#cocsa vent

[autismvampyre]

i used to think i was dead. like the real me died when i was 4 and im just the leftover scraps of that little girl who died. like i'm a corpse that's sewn itself back together. like every my whole life has been as a direct result of violence

sometimes i still feel that. i mourn the little girl i was, and i mourn the woman she could've become if she hadn't become me. i mourn the life he stole from me

[flowersbark]

having a complicated relationship with sex/sexual things after sa is so weird because like . it'll be 1 am and ill be switching through apps and ill be thirsting over a character and then ill open tumblr and i remember everything bad shes ever done to me

[celiabugger]

no i actually can’t ignore that one thing from my childhood because it’s fucked up everything in my life so far.

[bpdmaxxer]

“But he was just a child”

So was I

And I’m suffering and he’s not

[strawberrymilkshakedisease]

I hate being in this in-between state of remembering. I know it happened, I remember being grossed out and scared sometimes I remember the physical feeling. But not the specifics, I don't remember exactly how old I was, nor how many times, or when it ended, or the exact acts.

If I have to remember at all, then I'd like to know exactly what happened. Otherwise, not at all.

[celestialcass]

COCSA comic, panels 1-6. I was 9, she was 11. A decade of further violation by other perpetrators later, I realized flashbacks & nightmares meant I was traumatized. Her mother molested me too, when I was 13. I worry about that family. The daughter has kids now.

I used to think everyone wanted to touch me, and I had to let them.

[littol-ghost]

I feel like my abuse wasn't "bad enough " ...like I'm overreacting or something

It was just touching.....maybe I'm making something out of nothing....

Why does it hurt so much ?

It was a long time ago ....it was just a mistake......mistakes......he didn't mean it like that .......

Why am I so sensitive??? ....i should get over it .....it was just touching...

[irlangelsdiary]

i wish i could remember how many times it happened.