she/her||minor

call me alex♡tw:rape/csa/cocsa/nccsa/self harm/depression/anxiety/abuse

[recaption]

[it-wasnt-that-bad]

"Victim" is not a dirty word

There's been a push to not use that word over recent years. This post was inspired by my therapist telling me today that I'm "not a victim" in the context of discussing the abuse I experienced as a child and me explaining how that actually felt invalidating.

First of all, if I told you that years ago I had my identity stolen and that "I was a victim of identity theft" would you stop me to tell me that actually I was a ~survivor~ of identity theft?

People throw around phrases like "playing the victim," "victim mentality," and "victim complex." They're used derisively to refer to those who wallow in self-pity and frequently believe they've been wronged. The problem is, to many people who experienced abuse, "basic self-compassion" can seem like "wallowing in self-pity." Allowing yourself to acknowledge your pain and to grieve is seen as "playing the victim."

Hot take: feeling sorry for yourself is not inherently a bad thing. You're allowed to feel sorry for yourself and take time to acknowledge your own pain before being ready to move on to the next part of recovery.

Yes, empowerment is good and all of that. Taking charge, taking positive steps, working to make changes, all good things. But you don't have to be ready to do that immediately. You're allowed to (and I would argue it's usually necessary to) actually feel those feelings, and you may need to let yourself acknowledge that pain and show yourself some compassion first, especially if you didn't let yourself feel your feelings at the time.

I would never tell anyone that they have to identify as a victim. If you find identifying as a survivor or some other word to be more helpful, go for it. But if you experienced abuse or neglect you're allowed to call yourself a victim. You're allowed to stop and process and grieve.

[holy2003moved]

[feverishangel]

[feverishangel]

[strawberrigag-deactivated202203]

[exhaustedborderline]

tryhard

[fucked-up-but-it-is-what-it-is]

i handed you my whole heart and what did i get in return?

[abitofdarkness]

telling someone with

•anxiety to ‘just stop worrying’

•depression to ‘just be happy’

•insomnia to ‘just go to sleep’

•anorexia to ‘just eat’

•bulimia to ‘just keep it in’

•self harm issues to ‘just stop cutting’

•problems to ‘just get over it’

is like stabbing yourself in the stomach with a massive knife saying ‘just stop bleeding’ and then immediately feeling better, its not how it works ok

[euthanasiaangel]

[bunny-trauma]

[strawberrigag-deactivated202203]

i’m genuinely so sorry for being so self-centered, i wish i could disappear

[leafsea]

i’ll never be // 5.13.2017

[bezkrwisty]

[dyingprettyangel]

how come when i feel fear i get extremely aroused?like when someone screams at me, threatens me, tries to hurt me, etc. i don't like this. i feel disgusting. so so fucking disgusting.

[aoq]

secrets

[unfleshly]