harvey pay child support

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Announcer: And the award goes to, Ms Cassandra Isley-Quinn!

Cass, mad because Bruce missed another one of her recitals, walking up to the stage:

Bruce:

Bruce, signing to her: You're killing me, you know that? You're killing your father

Harley, sitting next to Bruce along with Ivy: Yes! That's our daughter!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Duke, calling some shady Gotham lawyer right in front of Bruce after he lectured him a little too much about keeping up secret identities: Hi, how much to legally change my name to Duke Thomas-Queen?

Shady lawyer: About 50$

Duke: Got it. Hey Bruce can I borrow 50$?

Bruce:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steph doesn't use the Wayne name anyway, but sometimes she uses it for Benefits™

Damian would much rather die than adopt the last name of anyone in the justice league or the batrouges or anyone except his very infamous lineages, because he doesn't want to associate with incompetent people

[redsray]

the funniest part of any Robin meeting the JL is that every Robin is so distinctly different from the previous one in terms of personality and vibes that the league literally gets backlash. and like, I don't blame them. not to mention that they are non-meta children that dress as a traffic light and fight crime alongside batman in gotham on a nightly basis. i'd also be a bit concerned. Batman, literally The Night of Gotham personified in the League's eyes, coming into a JL meeting: This is Robin, my crime-fighting partner. 11-year-old Dick Grayson, dressed in the brightest primary colours possible, vaguely hidden murder behind those eyes, never stops moving even for a moment: Hi! Superman: That's a child. That's-- Bats that is a child. You let a child--? Batman, deadpan: You try to stop him. Would you rather he try and murder a grown man with a wire?

Batman: This is Robin. 12-year-old Jason Todd, with the biggest grin on his face, about 3 books in his hand, stars in his eyes and a distinct street-kid drawl: Hey!!! Green Lantern: That's ... that's a different child. What?? Jason: I stole his tires :) Batman: Tried to. Jason, stage whispering to the League: basically did. Green Lantern: that is a different kid, right?? I'm not seeing shit??

Batman: This is Robin. 14-year-old Tim Drake, bo staff clutched in his hand, a wary and tired expression on his face, more on the quiet side, the literal walking definition of don't judge a book by it's cover: hello Flash: Where do you even find these-- Tim: I found myself.

Batman: This is Robin. 17-year-old Stephanie Brown, literally blonde, with a shit-eating grin, eyes full of nothing but mischief and the most explosive personality you've ever seen: hiya!! Superman: I give up. Stephanie: I know, I have that amazing effect on people.

Batman: This is Robin. 13-year-old Damian Wayne, a literal wet cat that will hiss at you, has a sword, the most judgemental stare you'll get from a teenager, ready to jump anyone there: Green Lantern: WHY DOES HE HAVE A SWORD?! Batman: ... he came with the sword.

[amorkuku]

[varpusvaras]

Jason and Damian meet in the LoA AU where Damian vehemently insists that Jason is his only real brother since they have the same mother and father. The others try to tell him that Jason is also adopted, but Damian will just stare at them like they are stupid and go "is Father not his Father in the eyes of the law?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Does Mother not call him as her son?"

"I mean she does-"

"Are they not my Mother and Father as well?"

"Yes?"

"The matter has been concluded, then, Richard."

"What about me? Bruce is also my dad on paper?"

"You get half of the acknownledgement, of course, as you have been getting so far."

"What about Tim, then?"

"I don't see how he is relevant to this conversation."

"I'm just curious where he lands on the brother percentage scale."

"Nowhere. Timothy is a neighbour. Though I shall offer him hospitality while he is under our roof."

"You tripped him on the patrol last night."

"Does the alleyway look like our house to you?"